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Author Topic: I'm wondering how to deal with this. I received hate e-mail  (Read 842 times)

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Offline Bird

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I'm wondering how to deal with this. I received hate e-mail
« on: February 12, 2012, 12:15:26 am »
In between transitioning and having a strong personality, some people at university like me and others dislike me. So, we were deciding how to divide up the groups to take the photographies for the invitation cards of our graduation event. The whole situation got fairly bad because there wans't any group willing to accept me and in the end, it was decided by luck of draw. The losers get to take the graduation picture with me. So, though not to a ideal solution, this is concluded, but something else is going on as well.

Anyway, at the beginning of that situation, I was trying to do something to fix it, so it wouldn't come down to a random pick. One of the groups had a person who was unsure if whetever they would graduate or not. In addition, the people who were in that group were folks I had helped with many things at University before transitioning, and though we lost contact I thought things would be fine. So, upon talking with one of the people of that group, I mentioned about the situation of the guy they included in their list, it being that under the circustance he didn't graduate, I would logically be included in their group for the picture. I added I was told this by the people who were organizing the affair.

Two hours later, I received a hateful msg through my cellphone and a hateful e-mail, each from a different person of that picture group. I had no know misunderstandings with them before transitioning. So, anyway,  there weren't any threats, but their tone was overly rude and both of them said, as I understood and in a summary "We aren't doing this because we discriminate agains't you, we are doing it because we don't like you. Don't talk with us anymore, ever"

It was not worded nicely like that, of course, as that is just the general message. They resorted to a low tone and swear words to convey the message, as well as included personal things about my life which they got hold of somehow and twisted around with the intent of being hurtful. So, they said they really hate me now for reasons which baffle me and the problem is, one of those girls lives in the same building I do and sometimes I meet her. Frankly I don't know how to react after she said so many mean things and though there were no physical threats, the whole thing was so sudden and out of the blue I don't know what else could come out of it. So far I have meet her at University once, I stared back at her and she looked back at me with insecurity. Today, she was parking her car just as I was waiting for the elevator, I noticed she made a point of taking long enough to park until the elevator arrived and I got up.

Sometimes we meet at certain activities of our University as well, usually she has been making a point to avoid me and it is really anwkward to be in the same room as someone who won't acknowledge your existence, but I manage. I am avoiding contact as well because I sense I am being disliked, and I suppose if she spoke with me I would be polite.

There is the chance we meet at the elevator, if so, what should I do? Remain quiet? Stare ? Say hi maybe?

Offline Felix

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Re: I'm wondering how to deal with this. I received hate e-mail
« Reply #1 on: February 12, 2012, 12:26:29 am »
Jeez. Ah, react in whatever way makes you most comfortable. There are people I'm uncomfortable with, and I tend to just ignore them. If someone has been really making me feel bad though I might go out of my way to say hi and smile at them. It takes the power back or defangs the anger or something.
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Online Cindy

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Re: I'm wondering how to deal with this. I received hate e-mail
« Reply #2 on: February 12, 2012, 12:54:22 am »
Sorry to hear this.

What I would try to do is use it as an opportunity to show what sort of person you are. Rise above it. If and when you meet them smile and be polite. Never feel awkward. They are lesser people for what they have done. They will feel awkward, they will feel shame, they have lost their dignity and humanity.

You have done nothing shameful or acted in any way against your principles. They have and by being polite and mature about the situation you will remind them of their loss every time they meet you.

Enjoy.

And I am truly sorry that people have been so unkind to you
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Online V M

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Re: I'm wondering how to deal with this. I received hate e-mail
« Reply #3 on: February 12, 2012, 01:18:01 am »
I 2nd what Cindy said  :)  Rise above and walk proud

Hugs

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Offline AbraCadabra

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Re: I'm wondering how to deal with this. I received hate e-mail
« Reply #4 on: February 12, 2012, 06:04:35 am »
I agree 100% with Beverley.

When consulting we had a saying: "Always smile at the dragon"

The "dragon" being one of the clients employees that hated us and wanting to bully you.

Like, kill them with kindness :-)

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Offline Amazon D

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Re: I'm wondering how to deal with this. I received hate e-mail
« Reply #5 on: February 12, 2012, 06:41:30 am »
Heck i would get my picture taken ALONE that way forever they can know that they pushed you away and feel the dismissal of you forever.

