It's been nearly 3 months since I posted here, and my long absence has yielded me an enormous zero in any aspect.
My feelings and emotions are haywire with instability. One minute it's this, and then one minute it's that. It's annoying, at the very least. It's like being on a roller coaster, you're riding to the top, just sitting there thinking about the impending event about to take place, not knowing if it's going to be good (fun) or bad (horrifying). Completely in limbo.
The feelings have come back. The feelings of wanting to change, after a long period of just being okay. Are they more intense, or are they just the same? Hard to tell right now, because I'm subconsciously placing them to the back of my mind...it's like on autopilot. It just does it and it just happens, there's no say in the matter.
I get the tingles thinking about what COULD have been, had I taken further action. It still can be, if I want it. It's there for the taking, just reach out and grab it. Question is, will it be what I expect it to be? Is it just some dream, some fantasy, something to keep me feeling like there is something good around the corner? Something that'll get me out of bed in the morning?
Two, completely opposite forms of happiness are there for the taking, but which will it be?