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Community Conversation => Transsexual talk => Post operative life => Topic started by: Juliette on August 12, 2010, 07:04:11 PM

Title: What to expect from a post-op vulva?
Post by: Juliette on August 12, 2010, 07:04:11 PM
Hi there,

Three months ago my girlfriend had SRS with Dr.Brassard. Having finally reached the point where it's safe to have 'intercourse' (or for us, vag-vag sex) we finally gave it a try. Unfortunately, I was a very disappointed by the experience, and am currently questioning whether or not I'll even be able to stay with her post-op. There aren't a lot of resources that give you a clear idea of what to expect from a post-op vagina in the long term and so right now I'm trying to figure out if my concerns are just temporary or not. I love my partner very much, but if I'm no longer attracted to that part of her then it would be best for us to break up, and hopefully stay friends. I know for some people they love their partner regardless of their bodies, but for me I care very much about my partner's body AND mind. I don't really think that one way is better than the other, but I just wanted to point how it works for me, as I have experienced some disapproval from people telling me that if I really loved my partner I would stay with her regardless of her body (of course if this really held true then we'd all be bisexual/pansexual:P)

Anyways, I really really want things to work out between us, so I'm hoping that I can share my concerns with people and get some honest feedback:)

Some of my concern is about the cosmetic appearance of her vulva. I'm a very visual person and I think my partner has a beautiful body, but that part of her really isn't very pretty (at this point). She's still quite puffy, especially along the incision lines, which surprises me since at the hospital they gave the impression that most of the swelling would be gone by 3 months. Of course there are also the scars, although from everything I've heard, these will mostly go away with time. Her inner labia are very small, and bright red. I'm guessing that eventually they'll become a normal flesh colour, but I'm really not sure. Her vagina currently seems like a hole..what I mean by this is that most vaginas (or at least, those I've seen, including my own) tend to fold up when not 'in use' so you can't really see them, but for her, there's a hole that's quite clearly there..Her clit is basically not visible, although apparently when aroused it gets bigger? Overall, it didn't look very attractive, and she definitely looked a bit wounded. She's only 3 months post-op so maybe it's all just a matter of time, but considering that I've read from a few sources that the vulva is close to its final form at 3months, I worry a bit. I also don't know what exactly to expect in the long-term since all the pics on the Anne Lawrence site (and other sites) seem to be a few months, as opposed to a few years, post-op.

The rest of my concern is with the fact that her vulva smells and tastes very strongly (and not in a good way...) This was actually such a turn-off that I had to stop licking her when we tried having sex...Once again, this might just be an issue with it still healing, but considering that they said it's alright to have sex at 3months, I guess I wasn't expecting so many problems..

If I could get some feedback from people who have had SRS with Brassard I would appreciate it immensely!
Title: Re: What to expect from a post-op vulva?
Post by: Kristyn on August 12, 2010, 08:33:28 PM
HI, thanks for your post as it is very interesting to hear the opinion from a significant other.  Three months overall is a very short time to achieve total healing, in fact, many doctors and post ops state that healing takes up to a year or longer.  It really is all relative to the individual as to how well they progress.  Diet and fitness play key roles and diet may even be contributing to the odor your partner is experiencing.  I'm not going to chastise you for your feelings of wanting to leave.  Firstly, it is not my place to do so and secondly that decision rest squarely with you and, if you feel you are not comfortable with your partner the way she is now, then you must do what you have to do.  Can I just recommend, though, that you at least give it some time to see just how her healing progresses?  You never know you may see some remarkable changes occurring around the six to eight month mark.  At this point you may want to look at her diet.  Is she eating sodium rich processed foods?  Is she drinking plenty of water?  You may want to have her try zinc supplements  20-50 mg per day.  Does she smoke or drink heavily?  All of these are contributing factors as to the overall success of not just grs, but any surgery.  So perhaps you could try and give it a bit of time and maybe encourage her to make a few lifestyle changes to see where it goes because really, at three months, she really doesn't need to be blindsided by this.   :)

Here's another Brassard result you may not have seen

http://tarasresources.net/vulva.htm (http://tarasresources.net/vulva.htm)
Title: Re: What to expect from a post-op vulva?
Post by: Steph on August 12, 2010, 09:04:27 PM
I'm a Brassard girl, and he advised that generally it takes up to a year or more to heal completely, unless he's changed his tune since he saw me.  These are very delicate tissues and prone to all kinds of infection if not cared for properly - Duh - Sorry I forgot who I was talking to - you would know this already huh!

