Topic: levels of GID for Androgynes, Bi-gendered, etc (Read 2962 times)

Zythyra · « **on:** August 16, 2007, 05:47:52 pm »

During the poll on whether androgynes exist, I've wondered about other androgyne's level of intensity of gender identity dysphoria or discomfort. As some of you know, I was m2f ts and did a rlt for over a year before deciding not to proceed further. During that time frame, my feelings of discomfort regarding being male were extremely intense, I wouldn't have transitioned otherwise. Since that time where I decided to just live as neither gender, or androgyne, I have still had occasional times where my levels of intensity changed, sometimes up, sometimes down. For me, it wasn't, decide I'm androgyne, and never think about it again. I suppose that this will always be a dynamic of my life. Anyway, just wondering what other people feel. Let me know if the option you wish to choose doesn't exist and I'll add it. Discussion of why you chose particular option welcome!

Zythyra

no_id · « **Reply #1 on:** August 17, 2007, 03:40:23 am »

Somewhat intense, I can deal with it

No doubt I took some time to make up my mind between Extreme and Somewha, but the fact is; along time you come to accept that some options/some cures simply do not exist.

I have a female body. I am Androgyne. Every morning I spend a few minutes putting on three sports bra's and wishing I had a binder. To simply buy a binder and get my hair cut would already increase the quality of my life concerning dyshphoria, and I do wish for a breast reduction: to whatever reduced size that is medically possible/allowed (this would be considered cosmetical).

There is no null-hormone. Pumping testosterone into my body would only give me male sexual characteristics; it's called H-Replacement-T not H-Evaporation-T. So that option has been crossed out.

I have a female body. I am Androgyne. Every month I am confronted with that as estrogen runs through my body screaming, enlarging my breasts, wrecking my mood; and several days later I come down sick, in pain, and bleeding while feeling that the entire construction in my lower body has no function at all.

I am At(o)Z sexual; I have many sexual orientations and neither at the same time although the asexual aspect those play an important role. I have a female body, and I feel completely unrelated to my genitalia; it serves no function in my eyes either sexually or naturally. My womb allows me to carry a child, it does not allow me to become a mother; it's a backpack I was born with; one I can do without. The construction is there to allow me to urinate. Would an hysterectomy solve some of my issues; yes.

Nevertheless, this is a body I can work with; it is a body I can alter. It is a body I can live with considering the lack of choice I have. In the end, it all seems to circle back to acceptance.

Some believe that my dysphoria disqualifies me as an Androgyne, but I have yet to discover their reasoning behind this statement...

A~ · « **Reply #2 on:** August 17, 2007, 05:04:36 am »

Woah dude, that's like totally extreeeeme.

Now I've figured out I'm not m2f I can't say for certain how I'd cope living in male role. (I identify as somewhere between female and neutrois with just a little male popping its head up now and then). I strongly suspect I'd be miserable, though maybe that's not entirely because my GID is so bad but also because I have strong dislike of having to hide my identity from people. Militant, moi?!

I am rebuilding my life from scratch again and I see no reason to rise phoenix-like as anything except what I deep down want to be.

(I don't think HRT is necessarily a binary choice. There are male CDs who take low level HRT to feminise them a little without stopping them being able to pass as male. I wouldn't object to taking a little testosterone post-op to keep the correct balance of physical attributes. If I have to keep topping up my hair removal now and then to save needing a breast reduction it's worth it.)

Tay · « **Reply #3 on:** August 17, 2007, 01:21:16 pm »

I hate my body. As a child, I was fine with it. Aside from between my legs, I was indistinguishable from my brother. I was purely androgynous, like most children. Those are the days I miss. Before hormones woke up and changed me into something foreign. Then I began to hate my body, to the point that even my wonderfully oblivious, negligent mother noticed.

Now. Don't get me wrong. I'm not interested in looking like a child. I want to still have that androgyny, though.

I bleed, once a month. It's terrifying. When it hits, no matter how prepared I am, it is like being socked in the gut, over and over--whether there is physical pain or not. It's a betrayal. Something I can't escape. I have nightmares. I become depressed--not from hormones, I'm quite sure, but from the betrayal. My body does as it likes and it forgot to ask me. That bleeding lasts for 7 days and it disgusts me. Last month, I was within seconds of simply taking every pill in the house--painkiller, vitamin, anything.

