Hi everyone! I'm new here and I need.. I guess advice... Or maybe just a sympathetic ear.
First, let me tell you a little bit about myself. I am in my mid-late 20s and I am a part of the very vibrant Deaf community in San Francisco, CA. I am very well known in this community. I'm open minded, accepting, curious, and sexual. I've always thought of myself as bisexual even though I've only ever had feelings for and been in relationships with cis men. I enjoy watching lesbian porn and am not adverse to being in a relationship with a woman. I know and am friends with 2 FTM and 1 MTF but we never talk about their trans experience. It just doesn't come up in our conversations.
About a month or so ago I met a transman and we instantly clicked and became friends. He came out to me shortly after we met though not many people know he's a trans. It isn't that he's ashamed or anything- he just doesn't want it to define him. I had no idea he was a trans. I don't know if this matters, but he looks like a man. He has not had any surgery but he does take T shots regularly. When he came out to me, I asked so many questions! He was wonderful and patient. He explained things and had a sense of humor.
As the weeks went by, it became increasingly obvious he was developing a crush on me. I admit I thought he was cute but the feelings were not mutual. Not because he's a trans! But because he is a bit too bashful for my taste, or at least I thought lol. I'm very outgoing and extroverted- he isn't. Now weeks later, after some serious conversations, we recently started sleeping together and spending alot of time together. I'm starting to develop feelings for him.
He is happy and wants to tell people although he is respective of my request that we keep this between us for now. Partly because so many people will talk about it, gossip and come to their own conclusions. Remember, I am extremely well-known here. I have a fantastic reputation and I think it's safe to say everyone likes me. It is not my intention to brag! I just want the readers to understand what I feel is at stake. People will talk! And I HATE
that. It bothers me when people talk about me. I know it shouldn't but the reality is it does
. And the other part is my family and friends. Most of my friends will be shocked but will not stop being friends with me but I am really worried about how two of my best guy friends will take it. I love them both dearly but they aren't as open and accepting as I wish they were. I might loose them. Many people will say "so what? that just means they aren't your true friends" and maybe you're right but it's still scary and I don't want it to happen. And my family. They're very nice people and have gay and lesbian friends, but I honestly don't know how they will take the news that their daughter is dating a transman and that's scary. I know they won't disown me. Basically, I'm afraid of being judged. The good thing is I am not at all worried about my job. Although there aren't any trans here, it's a very diverse and accepting place to work!
I told him I want us to grow privately first before we become public. I want to be sure in my feelings before I am bombarded with outside opinions and influence. He's great about that and understands completely.
Two other issues are he's a poly and I'm not. I told him I am willing to try being in an open relationship but I am not sure how I will feel when he sleeps with other people. And the other is he's hearing (signs well) and I am Deaf and I live and breathe Deafness. It is my language, job, friends, social life, everything. I told him way back when we were just friends that I have no interest in going to his friends parties and things. It's boring and uncomfortable for me to be in a room full of people who don't "speak" my language. Again, he's understanding. Those issues have nothing to do with being a trans and that information probably doesn't belong here but they're still an issue.
So..... Is there anybody still reading who went though this? Any words of support or advice? Maybe I just needed to vent. Thanks everyone.
And this weekend is the SF PRIDE weekend! Happy PRIDE! And thanks for the welcome here.