While there are girls who profess to have had sexual relations after three months it is kinda early.  I tried it and I started to bleed a little and even vigorous dilations can cause bleeding.  It takes time hon.

One other thing regular douching may help with odours.  I do it about once a month now.

Steph
Title: Re: What to expect from a post-op vulva?
Post by: katgirl74 on August 12, 2010, 10:13:29 PM
When it comes to appearance, it is all about time. Dr McGinn tells her patients they are not allowed to yell at her until after six months of healing, before then there is swelling and a lot more healing to happen. Give her more time, let her body heal. Given full healing, you will probably be surprised how things look now versus a year from now. If you want longer term pictures, look on the sites of many of the surgeons, such as bowers, McGinn, Reed, these surgeons all of photos from after full healing. As for the smell, it also takes time for that to normalize. Healing can contribute to off smells, the skin is changing and a lot is happening down there. I am at three months right now, and things look ok but certainly not great. I really freaked out around two months about appearance, but McGinn reassured me that things would heal a lot more, and to give it time. This procedure does not heal over night, it takes time. As for douching, many surgeons recommend not doing it, just as may GYN do as well. The thought is that regular douching disrupts the good bacteria that are present, and can actually lead to bad smells. Of course, as with anything consult a doctor. My main advice is, if you love her, give her time to heal, and if you do you will probably love her vagina once it has had time to properly heal.
Title: Re: What to expect from a post-op vulva?
Post by: Jessica.C on August 12, 2010, 10:40:57 PM
In regards to the odor, What about that stuff "FEMINA FLORA"  that Natalie mentioned.

http://www.bodyenergyclub.ca/shop/new-roots-femina-flora-10-caps-p-3594.html (http://www.bodyenergyclub.ca/shop/new-roots-femina-flora-10-caps-p-3594.html)
Title: Re: What to expect from a post-op vulva?
Post by: Steph on August 12, 2010, 10:45:26 PM
You are quite correct about douching Katgirl.   I re-read the instructions I made up from the ones I received from Brassard and I re-produced them incorrectly.  I also re-read Brassards on-line instructions:

http://srsmontreal.com/2009/09/25/instruction-for-post-operative-dilations-and-vaginal-douche/ (http://srsmontreal.com/2009/09/25/instruction-for-post-operative-dilations-and-vaginal-douche/)

and the recommendations by the AMA and I was wrong.  Thanks for the correction Katgirl

Sorry if I miss-informed anyone.

Steph
Title: Re: What to expect from a post-op vulva?
Post by: Juliette on August 13, 2010, 12:46:53 AM
Thank you everybody for your replies! You're all probably right that it's just a matter of time. It's hard waiting when there's so little information out there, and I don't even know what to expect entirely, but it'd be terrible to break up with her just because I'm impatient>_<

Kristyn, thank you for the link. I remember finding that site a while ago. She definitely has one of the best results (cosmetically) that I've seen. She seemed to recover quite fast too - even her pic 36 days post-op looks more healed than my girlfriend does now (even though my gf is quite young and in good health, so she should heal a bit faster). In regards to diet, it's definitely a factor to consider, but since we're both vegetarian I don't imagine that's the issue:S

Jessica, yes I was just reading about that in the other threads! I think it sounds like a good idea, although it's a bit of a delicate issue to bring up with my girlfriend and I'm not sure how to suggest it without hurting her confidence=.=;;

Anyways, I guess I really do need to give it time...I'll definitely post an update in a few more months. Meanwhile, if anybody else would like to post their advice/opinions/experiences it'd be really helpful!

Title: Re: What to expect from a post-op vulva?
Post by: Kristyn on August 13, 2010, 06:55:01 AM
Quote from: Juliette on August 13, 2010, 12:46:53 AM

In regards to diet, it's definitely a factor to consider, but since we're both vegetarian I don't imagine that's the issue:S



No, it shouldn't be as long as you're getting above the average requirements of protein.  There are plenty of good organic soy and rice protein supplements on the market which can aid in the healing and rebuilding of tissue.

