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Author Topic: How to explain to partner's parents?  (Read 536 times)

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Offline Konnor

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How to explain to partner's parents?
« on: April 22, 2012, 09:16:26 am »
Hey guys, just wondered if anyone had advice or has dealt with this situation before...my partner and I are really stumped on how to come out to his parents.

We've been together for 6 months. He came out to his parents as gay 2-3 months ago. They pretty much don't mention it, but they don't believe it and are really hoping it's some kind of phase that he will grow out of. He only told his parents that he had a boyfriend about a month ago, and they don't really talk about that either. If they do, they just call me his "friend". We would probably keep dancing around the subject for a while, but his college graduation is in June. I'll be meeting them for the first time if I go.

So boyfriend and I are trying to come up with a way to explain me to his parents. At the moment, I'm still "girl name"/prounouns/etc. at work and with my family, and myself with friends/boyfriend. We're unsure how to explain things to his parents. If we just leave it at the fact that we are boyfriends, we are afraid that if I don't physically transition and things are serious down the road and we get married, his parents will feel like we lied to them. But if we tell them I'm his girlfriend, that's not really correct, because he has never seen me as less than male and I'm his boyfriend. It also will give them false hope that he's straight. If we try to explain transgender stuff to them, they probably won't understand it and will probably still come to the conclusion that he isn't gay and I'm not a guy.

Obviously this is quite the pickle. Sorry it was so long but I figured you needed the backstory. Have any of you been in a similar situation, how did you handle it? Any advice is appreciated...just really unsure what to do.  :-\ Thanks!
"It takes more courage to reveal insecurities than to hide them, more strength to relate to people than to dominate them, more manhood to abide by thought-out principles rather than blind reflex. Toughness is in the soul and spirit, not in muscles and an immature mind." --Alex Karras

Offline lexical

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Re: How to explain to partner's parents?
« Reply #1 on: April 22, 2012, 04:57:13 pm »
Hey Konnor, well, that's a tough situation... I think he needs to talk with them more about his sexuality before bringing you into the discussion. What I mean is that they need to start coming to terms with his identity before they will be ready to have a serious conversation about you and he. Also, if you come out as anything other than male, odds are they will see you as female and see you guys as a straight couple. Parents have a way of seeing what they want to see, no matter how far from the truth it may be. Even if you don't physically transition, it still seems like you strongly identify as male and that's what matters. Unless you have a strong urge to sit down and tell them your whole situation, it makes the most sense to introduce yourself as the boyfriend and leave it at that. You pass well enough I think that they won't even question it. If you feel male, you are male and the details aren't their business unless you want them to be. Good luck man, I hope this works out for you guys.

Offline JayKyle

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Re: How to explain to partner's parents?
« Reply #2 on: April 22, 2012, 05:37:30 pm »
I agree with lexical, his parents need to come to terms about him and fully understand him completely first before you add to it....If you try to add to much to it, they will probably reject the two of you. Most people shun what they don't understand and that might happen to the two of you if you try to rush things. So just be patient, it'll all work out in the end ^.^
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Offline Konnor

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Re: How to explain to partner's parents?
« Reply #3 on: April 22, 2012, 08:06:25 pm »
Thanks for the replies guys! I understand what you're saying and I think it's the way to go. For now atleast. If we get serious down the road, then we can deal with his parents more then. But for now, I guess we'll just stick with boyfriend/male and leave it at that. Thanks for simplifying things for me...I was really overthinking things!  :)
"It takes more courage to reveal insecurities than to hide them, more strength to relate to people than to dominate them, more manhood to abide by thought-out principles rather than blind reflex. Toughness is in the soul and spirit, not in muscles and an immature mind." --Alex Karras

Offline JayKyle

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Re: How to explain to partner's parents?
« Reply #4 on: April 22, 2012, 11:51:17 pm »
Thanks for the replies guys! I understand what you're saying and I think it's the way to go. For now atleast. If we get serious down the road, then we can deal with his parents more then. But for now, I guess we'll just stick with boyfriend/male and leave it at that. Thanks for simplifying things for me...I was really overthinking things!  :)

And I think we do tend to overthink things when we're a little nervous with major choices and thoughts about the future. Heck I've already been thinking about how to approach my girlfriends parents if we end up getting serious later on...So just keep it in mind but don't stress over it, that way you have a plan but won't wear yourself out for no reason. :D
Being me is the way it should be.
God made me this way so get used to it XD
Black is a freaking rainbow >.<

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