this is a message i received from a guy in the magical world of the internets:
"That's awesome!! Definitely into datin or something regular fun with ftm like you. Definitely know how to treat u like a dude but def have fun gettin it in sometimes :)
Yeah, we can hang out. Let me know when's good"
what in the holy.....this is weird. first, i have never talked to this guy, nor have i ever seen him and I'll go off on a tangent to educate other people though this is probably obvious. when someone writes you a message/IM/text/talk to you in person and the first sentence out of their mouths is something about you being trans. especially if the next sentence has an obvious sex reference...this guy has to be a creeper right? it can't be just me thinking this. maybe he thought he was innocently flirting and going by the high amounts of exclamation marks he used I'd say he was pretty elated to see my profile....and that I'm trans :-\ (not that i want people to think it's weird, bad or be repulsed but why was he so freakin excited?) but he worded it so weird. i don't know why he was talking in a past tense as if i messaged him first because i obviously didn't. who does that?
i don't know what he meant by "regular ftm like you." I've never been referred to directly as an ftm, it's always him, he, by my actual name if we've actually talked for a lil while, or just as a guy. that's just...not sitting right. and even more so the "def have fun gettin it in sometimes." wha what?! my first guess as to what he's talking about here is also not sitting right. it's like dude! i don't even know you and your already asking for THAT?! and I'm guessing, because I'm trans?
does this guy seem fetishy to anyone else? i mean it's awesome that someone would still be interested in you despite you being trans but because you're trans?
people really need to be educated on how to talk to us.
Maybe he was drunk?
"... but def have fun gettin it in sometimes" seems a dead giveaway. He may recognize the guy but still wants to play with the girl parts you probably want to forget.
I think I'd take a meat cleaver to that particular Internet connection.
Robyn
Maybe English isn't his first language.
It is a sicko that thinks you are some sort of sexual oddity. It has picked something from your chats and is using them. I would just delete any time it came on to whatever board you are chatting on.
Cindy
This is why I put this in my profile on a dating site:
QuoteI'll start by making this clear: any ">-bleeped-<s" out there who either find me "fascinating" or think I'm some kind of weird fetish for them to indulge in can clear off. I'm a person, not a sex toy :P
So far it's worked. Maybe try adding something like that - not to mention telling this guy, 'cause he sounds like the kind of person who fits the above description :P Blocking works too, of course...
Run. Far. Away.
I'm going to have a bit of a different stance on this.
Some trans guys enjoy their bits and are comfortable with another person making assumptions about how they use their genitals. Some trans guys are okay with dating or hooking up with a person that says those things.
I feel that the decision is either to hook up and date somebody who likes us because we're trans or likes us in spite of being trans. For myself the later is something I dislike more than the former. So, it could be >-bleeped-<y, it could just be a guy that wants to hook up, it could be nothing.
Yeah, definitely creepy, and if it makes you at all uncomfortable, tell him politely to back off and block him.
But I will back up Nygeel here. For casual hookups, I'm not bothered much by the idea. Seems to me, when you're looking to hookup, it's arranged by mutual sexual attraction. If having a vagina happens to be part of that attraction, so be it. If a >-bleeped-< was attracted to me, I was attracted to them, and I wasn't having a particularly dysphoric day... no problem. Wouldn't date them, but sex is different. I enjoy feeling like my body is attractive, and it isn't when held against cis ideals, so it would be an interesting experience.
no it's not a site for hook ups, it was founded by a couple gay guys who noticed that problem in the gay community and made this one to be mostly for long term relationships the options are either for that, short term dating, long term dating, friends, long distance pen pals, activity partners or sexual encounter though a lot of guys have that as one of the things they're looking for. I however don't understand why someone would be comfortable having sex with a total stranger so that's not what i want. I'll delete his message. i didn't plan on replying anyway since it immediately made me feel weird. bleh, he's not even attractive. lol like it would matter if that's how they hit on people.
girl parts? er, i don't like using that term for me but since i know guys usually don't have vaginas it doesn't make me mad or offended or anything. just...ick though.