I'm anxious to hear of any updates!   :)
Title: Re: What to expect from a post-op vulva?
Post by: Jessica.C on August 13, 2010, 07:33:52 AM
Quote from: Juliette on August 12, 2010, 07:04:11 PM

Her inner labia are very small, and bright red. I'm guessing that eventually they'll become a normal flesh colour, but I'm really not sure.

I'm going to Dr Brassard, question? Did it look like this?  http://www.annelawrence.com/twr/brassard0206.html (http://www.annelawrence.com/twr/brassard0206.html)

When i saw this i thought that i couldn't be that red in reality maybe it just the pic. It does say something under the second pic about the amount of bright red urethral mucosa that is exteriorized in Dr. Brassard's technique.

Ive seen other results from Dr B where they don't look that red. I wonder why some are redder than others ???

As some have mentioned, maybe it just takes time. Those photos were taken at 7 weeks.
Title: Re: What to expect from a post-op vulva?
Post by: Kristyn on August 13, 2010, 08:26:21 AM
Quote from: Jessica.C on August 13, 2010, 07:33:52 AM
I'm going to Dr Brassard, question? Did it look like this?  http://www.annelawrence.com/twr/brassard0206.html (http://www.annelawrence.com/twr/brassard0206.html)

When i saw this i thought that i couldn't be that red in reality maybe it just the pic. It does say something under the second pic about the amount of bright red urethral mucosa that is exteriorized in Dr. Brassard's technique.

Ive seen other results from Dr B where they don't look that red. I wonder why some are redder than others ???

As some have mentioned, maybe it just takes time. Those photos were taken at 7 weeks.

THis is one of the results I discussed with Dr Brassard at my consult.  He told me that the swelling and redness does go away over time.  Again, it does depend on how we heal as well.  Nutrition plays a key role, primarily collagen, which can be obtained from adequate amounts of vitamin c.  Vit c is water soluable, so taking more than your body needs is ok as any excess is excreted in the urine.  Vit A is also essential in wound healing.  Vit A is fat soluable and should be taken in moderation as any excess can be toxic.  25,000 i.u. per day is ok.  Many amino acids aid in  wound healing as well, so a protein supplement after surgery is also recomended.  Here are a couple of very good brands which don't contain any garbage ingredients:

http://www.northcoastnaturals.com/products/isoprotein.php (http://www.northcoastnaturals.com/products/isoprotein.php)
This is the one I swear buy.  It is available online and one or two tubs should last you about three months.  It tastes really good too.

http://www.genuinehealth.com/by-name/proteins.html (http://www.genuinehealth.com/by-name/proteins.html)
This would be my second choice

One scoop per day mixed with water or juice or mixed into a fruit smoothie is good

Also B vitamins are essential in the process as well.  They are of primary importance where nerve regeneration is concerned.  You can get an adequate amount from B complex formats  such as B50 or B100--the number after the B is the amount of the vitamin in mg.  Vit B is also water soluable and any excess is excreted in the urine just like Vit C.  Here is a very good brand with no added ingredients

http://www.nowfoods.com/Products/ProductsbyCategory/Category/M002964.htm?cat=Vitamins (http://www.nowfoods.com/Products/ProductsbyCategory/Category/M002964.htm?cat=Vitamins)

Also, don't forget the water.   Water, water, water!  It's essential for the recovery process.  Water removes all the impurities in the body and helps with the swelling by flushing out any excess sodium.  It will also aid in the prevention of uti's because you will be excreting more urine.  I drink about 3-4 litres a day.

Just some suggestions for a better recovery.   :)
Title: Re: What to expect from a post-op vulva?
Post by: Juliette on August 13, 2010, 02:52:14 PM
Jessica, although my girlfriend's results overall look quite different, the inner labia are red just like in the pic. I also wonder why for some it's redder than others ???

Kristyn, I'm glad to hear that Brassard reassured you that the redness goes away over time.

