Lovely how family can be sometimes XP. I've only had one birthday with my father, my 7th birthday. That was only because the dumb son of a bitch pissed off the wrong person and we all had to go on the run to >-bleeped-<ing Mexico! D:< I know I sound like a douche, but I gotta say it. At least you have some form of a relationship with your father. I can't remember when was the last time I spoke to mine, only that it was on the phone and he was on speed. I had to have him arrested because I wasn't sure if he was going to kill himself or not. My only memories of him are of him either getting arrested, trying to kill my mom, or other stuff I'm not comfortable talking about right now because I'm already crying (the red death @_@). My only saving grace is that I lost the ability to love him years ago. Too bad I still miss him more than I care to admit. I turn 22 on Wednesday, and I know he's never gonna call me. If he does (in which case, hell has frozen over), he won't be sober. I don't know why that kills me. I guess I just wanna know that for once in his life he thought of me. Oh well, at least I have my mother and other people who love me. The way I make it through life is that I always remember the good stuff, even if there isn't a lot or seems insignificant. List it to yourself in times of need, and you'll be surprised how much you have.
>-bleeped-<, that got too long and about me. Sorry XP. Anyway, I use to think that the reason my father didn't love me was because I wasn't the boy the ultrasound said I was gonna be. Well, I was. I just came with some assembly required :'P. Then I remember all his other boys (mother >-bleeped-<er's got a ton of kids), and none of them ever had his love. Sometimes there is no real reason why family won't accept you. Just remember that there would always be one reason or another why they don't want you. I know it sounds bad, it sounded bad to me when I first realized it. When I came to terms though, I was finally relieved of the guilt I gave myself for years. I finally accepted it wasn't my fault, it was his. That's pretty much all the comfort I can give, because there isn't much comfort to give. It's always gonna hurt, but with time it won't be nearly as bad. Then there will be stuff in your life that makes you feel so good, you'll rarely think of the pain. I'm only hurting so bad now because I be bleedin' from every orifice. Anyway, I believe that no matter how bad >-bleeped-< gets, it will always get better.