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Author Topic: "regular fun with ftm like you"....what?  (Read 1631 times)

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some ftm guy

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"regular fun with ftm like you"....what?
« on: May 27, 2011, 02:10:16 am »
this is a message i received from a guy in the magical world of the internets:

"That's awesome!! Definitely into datin or something regular fun with ftm like you. Definitely know how to treat u like a dude but def have fun gettin it in sometimes :)

Yeah, we can hang out. Let me know when's good"

what in the holy.....this is weird. first, i have never talked to this guy, nor have i ever seen him and I'll go off on a tangent to educate other people though this is probably obvious. when someone writes you a message/IM/text/talk to you in person and the first sentence out of their mouths is something about you being trans. especially if the next sentence has an obvious sex reference...this guy has to be a creeper right? it can't be just me thinking this. maybe he thought he was innocently flirting and going by the high amounts of exclamation marks he used I'd say he was pretty elated to see my profile....and that I'm trans :-\ (not that i want people to think it's weird, bad or be repulsed but why was he so freakin excited?) but he worded it so weird. i don't know why he was talking in a past tense as if i messaged him first because i obviously didn't. who does that?

i don't know what he meant by "regular ftm like you." I've never been referred to directly as an ftm, it's always him, he, by my actual name if we've actually talked for a lil while, or just as a guy. that's just...not sitting right. and even more so the "def have fun gettin it in sometimes." wha what?! my first guess as to what he's talking about here is also not sitting right.  it's like dude! i don't even know you and your already asking for THAT?! and I'm guessing, because I'm trans? 

does this guy seem fetishy to anyone else? i mean it's awesome that someone would still be interested in you despite you being trans but because you're trans?

people really need to be educated on how to talk to us.

PandaValentine

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Re: "regular fun with ftm like you"....what?
« Reply #1 on: May 27, 2011, 02:14:23 am »
Maybe he was drunk?

Offline Robyn

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Re: "regular fun with ftm like you"....what?
« Reply #2 on: May 27, 2011, 02:14:44 am »
"... but def have fun gettin it in sometimes" seems a dead giveaway. He may recognize the guy but still wants to play with the girl parts you probably want to forget.

I think I'd take a meat cleaver to that particular Internet connection.

Robyn
When we walk to the edge of all the light we have and take the step into the darkness of the unknown, we must believe that one of two things will happen. There will be something solid for us to stand on or we will be taught to fly. — Patrick Overton

Offline Sharky

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Re: "regular fun with ftm like you"....what?
« Reply #3 on: May 27, 2011, 03:19:16 am »
Maybe English isn't his first language.

Online Cindy

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Re: "regular fun with ftm like you"....what?
« Reply #4 on: May 27, 2011, 05:15:46 am »
It is a sicko that thinks you are some sort of sexual oddity. It has picked something from your chats and is using them. I would just delete any time it came on to whatever board you are chatting on.

Cindy
What can I say, let your spirit fly. Love you Hon. (Nero 1979-2014)

Offline Nemo

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Re: "regular fun with ftm like you"....what?
« Reply #5 on: May 27, 2011, 06:55:28 am »
This is why I put this in my profile on a dating site:

Quote
I'll start by making this clear: any "chasers" out there who either find me "fascinating" or think I'm some kind of weird fetish for them to indulge in can clear off. I'm a person, not a sex toy :P

So far it's worked. Maybe try adding something like that - not to mention telling this guy, 'cause he sounds like the kind of person who fits the above description :P Blocking works too, of course...


New blog in progress - when I conquer my writer's block :P

zombiesarepeaceful

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Re: "regular fun with ftm like you"....what?
« Reply #6 on: May 27, 2011, 06:59:23 am »
Run. Far. Away.

Offline Nygeel

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Re: "regular fun with ftm like you"....what?
« Reply #7 on: May 27, 2011, 10:47:13 am »
I'm going to have a bit of a different stance on this.

Some trans guys enjoy their bits and are comfortable with another person making assumptions about how they use their genitals. Some trans guys are okay with dating or hooking up with a person that says those things.