I do worry if diet is influencing her healing since she has long work days and sometimes she doesn't take a break, so she'll go 8 hours without eating :(...Your tips about diet are really useful and I'll be passing all the information on to my girlfriend!
Title: Re: What to expect from a post-op vulva?
Post by: Kristyn on August 13, 2010, 04:03:51 PM
Quote from: Juliette on August 13, 2010, 02:52:14 PM

I do worry if diet is influencing her healing since she has long work days and sometimes she doesn't take a break, so she'll go 8 hours without eating :(...Your tips about diet are really useful and I'll be passing all the information on to my girlfriend!

Now more and more it's starting to make sense.  I know it's difficult, but she can't be exerting herself in this manner.  Her body is in a critical state and her energy needs to be directed towards healing.  8 hours without eating!!!  Her body is using up precious nutrients that should be used to heal to keep her going throughout the day!  No job is worth that much!  This is not something that can be redone.  She has to come to some agreement with her employer, otherwise things can end up pretty bad.  Does she even dilate the recommended amount each day?  I'm not sure what she does for a living, but please don't tell me she's  in the service industry because those jobs are very demanding.  I'm sorry if I'm sounding a bit harsh, but careless disregard for ones body really disturbs me.  It's cases like this where the patient carelessly damages themselves by going against the surgeons recommendations then turns around and starts blaming the surgeon.  You guys have to come to some sort of compromise where she can take some time off work, even part time, and both of you work together to make ends meet because it's only your partner who is going to be really hurt in the end.
Title: Re: What to expect from a post-op vulva?
Post by: pretty pauline on August 13, 2010, 04:46:36 PM
Everybody is individually different, Im 25years post-op, after about 3months after my srs I had a labia plastic just to improve cosmetic appearance of my vulva, it was over a year maybe 13months before Id let my boyfriend near my girl down there, it takes time to fully heal, even then for me it was a little painful and I had a little bleeding and that was over a year, but my boyfriend was very patient and gentle, healing takes time, 3months is a bit soon, when she is fully healed you won't be disappointed, but now just be patient, be there for her, she is going thru a healing process.
My current boyfriend who is now my Fiancé says my vagina is the best he's ever had, it started off as a mess 25years ago, Id never think it would fully satisfy a hetro guy, but it does.
When I look down and see my fully healed vagina and clit peeping out, I don't think my future husband will be disappointed. Just 2weeks away woohoo!!
This time next year Juliette, you won't be disappointed ether, your GF will be fully healed and ready, just takes time, it will be worth the wait.
p
Title: Re: What to expect from a post-op vulva?
Post by: Kristyn on August 13, 2010, 05:05:03 PM
Quote from: pretty pauline on August 13, 2010, 04:46:36 PM
Everybody is individually different, Im 25years post-op, after about 3months after my srs I had a labia plastic just to improve cosmetic appearance of my vulva, it was over a year maybe 13months before Id let my boyfriend near my girl down there, it takes time to fully heal, even then for me it was a little painful and I had a little bleeding and that was over a year, but my boyfriend was very patient and gentle, healing takes time, 3months is a bit soon, when she is fully healed you won't be disappointed, but now just be patient, be there for her, she is going thru a healing process.
My current boyfriend who is now my Fiancé says my vagina is the best he's ever had, it started off as a mess 25years ago, Id never think it would fully satisfy a hetro guy, but it does.
When I look down and see my fully healed vagina and clit peeping out, I don't think my future husband will be disappointed. Just 2weeks away woohoo!!
This time next year Juliette, you won't be disappointed ether, your GF will be fully healed and ready, just takes time, it will be worth the wait.
p

Very inspiring Pauline!  Congrats on your wedding as well!   :)
Title: Re: What to expect from a post-op vulva?
Post by: Suigeniris on August 13, 2010, 05:37:38 PM
Kristyn thanx for the tips on vitamins and healing process ..:")) i saved it in my favs and will be getting them for myself  :)
Title: Re: What to expect from a post-op vulva?
Post by: blackMamba on August 13, 2010, 10:30:37 PM
Hey Juliette, one thing you hadn't mentioned is how does your partner feel about the result?  Is she comfortable with it or has she brought up similar issues? 

Title: Re: What to expect from a post-op vulva?
Post by: Juliette on August 13, 2010, 11:20:36 PM
Kristyn, the situation is a lot more complicated than my partner callously disregarding her body and the doctor's instructions. She's 22, lives alone, and needs to work full time in order to pay the bills. She's also struggling with depression which makes her often lose her appetite. I completely agree that she shouldn't exert herself so much, and I'm doing a lot to encourage her to take care of herself. She's also seeing a therapist about the depression. I think in a few months she'll be doing better, but right now she's just going through a rough patch.

