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Author Topic: Coming out as being Transgendered really wasn't that bad after all!  (Read 3379 times)

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Offline michelleinktown

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Well, here I am out at work which went very supportive and last night to my Mom which seemed ok although she was confused.  I will have to send my Dad an email and I think it will crush him.  I hope that I don't loose him and that he will at least try to understand.  Since telling people that I am transgendered I have found that it really wasn't that bad of an experience and most of what I thought was going to happen actually didn't.  I still see people pointing at me and I know they are talking about me but I really don't care anymore what people think.

How you have all came out as transgendered people and what experiences did you have.  I tried to find a forum on this but couldn't because there are so many on here but would happily post this in the appropriate forum.  I choose this one because this was more about being transgendered that coming out in any other way.

Michelle

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Re: Coming out as being Transgendered really wasn't that bad after all!
« Reply #1 on: January 13, 2012, 07:10:20 am »
I haven't came out to most people yet. I think only about 3 or 4 people know.  I will just summarize what they basically said.

1. My old long time female friend who is a butch lesbian:  "No I don't think you are transgender"

2. My father: "Whats wrong?"

Me: " I can't tell you.

Him: Why not

Me: "You wouldn't understand."

Him: "Try me"

Me" I have Gender Dysphoria.  I am a male trapped in a female body and that I'm thinking about transitioning.

Him: "You need to think about other things.  It is a complete waste of money.

Me: "It's been on my mind for 19 years so it's not a waste of money.  Don't you love your penis?"

Him: "I'm supposed to.  It's your life I can't do anything about that I had a feeling you would say that. I know a 50 other people including my brother who are "like that" Consult the bible or someone more experienced with this."

Me: Can you tell me what chapter the Bible talks about being transgendered?"

Him: "Nope start with Genesis and work your way up"

and to sum it up he said he will always address me by my birthname

3. One of my current friends:  "Well that explains a lot of things"  She supports me if this is what I want to do but she does think I need to focus on the basic things of being independent first before I start which I agree.

4.  Haven't officially came out to my mom but I have hinted to her and she basically knows.  I've always told her that I wanted to be a boy and that I   plan on having my uterus ripped out of me.  She said that altering my body would be an abomination to God and I told her if she thinks THAT will be an abomination just wait until how I will really alter my body and she said "turn into a man?" and so I wouldn't shock her initially I just said maybe.  She knows but we don't speak about it.

5. Most of my online friends don't care.  One of them think's its really cool and they will still love me reguardless and one who is a cismale said that I'd make a better man than him.
Feel the need to ask me something or just want to check out my blog?  Then click below:

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Offline Katie.D

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Re: Coming out as being Transgendered really wasn't that bad after all!
« Reply #2 on: January 14, 2012, 11:30:07 pm »
3. One of my current friends:  "Well that explains a lot of things"

I've had a variant on "Wow, that makes sense" three times, guess I didn't cover as well as I thought I had.

Offline justmeinoz

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Re: Coming out as being Transgendered really wasn't that bad after all!
« Reply #3 on: January 15, 2012, 02:57:33 am »
I was lucky in that I worked in a Pathology Lab with medical scientists until just before I started to live full-time, that meant I could go straight to the medical references and know they would get it.  Family were pretty cool with it too, except mother who seemed to do a bit of a U-turn after a few weeks. She has started to come around again though.

If you go through the Bible, and can't find any reference to Transgender will that change your father's opinion?  It's probably quickest to do a web search of trans sites for any quotes.   Sounds like he is pretty blinkered though.

Karen.

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Re: Coming out as being Transgendered really wasn't that bad after all!
« Reply #4 on: January 15, 2012, 03:14:35 am »
yeah he really is and he choses not to learn any information about this which is sad
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Keaira

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Re: Coming out as being Transgendered really wasn't that bad after all!
« Reply #5 on: January 15, 2012, 03:16:46 am »
My Mum made me come out to her and was great about it. My Dad I had to come out to via email:

