and where did you buy clothes, and how did you get over the shame of being seen in the store?
seriously though, i'm 6'4 this isn't meant as a troll more as an advice seeking....thing
i want to feel like this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dG0WhEgcLt8&feature=related - problem is i look like this
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fowngoal.files.wordpress.com%2F2010%2F06%2F11.jpg&hash=2ae2205ae03de5a68aff7778c88bbf9c501b509e)
okay i'm 19 but still i pass for handsome not cute - i look nothing like that point is i can spend all this money on clothes, but in the end i'll look in the mirror and give it all up because i look nothing like a real girl too tall 6'4 handsome not cute i'll never be a trap
in any case i raided value village drunk, and bought girls clothes, i got this tight hoodie with long sleeves just cant get over the shame. i feel comfortable in the purple shirt i got its got super long sleeves - and its loose around the neck i like it its cute and i can pass for masculine, i don't want to pass for masculine i just have a character 19 years in the making; idk if i can go completely feminine even if i wanted to; that and i still have to worry about gangsters hunting me down
i used to be the biggest pot head in the city i lived in due to depression, well one day i was sayin the usual"if i don't get some pot soon i'll die" and i knocked this guy out for his stash who was my close friend; long story short i had to leave town and i'm still on the run - so... lots to worry about i don't give much thought to sexuality but it just popped into my head again like a nail
so i'm essentially a mix between fem and masculine; tried to be something i wasn't when i was homeless; a thug
off the streets at 18 (19 now) i mellowed out and its sort of 50/50 fem/masc i spose
yet i use an alias like maiya -_- lol
confuse myself - here's the song describing me perfectly http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YxapTEfUcEw&feature=relmfu
mostly just looking for advice in what i should do given my personality; i was a faker because of circumstance; but crossdressing is soemthing i've wanted to try for a long time now, in any case - i have an obsession with wearing black, i find it elegant - that and i find that i run away from anything feminine; which is why i could get away with sleeves that go so far down that it overlaps all the way halfway down my fingers; i could get away with the feminine sleeves - but they were a distraction and the novelty has worn off;
i also strangely have an obsession with pink; my cell is pink i bought it because i saw it, my lighter is pink - anything cute and pink i buy; or try to but usually chicken out;
and a love for anything dark in nature - i think i may be slightly gothic i'm not sure; so any tips - advice - anything
not sure why i made this post, but thanks
ps - i used to think i was a thug and got in lots of fights...but i'm a pacifist in nature - people can see right through a faker; even if they can't see it themselves you know? eventually your true nature catches up to you and you forget who you were becoming;
you don't have a personality
that little feminine kid in elementary that was an over emotional crybaby? has no emotions; been through too much
last thing before this horribly long read - i really want to wear a skirt - but i don't have the guts -_-
if i was born a girl i think i'd be gothic...its just a natural pull...not to conform or anything; its just on clothes pink and black are my favorite colours (what am i saying i wear black all the time, no guts to wear any pink, sure in little objects people rarely see maybe but i'm way too self conscious) and going back as far as 10 i've liked music such as evanescence - you know dark music
its the catchiest kind to me
i have no muscle maybe if i practice enough i can get the voice of a girl? and then people would just buy it?
hm...idk - any advice would be nice - i'm 19 and being 19 - trying to figure this out for myself i'll probably take the most idiotic and self destructive path without thinking about it
You bear a strong resemblance to Mrs. Doubtfire. ;)
Quote from: Jamie D on April 17, 2012, 02:30:01 AM
You bear a strong resemblance to Mrs. Doubtfire. ;)
i really should have put some effort into finding a better picture then that
I had a problem with my height (6'3") until a dyke friend of mine described me as "Amazonian" - since then I've learned to enjoy my tallness as a woman :). There are plenty of tall women around these days, we stand out a lot less than we would have done 20 years ago. Milk it, girl!
Quote from: Padma on April 17, 2012, 02:38:21 AM
I had a problem with my height (6'3") until a dyke friend of mine described me as "Amazonian" - since then I've learned to enjoy my tallness as a woman :). There are plenty of tall women around these days, we stand out a lot less than we would have done 20 years ago. Milk it, girl!
you shouldn't call someone a dyke; its rude
Well I call myself a dyke, and she calls herself a dyke, so in this instance it's not rude. But I'm sorry if you personally find the word offensive.