Pauline, thank you so much for sharing you experience - it gives me a lot of confidence :)

blackMamba, my partner currently isn't satisfied with her result either. She's definitely not disappointed that she got surgery though, as she's glad to no longer have dysphoria. Plus I'm pretty sure in a few months or a year she'll be happy with how things have healed.
Title: Re: What to expect from a post-op vulva?
Post by: blackMamba on August 13, 2010, 11:56:14 PM
redness:  most likely will subside, I've never heard of anyone having this problem long-term post-op
swelling along sutures:  will become less
gaping hole:  due to frequent dilation.  It probably looks more closed up if she skips a day of dilating.  This was a cavity that was created from scratch, it's not going to behave exactly like a natal vagina at this stage of the healing.  Wait until the dilating isn't so frequent.
inner labia:  will likely gain a little more definition when the swelling goes down further.  But further surgery may be desired if you want added definition.  It's probably close to what it's going to look like.
smell:  not sure what the smell is.  It's possible she doesn't wipe well enough after she goes to the bathroom.  It's something she needs learn to do with her new anatomy.  It could be do to the boatload of lubricating jelly she sticks up there 3x a day.  You would know what a yeast infection smells like, so if it's yeast you would know.  I have given oral sex to genetically born women (back when I tried unsuccessfully at being a lesbian) and it almost made me gag.  It's not my thing personally.  Some women are better at keeping themselves "fresh".

Your gal sounds like she is healing normally.  But I would imagine a lot of the shape of how it will look 6 months from now is pretty much there.  The decrease in swelling will be very subtle and virtually unnoticeable day-to-day, but it will continue to go down.

Sometimes women (and men) need a second surgery to get the results they want.  It's an individual thing and unfortunately a financial thing.  But I have to say I am put off by you entertaining the idea of parting ways with your gf because of her vulva.  I hope I don't fall for someone that will judge me like that.  As trans men and women we have enough rejection issues we have to worry about. 
Title: Re: What to expect from a post-op vulva?
Post by: Juliette on August 14, 2010, 02:23:52 AM
blackMamba, thank you for your feedback, I do appreciate it. Especially the part about dilation. I'm sure you're right that that's why..I've just never been through this process before with somebody so it's hard to know what to expect. I'm sorry you're put off by the fact that I may have to leave my partner. I knew that some people would feel that way, which is why I gave an explanation at the beginning of my post. I would feel terrible if I had to break up with her, but both of us agree that it'd be the better option than for me to lie about my feelings and stay with her just because I feel bad or guilty. I do find it a bit contradictory that you find some vaginas repellent and yet you're put off by the fact that I may or may not as well...Well, in any case, I suppose the important thing is that my partner knows how I feel and is understanding. Whatever happens, we will still love each other, that's for sure.
Title: Re: What to expect from a post-op vulva?
Post by: lilacwoman on August 14, 2010, 04:58:25 AM
correct me if I'm just a pre-op with no idea of what is to come but:  I've also heard a neo-vagina described as a hole, but would I be correct in assuming that GGs vaginas have msucles to keep them closed  down to a nice neat slit apart from those with protruding labia - and a neo-vagina doesn't?
Title: Re: What to expect from a post-op vulva?
Post by: rejennyrated on August 14, 2010, 05:42:31 AM
I think it rather depends on the surgeon. 26 years post surgery and after two goes mine looks pretty normal and indeed does close up but in a slightly odd way which makes me look forever a virgin - which I'm not complaining about. I also have pretty small inner labia, what I think is called an "innie" but my lovers both male, and female seem to have no difficulty with it.

The smell could be an issue with hygiene, and as others have said the probiotic solution works pretty well. Also if she is still douching on the recommendation of the surgeon then residue of hibicleanse or providone solution will taste VILE. Longer term if she switches to a probiotic solution like the femina-flora or in the UK cervagyn or intra-fresh that aspect should improve but as we are all different there can be no hard and fast rules.