I feel that the decision is either to hook up and date somebody who likes us because we're trans or likes us in spite of being trans. For myself the later is something I dislike more than the former. So, it could be chasery, it could just be a guy that wants to hook up, it could be nothing.

Nikolai_S

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Re: "regular fun with ftm like you"....what?
« Reply #8 on: May 27, 2011, 09:20:13 pm »
Yeah, definitely creepy, and if it makes you at all uncomfortable, tell him politely to back off and block him.

But I will back up Nygeel here. For casual hookups, I'm not bothered much by the idea. Seems to me, when you're looking to hookup, it's arranged by mutual sexual attraction. If having a vagina happens to be part of that attraction, so be it. If a chaser was attracted to me, I was attracted to them, and I wasn't having a particularly dysphoric day... no problem. Wouldn't date them, but sex is different. I enjoy feeling like my body is attractive, and it isn't when held against cis ideals, so it would be an interesting experience.

some ftm guy

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Re: "regular fun with ftm like you"....what?
« Reply #9 on: May 28, 2011, 08:23:32 pm »
no it's not a site for hook ups, it was founded by a couple gay guys who noticed that problem in the gay community and made this one to be mostly for long term relationships the options are either for that, short term dating, long term dating, friends, long distance pen pals, activity partners or sexual encounter though a lot of guys have that as one of the things they're looking for. I however don't understand why someone would be comfortable having sex with a total stranger so that's not what i want. I'll delete his message. i didn't plan on replying anyway since it immediately made me feel weird. bleh, he's not even attractive. lol like it would matter if that's how they hit on people.

girl parts? er, i don't like using that term for me but since i know guys usually don't have vaginas it doesn't make me mad or offended or anything. just...ick though.

you'd be surprised from all the profiles I've read with how many guys live in and as far as i know were raised in the U.S write as if english wasn't their first language with as bad of spelling and grammar, some worse than this guys'. makes me wonder if they speak like that out loud or if it's just how they write. it should be common sense that if you plan to meet someone online you should write well enough that people will understand what you're talking about. should be but it isn't. it's almost half people with either dyslexia who should have spent more time getting things across correctly or people who can barely read and write can make these.

no one would order like "i want a de samwitch peas?" beyond age 4 without that being trained out of you. and yes i think i will put a warning label on my profile there like nemo has. never thought of that but good idea. well, i did on the first one i went to, but i left that one because that site was full of chasers and people who use the worst derogatory words for the kind of women they were  looking for. it's like you'd have to dig through hundreds of profiles of the bad people to get to actual decent well meaning people. and the first creeper e-mail i got was from there and that one wasn't quite as bad as this newest one but I'll just delete the message.

Alasdair

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Re: "regular fun with ftm like you"....what?
« Reply #10 on: May 30, 2011, 01:18:37 am »
What? What kind of person assumes that a trans guy would like to hear that?! Maybe after you've established together that that is something he is into but totally unacceptable otherwise. It's illogical to assume such a thing. WTH? :o

Offline emil

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Re: "regular fun with ftm like you"....what?
« Reply #11 on: May 30, 2011, 09:21:12 am »
sorry, but those are just the desperate kind of mails you get on some dating sites and in some chatrooms.

i don't believe they spend a second trying to figure out what a person wants/doesn't want  to hear, they write to like 50 people a day blatantly telling them they want to hook up with them and hope that there's one positive response. no need to reply to it, and whether he's into ftms or into guys and doesn't mind an occasional ftm isn't really important either, because he makes it more than clear that he'll do a perfect stranger any time (in this case, you).
so, agreeing with nygeel here, if that's what one is looking for, they may find approaches like this perfectly normal. i don't think it's a good way to say hello but at least you don't need to dig too deep to find out his intentions ;)

Offline Adio

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Re: "regular fun with ftm like you"....what?
« Reply #12 on: May 30, 2011, 09:51:50 am »
...and whether he's into ftms or into guys and doesn't mind an occasional ftm isn't really important either...

Trans men are guys.

On topic, thankfully I have yet to encounter this as I do online dating as well.  Currently I'm talking to the sweetest guy who I've told about my situation and he's still interested in me, not as a fetish but as an actual person.  Other men that I've disclosed to either stopped talking to me or forever placed me in the friend-zone.