I’m really sorry I can’t come to your wedding. I’m sure you are dissapointed. I would have loved to have been there. Just please don’t think I’ve turned my back on you or mum. I just feel that I have a responsability to my own son to be a parent and be there for him, no matter what life throws at me, be it forklift trucks or Ford Explorers. Mikey is behind in his speech and Hope, Angela’s sister, feels that he may have fluid behind the ears, giving him hearing problems. Hope is also a developmental therepist and tests him every so often. Even so, I miss you all very much.
Im am happy that you decided to marry Lorna. She’s wonderful and I think has mellowed you out a bit. When you said you were engaged I knew marriage would come next. Kinda obvious Dad
When you see Darryl, tell him he’s welcome to come visit anytime. From the last photos I got it looks like he’s changed alot from an annoying little brother.
Life is short indeed. Which is why I am writing this bit. I’ve been putting it of for too long.
I still get the impression that you think I’m gay. It’s the things you say over the phone. That and some of the things you said to me when you were here last. Well, to be honest, in a way, you were right I’ve always felt uncomfortable being male. It’s always felt wrong for me. I know I should have been a girl. I know that you’ll proberbly laugh or something,but it’s something I have felt for as long as I can remember. Last time we spoke over the phone, you asked me what I really wanted. What I want, I dont think is possible for me to have, at least right now. I want to be and have wanted for a long time to be your Daughter.
Mum confronted me about my crossdressing about 5 years ago and that she knew I’d been doing it since I was 11 years old, so I had no choice but to tell her. Mum said I shouldn’t be ashamed, that I can’t help it. it’s who I am.
Yet I never told you because I felt that I’d always be a dissapointment to you if I told you how I felt.That and you’d want to beat the crap out of me,lol. But you always did say it was okay if I was gay. I wish now that I’d have been brave enough to tell you .Now, don’t call mum up and yell at her please. She felt that unless I did something to correct this problem, it wasn’t worth mentioning to you. However, I have felt that I would tell you when I was ready. Preferably I would have liked to have told you in person, but circumstances being what they are, that’s not possible. Just don’t put me in the ‘Jerry Springer guest’ catagory, okay?. Nor should you feel that somehow, you were responsible for this condition.I wanted to tell you when you visited, but there again I thought it would ruin your vacation, Though it seemed as though you knew I had something important I needed to tell you.
It may be of interest to you that it is known in the medical community as Gender Identity Disorder or also as Gender Dysphoria, a persistent feeling of being born the wrong sex.I have been talking to a councillor for several months so I am at least getting some help and I’m now more comfortable with speaking about how I really feel.
I know this is a lot to take in and I will answer any questions you may have. I am usually over at Sheryls on a thursday evening if you want to talk, or you can just contact me via email. Anyway,I hope the wedding goes well for you. I’ve sent out a card so expect it in the mail soon.


Dad’s reaction was totally opposite of what I was worried about:

Dearest Son,
I must say that I received your email with some surprise, as you can imagine. However none of this makes any difference to way that I feel about you. I will love you always, no matter who you are. My biggest regret is that you have felt that you had to wait so long to confide in me about this matter. I cannot imagine the turmoil you have had to go through all these years trying come to terms with who you are and at the same time trying to conceal the fact from everyone especially your family. Having read up a bit about your condition I must ask apart from myself does Angela or anyone else know? How do you intend to resolve this? Are we talking sex change or do you feel that you wont take it as far as that? Are you attracted to men and if so where does this put you with Angela?There is obviously a lot for you to think about. I will ring you on Thursday night and we can talk more about what you want to do. Between the news about Mikey and coming out you have a lot on your plate. I’ll speak to you tomorrow. Always remember I love you!
Dad


To say there were some.. awkward questions there would be an understatement. But the fact that he was asking was good. He later told me over the phone that he had actually cried because he felt like he had lost a son, that I was in pain for so much of my life and never told him and he wished I had told him a lot sooner. I’m sure a lot of the puzzle pieces that were my actions and behavior finally fell into place with this email.
But it was very hard to finally write it, send it and wait for a reply. I couldn’t be more thankful of my parents than when I came out to them.

And when I came out to my ex girlfriend in high school, who tracked me down via facebook, she wrote this for my blog:

David and Goliath

The person you all know and love first sauntered into my life as David. He was a slight character, rather shy and, to me, obviously uncomfortable in his own skin. I didn’t know then what I know now but if I had, it wouldn’t have changed my opinion of him in the slightest, perhaps only making me more arduous.
I suppose I should introduce myself, and give a little background. In high school I was a large girl, struggling with the awakenings of bisexuality and head over heels in lust for a guy called David. I found him sweet, a little geeky, retiring but with a wicked sense of humour. I would do anything to make him laugh, regularly making a fool of myself in the process. But his stifled giggle was infectious and I spent a lot of time around him smiling. The poor guy was oblivious to my intentions, even when I fondled his leg in an attempt to get him to notice me. I know, I tried too hard.
My attentions turned elsewhere eventually, but I never lost sight of David through school and always held a flame for him, should he ever reciprocate the interest. Sadly, he never did and we lost contact after high school, both of us whisked off into the new lives of college, and for me University and teaching. But I never forgot David.
Years later, through the wonder that is Facebook, I searched for David and found nothing. Periodically I’d enter his name in the search bar and my heart would sink every time it came up empty. I finally hit upon the idea of just searching for his surname, and I hit upon a photograph of a very attractive, but very familiar female. Imagine my surprise when after some time of staring into ‘Keaira’s’ eyes, I recognised her as my David, in a different incarnation.
It seemed that everything slotted right into place immediately. Here was the reason why David was so retiring, so reticent and uninterested. David was wrapped up in his own world of trying to come to terms with being born in the wrong body. I felt complete empathy with Keaira, having been through my own struggles. I messaged the attractive young lady and was delighted to find that ‘David’ was now Keaira and I’d found the wonderful soul I remembered so fondly. To say that there is complete acceptance is an understatement, I champion every move Keaira makes towards becoming more comfortable in her skin. I only wish we were still on the same continent so I could hug her through every little triumph and tribulation.
I suppose the point of all this spiel is this: I’m Keaira’s oldest friend, the closest she has to high school roots, and I love her very dearly. I volunteered to write this piece because I know Keaira has talked about me to her friends and supporters and I wanted to introduce myself formally. So, here I am, the crazy woman in the UK who cheers every time Keaira uses the woman’s rest room!


Reactions from work ranged from 'this changes nothing' to resentment and much a$$holery.

But all my friends are just fine with it.

Offline Alyx.

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Re: Coming out as being Transgendered really wasn't that bad after all!
« Reply #6 on: January 15, 2012, 03:44:50 am »
Wow, what a touchin story.

Hope people around me will be as understanding.
If you do not agree to my demands... TOO LATE

Keaira

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Re: Coming out as being Transgendered really wasn't that bad after all!
« Reply #7 on: January 15, 2012, 04:49:32 am »
I hope so. I make it a point to thank a parent of a transgendered child for their love and understanding and how often times we don't get that kind of support.

Offline Tazia of the Omineca

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Re: Coming out as being Transgendered really wasn't that bad after all!
« Reply #8 on: January 18, 2012, 08:57:43 am »
Well I came out to my family (raised to hate anything "different" or "Unnatural" they took it way better than I thought.
Sure I got kicked out of my family home, and am abused financially, but it was better than what I had in mind.

I said "I want to be a girl."
mom said "Well what do you plan on doing about that sunshine?"

My sister made a funny face which said "Oh I get it," Then said "Oh well then!" then we went and did something.

My brother was like "So... How are the hormone pills?"

My cousin was like "What do you need medication for?"

I said "Well this is a diuretic Spironolactone, and this one is Estradiol." she promptly googled both prescriptions.

Most of my other family remain silent though. Which is nice since they usually have nothing nice to say.
They all call me by my birth name though, which I don't really mind since they have been raised with me being "Thomas".

Offline Cadence Jean

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Re: Coming out as being Transgendered really wasn't that bad after all!
« Reply #9 on: February 13, 2012, 07:36:02 pm »
I don't know how anyone could look you in the face in your profile pic and address you as Thomas without cracking up.  Like, seriously - that's just ridiculous.  You are girl all the way!

They all call me by my birth name though, which I don't really mind since they have been raised with me being "Thomas".
"Who are YOU?" said the Caterpillar.
Alice replied, rather shyly, "I - I hardly know, sir, just at present - at least I know who I WAS when I got up this morning, but I think I must have been changed several times since then."