My breasts, fortunately only a largish A, are a constant source of both amusement and pain. They're amusing to play with now and then. They jiggle. They bounce. They can be poked and prodded. They look different when I stand up and when I lie down. That said, I wish they'd go the away. They decrease my range of movement, get banged off of stuff and have no function, past or future. I prefer them to be bound down and put away so that I don't have to think about them or look at them or anything else. I want them gone.

I've seen transsexuals say that the hormone dominant in their birth sex is like a poison to them.

In my case, both sets of hormones are a poison and they destroyed my body.

PS. I chose extreme. I'm considering top surgery to get rid of my tits and definitely want a hysterectomy.

Laurry · « **Reply #4 on:** August 17, 2007, 01:44:08 pm »

I chose Changes...

I have a male body. Unlike Tay and No_ID, my body does not betray me every month, nor have unwanted attachments that must be bound. I have facial hair that I sometimes want and other times wish were completely gone, and tucking solves the other marker.

I have thought about HRT, and want some of the effects like finer body hair and even an increase in breast size. But I don't want some of the other effects, so for right now, it is a no-go. I have also thought about other ways to change my body such as a small BA, hair transplants to cover the receding hairline and bald spots, and possibly even electrolysis to get rid of the beard shadows. Sometimes these are very important for me and other times, I couldn't care less.

....Laurry

shawnael · « **Reply #5 on:** August 17, 2007, 04:06:38 pm »

I chose "changes," too. Usually I'm fine with my body. It's pwetty.

But sometimes I get extraordinarily uncomfortable being identified as "girl." It's not really what people say or how they treat me, it's how they see me, and how I see myself. Sometimes I look at my chest and think, "Woo! Boobies!" Other times I look at my chest and think, "Um... oh."

And, like no_id, I think a binder would improve my self-image a looooooooot. Though I have seriously considered breast reduction.

Rebis · « **Reply #6 on:** August 17, 2007, 04:42:10 pm »

changes, sometimes intense, sometimes not.

I seem to be having it now. :'( Not as bad as it could be, though. It varies too. Sometimes, I want the hangy things between my legs gone, other times I don't care. Right now, it's because my stupid body is taller than it should be. No hair where it should be and hair where it shouldn't be.

I never want breasts, though. That is why I consider myself Null gendered. Also, I would prefer to not be acknowledged as any gender by others. I guess I'm lucky I don't have the womanly thing between my legs. I wouldn't mind it, but if it started bleeding, it would be like having it thrown in my face, so to speak.

sparkles · « **Reply #7 on:** August 17, 2007, 04:53:09 pm »

i picked changable as sometimes its all i can think about and other times i dont pay any attention at all to it. sometimes i really want to just be myself and would like to be on hormones (low dose) and did try them for a short time felt really great too, but its not a clever thing to do on your own might revisit that when i feel right and can figure out how to explain it all to my gp. im currently somewhere in the middle of it all and im trying to sutally change my physical appeance with clothes hair stlye bit of make up and beard removal. this makes me feel better about myself but it still feels like a bit of a show or put on. not like when i was on hormones and i felt a mental change in myself too, like the real me sort of thing. also at the moment im sufering a little depression but can not tell if its due to all this or not. its hard to really know. anyway thats me

Pica Pica · « **Reply #8 on:** August 17, 2007, 05:04:29 pm »

i said mild.

I am fine with my body, i wish it would respond better - but i got a pretty face, nice eyes - quite a feminine face, big manly hands - all fun. like my hair and the way it chooses to do stuff, like my legs that can take me miles without complaining. Would like to be slicker, smoother, more debonair - but that would be a misrepresentation. Would like to not wear glasses, as I said, I like my eyes and would like to display them more. even like being a ginge.

but i do have some, maybe i'm wrong, but i think my kind of personality would be easier grasped, understood and enjoyed by those around me were i female-bodied. so it's not my body what's the problem, it's the false first impressions being a male body gives, which i think may be less stark if i were female. though hearing from our female bodied androgyne friends, i'm probably right off.

Rebis · « **Reply #9 on:** August 17, 2007, 10:58:47 pm »

Quote from: Pica Pica on August 17, 2007, 05:04:29 pm

i said mild.

