I am really young so I have a lot of waiting for, well, everything. And I have no idea how I'm gonna make it. And don't get me wrong, it's not like I'm gonna kill myself. But I just don't care about anything anymore. For example, I stopped going to school, and I'm not even worried about it. And there is so much right making my dysphoria worse, and there are things my parents could do. But they don't understand it. Like, my shoes are in women-size, might not sound like a big deal. But I almost start hyperventilating because of it. And my parents don't understand that. Because for me to need new shoes, I'd need to outgrow the ones I already have. And even then, my dad has never allowed me to by men's shoes.
Nobody uses the right pronouns, they just skip that part of the sentence. Example, "What does *awkward short pause instead of a pronoun* want?" So my name now is pretty much this: ____. Except for behind my back of course. I heard my parents talking in the kitchen (over the phone, they don't live together) And I heard my dad use my birthname and female pronouns.
There are old pictures of me from my somewhat girly stage hanging around. And the only reason I looked like a girl was because my dad wouldn't let me cut my hair short. Which is always fun to see.
And I have two older brothers. And when I fight with one of them, he calls me a princess as an insult.
And I have so much dysphoria downstairs that it is unfathomable. And my mom doesn't understand. Like, I asked for a packer. And she said no.. and then she said, "I'll think about it." I asked her again 2 days later, yet again, "No.... I'll think about it." So that's a no. And I don't know what to do, I heard about the giftcard thing, but I can't buy that here. And the sock, it doesn't work.
And I also used
to like this girl in my class. But then once she told this really fun story about when she was on her way to school. In her own words, "I was sitting on the train to school, and there was this he/she there. And it
kept looking at me. So I started making faces!"
And that was just, really? IT? And I was sitting in the group she was talking to, and I wasn't out in school, but I definitely looked like a guy, except my birthname was what I had to use, and female pronouns too. And that was just, "I LOVE highschool!"
And just more and more moremrmoremwikg lrnthudkhlg................ This doesn't really have a point, kinda. Except for if anyone has any tips on how to not feel like vomiting all the time.
Oh, and the icing on the cake! My mp3 broke, so now, I can't even listen to music anymore.