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Author Topic: Lonely... I wish I had a boyfriend or girlfriend...  (Read 6072 times)

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Mina_Frostfall

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Lonely... I wish I had a boyfriend or girlfriend...
« on: December 18, 2008, 08:15:28 pm »
I've been thinking and what I've realized is that I need a boyfriend or girlfriend. I don't know which one I want, but really need someone. I want a serious relationship. I want someone to care about and that will care about me. Problem is, I don't think that it is attainable considering the way that I am. I don't want to be seen as a man by them. I especially don't want to be treated like one. I want someone to take ME out on a date. I want them to hold me. But I don't think that I'll ever be able to find someone as I am now...  :'(

CypherEnigma

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Re: Lonely... I wish I had a boyfriend or girlfriend...
« Reply #1 on: December 18, 2008, 08:41:51 pm »
Just speaking from personal experience,
Guys rock my world ^.^
Haven't had a serious boyfriend in a long time(probably for the better) but I will say that the whole "being taken out" as opposed to "taking out someone" is so much nicer! I went with another guy at my school to prom when I used to identify more as a "gay male"(boy was I off). I didn't get to wear a dress like all the other girls *ENVY* but it was fantastic! Never went farther than that night(or even farther than the dance floor really).
I know the feeling though, and although I haven't had luck myself, I'm certain that you'll find someone. Moreover I'm sure that someone will love you for who you are now.
Your Sister in Lovesick-ness-icity,
Sarrah

Janet_Girl

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Re: Lonely... I wish I had a boyfriend or girlfriend...
« Reply #2 on: December 18, 2008, 08:44:12 pm »
Sister I hear you.  Many here will say to wait.  They will tell you that transition is about you and to use the time to learn about you.  But that is really hard when you have that need to have someone special in your life.

I also want and need that special person, but I am going at it really, really, really slow.  First I need them to understand about GID and that it isn't something that is horrible.  And then that they have to treat me as a woman, not a sexual plaything.  But meeting people requires money to go out.  And I am recovering from being scammed by a guy on-line.

I wish you good luck in finding that certain someone.

Janet



Vexing

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Re: Lonely... I wish I had a boyfriend or girlfriend...
« Reply #3 on: December 18, 2008, 09:21:34 pm »
Do you mind telling us how old you are?
I'm assuming that you are quite young, so the way you feel is pretty normal, even for non-trans people.
If anyone is interested in you, or think you could potentially be interested in someone, ask them out on a date.
I don't think this is something that you will figure out until you actually date people.
I didn't start my first serious relationship until I was 22.
These things take time.

Mina_Frostfall

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Re: Lonely... I wish I had a boyfriend or girlfriend...
« Reply #4 on: December 18, 2008, 10:42:34 pm »
I'm 20 right now. I only turned 20 in October.

Offline Kaitlyn

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Re: Lonely... I wish I had a boyfriend or girlfriend...
« Reply #5 on: December 19, 2008, 12:49:52 am »
I've been thinking and what I've realized is that I need a boyfriend or girlfriend. I don't know which one I want, but really need someone. I want a serious relationship. I want someone to care about and that will care about me. Problem is, I don't think that it is attainable considering the way that I am. I don't want to be seen as a man by them. I especially don't want to be treated like one. I want someone to take ME out on a date. I want them to hold me. But I don't think that I'll ever be able to find someone as I am now...  :'(

*hugs Aelita*

It's pretty rough, innit?  Wanting those simple things that other people take for granted?  I'd come in here to say something cheerful & supportive, but... I ache for exactly the same thing.    I want someone's arms around me, their loving presence at my back.  I want to been seen and loved for who I am, but I've never had that special someone... I've never been held close like that.  That cold void cuts me like a razor every night, when I'm alone with my thoughts. :'(

I'm sorry if I've made you ever sadder...
"The mind is not a vessel to be filled but a fire to be kindled."
— Plutarch

Janet_Girl

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Re: Lonely... I wish I had a boyfriend or girlfriend...
« Reply #6 on: December 19, 2008, 12:55:45 am »
Do you mind telling us how old you are?
I'm assuming that you are quite young, so the way you feel is pretty normal, even for non-trans people.
If anyone is interested in you, or think you could potentially be interested in someone, ask them out on a date.
I don't think this is something that you will figure out until you actually date people.
I didn't start my first serious relationship until I was 22.
These things take time.

So tell me, Vexing.  What about an old broad like myself?  I want the same thing.  And the is one guy, but I have never said anything.  but I don't think that he would be open to a relationship.  Especially with a T-Girl.


Janet


Fox

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Re: Lonely... I wish I had a boyfriend or girlfriend...
« Reply #7 on: December 19, 2008, 01:10:23 am »
The part of me that is logical and cynical doesn't believe ill ever find anyone and doesn't want to ever get married because ive seen so many of them end in divorce. Im 25 and had fewer relationships than I can count on one hand. Im still single and lonely as is my usual.

However while the logical part of me doesn't believe in love at first sight and soulmates. In my heart im just another hopeless romantic who has read to many fantasy books. Despite ever thing I believe I still keep hoping to just meet some nice guy someday and have everything click

Offline Nero

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Re: Lonely... I wish I had a boyfriend or girlfriend...
« Reply #8 on: December 19, 2008, 01:21:03 am »
Love is overrated.
If I don't respond to your message, please don't feel ignored or slighted. As forum admin, I get a lot of messages daily - site stuff, reports, personal, etc. I end up missing some. And seeing others but being unable to reply at the moment and then forgetting.

But all my messages are important to me. Just try me again.