Quote from: maiyamaya on April 17, 2012, 03:09:29 AM
you shouldn't call someone a dyke; its rude
Not to everyone.. Some women are proud to call themselves dykes..
I had a lesbian co-worker some years ago who rode motorcycles with a group of girls from Long Beach, CA.
They called themselves "Dykes on Bikes."
Many of them also played rugby.
The first thing is to get over the fear of shopping for female wear. There is nothing wrong with it, store people don't give a hooty and no one else does either. I shop in boy and female modes and have never had a problem, I bought a cute mustard coloured skirt on Sat, in boy clothes, well as close as I get to them, they were female boyish clothes :laugh:. Asked to try the skirt on, got the security pass. tried it on, perfect. I was asked if it fitted. Was asked if I needed a top to go with it. Why not I say. She helped me find a few tops and tried them on with the skirt and she checked out how I looked. We both decided on a cowl neck striped top.
We chatted as I spent the money, she didn't have a problem, I didn't have a problem. I was asked at the counter by another woman of where did I find the skirt and she went off to find one for herself.
Confidence honey. Doesn't matter if you are 5' or 6'. BTW most female models are around the 6' mark, and not all are sticks.
Just try it and I think you may be surprised, in a very positive way.
Hugs
Cindy
It lasted up until the moment a Lesbian said I looked 'striking' at the Women's Dance that ended last years' Pride Festival. :) Pity she wasn't single though.
I have no problem with the word 'dyke', my friends and I use it all the time.
Karen.
Quote from: maiyamaya on April 17, 2012, 03:09:29 AM
you shouldn't call someone a dyke; its rude
maiya, many lesbians refer to themselves as dykes. It isn't the word but how it is used.
Also, I would say assuming all tall girls feel ugly is rude (as your thread topic suggests).
Yeah, my face makes me feel ugly. My psoriasis makes me feel ugly. My height makes me feel tall. :)
As far as how to get over feeling ugly, well, I don't know anyone who always feels good about the way they look, but you can always try to make yourself up in a way that makes you feel good. If that's white foundation, lots of mascara, dying your hair pink & black, maybe a fishnet shirt under a band t-shirt, with a thick, pink chain, and a black skirt and fishnets, do that.
I think you should also work on improving yourself as a person. The whole knocking someone out for pot thing reeks of sociopath behavior, not addiction or depression. I know potheads and for the better part of my adult life, have been a pothead. That's not the drug, that's you. And it's hard not to think you're a troll when you talk about wanting to be a trap. THAT'S rude.
Lesbians have been known to reclaim the word dyke to take away its power. Trans women have been known to reclaim the word >-bleeped-< to take away its power. As Annah suggested, those words are all about context. I don't know anyone but 4chan trolls who use the term "trap" and nobody who uses it affectionately. I also don't know any 19-year-olds who look like Robin Williams trying to look like an older woman.
It's really tough to face things like that, I know. We live in miraculous time and all sorts of things are possible, but there are still some that are not. There is no practical way to change our body's height. There are a few tough facts like that in our lives that we have to face and deal with. Life, I'm afraid, is full such tough facts. Survivors are the people who get good at the process of dealing with them. It goes like this: 1) realize an obstacle 2) look for a way to fix/change it 3) if a fix exists, find a way to do it 4) if a fix doesn't exist, find a way to live with it. For you to be a survivor, you must find a way to deal with being tall. That means applying your creativity.
Are all tall girls ugly? I don't think so. Kerri Walsh, Venus Williams, Brigitte Nielsen, Brooke Shields, Elle MacPherson, Famke Janssen, Mariel Hemingway are all 6' or over and I think they're all gorgeous. Most of them even wear high heels a lot.
A 6'4" girl or crossdresser is probably not going to blend into any crowd. So what? Blending isn't everything. Some people even have a great time by standing out. Get over it and start having fun.
~ Lyric ~
Quote from: maiyamaya on April 17, 2012, 02:26:47 AM
i used to be the biggest pot head in the city i lived in due to depression, well one day i was sayin the usual"if i don't get some pot soon i'll die" and i knocked this guy out for his stash who was my close friend; long story short i had to leave town and i'm still on the run
This is more of a concern to me...