If I did find someone who was attracted to me solely based on my genitals, I probably wouldn't date them.  But if I were just looking to hook up...I suppose I might give it a try.  However, I'm interested in a monogamous long-term relationship, so I doubt I'd accept such an offer.

Offline emil

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Re: "regular fun with ftm like you"....what?
« Reply #13 on: May 30, 2011, 02:10:12 pm »
Quote
Trans men are guys.
sorry, put "cis guys" everywhere in my above post. i was obviously paraphrasing his view on the subject, not mine.

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Re: "regular fun with ftm like you"....what?
« Reply #14 on: May 30, 2011, 03:39:50 pm »
The OP may feel differently than I do, but I'd be more offended by my parts being referred to as "girl parts" than by anything the creepy chaser dude said.


Sorry about that guys. My husband is FTM. Guess where I learned that terminology?

How do you refer to that part of your anatomy? Even at 74, I am still learning.

Robyn

When we walk to the edge of all the light we have and take the step into the darkness of the unknown, we must believe that one of two things will happen. There will be something solid for us to stand on or we will be taught to fly. — Patrick Overton

Offline Adio

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Re: "regular fun with ftm like you"....what?
« Reply #15 on: May 30, 2011, 03:49:05 pm »
sorry, put "cis guys" everywhere in my above post. i was obviously paraphrasing his view on the subject, not mine.

Sorry, I was in a bit of a bad mood earlier.  Your post was directly above mine, so that's what I used to quote.  Didn't mean to take it out on you. :(

Offline Nygeel

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Re: "regular fun with ftm like you"....what?
« Reply #16 on: May 30, 2011, 03:53:08 pm »
Sorry about that guys. My husband is FTM. Guess where I learned that terminology?

How do you refer to that part of your anatomy? Even at 74, I am still learning.

Robyn
I refer to my bits with male language (and the extra hole is usually a boy box, front hole, bonus hole, the beast, manhole, cavern, void, male box, the chamber of secrets, the bellagio, cock pit, pr the business but other people like different words)

some ftm guy

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Re: "regular fun with ftm like you"....what?
« Reply #17 on: May 31, 2011, 09:49:50 pm »
I refer to my bits with male language (and the extra hole is usually a boy box, front hole, bonus hole, the beast, manhole, cavern, void, male box, the chamber of secrets, the bellagio, cock pit, pr the business but other people like different words)
holy crap dude! hahahaha wooooow you really thought of this. so many words. uh what do i call mine? the front hole...yep that works. it's cool to have options i suppose, front or back. calling mine the beast...nah i don't have as much confidence  :P

Nikolai_S

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Re: "regular fun with ftm like you"....what?
« Reply #18 on: June 06, 2011, 10:59:30 pm »
Sorry about that guys. My husband is FTM. Guess where I learned that terminology?

How do you refer to that part of your anatomy? Even at 74, I am still learning.

Robyn



I call that part of my anatomy "girl parts," "vagina," "cunt," "lower bits," or "genitals." They are what they are. If I was really dysphoric I might call it my front hole. Just shows you how much variation there is among FTMs.  :)

HonestReflections

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Re: "regular fun with ftm like you"....what?
« Reply #19 on: June 07, 2011, 03:27:19 am »
-Takes a deep breath and agitatedly laughs-
I have dealt with perverts before, and I would love to give this fruitcaked pathetic low-lifed moronic summy disgusting creepy monsterous disrespectful immature arrogant neurotic basket-cased brainless lunatic crap-sack a piece of my mind. NO ONE is a sex toy or object, and TG people are no different. I ahte labels, but UGH It is called RESPECT which obviously doesn't exist anymore. Yes, you are good-looking and if I saw you out somewhere I would take a second or third look and if you happened to smile at me I'd start talking to you. But I wouldn't see that you're TG and want to get into your pants. WTF Yes some find it a fetish, but that is so RUDE. You are a MAN, not a TOY or OBJECT. There is a difference. I would report this person and block them. I am so sorry that you had to deal with that. May I ask what the site is called? A few freinds are looking fror TG-friendly dating sites

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