Print

Please login or register.
1 Hour 1 Day 1 Week 1 Month Forever
Login with username, password and session length

[Katelynne]

sexuality is fluid.  i can't really believe that anyone is 100% attracted to any one gender forever and always.  as i imagine your girlfriend might as well, i hate the term bisexual and refuse to catagorize myself as such.  if a label must be put on her sexuality, it would have to be pansexual which is all encompassing and includes trans.

this isn't really a good answer for you, but all my life i have considered myself straight.  now, i am with a mtf and have never been happier.  i was at first nervous to introduce her as my girlfriend but now it doesn't matter.

i don't really care what people think about me or my sexuality.  i care that i am in a good relationship with someone who cares about me.  i hope your girlfriend can look past how others may view her.

additionally, i have noticed that many trans/lesbian couples are still really involved in the lgbt community so she won't have to lose her sence of belonging if she doesn't want to.

[foxymcqueen]

i'm just curious if you started the T and how the relationship is going. my spouse is trans and we have a 4 year old that i gave birth to in a heterosexual relationship He wants to start T next year and my identity does come into question. (i'm very femme and dated multiple women, but don't identify as lesbian or bi - it's always a discussion as to what i am exactly - gender queer has been a possibility) just wondering how it's going for you.

[myles]

I have been  half of a "lesbian" relationship and have been for over 15 years. My partner and I have never really been in the gay community for years now and she is not attached to being gay. She is very supportive of me and doesn't care what people label her, so we are not having the issues you and your girlfriend are. I think she will either have to  be ok with people calling her bisexual or the relationship wont work. They are all just labels and not who you are, but what someone calls you. If she is in love with you regardless of your gender then it will be fine. It may be too much for her. I guess I am lucky my GF identified as Bi to begin with. The lesbian community definitely has a hard time with FTM's at least the old school die hards do.
Myles

[alexkidd]

foxymcqueen - I started T about six weeks ago and I think my partner is more excitted about it then I am!

She has been great though-out the whole thing and I now that i have started T and she has been introducing me as her "partner" and using male pronouns - its not as bad as she thought it would be. Everyone thinks I am a guy anyways, so its pretty cool. She is still fairly active in the GBLT community, but because I work alot and I am fairly shy, it is something she can do without me anyways. The main thing is our relationship is just fine. Which is good for both of us

[myles]

Congratulations. I am glad it is working out for you!
Myles

[missmarleen]

I can 100% relate to this situation..I myself am an FTM's girlfriend and I was a lesbian for many years before meeting my current boyfriend...the only way of advice to help through this time is not to label her or push her to label herself in any way shape or form..I simply consider myself...marleen..I am who I am...it is no one's business to label me as anything...my co-workers (I work at a gay/lesbian bar) call me a "fairy" because I do what I want and no one can stop me..I am attracted to who I am attracted to...there is no shame in that...so my advice..stick with her through it she will come accustomed to whatever people want to call her...some will call her bi..some will call her a lesbian...some will call her straight..no matter what they say..the only thing that will matter in the end is if she is happy with you and who you are before during and after your transition...good luck!!

[transjosh]

I think that she just needs your reassurance that your gender identity has nothing to do with her sexual orientation. Your transition does not make her any less "her".  She can maintain her autonomy while still supporting you in your transition but its a fine balance that she will have to just come to terms with over time.  I would venture to say that she, like my partner, will bend and sway with the "labels" that come with being in love with a trans person.

[hayden.]

if her label is more important to her than her relationship with you...



that says a lot.

[kisschittybangbang]

  I am currently in a relationship with a VERY gender confuse (currently a )Girl. (We'll call her Ryan.) Her whole life has been turned upside down by her feel to become more masculine. This isn't to say she is butch. That is quite the contrary. She wants to go through top surgery and has been going FTM research crazy. Because of her identity crisis alot has happened, but we are getting through it.

  I am a newly out lesbian and pretty naive to alot of what it entails, but I know I'm a lesbian and that I love women and I love her very much. I don't have that sense of community like your partner, but I know that with any relationship or connection, that it hurts to break that bond.  She's probably held onto the "lesbian" label for years now and has made it part of her self so I can understand why she is afraid to take on the whole straight thing.

And really she isn't straight. She fell in love with you when you were a woman and she still loves you now. I think the whole idea of T scares alot of women in her situation. I know if Ryan started it that I'd be afraid of her becoming a whole new person. Even her voice would change and i'd have to take another look when ryan tells me they love me. That would be hard, but in the end if she is willing to fight for you, she will.

and Either way, a label is a label. It's like, I know that's a part of who she is, but who cares if people think that she's straight. You are a man yes? She's still a lesbian at her core, but you are her love. Her one and her only and that should really be what counts because as long as she knows who she is and is comfortable with herself than that's all that matters. ^^

I know i'd be hard for both of you. Big changes are, but you both are in a relationship and just need to work through it together~! ^^

I hope I've Helped out at least a little and this is a little scatterbrained. If you want you both can contact me at Kisschittybangbang@gmail.com. ^^ Hope everything works out.