Offline justmeinoz

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Re: Coming out as being Transgendered really wasn't that bad after all!
« Reply #10 on: February 15, 2012, 04:09:32 am »
I'm glad you got to show your father who you are Keaira.  Mine passed away when I was in my mid 20's and struggling with a lot of things.  Glad to hear it has gone so well for you.  I always ask people whose parents are supportive to pass on my best wishes too, being a parent of a trans son.
Hugs, Karen.
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Offline Tazia of the Omineca

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Re: Coming out as being Transgendered really wasn't that bad after all!
« Reply #11 on: February 15, 2012, 04:25:56 am »
I don't know how anyone could look you in the face in your profile pic and address you as Thomas without cracking up.  Like, seriously - that's just ridiculous.  You are girl all the way!
Haha, well thank you Cadence, I dunno. They're just a bunch of weirdos though.
My mom told me I better find a rich man or get a good job so I could pay for SRS/GRS whatever.
Then I told her the Province would cover it so long as I apply and qualify for coverage. :)

Offline michelleinktown

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Re: Coming out as being Transgendered really wasn't that bad after all!
« Reply #12 on: July 21, 2012, 11:48:15 am »
I came out big, go big or go home!  So my story made the news all across the country and front page news of our countries capital.  My Dad has disowned me as have some other family members.  No wait, I disowned my Dad, I will not be put down for who I am anymore and this is the way I was supposed to be born.  My dad tried to tell me that I was a chemical %$#^ up so I deleted him out of my life.  I will delete anybody who refuses to understand us and not listen.

We are beautiful people

Hugs

Michelle

Offline Joann

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Re: Coming out as being Transgendered really wasn't that bad after all!
« Reply #13 on: July 21, 2012, 02:17:45 pm »
Keaira,
Thankyou for posting such personal and touching letters. Made me misty. ^-^ Wish thinge were smooth here. my wife and a few friend thinks im having sex with anything with legs :(
♪♫ You dont look different but you have changed...
I'm looking through you,. Your not the same ♪♫ :)

Offline Beth Andrea

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Re: Coming out as being Transgendered really wasn't that bad after all!
« Reply #14 on: July 21, 2012, 02:29:43 pm »
I'd been slowly coming out to myself for the past year (long hair, earrings, nail polish, etc...when people asked, I just said "I like pretty things.)

So when I came out to everybody (making sure management knew first, and there'd be no waves from them), it was kind of a letdown LOL...Most of the ones who said anything were like, "Oh that makes sense now." etc.

But everyone is supportive and encouraging. I've had one "event" in the men's room though...one time I was in there refreshing my makeup, and a guy came in, saw the makeup on the table and quickly said "Excuse me" and left...but then came back in, after making sure he was in the right room!

(fwiw, I don't use the urinal anymore...I know I'm not comfortable standing there in all my female glory, so I would think other guys are also uncomfortable with "a woman" there...)
Let that be your last battlefield.

Offline Diane Elizabeth

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Re: Coming out as being Transgendered really wasn't that bad after all!
« Reply #15 on: July 29, 2012, 06:11:03 pm »
 In hind sight it seems all my worry was over nothing.  The management and co workers all were told to accept it as it is and be respectful.  Everything went well for the first week at work as the new me.  I wonder why I fretted so much over it.  Everyone is telling me I look so much happier this week.  If I knew how simple it was to come out at work I would have done it years ago. 
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Re: Coming out as being Transgendered really wasn't that bad after all!
« Reply #16 on: August 05, 2012, 06:28:30 pm »
SO far, I only told 3 of my best friends and my sister. My sister was completely okay with my decision. To my surprise, my friends were completely fine with it. One didn't agree that I should go through with my transition, but said it was my choice. Literally 30 seconds later, we were on a completely different topic until one asked me if I picked a new name yet. What's funny is that once I told them I had, my friends, the same people who were just about indifferent to my desire to transition, asked me what it was and asked with wide eyes and loud voices. It's weird, but at the very least, it was an easy experience. I'm going to wait until I actually get into my transition to tell my parents (Catholic, by the way).

Offline eloij

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Re: Coming out as being Transgendered really wasn't that bad after all!
« Reply #17 on: August 31, 2012, 03:20:12 pm »
Coming out to my parents and my sister was the hardest. Not in the way they reacted but in the way I thought they would react.
Noone has reacted in the way I thought they would. My mother and fater was verry supportive and said something about that they allways had knew there was something like this i would tell them.
My sister on the other hand who I thought would be the one to really accept it just like that became verry sad in the beginning and wanted me to find an other way. Now I think she is ok with it. I hope, we don't talk about it much...

Offline gennee

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Re: Coming out as being Transgendered really wasn't that bad after all!
« Reply #18 on: August 31, 2012, 10:08:50 pm »
I came out to my spouse seven years ago. I told my son a yeear later. This past June I can out to my church and have been accepted. Haven't told my brother, sister, or nephew yet.
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