you'd be surprised from all the profiles I've read with how many guys live in and as far as i know were raised in the U.S write as if english wasn't their first language with as bad of spelling and grammar, some worse than this guys'. makes me wonder if they speak like that out loud or if it's just how they write. it should be common sense that if you plan to meet someone online you should write well enough that people will understand what you're talking about. should be but it isn't. it's almost half people with either dyslexia who should have spent more time getting things across correctly or people who can barely read and write can make these.
no one would order like "i want a de samwitch peas?" beyond age 4 without that being trained out of you. and yes i think i will put a warning label on my profile there like nemo has. never thought of that but good idea. well, i did on the first one i went to, but i left that one because that site was full of >-bleeped-<s and people who use the worst derogatory words for the kind of women they were looking for. it's like you'd have to dig through hundreds of profiles of the bad people to get to actual decent well meaning people. and the first creeper e-mail i got was from there and that one wasn't quite as bad as this newest one but I'll just delete the message.
What? What kind of person assumes that a trans guy would like to hear that?! Maybe after you've established together that that is something he is into but totally unacceptable otherwise. It's illogical to assume such a thing. WTH? :o
sorry, but those are just the desperate kind of mails you get on some dating sites and in some chatrooms.
i don't believe they spend a second trying to figure out what a person wants/doesn't want to hear, they write to like 50 people a day blatantly telling them they want to hook up with them and hope that there's one positive response. no need to reply to it, and whether he's into ftms or into guys and doesn't mind an occasional ftm isn't really important either, because he makes it more than clear that he'll do a perfect stranger any time (in this case, you).
so, agreeing with nygeel here, if that's what one is looking for, they may find approaches like this perfectly normal. i don't think it's a good way to say hello but at least you don't need to dig too deep to find out his intentions ;)
Quote from: emil on May 30, 2011, 08:21:12 AM
...and whether he's into ftms or into guys and doesn't mind an occasional ftm isn't really important either...
Trans men are guys.
On topic, thankfully I have yet to encounter this as I do online dating as well. Currently I'm talking to the sweetest guy who I've told about my situation and he's still interested in me, not as a fetish but as an actual person. Other men that I've disclosed to either stopped talking to me or forever placed me in the friend-zone.
If I did find someone who was attracted to me solely based on my genitals, I probably wouldn't date them. But if I were just looking to hook up...I suppose I might give it a try. However, I'm interested in a monogamous long-term relationship, so I doubt I'd accept such an offer.
QuoteTrans men are guys.
sorry, put "cis guys" everywhere in my above post. i was obviously paraphrasing his view on the subject, not mine.
Quote from: Kvall on May 27, 2011, 10:44:06 PM
The OP may feel differently than I do, but I'd be more offended by my parts being referred to as "girl parts" than by anything the creepy >-bleeped-< dude said.
Sorry about that guys. My husband is FTM. Guess where I learned that terminology?
How do you refer to that part of your anatomy? Even at 74, I am still learning.
Robyn
Quote from: emil on May 30, 2011, 01:10:12 PM
sorry, put "cis guys" everywhere in my above post. i was obviously paraphrasing his view on the subject, not mine.
Sorry, I was in a bit of a bad mood earlier. Your post was directly above mine, so that's what I used to quote. Didn't mean to take it out on you. :(
Quote from: Robyn on May 30, 2011, 02:39:50 PM
Sorry about that guys. My husband is FTM. Guess where I learned that terminology?
How do you refer to that part of your anatomy? Even at 74, I am still learning.
Robyn
I refer to my bits with male language (and the extra hole is usually a boy box, front hole, bonus hole, the beast, manhole, cavern, void, male box, the chamber of secrets, the bellagio, cock pit, pr the business but other people like different words)
Quote from: Nygeel on May 30, 2011, 02:53:08 PM
I refer to my bits with male language (and the extra hole is usually a boy box, front hole, bonus hole, the beast, manhole, cavern, void, male box, the chamber of secrets, the bellagio, cock pit, pr the business but other people like different words)
holy crap dude! hahahaha wooooow you really thought of this. so many words. uh what do i call mine? the front hole...yep that works. it's cool to have options i suppose, front or back. calling mine the beast...nah i don't have as much confidence :P
Quote from: Robyn on May 30, 2011, 02:39:50 PM
Sorry about that guys. My husband is FTM. Guess where I learned that terminology?
