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[chrysalis]

I'm kind of feeling lost right now. There aren't any support groups in my area, and I don't feel like I'm just a crossdresser, but I feel like I've run out of non-net places to turn.

I really don't speak "girl" very well and so I don't fit in with gays, TS, etc. very well, but dudes and lesbians have always been great company. THe homework my therapist gave me is to start branching out and exploring the GLBT community but in my area it's slim to none.

I'm thinking of coughing up the $42 bucks to join Tri-Ess just to have somewhere to turn. The problem is I enjoy sex with men and think about changing my gender far more often than they'd be comfortable with. It seems like a bad choice, but right now I'm getting sick of forums, chatrooms, etc. I want real human contact.

Is it worth it to join a club where I'll have to be in the odd state of both out of the closet and in the closet?

[jesse]

hi i think its worth it if it helps you meet friends u can share your exp with i am transgender so i guess im a little confused are you gay or ? i dont veiw myself as gay i like men but i have the wrong parts once i have ssrs i will persue a relationship with a guy even if its casual. people need human contact i wouldnt leave the forum behind though they are excellant source of information and support when things go to crap.
jessica
Post Merge: October 02, 2009, 06:42:29 amare you trying to avoid coming out of the closet if so why? is it family or current friends because public general oppinion is just not worth wasting your life over sort to speak.

[chrysalis]

I am attracted to women, but do not enjoy sex with them, whereas men are very fulfilling for me. I just tell most people I'm bi.

I'm slightly out to a few very close people, but I am careful to avoid specifics. I live 90% closeted, but really I'm trying to edge out further. I just lack confirmed safe places to turn.

Edit: At this point for me there is a lot to lose from family etc. by coming out. My mother is finally beginning to become comfortable with the idea of me enjoying men as well as women, but she has gone on record saying that she is "horrified" by people who wish to change their gender.

I explained the neurological origin and everything, but it didn't really take. I've already lost a lot of friends due to being stupid and getting caught, and also some people backstabbing me. To avoid a lot of specifics and personal drama I have more to lose right now, but I'm currently building my life towards a point where I can live openly. So it's ultimately optimistic

[heatherrose]

A long time ago I made some inquiries with Tri-Ess groups
about joining them. Those which had the courtesy to respond to me,
made it perfectly clear that if I was anything other than a heterosexual,
male, crossdresser (preferably married) with no interest in transitioning,
I was most certainly not welcome. They may have changed their policy
since my contact with them but because of what I perceived as a
"Sister Bertha Better than You" attitude, I have no interest in their
organization and I will tell anyone else thus interested the same.

[jesse]

kk there you go the voice of experience with that group still you need hman contact so... what i am concerned about is your general safty after years of supressing im not about the hiding bit anymore with the exception of my imeadiate family however if they find out about it then so be it. are you seeing a therapist yet. and by safty i mean if enough people find out will you be in danger...acording to my therapist if you are transgendered then finding relations with men more fulfilling would be normal however he did stress that gid is not about sex orientation its about how you view yourself....if your gay it seams it would be easier to deal with no cost normally associated with transitioning it is interesting that your mom is ok with the bi or gay but not okay with with correcting an identity disorder by making your body appear the same way as you feel. ill never understand human logic lol
jessica

[chrysalis]

A long time ago I made some inquiries with Tri-Ess groups
about joining them. Those which had the courtesy to respond to me,
made it perfectly clear that if I was anything other than a heterosexual,
male, crossdresser (preferably married) with no interest in transitioning,
I was most certainly not welcome. They may have changed their policy
since my contact with them but because of what I perceived as a
"Sister Bertha Better than You" attitude, I have no interest in their
organization and I will tell anyone else thus interested the same.

This is what was making me feel odd about it. Not only did they have a very exclusive holier than thou attitude, and seem completely removed from the GLBT community, but it seems geared especially toward married guys who are way older than me.

Also they talk about how once you cough up $42 then they give you access to their article about "clothing as a lens". I don't know why they can't simply provide this for free. I mean if they are all about helping people, even just the finely targeted demographic of hetero-male-crossdressers, why make people pay to hear a helpful perspective?

[heatherrose]

I don't know why they can't simply provide this for free.

It keeps out the "Riff Raff".

[glendagladwitch]

I actually went to a tri ess meeting once about 15 years ago as a guest of some transitioners who were members of that chapter and well into transition.  I think each chapter of tri ess is different in its attitudes.  If your local tri ess chapter is the only resource in your area, you may find they have some transitioning members.  Have you spoken to that particular chapter?

[heatherrose]

I stand corrected.

[tekla]

I think a lot of it depends on the local chapter - or sorority, as they like to view themselves.  Yeah, a lot of it does come off (because it is) as kind of a 'rich girls closet'.  And that's fine, if that's what people want, what's the big deal?  They have been around since the mid-70s (when they formed out of two previously existing groups) so I'd cut them some slack, as they were out and doing this long before most of us even knew anything like this existed.  And despite the rather narrow focus, they do, and have, supported organizations like the World Congress of Transgender Organizations and the International Foundation for Gender Education, so they are aware that other variations on the theme exist.  All they are saying is that they are not catering to all of them, just their target market. 

[Julie Marie]

Tri-Ess used to be exclusively married hetero CDs but there have been some changes due to low membership numbers.  The one in Chicago is open to anyone now but they are still a very small player in the TG scene.  Julie and I went to one when we accompanied a friend and her wife.  There was about 8 members there and it was boring, boring, boring.  But if it was the first time I had ever been out and I was a CD I suppose it would have seemed much different.

I'd suggest looking up Yahoo groups or doing Internet searches (if you already haven't).  Unless you live in a really small town, I'd think you could find something. If you decide to check out Tri-Ess, they typically let your first meeting be a freebie so you can see if it's right for you.  If all else fails, muster up some courage and go out to a mall or something and get a little "you time" in.  If you think full time is in the cards for you, the getting out is necessary, so the sooner the better.

Julie

[Janet Lynn]

I belonged to a group here in Portland, several years ago.  We would ether meet at someones house or at a gay club downtown.  While it was fun, I discovered that I just do not care for the gay scene and eventually stopped going.  But it was a great outlet for going out for the first time.

If you want to have tht kind of outlet and the Tri-Ess group wont take you, check with our local GLBT group.

Janet

[chrysalis]

There isn't a "local" Tri-Ess for me, each chapter is incredibly far away, and not worth it. I'm working on getting myself within acceptable distance of a good GLBT I know of. So hopefully it will work out over the next six months.

[sandra]

Chrysalis, 

I have been a member of Tri-Ess for 23 yrs.  First saw myself as a hetero CD,
but gradually more androgenous, not in the sense of being of neither gender,
but of both.  From what the national leaders say, they are trying to stay with
their target population.  But as has been said, local chapters vary.  In my
case, I joined the National organization first, and only later joined a chapter
which is fairly open to transgender people regardless of their "label."  But if
you wanted to start out by joining National, you would have access to the
"members only" area of the national website, where there is an online directory
which lists the members in each state.  Possibly you could find someone near
you and just email them and find out where they are coming from.

FWIW,

Sandra    (not my name in Tri-Ess)

[heatherrose]

I contacted the "National Organization", shortly after this thread started,
asking them about their membership policy. I included a link to this thread
with my inquiry, on the off chance they might care to respond here directly.
Up to this point I have received no response.

[chrysalis]

It sounds like it's worth the $42 when I think of it as a charitable donation with some fringe benefits. I don't really see what can happen that's so negative.