Jealous of My Cousin

[Cody Jensen]

Of course he was there this family Christmas. I tried so hard not to think about it and enjoy the time with the family, but I couldn't get it off my mind that he had the body I wanted. (He's my only other male cousin). Flat chest (I am now having terrible nightmares about my female chest), male voice, face, 5'10. My height dysphoria got worse when my sister was talking to me about "cute" celebrities on the way home. "What about Darren Criss?" I decided to throw in. "Nah, he's too short" D: If 5'8 is short in her opinion... I am 5'4 so it did wonders for me (sarcasm). But yeah, I tried not to think about it, but I did, and it drove me crazy. How do I deal with this? I mean not just the height, but when I heard every single family member going to him "my, my, what a fine young man you're growing to be". 

[Dominick_81]

I know the feeling. I have a cousin who I'm a little jealous of. He's tall, great built body, good looking and a good looking gf too.

You just have to distract yourself and not think about it. I wish there was something more I could tell you. When I'm around my cousin I don't really think too much about it. Yeah, I wish I was tall and had a great body like him, but in order to get a body like his I have to workout. I'm hoping someday when I get motivated I'll have a great body that will distract from my height and women won't care.


If it makes you feel any better, I'm like 4'10, 4'11.

[Jude]

hey cody, i totally feel your pain. if it makes you feel any better, there's a tumblr called something like ">-bleeped-<yeahshortguys!" and just because some girls are jerks and only like tall men, there are LOADS of women that like guys of shorter stature as well! shorter guys usually have bigger personalities in my experience.
most of the short guys ive met have been a lot more interesting, funny, and fun to be around than taller dudes.

also, you are also growing to be a fine young man! your journey is just a little different from most young men. you'll be a better man at the end of it

[Cody Jensen]

@Dominick I guess I have such a hard time getting over it because my sister is taller than me, my parents were both tall, I feel like shaking my fists at the sky and going "why did I get the short genes?!" But you've already said you know the feeling. I also can't help but want the big muscular body that most guys have. I hope you're right, and that one day when I begin to work out, the muscular part will come with it.

@Jude, yes, I visit that site often, but when I'm not on the internet and not on that site, I look at all the people who are tall, my long legged cousin most.

I keep telling telling myself I'll be a better man at the end of this because my cousin, to begin with, is spoiled and doesn't necessarily appreciate things. Including his male body.

[Jude]

exactly! when you have to work for what you want you appreciate it so much more. it also makes you more sensitive to other people's struggles, whatever they may be, which i think is a good thing.

i have a cousin that sounds a lot like yours.i just want to tell him to shut his whore mouth all the time lol

[AdamMLP]

I get a lot of dysphoria from my height, 5'2" or thereabout, an I'm the 4th shortest 'girl' in my year at school and by far the shortest guy.  I started crying at our schools Christmas dinner/dance this year with everyone commenting on how short I looked seeing as everyone else was either much taller than me either because they were male bodied or because they were wearing ridculously high heels and were now about a foot taller than me rather than just a few inches.  My height also stops me imagining any sexual scenes involving me because I just can't bare to see myself that short compared to someone where I'm trying to be dominant/masculine etc.  Probably TMI, but I'm just trying to say I know where you're coming from a feel your pain bro.

I'm mostly jealous of my female cousin because shes motivated to work out all the time and skinny as feck.  But just seeing guys around our pub bar drinking and stuff, or my male step cousins drinking... yeh I guess most of my jealousy comes from drinking, because it seems a good manly thing to do, hang out drinking and laughing and joking.  And they're all so confident, I think I could be bordering on socially anxious half of the time.

But yeh, you will be a better man at the end of this journey, because when we get there we can appreciate it, not just take it for granted and not care about it like cisgendered men.

[Cody Jensen]

@Jude LOL. Well I guess it's cause, my cousin being the only "boy", and therefore treated like a prince all the time. But yeah, I wish I could tell him that too

@Adam speaking of social anxiety, I always felt like my sister was the more likeable one. Listen to this, I tell my cousin the same playful joke about her frizzy hair BEFORE my sister says it. She says nothing (believe me, it wasn't because she didn't hear me). My sister says the EXACT same thing I do, and my cousin laughs and playfully hugs her. Another thing, I got a part in my very first official musical Wicked, it's in the chorus, so, it's not like "WOW" but, for me, being extremely quiet and shy, and not having done any sort of musical thing before this, it WAS a big deal. I say it to three different people last night, my dad's girlfriend, my female cousin, and my sister, all at different times and none of them said a word. I even repeated myself to my dad's gf, in a queit room, and nothing. At all. It hurts, because when my sister says anything at all, and right away her "charm" gets everyone's attention. Often I feel like I wasn't even born and I'm just some ghost. A lot at home too, it feels like my dad is so proud of my sister, but I will just end up with a dead end job (he's actually said he thinks that out loud).

