Blogs > In Soviet Union, Gender Reassigns You

recent events

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Thrall:
1. sports club

last month i finally decided to stop being fat and unhappy. i grabbed my best friend and we got a membership to a nice gym. (i can see the castle built in the 14th century while doing cardio :P )

however, i'm having really mixed up feelings about all this. on the one hand, i'm really happy that i came over my insecurities, and even used jacuzzi and sauna. but on the other, getting a dressing room's key from a jar labeled "women" is killing me.

Thrall:
2. pub

so, my friend from the other town came to capital, where i live. so, we went to the pub to have some beer, snacks and a nice chat.

while we were smoking outside, two women also came to smoke. one of them was really drunk. she started complimenting me on how i'm the prettiest girl in the whole pub. really? i know i don't pass, i wasn't even binding, but if i was lesbian, you'd call me the butchest butch. my friend said that she even made a comment about my moobs, but i wasn't sure, as this woman started speaking russian after first two sentences. i'm not that good at russian.
then this really-drunk-barely-younger-than-my-mom lady proceeded to hug me.
i ran  ;D

Thrall:
3. a birthday

this weekend one of my best friends celebrated her 27th birthday. so i packed a nice present (woolen knitted socks and 1kg of buckwheat) and went to a houseparty.
there were a lot of people i didn't know. there were 4 dogs (a newfie, a laika, some flat-coated retriever mix and my belgian shepherd and wiener dog mix*). imagine all these dogs playing happily in one room already filled with 20ish humans.
i like how i handled myself, not getting drunk, and chatting a little even with guys i saw for a first time.
still, i can't recall what exactly happened, but it triggered my eating disorder and now i'm not feeling myself. i had an ED for like 10+ years, and this time it's completely different. more determination/different methods.

*my dog isn't actually a malinois and wiener mix. i just know for sure her mom is malinois. but my dog is 13kgs. (half or even 1/3 of a normal malinois size). so i have no idea what exact mix she is.

Thrall:
Language rage

native english speakers are so lucky. they can speak about themselves gender-neutrally and not even put effort in that. in my language (not russian), almost every single word is either feminine or masculine: only some tenses of verbs are similar in f. and m.

in my head, i usually think about myself in masculine form. as i am so not out at my university/to my parents/to my christian friends, i have to translate every single sentence while speaking. or use really f'ed up constructs. e.g.: the word "happy" differs in f. and m. (as all the other adjectives). so i never say "i'm so happy!", rather it's something like "oh the happiness!" that sounds ridiculous in my lang. as well.

oh the happiness to all you english speakers.

and this was my language rage.

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