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So, where's my silver lining?

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Karlee:
I'm feeling sadder and sadder these days. Sometimes I struggle with whether this life is right for me...struggling to find the confidence to keep on going and trying.

I recently broke up with my girlfriend. I absolutely love that girl. I always will, it'll never die, I know it. But love can only get you so far... it has to be mutual. You can't have a one sided relationship. It just doesn't work, plain and simple. In my 19 years on this earth, love has done nothing but leave me with scars and memories of good times...good times that should never have stopped.

I feel like I have nothing. No one to cuddle up to at night, no one to kiss me, no one to hold me and no one to whisper in my ear "it's going to be okay, you're doing so well". My life has been turned upside down, shaken and thrown to the floor. Some may say it was just a silly little teenage relationship and nothing more, to which I rebut. Nothing made me happier, and now it's gone.

Yet somehow, my little heart keeps on beating. My brain tells me to wake up in the morning, for another day is awaiting. It's another day of imminent pain and confusion as to who I am deep down inside...in the big scheme of things, it's merely a bump in the road, but right now it feels like a massive hole that, no matter how fast I move that shovel of mine, just won't fill.

Welcome inside this week's mind frame of Karlee.

Battling with myself will not get me anywhere...but embracing will. It's easier said than done, that's for sure. But for now, it's time to lift my head up from the depths of despair and cheer up for once. Put a smile on the dial. :)

It's only temporary. Build your strength and conquer, and I will be victorious. And I will learn from this. And I will better myself.

Love,
Karlee.x

justmeinoz:
Yeah it sucks big time, I believe the term would be these days.

I get lonely too, but I realise I finally have some true friends where I live now, and I didn't even have that  to any great extent before I started transition.  So, I figure I am no worse off than before.
I know who I am now and am living reality instead of a life trapped  in a bubble.  It will get better, you have proven you are strong and can survive the worst the world can throw at you, and still make progress.

Karen.

Jen61:
u go girl, do not bitch, you look like a girl, rthat is 90     5 of the battle won

 jen61

Karlee:
Thanks for your comments girls.

I am hoping that it'll all fade away into obscurity, soon. I'm just trying to keep that smile on my face, hoping that it'll turn into a real one. In the meantime, it's just fake it till you make it.

Emotions are ruling my life at the moment. I need to get out and get some clarity...clear my head and think straight and logically about the situation.

Love,
Karlee.x

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