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[MichelleT]

I have a male body. Several years ago I came to accept those periods when I feel female and I started thinking about presenting as female. But the desire to do that never lasted more than a few weeks or months and then I would feel more male again.

I've been through this switching between feeling male and female enough times now to know that this is just how it is for me.

Does anyone else experience this? How do you deal with presenting yourself when you are in the different phases? My main area of frustration is when I am in female mode. Then I feel like changing my body to be more feminine.

[Jaimey]

I understand what you mean.  It was the same for me.  For a few months I would feel feminine (I have a female body), but then for a few months I would think I was transgendered and I wanted to be male.  I have now realized that I'm androgyne and I don't feel pressured to pick one.  The hard part is accepting your body as it is.  I think for a lot of us, what we have realized is that if we did change our bodies and transitioned to the opposite sex, we'd still be in the same boat.  Sometimes we feel more female, sometimes we feel more male and no matter what body we have, that's how we'll feel. 

As far as presenting yourself is concerned, that's up to you.  If what you are doing now works for you, I would stick with it.  One thing you should do is see a gender therapist.  Another thing is to really sit down and consider all your options and their consequences and how you would feel about said consequences.

Also, once I realized that I didn't have to pick between the two binaries of male and female, I became much more comfortable with myself.  For me, I like to wear skirts, but I wish that my upper body looked male...a complete mix of both.  But then again, today, I don't feel particularly feminine at all.  It just depends.  You said that you go through male and female phases...do you think you might be bigendered?  There are several people on here who are and they would be excellent people to talk to.

I hope I was helpful!  I wish you the best of luck finding yourself!!!

[NickSister]

I'm similar, I go through periods where I feel really feminine, and then not so feminine. I don't think I ever feel like a male anymore, perhaps my testosterone is dropping with age and this is affecting this?

Like Jaimey, when I came to the conclusion that androgyne describes me (for the time being anyway it does the job) I became much more comfortable with myself. I still had fluctuations in how masculine and feminine but I still feel like I am an androgyne at all times, much of that confusion vanished. It does affect how I present though. When I feel more femanine I just take more care with my appearance, might put on a fresh coat of nail polish, wear my nicest and tightest clothes. Otherwise I can be a bit casual. 

[MichelleT]

Jaimey,

How do you define bigendered? Based on your description I would have thought you are bigendered.

[Kaimialana]

On a sliding scale from moment to moment. Like on of those clear plastic bars with the oil and water that slosh back and forth. Except, now imagine that the oil can and does mix with the water, so that they are homogenized together.

[Mia and Marq]

Hey MichelleT,

If my avatar wasn't blatantly obvious, I'm(we're) one of those bigendered folks as was being mentioned. Let me take a few moments to ask you a couple questions that will add some clarificaition hopefully.

Do you feel like you change feeling feminine to masculine very quickly or kind of like a transition from one to the other. Do you feel like you're always representing a male and female unmixed all the time? Fluid Androgynes flow from one part of the gender scale to another part based on their current situation. They have a single sense of self. This fluid motion in some cases can occur infrequently over the course of days or weeks. Bigender people or two-spirited, on the other hand or essentially a male and female existing together in one body and at any given moment one or the other is being represented. They have a dual sense of self.

I urge you to look into further exploration of these types and some of the other androgyne types. You'll find something that fits you close enough to put you at ease.

Good luck and we look foward to hearing more from you.
Don't hesitate to ask any more questions you have.

Marq and Mia

[Laurry]

Hi Michelle,

Like NickSister, there are times I feel very feminine and others where I just feel "normal"...which is not really male but slightly closer to male than female, like 60/40 to the male side.  It is a very very rare occassion when I feel like a full-fledged member of the He-man-women-haters Club, usually followed by several days of WTF was I thinking?

The last couple of weeks I have been in the extremely feminine mode...almost to the point of staying home from work just so I can wear the clothes I really want.  (Sad really, as I can think of many other reasons to stay home from work, and most are much more interesting.)  Still, I know the pendulum will swing back soon, and I will start dressing and behaving a bit more manly.  Maybe I should take an IQ test and, once and for all, find out if I am smarter as a "male" or as a "female"...hmmm.  (Note:  I put male and female in quotes because while I am neither, that is the best way to describe how I feel.

As far as changing my body...the thoughts in my head fluctuate between getting electro and breast augmentation to cutting my hair and regrowing my beard.  I can't wait for the day when we can have completely interchangable body parts and I can change my body the same way I change my clothes.  (I know, by then I will be pushing up daisies, but one can dream can't they?)

......Laurry

[EJ]

I travel between! somedays i feel more girly than others and otherdays I get all manly, but its like a mixture of both as i travel between one or the other. Most of the time i kinda sit there in the middle but it just depends on how i am that day! To be totaly honest i dont care which side of the "scale" i'm at i'm still the same old me... well not that old 

<3

[Jaimey]

Jaimey,

How do you define bigendered? Based on your description I would have thought you are bigendered.

I hope Marq & Mia answered your question about being bigendered.  I have a singular identity.  I am always Jaimey, no matter how I feel.  Perhaps 'effeminate' is a better description than feminine.  I will never be able to identify as male or female, but sometimes I am more effeminate than other times and vice versa.  For me, when I feel more effeminate, I'm not identifying as female.  I can't identify as being either male or female.  I am always androgyne.  That's the best that I can describe it. 

[storm]

I have a male body. Several years ago I came to accept those periods when I feel female and I started thinking about presenting as female. But the desire to do that never lasted more than a few weeks or months and then I would feel more male again.