You should also remember that unlike you she has no monthlies. I know they can smell pretty rough but strangely they do help to cleanse any build up of unhelpful bacteria. So perhaps whilst douching with artificial bacterial killing chemicals is obviously not a good idea for the long term, logic suggest that a monthly flush with a mildly acidic and mildly saline solution, particularly if combined with probiotics to top up the lactobacillus-vaginalis, might also help. There lots of women's sites on the net where there are instructions for making a vag friendly solution which has the right PH and salt content not to harm the bacteria that you want, but which will discourage those which are unhelpful. Many of them use cider vinegar and while you might find the idea of putting something slightly acid in there, this is actually no different to the natural environment inside a natal vagina where the normal PH can be as low as 3.8 but rises briefly to around 7 during the menses.

I would also say though that she should not be afraid of going back to the surgeon for a tidy up. I waited far too long, fortunately the people I went with were fine with what I had, but after a second go the result is a million times closer to what I originally hoped for, and to my surprise even after inflation the second go was only a tiny fraction of the original cost.
Title: Re: What to expect from a post-op vulva?
Post by: Kristyn on August 14, 2010, 06:41:04 AM
Quote from: lilacwoman on August 14, 2010, 04:58:25 AM
correct me if I'm just a pre-op with no idea of what is to come but:  I've also heard a neo-vagina described as a hole, but would I be correct in assuming that GGs vaginas have msucles to keep them closed  down to a nice neat slit apart from those with protruding labia - and a neo-vagina doesn't?

That would be the pc muscle.  In the natal female, the pc muscle runs outside the vaginal walls  In our case, the surgeon makes an incision in the pc muscle to create the vagina and it functions much the same way as with a natal female.
Title: Re: What to expect from a post-op vulva?
Post by: blackMamba on August 14, 2010, 08:22:07 AM
Quote from: Juliette on August 14, 2010, 02:23:52 AM
I do find it a bit contradictory that you find some vaginas repellent and yet you're put off by the fact that I may or may not as well...

Well, the point I was trying to make is that regardless of whether a woman is trans or natal, sometimes the vagina can be viewed as repulsive.  I took your original post to be aimed more at the trans vagina specifically and I wanted to offer this perspective that natal vaginas can vary as well.  In my case, I just don't like to give oral sex to women at all because I'm not lesbian.  When I did it was a completely selfless act.  I don't discriminate on the basis of that fact, but of the few pussies I did eat out, I noticed some women practiced better hygiene than others. 
Title: Re: What to expect from a post-op vulva?
Post by: pretty pauline on August 15, 2010, 04:14:33 PM
Quote from: Juliette on August 13, 2010, 11:20:36 PM
She's 22, lives alone, and needs to work full time in order to pay the bills. She's also struggling with depression which makes her often lose her appetite. I completely agree that she shouldn't exert herself so much, and I'm doing a lot to encourage her to take care of herself. She's also seeing a therapist about the depression. I think in a few months she'll be doing better, but right now she's just going through a rough patch.

Pauline, thank you so much for sharing you experience - it gives me a lot of confidence :)

Sounds like ''post op depression'' on all the posts Iv read on Susan's I think Iv only seen 1thread on post op depression, doing a seach I may find it.
It was only a long period after my surgery that I realized it was post op depression I suffered from, I remember being disappointed at my surgery result, then having a 2nd procedure (labia plastic) to put things right, thinking did I do the right thing at the time and so on.
Anyway thankfully things worked out, I remember showing my final result to my Mam who gave me great confidence, my new vagina was just like any normal woman.
My Fiancé who is a typical masculine hetro guy, had a lot of girl friends before me, says my pussy is the best he's ever had, giving me great confidence as a woman, but things where not always like this, my first year post op was the hardest, just like your GF Juliette, take care of her, let us know how she is doing, you'll see a big difference next year, all for the better.
Title: Re: What to expect from a post-op vulva?
Post by: Juliette on August 17, 2010, 04:11:17 PM
lilacwoman, I had the same thoughts before surgery as well, but as Kristyn pointed out that's not actually the case. Trans women definitely have muscles there as well, the only difference (according to my gf's doctor) is that the muscles run more vertically, whereas in a cis woman they're circular. That's not really a noticeable difference though. I think the reasons for her vagina looking like a hole are probably what blackMamba said: that's it's all the dilation + things are still healing.

