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[daydreamgirl6789]

My boyfriend is a possible MTF.  He says that he hasn't decided what he wants to do yet, but he continues to drop hints that he has made up his mind.  We have been together for a little over two years now and I'm really just unsure of what to do.  I know that I want him to be happy no matter what he decides, but I don't know if I'll be able to be there for him like I used to.  I still offer him my support and everything I'm just so lost and scared.  I know he understands that my feelings could change if he does the transition and I know that he wouldn't ask me to pretend to still feel the same way because that would be unfair to both of us.  I'm just really nervous that I wouldn't be able to handle being even a friend with him.  There's just so much on the unknown side of all of this that it scares me and I just don't know what to do or expect.  We live together right now in a one bedroom apartment and I don't even know if I would be able to stay.  We're both far from home and I would feel like an absolutely horrible person if this happened because we're also both new to the area and really have no one else in the area to turn too.  I'd be really afraid of what would happen to him.  I love him to death and I really want to be as supportive as I can,  I just don't know what I can do for me to also become okay with all of this.

[Flan]

welcome to susan's

first off, you aren't a bad person for wanting to support your (gender) questioning SO/currently "bf"

I recommend some (2) books to learn about the process and coping with changes, should they happen

She's Not the Man I Married: My Life with a Transgender Husband
http://www.amazon.com/Shes-Not-Man-Married-Transgender/dp/1580051936

True Selves: Understanding Transsexualism--For Families, Friends, Coworkers, and Helping Professionals
http://www.amazon.com/True-Selves-Understanding-Transsexualism-Professionals/dp/0787967025

it's as much a change in your SO/currently "bf" as it is yourself, regardless of what happens, hopefully it will be for a closer and more happy relationship

*hugs* stay groovy

[finewine]

(To follow on from Flan's excellent reply...)

You're not obligated to be comfortable with it.  It's great if you are, or you can learn to be...but that doesn't mean you have to or that you're a bad person for NOT being cool with it.  Your partner seems to understand that this might put your relationship in jeopardy, so take your time, check out the links Flan posted and go slow.

The reality is that its a transition for both of you - it's up to you, as much as them, to decide whether to proceed.  Good luck!

[Windrider]

+3

In addition to what Flan and Finewine have said, I will add - TALK! Talk to your SO about, well, everything - how you feel, what your fears are, how *they* are feeling, what would they like, etc. You've also got to be honest. Ask questions, even if they seem dumb. If you're asking it, it's not dumb.

Yes, the unknown is scary (Dani's heard me say that often enough And since every transition is different, it's awfully hard to plan/prepare for "what's next." (I'm hearing an echo again....) That's all part of the talking You're both going to have to compromise on stuff. In this way transition is no different than the rest of the relationship.

It is possible to survive transition as a couple. It's a lot of work, but I think it's worth it. Dani's transition has actually helped our marriage. We're a much more loving and closer couple now.

Good luck. We're here for you (and there's the chat too!)

WR

[daydreamgirl6789]

Thank you all for the advice!

We actually talked a lot and though he still hasn't completely made his decision yet, it has definitely helped a lot.  I feel a lot more comfortable with the idea.  I guess I was just really nervous that it would change him as a person with all the different hormones that he would have to take.  But we picked each others brains for an entire night to try and get a feel of what we were each thinking and also made it a point to say that they only way we would get through this was if we kept the communication going.  Thank you again 

[Windrider]

Good! I'm glad to hear things are going well.

The changes don't happen overnight either. Dani has only recently started HRT (about 1 month now) and she hasn't sprouted breasts overnight (I checked ) She hasn't suddenly developed a desire for all things pink. She's still the same person she was before HRT (well, a little better, but that's a long story

Don't be a stranger

WR

[FlorDeLuna]

Don't have any advice, but just wanted to say.. good luck to you. 

[Kurzar]

I'm not the SO, but the one going thru the changes. I know I've put my mates thru hell with what I'm dealing with. Both are willing to stick with me till the end. It's not an easy road for any involved to be going down, but yes communication is so important.  I know I have trouble in that area because I internalize everything.