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Switch off.

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Karlee:
Just can't seem to ever switch off. My mind is constantly racing with thoughts, day and night!  :P

I suppose it's not all bad, gives me time to get my thoughts straight and rationalize everything...well, to the level that I can, being a paranoid little thing.

I'm very tired. Worked myself to the bone this week. So sore from all the hard work, but it's paying the bills.

As you can probably gather, this is pretty much nothing but a rambling of ideas and thoughts. :) Keeps me entertained on these tired and lazy nights, while I just sit here on my bed and ponder the big questions in life.

I have tried to adopt a new mindset towards my gender issues. Along the lines of: If I'm taking the time to question my existence and future as a biological male, flip the scenario and ponder whether I would take the time to question my existence as a biological female. Deep.

All signs point to "You're just trying to rationalize" haha, another peek into the wonderful mind of Karlee. See, the paranoia kicking in! Can't seem to 100% justify any decision I make. There's always a flip side "negative" to what I am thinking. It's always one thing to another, randomly and constantly.

For example, with work. Yeah, I try my best and do the right thing. But at the end of the day I always think "Did I really do enough?" or "Was that the best way of doing it?" or "I should have done this instead". I mean, no trouble ever arises from the choices I make at work, everything always get's done right! And yet I'm always left with the feeling of "No, it's not good enough!"

What a mess. Grab the broom, and get sweeping! ;)

I'm not purely a negative person. No, no, I'm just a girl, trapped in a guys body, who thinks it's all just going to go away, trapped inside an outer shell of fear, living in our modern society.

Definitely time for bed.

Love,
Karlee.x

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