What a fabulous topic! By the way, how do we thank someone for a post ? I can't find the right button ( the story of my life I guess).
I can relate to so much of what has been written. I never even knew I must be trans, up until quite recently I just thought I was a militant feminist (which I also still am). But now i do see that I am more.
My fears - and what is stopping me -
it would break up my family. I am a female, and straight - and although my my kids step-dad is a great, enlightened, caring man - we all have our limits. He would not be able to accept me without my breasts, having to shave my face and not my legs, etc. I am actually just starting to hint to him how I am feeling, it came up in a conservation where he said, "I so glad you are a woman", and I said , "at least that makes one of us". He won't get it, and I don't know if I have the heart the break his heart ( and my kids, although they are almost adults).
My kids might think I'm a "freak".
here is a big one - I just got over it. I'm attracted to men. Therefore I thought I must not really want to be a man. No, now I realize I will probably end up being a gay man. That took a little bit to get my head around. But I finally did. Whatever. i have also seen some posts that some gay men don't mind transguys who have not had bottom surgery. Ok. Of course, maybe enough T in me and I'll start chasing skirts. I've come to accept that if I do decide to go ahead with a transition - my sexuality will be whatever it will be.
What would happen to my professional life, the one I've worked so hard for, the one I'm barely starting and already in so much student debt?
I work with the dying. That being said, it gives one a certain perceptive. I don't want to go to my grave thinking 'if only I hadn't been so scared, if only I'd had more courage i could have had the i wanted'.
That is not to say my life has been bad, no there are parts that were terrific.
I just don't fit in being a female, even a "macho" female.