rejennyrated, thank you for the advice. She's going to see a nurse in a week, so I'll suggest she ask about douching then. (Btw, you and your gf are such a cute couple:3)

blackMamba, you're right that vulvas in general can be viewed as repulsive and have negative stigma attached to them in our culture. As someone who's internalized some shame I definitely know this! Also, there's a huge variety in terms of appearance, that's for sure. Although most of my concerns are related to the fact that my gf's vulva currently has some features that are very unusual for a vagina to have (eg. a lot of swelling, redness), from what everyone else has been saying that is quite likely just related to healing. I wasn't judging her anatomy specifically because it's a neo-vagina, although I did initially have some hang-ups about that and it's possible that I'm still getting over them. Talking to people who are non-judgemental, and who give me an idea of what to expect really helps though. Sometimes it's hard to assess the situation neutrally because of the sh*tload of social stigma that comes along with being trans...this goes not just for the trans person themselves, but for partners of trans people as well. After all, after the trans person themselves, it's their partner who is the most impacted by the changes.

prettypauline, yes I think you're right about it being post-op depression. My gf was so busy dealing with gender stuff for years that now that it's more-or-less resolved, she's realized that there's all this other crap she's been neglecting. According to her doctor and psychologist, this is very common (although the reasons vary from person to person). As I said, both of us suspect that in a few months she'll be doing better:)
Title: Re: What to expect from a post-op vulva?
Post by: Cruelladeville on August 18, 2010, 05:41:33 AM
If you're a very 'visual' person....then I'm not sure any relationship will work for you that well.....(long-term).... as we all age, wither and suffer physical atrophy....

GG, natal or transgendered....male or female....

If significant relationships success was to then depend on continued physical perfection then we'd all be doomed on that score....and it all sounds somewhat body fascistic to me?

This is a time when your partner is at her most vulnerable in fact.... so pressurising her in anyway regarding her genitals, not the most sensitive way I think to support her...

(This is why I personally avoided intimate sexual relationships for 2-3 years while I ventured through all the difficult surgery stuff).....

As you (the person going through it) needs a lot of positive energy to keep battling through the blips along the way....and there can be many....

All vaginas are different, man or nature made.... like all penises.... though I would agree that I'm sure some variations could have some attraction consequences....

Though I wouldn't personally make genital perfection a bench-mark for my choice in partner...or whether I was going to invest and build something good with them....
Title: Re: What to expect from a post-op vulva?
Post by: Juliette on August 18, 2010, 02:11:40 PM
Cruelladeville, I never said that physical attraction was all that mattered to me, or that my partner must be perfect. I also never said that I expect her vulva to be perfect. So I think that you've jumped to a lot of conclusions here. Most of us care about what our partners look like, and that's the simple truth. I happen to be a bit more visual than your average woman I'd say (although it wouldn't be unusual if I were a man) but that doesn't make me a "body fascist". Simply, I have never been with somebody with a neo-vagina and I don't know what to expect. In order to get feedback from people it was necessary for me to describe at length some of the "problems" with her vulva, which it made me uncomfortable to do, but enabled me to get feedback. I definitely agree with all your points, but they're not exactly relevant to the situation. I do appreciate your concern for my partner though, as you're right that she's vulnerable right now and I have to be careful not to pressure her.
Title: Re: What to expect from a post-op vulva?
Post by: Cruelladeville on August 18, 2010, 03:48:05 PM
Juliette....

You're the one that states you were 'very' disappointed by the experience...?

And yet you 'love your partner very much'....but that if you're not attracted to that 'part' of her.... then it would be best for you two to break up...?

Maybe I am reading it wrong...?

But your initial OP still sounds un-supportive and highly-conditional to me... and she's only a few months in on one of the toughest procedures you can ever undertake...

Nice...
Title: Re: What to expect from a post-op vulva?
Post by: rejennyrated on August 18, 2010, 03:53:23 PM
People - just a friendly little intervention. Can we refrain from criticising someone who is, when all is said and done coming here looking for support and answers. We all sometimes phrase things in a way which is sub optimal. Lets not get sidetracked here into mutual recriminations please or we may be in danger of breaching Rule 15 of the TOS. :police: Thanks.

Jenny x.