I am fine with my body, i wish it would respond better - but i got a pretty face, nice eyes - quite a feminine face, big manly hands - all fun. like my hair and the way it chooses to do stuff, like my legs that can take me miles without complaining. Would like to be slicker, smoother, more debonair - but that would be a misrepresentation. Would like to not wear glasses, as I said, I like my eyes and would like to display them more. even like being a ginge.

but i do have some, maybe i'm wrong, but i think my kind of personality would be easier grasped, understood and enjoyed by those around me were i female-bodied. so it's not my body what's the problem, it's the false first impressions being a male body gives, which i think may be less stark if i were female. though hearing from our female bodied androgyne friends, i'm probably right off.

You really are looking pretty. I noticed it earlier and was going to PM you, but you just had to brag about it. I wish I looked half as good as you do. :'(

I agree that being female bodied would fit better, but I would have to hide or remove the chest baggage. I can't stand being looked at as me. Maybe with a few improvements, but they are not going to happen. The female body advantage is having hair and being able to use clothing of both genders for better effect. In my opinion.

Mia and Marq · « **Reply #10 on:** August 18, 2007, 02:45:36 am »

I said Mild. I realize that even if I was female entirely then Marq would be out of place instead of Mia. Rather then screw up my canvas by trying to mix all the colors, its much better to just refine myself with little changes that both could appreciate.

Mia and Marq

Pica Pica · « **Reply #11 on:** August 18, 2007, 06:51:20 am »

Quote from: Rebis on August 17, 2007, 10:58:47 pm

Quote from: Pica Pica on August 17, 2007, 05:04:29 pm
i said mild.

I am fine with my body, i wish it would respond better - but i got a pretty face, nice eyes - quite a feminine face, big manly hands - all fun. like my hair and the way it chooses to do stuff, like my legs that can take me miles without complaining. Would like to be slicker, smoother, more debonair - but that would be a misrepresentation. Would like to not wear glasses, as I said, I like my eyes and would like to display them more. even like being a ginge.

but i do have some, maybe i'm wrong, but i think my kind of personality would be easier grasped, understood and enjoyed by those around me were i female-bodied. so it's not my body what's the problem, it's the false first impressions being a male body gives, which i think may be less stark if i were female. though hearing from our female bodied androgyne friends, i'm probably right off.

You really are looking pretty. I noticed it earlier and was going to PM you, but you just had to brag about it. I wish I looked half as good as you do. :'(

I agree that being female bodied would fit better, but I would have to hide or remove the chest baggage. I can't stand being looked at as me. Maybe with a few improvements, but they are not going to happen. The female body advantage is having hair and being able to use clothing of both genders for better effect. In my opinion.

well its a very old photo (2 years) - i'm a worn haggard skank now.

Seshatneferw · « **Reply #12 on:** August 18, 2007, 03:26:02 pm »

Changes: sometimes extreme, sometimes almost nonexistent. That is, if seriously wanting SRS or HRT is extreme, as implied in the way the questions were phrased. I've spent quite a bit of time window-shopping for SRS surgeons, so that should qualify. Real anguish is pretty rare, though, and I've never been even close to clinical depression over this. In that sense it's not too bad, and all in all the 'changes' option fits. Also, I have no problems with the social gender I have: I'd already mostly tansitioned from male to androgyne years before I finally figured out what was going on.

Still, although I'm androgynous in gender I'd prefer to be female in sex. That has been clear to me about as long as I can remeber, and for example, I can even now feel the breasts I should have. Even that is not too extreme, though: it just dawned on me a few days ago that not only am I heterosexual on some level, having that sort of a relationship with my wife really is more important to me than my sex. In the end it doesn't matter very much which one of us is male and which one is female, as long as we are opposites. Being the 'male' one is one of the compromises I'm willing to make for the relationship, especially considering the state of the art for FtM bottom surgery

Nfr

Zythyra · « **Reply #13 on:** August 19, 2007, 08:38:51 am »

Thanks to everyone for sharing, this has been truly enlightening. Before posting this poll, I've often felt as though I was the only androgyne person who experienced this level of intensity, and due to this have sometimes questioned whether I'm really androgyne. I had to think about it a bit before voting, although in the past my dysphoria has been extreme enough to desire hrt, I identified as TS at that time. I ended up voting that it changes. Sometimes extreme, and sometimes I don't think about gender at all.

I'd prefer having female characteristics, but I deal with having a male body as best as I can. Right now the part that bothers me the most is my hair... I've always worn it long, and that helped with looking more androgynous, however I've been losing hair up top, and I think that makes me appear more male

I guess I can wear hats.

I look forward to more votes and continued discussion on this topic.