[Cody Jensen]

0.0 6'10...
I'd be happy with 5'7 honestly

[Kyle_S]

4'11

[anibioman]

I'm crazy jealouse of my cusins height he is 14 and 6 feet tall but I'm better looking (by a lot) but he has a dick. I'm also very envious of my brother he has a great build he is actuall going through a male puberty right now. so I totally get it but what's great is that of all the male  "kids" in my family I get th most action.

[Cody Jensen]

Sometimes I wonder if three more inches is too much to ask for :S I am obsessed, I am constantly looking up HGH hormones trying to decide which one is best for me :S

[Jude]

@Jude LOL. Well I guess it's cause, my cousin being the only "boy", and therefore treated like a prince all the time. But yeah, I wish I could tell him that too

it pisses me off when boys get treated special because they're the only boy. if there was a situation where it was all boys and one girl, the girl wouldn't be treated special at all.

also all the guys in my family are super tall too. my cousins are 6'5 and my brother is pushing six feet and he's thirteen.. i hate my life lol. im five six

[caseyyy]

it pisses me off when boys get treated special because they're the only boy. if there was a situation where it was all boys and one girl, the girl wouldn't be treated special at all.

Ha, truth. I'm the only 'girl' and I've never gotten anything special other than being the one who's going to pop out the babies and therefore needs to learn how to cook and clean and be perky and happy and cute. Yeah, my family pretty much lives in the 1950s.

[Mister]

Sometimes I wonder if three more inches is too much to ask for :S I am obsessed, I am constantly looking up HGH hormones trying to decide which one is best for me :S

I was on HGH for about 8 months.  If you have already finished puberty and your growth plates have set, you will not grow.  Also, HGH is incredibly expensive (cost me rougly $800/month) and extremely hard to get a script for.

[Dominick_81]

@Cody Jensen: Yeah, if you work out you will get a more muscular body. Ya just got to lift a lot of weights and I'm not sure what else bodybuilding involves, but if you work hard at it, in time you'll get the body you want.

[Cody Jensen]

it pisses me off when boys get treated special because they're the only boy. if there was a situation where it was all boys and one girl, the girl wouldn't be treated special at all.

Yes. Yes. YES.

@Caseyyy god is my family like that, you know, this Christmas (I was/am still presenting as female), I just snapped. It was the usual "women" going to cook the dinner, and the guys were sitting on the couch watching TV. My dad snapped at me "GO AND HELP!" I got up and said "NO. YOU go and help for a change!" I felt so proud of myself :3 It was in front of everyone, so he didn't want to make a big scene out of it I guess, then he disappeared for a while. I guess he did go and help them

[caseyyy]

Yeah, sexism is totally painful. My grandma 'banned' me from Christmas this year, and you know what, I actually had the best Christmas I had in years because I didn't have to deal with that garbage.

[Cody Jensen]

man sorry to hear that. sometimes i actually think christmas away from my family would be better too sometimes. we spent the entire second half of it arguing :S

i totally get what you mean about sexism being painful, living as a 'girl' in a mostly traditional Italian family, my mother told me i was literally scowled at by my grandmother when I was born. These are the words from my mother's mouth "'just another girl', is what she said". but after that she told me she wouldn't trade me for the world. but i have heard her say a couple times "your dad and i thought, after your sister was born, since we already had a girl, we wanted a boy". so idk. all i can say is they may just be getting that boy they wanted :S

[caseyyy]

I hate being the only 'girl.' I used to wish so bad that my aunt would have had Maria (the daughter she always wanted but never actually conceived, lol) so that she could replace me and I could go about my way. There was me, then my brother (but he defied all their hopes for a masculine child because he's super femme and aways has been), then the three boys who are pretty much stereotypical. They always get things given to them and they get away with a lot more because they're what everyone always wanted. i'm just full of bitterness for it all, ha, because it obviously hurts the AFAB kids (no matter how they identify) and it hurts the AMAB kids too if they don't fit what people expect of boys.

Cody: hopefully they'll come around when you come out. That's a terrible thing for your mom to tell you, and a horrible thing for your grandma to say. =/ My family are Dutch, so they're pretty traditional in their own way but from what I understand, a lot of Italian families that are traditional can be bad for sexism. Not to stereotype, of course.

[Sharky]

I was on HGH for about 8 months.  If you have already finished puberty and your growth plates have set, you will not grow.  Also, HGH is incredibly expensive (cost me rougly $800/month) and extremely hard to get a script for.

Did you get any changes from the HGH?