CypherEnigma

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Re: Lonely... I wish I had a boyfriend or girlfriend...
« Reply #9 on: December 19, 2008, 01:44:39 am »
Part of me wants to believe that I'm not missing anything out there with all the happy couples etc. But I know that love is such a powerful emotion and has been responsible for some of the most emotionally devastating moments I've had in my short little life, so I'd like to think that if the intensity of my previous experiences could put towards positive emotions. I think I must have missed the boarding call for the love boat because it seems like a lot of the other people I know have gotten a lot closer to love than I could possible dream of.
Hooray for Hopeless Romantics!

Godot

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Re: Lonely... I wish I had a boyfriend or girlfriend...
« Reply #10 on: December 19, 2008, 02:27:22 am »
I've given up on relationships. The want for a relationship got too much so I just repressed the feelings of wanting one. I doubt anyone's going to want to date a transman that doesn't look all that male and doesn't plan on getting surgery or hormones. Oh well..Love sucks

Sophie90

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Re: Lonely... I wish I had a boyfriend or girlfriend...
« Reply #11 on: December 19, 2008, 04:04:57 am »
I've never had a relationship, seems like an awful lot of hassle and drama to me. And I don't see what good can come of them.
But it would still be nice to see what all the fuss is about, if a nice young man could show me... lol.

postoplesbian

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Re: Lonely... I wish I had a boyfriend or girlfriend...
« Reply #12 on: December 19, 2008, 06:59:09 am »
"I have these needs, but beyond that, I want to fill those needs for someone else." 


Yes i would love to find another like me MTF or FTM who loves themselves. Someone to please and be pleased and share the simple things in life. Like our cooking or firewood chopping HINT HINT  ::)

Transitioning is longgggggggg doneeeeeeeeee  and i am a country gal living on a farm and open to moving to another farm or some mountain top region and live a simple life filled with doing daily things to survive.

My only downfall is i need to do hard work.. Otherwise i get depressed. I love working hard but also love to take a break for a few months too.

Oh i am into my second 50 yrs cronologically speaking but mentally as a 10 yr post op still single waiting for true love i am like a teen with tons of energy and desires to play in the woods and in the country and in a haystack OH MY  >:-) 

But alas i may be just a spirit in a shell working for above and trying to hear and be guided by above.

I have had only 3 relationships in my life. One for around 7 months but it was mostly give and another two for 1 months and they were not mature but i now have 2 kids who are almost all grown up.

Oh well back to helping and its time to go feed the cows  ;D

Offline tekla

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Re: Lonely... I wish I had a boyfriend or girlfriend...
« Reply #13 on: December 19, 2008, 09:06:12 am »
The great American philosopher of love, Jacqueline Susan, in her great dissertation on the subject, The Valley of the Dolls, says (and she says it like three or four times in the book, just to make sure you get it) that in any relationship 'there is one who loves, and one who is loved.' and I'm not so sure she is all that wrong about that.
FIGHT APATHY!, or don't...

postoplesbian

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Re: Lonely... I wish I had a boyfriend or girlfriend...
« Reply #14 on: December 19, 2008, 09:13:38 am »
The great American philosopher of love, Jacqueline Susan, in her great dissertation on the subject, The Valley of the Dolls, says (and she says it like three or four times in the book, just to make sure you get it) that in any relationship 'there is one who loves, and one who is loved.' and I'm not so sure she is all that wrong about that.

If that is love i'll stay single.... sheesh who wants to be in a relationship where one gets the love and the other gives it .. sounds abusive to me..

Offline tekla

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Re: Lonely... I wish I had a boyfriend or girlfriend...
« Reply #15 on: December 19, 2008, 09:19:26 am »
Funny, I don't think it is, nor do I think that's what Miss Susan was trying to say.  It's the balance in the universe I think that some make and some take, that some give and other receive - it's the 'we both love each other equally' that is the myth.
FIGHT APATHY!, or don't...

postoplesbian

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Re: Lonely... I wish I had a boyfriend or girlfriend...
« Reply #16 on: December 19, 2008, 09:23:07 am »
Funny, I don't think it is, nor do I think that's what Miss Susan was trying to say.  It's the balance in the universe I think that some make and some take, that some give and other receive - it's the 'we both love each other equally' that is the myth.

Well i know many people in relationships who give equally. Maybe one gives more in one area and the other gives more in another area but anything less than that is abusive love and no healthy couple would want to be there

Offline tekla

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Re: Lonely... I wish I had a boyfriend or girlfriend...
« Reply #17 on: December 19, 2008, 09:35:10 am »
Reminds me of a friend who told me, "Hey, those two are a real happy couple now" - which was weird, they always used to fight - so I asked how and he said 'they broke up." 

But why, or better yet, how, is it abusive if it meets both people's needs? 

I mean, I used to think she was just full of it, and wrote that to like fill out the page, at least when I read it in high school, but in the couple of times I've read it since that keeps on leaping out at me - like I said, she writes it a few times - I've come to see that she might well be on to something.  That real solid relationships don't work because both people are giving and getting equal amounts, but rather because each person is getting and giving what they want to get and give.  Which in some areas is nothing, and other areas, everything.
FIGHT APATHY!, or don't...

Offline tekla

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Re: Lonely... I wish I had a boyfriend or girlfriend...
« Reply #18 on: December 19, 2008, 09:38:40 am »
More like the Commie Manifesto of Relationships, from each according to their ability and to each according to their needs.
FIGHT APATHY!, or don't...

postoplesbian

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Re: Lonely... I wish I had a boyfriend or girlfriend...
« Reply #19 on: December 19, 2008, 09:41:12 am »
Ditto it has to be ""at least cyclical give and take"", because if it was all give on one side  and all take on the other it would be totally abusive and well maybe only in a christian marriage where she secumbs to his every whim might that go on but even there pastors wives have murdered abusive husbands.

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