Besides its not everybody just a few who seem to be leaders in the approval process.. they will be frowned on forever for having you take a picture alone..

damn thats what i would do and let their pride go down in shame as time went by... you would be the talk of the college and maybe major actions would be taken in the futre..

this seems like an oportunity for change..

one thing i know is we can never force people to love us but we can make em feel like shit as they grow and mature over time
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Offline Angelized

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Re: I'm wondering how to deal with this. I received hate e-mail
« Reply #6 on: February 12, 2012, 06:53:37 am »
Hi sweetie. I am sorry to hear this has happened to you. The truth is that if somebody is trying to hurt you he expects you to be hurting and in return he feels good. It is up to you if you will be hurt and help those people out or just ignore them and make them feel bed about what they have done. I would stay calm and I would pretend nothing has happened. That way you show your maturity as a person and a high level of self acceptance. There is nothing wrong to be different and to accept your individuality. It is a shame for an educated person to have problems to accept the others just the way they are.  And I am sorry to conclude but it is a shame for you to react to those low actions.

I hope you feel better now

Love,

Anna
Our reality is based in choices we make... Good or bad everything is a choice.... At times the things that seem to be the very best option for us are capable enough to ruin our lives...

Offline Angelized

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Re: I'm wondering how to deal with this. I received hate e-mail
« Reply #7 on: February 12, 2012, 06:57:01 am »
And if you meet that person somewhere just go with the flow. Act like you have no emotions and do whatever the situation demands.
Our reality is based in choices we make... Good or bad everything is a choice.... At times the things that seem to be the very best option for us are capable enough to ruin our lives...

Offline Bird

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Re: I'm wondering how to deal with this. I received hate e-mail
« Reply #8 on: February 12, 2012, 12:57:28 pm »
@All Okay, I will smile at her then! Stop the staring, and be friendly, lawl. This sort of thing never happened before with me, so frankly, I was unsure of how to react to it. It is a bit of a social puzzle. Thank you all for the words of support as well. *hugs everyone*

Amazon D: That was my first reaction as well, to take the picture alone. However I'd have to go agains't the class as a whole to do this, and there would be way too many hard feelings and in the end, what for? I just want to do the graduation event and give a huge hug to the teachers who helped me.  Every single person I went to college with tried to talk me out of doing graduation with rest of the class, some appealed to money (You'd save for the surgeries you have to do afterwards) others appealed to rejection (Ins't this rejection bad for you?) and others said I should not do it, because it would be easier if I didn't. Also they are really good at pointing out flaws in my personality and saying it is not discrimination, it is lack of friendship. I think it is even a worse reason, because everyone worked to be able to graduate and I remember helping many of these folks with issues and topics at university, including their research projects and never expecting anything in return for it, but they think pointing out "we just don't like you" is a better justification than "we don't want to take a picture because you are TG".

Simply put, I am stuck with mediocre personalities all around me. I can't wait until this year is done with and I go somewhere else to work in peace and begin my career.

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Re: I'm wondering how to deal with this. I received hate e-mail
« Reply #9 on: February 12, 2012, 01:37:58 pm »
With people like that, I will look at them like I killed their cat and left the carcass in their bed while they were out. it's a mental smugness in the fact that they simply don't have the IQ to comprehend anything beyond what they think the bible says, that gender isn't just black and white, boy/girl, etc. As for the girl who lives in your building, I would talk her butt off when I saw her, not hold the door open for her and, if she has to take the elevator too, keep it busy so she either has to wait for ages or walk up the stairs. Oh and if you have to ride the elevator with her, as you step out of it, press every button except her floor.

Also, buy a little product called 'Liquid Ass', it's about $5 on Amazon. just 2 sprays of it in the elevator will leave her suffering immensely once the  doors close. just dont be in there when you spray it.

 >:-) That's just me anyway. I have an evil streak that comes from being bullied for most of my childhood. 

Offline Felix

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Re: I'm wondering how to deal with this. I received hate e-mail
« Reply #10 on: February 12, 2012, 07:59:45 pm »
I thought of you last night  - context would be a long story, but basically a guy tried to be mean to me and thought his friend would go along with it and his friend didn't. :)

I'd been ignoring this guy's passive-aggressive digs at me for awhile, just staying civil and acting like it didn't bother me.

Anyway. Bird good luck and try not to sink to their level. :angel:
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Offline Bird

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Re: I'm wondering how to deal with this. I received hate e-mail
« Reply #11 on: February 13, 2012, 04:31:45 pm »
Thank you Felix.

There are a lot of things happening right now, not only with friends who left me, but with my parents as well. I need all the good wishes I can get.

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