How do you refer to that part of your anatomy? Even at 74, I am still learning.
Robyn
I call that part of my anatomy "girl parts," "vagina," "
>-bleeped-<," "lower bits," or "genitals." They are what they are. If I was
really dysphoric I might call it my front hole. Just shows you how much variation there is among FTMs. :)
-Takes a deep breath and agitatedly laughs-
I have dealt with perverts before, and I would love to give this fruitcaked pathetic low-lifed moronic summy disgusting creepy monsterous disrespectful immature arrogant neurotic basket-cased brainless lunatic crap-sack a piece of my mind. NO ONE is a sex toy or object, and TG people are no different. I ahte labels, but UGH It is called RESPECT which obviously doesn't exist anymore. Yes, you are good-looking and if I saw you out somewhere I would take a second or third look and if you happened to smile at me I'd start talking to you. But I wouldn't see that you're TG and want to get into your pants. WTF Yes some find it a fetish, but that is so RUDE. You are a MAN, not a TOY or OBJECT. There is a difference. I would report this person and block them. I am so sorry that you had to deal with that. May I ask what the site is called? A few freinds are looking fror TG-friendly dating sites
Quote from: Noah the brave-ish on May 28, 2011, 07:23:32 PM
makes me wonder if they speak like that out loud or if it's just how they write.
I know what you mean. Online dating sites are hard to take seriously because of that. I remember I tried it once but it was only good for a laugh and that was it.
The womens profiles are like 'hii i liek to party and i''m lookin for sexxii times'.
And the mens are like 'hey sup no fat bitchz plz'.
Quote from: Nikolai_S on June 06, 2011, 09:59:30 PM
I call that part of my anatomy "girl parts," "vagina," ">-bleeped-<," "lower bits," or "genitals." They are what they are. If I was really dysphoric I might call it my front hole. Just shows you how much variation there is among FTMs. :)
I agree. It sucks that it's there but what can you do. I feel like calling it something else is just delusional for me.
I usually use girly parts for the internal parts for that is what they are. I get such pain from them every month that no man would ever put up with. I really have never heard a name for them that I would like to use, all of them still make you feel that you have those parts
Quote from: Nikolai_S on June 06, 2011, 09:59:30 PM
I call that part of my anatomy "girl parts," "vagina," ">-bleeped-<," "lower bits," or "genitals." They are what they are. If I was really dysphoric I might call it my front hole. Just shows you how much variation there is among FTMs. :)
I just call it "my junk" because it's neutral and vague, and it's a term I hear much more often used by guys.
Yeah, I prefer calling it "junk" too.
Don't know what he was on but I would ignore him. I have a hard time taking people seriously if they don't dot their 'i's and cross their 't's.
Noah, I'd consider the guy to be a perv. He obviously had some ideas which are inappropriate. Oh, I love the term ''junk'' because it's what many guys say.
whoah i haven't been here for a while, lol yeah he's a perv, i didn't report him. just deleted the message. i figured if he persisted i definitely would though and block him. actually after i put this warning on my summary in all caps saying "if you find me being trans some kind of fascinating or interesting object to have sex with then don't message me, I'll delete the message i am a person not an object the hell is wrong with you?!" he took his photo off his profile. and he might have deleted his account after that. because he somehow dissapeared from my visitors area of the page. it shows people who have looked at your profile. it's like he saw me yelling at him and anyone else who wants to fetishize/objectify me and got the hell out of dodge! :D
funny story: one of the 14 people who viewed my profile within a half hour after i put that there (i guess it goes to a lot of home page's when you edit something) I've been talking to, messaging there, texts and we met today it was a pretty cool. met at the coffee place down town, then walked a huge circle around town, he took random pics of odd signs and abandoned old factories, then went to the lake walked around through most of that property, we got our excersize lol. then at my back porch while it rained talkin about stuff. i think we hit every random subject imaginable. families after coming out, friends, college, careers, politics, DADT, how gross our lake is, photography, how horrible the roads are in Detroit, douche bag guys who get all the cliche' tattoos, the cross or the Detroit D ooh how original. anyway it was fun, made each other laugh. it's cool to have new friends that accept you as who you are.