I've been through this switching between feeling male and female enough times now to know that this is just how it is for me.

Does anyone else experience this? How do you deal with presenting yourself when you are in the different phases? My main area of frustration is when I am in female mode. Then I feel like changing my body to be more feminine.

Hi Michelle T , I do recognize a lot in the way you write about it. ( the only difference is I have a female body) For me pretty amazing to read ( cause I believe every individual does have her/his own experiences, even more in this kind of feelings ).
My frustration does have some in common with yours; the phases whenn I would love to be more man
are damn hard. During that kind of times; A lot of emotions are flowing through me. But it ends, and than I'm totally in to skirts and stuff like that . But inside I'm also the same person..well hope you can follow me. How I deal with it? not easy. I accept it; but it's hard to express myself. Still trying to find my way in it. And at the moment I don't feel comfortable to write more in public sorry. Cause it feels so damn personal.
By the way it's my first post ever about it. I did feel to give response, cause your topic is for me a kind of relief to read so thanx

[Ken/Kendra]

I seem to slide some on around a 6 month basis, as to presentation/expression.

First part of 2005 was a feminine period of time.
Last half was masculine.
First part of 2006 feminine.
Last part masculine.
Fist part of 2007 feminine.
Last part masculine.

I dont know why. Maybe something to do with how the seasons make me feel. Not sure.

KK

[Jaimey]

I seem to slide some on around a 6 month basis, as to presentation/expression.

First part of 2005 was a feminine period of time.
Last half was masculine.
First part of 2006 feminine.
Last part masculine.
Fist part of 2007 feminine.
Last part masculine.

I dont know why. Maybe something to do with how the seasons make me feel. Not sure.

KK

You know, I was thinking about the same thing the other day.  During the spring and summer, I tend to wear skirts and cute shoes and more makeup, but during the fall (especially) and winter, I wear cut up jeans, a black sweatjacket, my chucks (wonderful unisex shoes), no makeup, etc.  That's pretty interesting.

[ImKim]

What a relief to read.

I'm the same person all the time, but i do change between feeling masculine or feminine, and sometimes it even surprises me, exciting and frustrating at the same time.

What scares me is that one time, when i talking with my female friends, we came into the topic "how we would be if we were men". I was sitting and trying to imagine myself as a man, and i really liked it. I got all frustrated about being a woman, and at that moment i just wished i could change body , like you change your hair. I hope someday in the future you can be a man on monday and a woman on tuesday, if you know what i mean, it would be fantastic.

But on some rare occasions i feel extremely feminine and love it, but otherwise i feel like i fail to be a woman at times, i've tried wearing some really feminine clothes where i felt like a transvestite, there's often a feeling of being akward, maybe because i'm not wearing exactly what i would like to wear of girly clothes, i don't know, but it's frustrating.

Am i androgyne or bigendered?  Btw, sorry if my english is poor.

[Jaimey]

What a relief to read.

I'm the same person all the time, but i do change between feeling masculine or feminine, and sometimes it even surprises me, exciting and frustrating at the same time.

What scares me is that one time, when i talking with my female friends, we came into the topic "how we would be if we were men". I was sitting and trying to imagine myself as a man, and i really liked it. I got all frustrated about being a woman, and at that moment i just wished i could change body , like you change your hair. I hope someday in the future you can be a man on monday and a woman on tuesday, if you know what i mean, it would be fantastic.

But on some rare occasions i feel extremely feminine and love it, but otherwise i feel like i fail to be a woman at times, i've tried wearing some really feminine clothes where i felt like a transvestite, there's often a feeling of being akward, maybe because i'm not wearing exactly what i would like to wear of girly clothes, i don't know, but it's frustrating.

Am i androgyne or bigendered?  Btw, sorry if my english is poor.

It's always a relief when you find out you aren't alone, isn't it?    I felt the same way too.  I COMPLETELY understand what you are talking about.  It took me a LONG time before I started liking cute women's clothing...it always felt like I was a little kid playing dress up.  Actually, with a lot of clothes it still does feel that way.  It's only been in the past year probably that I've actually wanted to wear skirts and things and I wear them because I think they are cute, not because they are women's clothes, if that makes any sense.  I also used to think about wanting to be male and that I wished I was (even as a child).  It would be nice if we could be whatever we wanted, when we wanted.

Based on what you said, I would say you are androgyne.  People who are bigendered have two separate senses of self and you said that you are the same person all the time.  I'm the same person all the time, but sometimes I am more effeminate and other times I'm more neutral.  But the best way to find out is to talk to people and to search within yourself until you find the identity that feels right to you.     Btw...you're English is fine! 

[Incubi]

But on some rare occasions i feel extremely feminine and love it, but otherwise i feel like i fail to be a woman at times, i've tried wearing some really feminine clothes where i felt like a transvestite, there's often a feeling of being akward, maybe because i'm not wearing exactly what i would like to wear of girly clothes, i don't know, but it's frustrating.

I feel quite the same sometimes. (But the worst is red lipstick, eye make-up is fine) Lately, I got the feeling that the problem is that I cannot differentiate between things I think attractive on women and things I would like to wear.

[Karen]

This is an interesting topic -- it made me look inside and think.

As I transition, it's like a rollercoaster -- you go from a high place to a low place, but in between you oscillate up and down hills changing level and speed.

I find transitioning from male to female to be that way.  each time I oscillate to female, I feel moreso than last time, and when I oscillate back towards male, I don't rebound as far.

Maybe the metaphor is more like bungie jumping...  i don't know--

Karen