Quote from: maiyamaya on April 17, 2012, 02:26:47 AM
i used to be the biggest pot head in the city i lived in due to depression, well one day i was sayin the usual"if i don't get some pot soon i'll die" and i knocked this guy out for his stash who was my close friend; long story short i had to leave town and i'm still on the run - so... lots to worry about i don't give much thought to sexuality but it just popped into my head again like a nail
so i'm essentially a mix between fem and masculine; tried to be something i wasn't when i was homeless;
a thug
off the streets at 18 (19 now) i mellowed out and its sort of 50/50 fem/masc i spose
I mean no disrespect in this...but if you were a pot head committing a violent crime against your close friend to get another fix at the age of 18....one year later doesn't really do much radical change unless you seriously sought out help.
Also, I would encourage to talk to a gender therapist (if you haven't yet). I think you have a lot of images of what a girl is suppose to be and suppose to like to do. Don't adapt to girly things or girly gothic things because you think its more feminine. Be who you are and your wardrobe will evolve on its own.
But yea, I would seek out more of a professional advice on your heavy drug use.
Oh, please... pot is nothing. I've built an obvious dependency to it but even I don't freak out as much I should if I find myself without. HOWEVER, if you're having troubles like that -FOR POT- then I would hate to see how you behave while addicted to something heavier... >.<
Honestly, I think that should be looked at first. But if it's something that isn't as easily fixed... you should just keep smoking, thus giving you the confidence to go out and shop for women's clothing. At a later point, when you're feeling more comfortable with yourself, you can look at your life and have an easier time deciding whether to quit or not.
Quote from: The Passage on April 17, 2012, 06:41:12 PM
Oh, please... pot is nothing. I've built an obvious dependency to it but even I don't freak out as much I should if I find myself without. HOWEVER, if you're having troubles like that -FOR POT- then I would hate to see how you behave while addicted to something heavier... >.<
Honestly, I think that should be looked at first. But if it's something that isn't as easily fixed... you should just keep smoking, thus giving you the confidence to go out and shop for women's clothing. At a later point, when you're feeling more comfortable with yourself, you can look at your life and have an easier time deciding whether to quit or not.
Not to derail the entire thread but...
All drugs affect people differently. Some can use it (marijuana) without major problems, others get their life seriously screwed up because of it.
Pot is NOT "nothing." Maybe to you, but to the OP it obviously is not.
My son has 4 felonies now, because when he gets high he gets incredibly stupid and is very open to any suggestions like, "Hey dude, let's throw a rock in this window and steal all the cigs and chips here".
:(
And to recommend to keep smoking?!? OMG! If he was playing Russian roulette, but that was too hard to quit..."oh well, keep playing"? Damn...
Drug addiction--especially at this level--is a life threatening condition. The fact the OP is "still on the run" is also a concern. Address your life, maiyamaya, and once you get your head on straight, then you can look into your trans issues (if you still have them; no offense meant, but until the drugs and depression are dealt with, being trans is a relatively low priority imho).
Quote from: The Passage on April 17, 2012, 06:41:12 PM
Oh, please... pot is nothing. I've built an obvious dependency to it but even I don't freak out as much I should if I find myself without. HOWEVER, if you're having troubles like that -FOR POT- then I would hate to see how you behave while addicted to something heavier... >.<
Honestly, I think that should be looked at first. But if it's something that isn't as easily fixed... you should just keep smoking, thus giving you the confidence to go out and shop for women's clothing. At a later point, when you're feeling more comfortable with yourself, you can look at your life and have an easier time deciding whether to quit or not.
Tell that to my brother who has to smoke pot twice in the morning, twice during lunch, and more times I can count in the evening because if he doesn't he get the shakes.
Plus, pot
is something if it results in someone beating their best friend up for another joint.
And no offense...the suggestion for her to keep smoking because she gets violent for running out of the stuff has to be one of the most unthoughtful responses I have heard here in a very long time.
"Oh if you are addicted to the point of beating your best friend up, don't quite...smoke more."
Jesus in heaven. What is this little, tiny world coming to?