[TamTam]

I'd be afraid of her becoming a whole new person. Even her voice would change and i'd have to take another look when ryan tells me they love me.

I've had issues with that, myself.  I just have to keep remembering that no matter what, she's still the same person on the inside no matter what happens with anything else.. and that's what matters. That's the important thing.

[Jakeysgirl]

I am a So of a FTM i understand how ur gf is saying that she is a lesbian but if she wants to stay with u shes gonna have to understand that she is now dating a male so she is either gonna have to just not define herself which she doesnt have to do she doesnt need a label to go by she could just be a girl that loves whoever she falls in love with no label but i mean i have only dated girls but i am now datin a FTM and i absolutley love him so i look at myself as straight now.. is that wrong?

[chappers]

hey everyone,
i'm an SO of an FTM.

from my perspective i'd like to say that, from the lesbian perspective, getting with my boyfriend has opened my eyes, and taught me a lot about perceptions of other people. i've learnt that as much as i feel wrong saying that i'm now bisexual perhaps, it doesn't matter what you're labeled as, as long as you're happy with whoever you're with, then everyone else will just have to deal with it. getting with my guy certainly shocked the majority of people i know, however they've seen how happy we are together. my guy classes himself as a bisexual transexual. i feel that labels like that are for the benefit of other people to understand you better, and so on that basis, i don't label myself as anything now, and let people make their own judgements. i'd rather not be tied down to a label because i don't know who i'm going to end up with next. getting with my guy was a surprise to me, and it took me a while to realise that i was very definitely attracted to him, which in turn confused me because i have always thought of him as a guy, not a girl.

someone posted near the beginning that they stayed away from lesbians because they see you as female. i'd just like to clarify that that is some serious stereotyping! not every lesbian is the same! just like every transgendered person isn't mentally unstable. as a self identified lesbian (previously) and having always seen my guy as a bloke, i feel that you're being silly by saying no to every single self identified lesbian! not everyone is going to see you as female, or think of you as female! and the other part of it is, if you're comfortable with having sex (pre-op), as my guy has told me, lesbians make the best lovers in bed.

i've had my mind opened a lot in the past year.

[NatesWifey88]

Congrats =)  It's been about a month since my {FTM} fiance told me about *his* want and need to transition, only days before our big {lesbian} engagement party.  I was instantly supportive, but it did take me about a week to truly 'digest' the whole idea.  I had SO many questions running through my head and felt very vulnerable, which wasn't easy for my independent, strong self.  I researched everything like crazy during the first week as we struggled to Ace-bind his chest.. I also bought us both journals to record our emotions and thoughts about this entire process, which has been a great outlet for us both.  Eventually, days later as we got into bed, I burst into tears, as an emotional release, and let him know I am in it for the long haul, and his gender will not change my love and devotion to him.  As a full-blown, femme lesbian, I was able to recognize my undying love for my "butch" girlfriend could not be shaken by a transition.

I know this isn't the case for everybody, but I know in my case I feel stronger about my love for this person, than I do about the slight changes that are slowly being made.  If this is what my fiance needs to live a full and happy life, then I will offer nothing but pure, honest support.  I am more dedicated to our relationship than I am to a label, even if this label has been a part of my life longer than he has.  I can proudly say that in less than a month, I now feel weird using the FEMALE words when speaking about him and I feel odd when I have to use his original female name. 

I think an equal amount of support and understanding needs to beo ffered to the SO of anybody going through a transition, which can be easy to forget at times.  I know I felt an instant mass of confusion, soon followed by a sense of mourning.  I felt as if a piece of the person I love, a large piece, was being taken away from me.  Just the feeling of the sense of possible loss can be overwhelming when you're talking about the person you are madly in love with.  I was scared to death that I was losing the person I was closest to in the entire world.  As the days went on I quickly discovered while many things would change, some small and some large, the foundation of what truly mattered would remain the same.  While the hormone therapy has not started, this journey has very much started in our home, and I can happily say we've settled into it more and more every day. 

It does take time, it does take patience, and it is scary, but all you can really do is reassure your SO that your heart and soul will remain the same--and all they can do is wait for time to prove you right.

[CindyJames]

Hi
And welcome. SO take a particular battering no matter what the relationship is. I do hope that your love remains strong, in both directions. He also needs to understand the honesty and strength that you are bringing to the relationship.

I wish you both well, Oh and welcome to Susan's, a nice place with (mainly) really nice supportive people.

Hugs

Cindy

[Robyn]

It has not been a problem with us becasue we are an FTM.MTF married couple who both came from hetero lives.

With that out of the way, though, I DO have TWO suggestions to add to WR's.

1) Ask your GF to try the TransFamily Spouses List. It is for spouses and SOs of transpeople. There will be other lesbians there with whom she can relate.  Either or both of you can also join TransFamily Couples.  But the Spouses list is where your gf can really get support.  TransFamily is in our Links Section under Support Groups (or use the search box).

2) Plan on both attending Gender Odyssey in Seattle next Labor Day weekend. You'll meet many couples in the same boat.

Bright blessings

Robyn