Zythyra

Doc · « **Reply #14 on:** August 19, 2007, 04:58:13 pm »

I can't stand being female, being treated as a woman. It's maddening.

I think if I'd been born male, I wouldn't be near so dysphoric, I'd be one of those well-adjusted psychological androgynes that Emerald mentions, the people who don't even know they're androgynes. Instead of my sex and the social-role and status assigned to it being a constant torment it'd just be, eh, a low grade irritation. I'd go about being myself and blase'ly confess that I'm not much of a man, but what the hell.

Then again, my late-teens gender crisis (which made me want to transition and had me feeling terrible and savagely dysphoric for, I dunno, two years) was (I thought) resolved by me coming to find my sex and social-role/status to be a low-grade irritation, and I went about for the next decade or so being myself and blandly confessing that yeah, I'm not really a woman, what the hell. But whee, now it's all back worse than it was before and I don't frickin' know.

Rebis · « **Reply #15 on:** August 19, 2007, 10:16:26 pm »

Quote from: Doc on August 19, 2007, 04:58:13 pm

I can't stand being female, being treated as a woman. It's maddening.

I think if I'd been born male, I wouldn't be near so dysphoric, I'd be one of those well-adjusted psychological androgynes that Emerald mentions, the people who don't even know they're androgynes. Instead of my sex and the social-role and status assigned to it being a constant torment it'd just be, eh, a low grade irritation. I'd go about being myself and blase'ly confess that I'm not much of a man, but what the hell.

Then again, my late-teens gender crisis (which made me want to transition and had me feeling terrible and savagely dysphoric for, I dunno, two years) was (I thought) resolved by me coming to find my sex and social-role/status to be a low-grade irritation, and I went about for the next decade or so being myself and blandly confessing that yeah, I'm not really a woman, what the hell. But whee, now it's all back worse than it was before and I don't frickin' know.

I think the same is happening to me. It's different than it was before, though, because this time I know what my problem is. Right now, it's not so devastating, but I am wary. I'm going to be careful about monitoring my feelings for a while so that I don't allow myself to crash.

I wonder if it would make no difference what body we have? I think I'd be better off female bodied and you think you'd be better of male bodied. It sure would be nice to know. I'm beginning to suspect it makes no difference.

I curse the medical establishment [imagine an emoticon spitting on the ground]. They can turn men into women and are close to turning women into men, but nothing for us.

Zythyra · « **Reply #16 on:** August 19, 2007, 10:32:48 pm »

Quote

I curse the medical establishment [imagine an emoticon spitting on the ground]. They can turn men into women and are close to turning women into men, but nothing for us.

I curse the rigid binary society that doesn't allow for open expression of who we are!

Zythyra

Rebis · « **Reply #17 on:** August 19, 2007, 10:54:37 pm »

Quote from: y2gender on August 19, 2007, 10:32:48 pm

Quote
I curse the medical establishment [imagine an emoticon spitting on the ground]. They can turn men into women and are close to turning women into men, but nothing for us.

I curse the rigid binary society that doesn't allow for open expression of who we are!

Zythyra

Good curse, Z!

Tay · « **Reply #18 on:** August 19, 2007, 11:20:26 pm »

Quote from: Rebis on August 19, 2007, 10:16:26 pm

I curse the medical establishment [imagine an emoticon spitting on the ground]. They can turn men into women and are close to turning women into men, but nothing for us.

More than that, I curse the stereotypes present in the current incarnations of the DSM, as they prevent any likelihood of us being recognised any time soon. It will be several more incarnations of DSM, I think, before there is ANY chance of us being recognised. We're, to put it mildly, f***ed for probably another 15-20 years MINIMUM. Probably more.

I have this recurring nightmare of being interviewed on a talkshow. Where I've been fighting for years for us to be recognised and I'm being interviewed about how I feel about the fact that we have full recognition and can do what we want and need to transition. At the end of the interview, the interviewer asks me what, if anything, I have planned for my own transition. I look down at my hands--they're wrinkled and twisted by arthritis. My response? "Nothing. I'm too old now. I doubt they could help me and even if they could, it's not worth it now."

Rebis · « **Reply #19 on:** August 19, 2007, 11:25:22 pm »

Good curse, Tay.

That dream is powerful and nearly overwhelmed me.

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What is your level of discomfort regarding your birth gender?

Author Topic: levels of GID for Androgynes, Bi-gendered, etc (Read 2962 times)

no_id

Tay

Pica Pica

Pica Pica

Tay