This is a question for everyone- trans men, trans women, everyone: What things about yourself make (or made) made you feel like you weren't trans and/or shouldn't transition? Today I'm 100% sure that what I want is to become a woman, but for a long time there were a lot of things about me that didn't fit the "transgender script" that I had in my head- and I thought that meant I wasn't "really" trans. It took a lot of therapy for me to move beyond that mindset (and Julia Serano's book Whipping Girl helped me out as well). Here's some of the things that tripped me up:
-I didn't KNOW I wanted to be a girl from age 4 or 5 (I didn't know FOR SURE I wanted to transition until about 8 years ago).
-I wasn't obviously feminine as a child (though I wasn't super-duper macho either).
-I was (and am) interested in a lot of "male" things like football, sci-fi movies, video games.
-I was/am attracted primarily to women and enjoy having penetrative sex with them.
-I don't want to be overly "girly" after I transition.
Those were my hang-ups.. anyone else in similar circumstances? Or just want to share their stories?
im glad you bought up the topic,
My reason to been doubing had been.
1, I dont have childhood memories, I do think I was kinda boyish even when I also enjoyed girl things, and I remember claiming to be a guy a couple of times, But I donthave any memories of being felling like a boy or a girl, I remind like a stranger in my brain. So I cant say what I felt
2, I had been filled with questions like "what if it just a phrase" "what if you change your mind" "what if your not really a guy" those kind of things I cannot answer because I dont know what the future will be, and I dont know what makes me a guy.. scientise dosent even know that..
3, when I was a kid I was abused by a couple of guys, we where only few girls, I remember I felt it wouldnt had happent if I wasnt a girl and swore I never would be a girl again, I been blamming those for a long time, since I swore like that. I dont really feel sad about what did, it honestly wasnt so bad, But I feel stupid because I was one of the bullies and I did alot of stupid shit just to be smart, and in the end I was seen as the same way as my female friend who never dared anything.
4, I am not anything like a maculine guy, I like being femenine, and I look femenine, I feel alot of trans guys are like ment to pass, But not me.. -__- even when I do something masculine I still look so horrible femenine.
I dont like being macho but I hate it.
5, I once took some gender test on the brain and it always say my brain is queal male and female,
I use to think its kinda logical because I am a femenine guy and I like guys, and bla bla, but on the other hand it also got me kinda worried because if I am as female as male then why cant I just stay female, it would be so much more easy?
It not like I hate girls, I cant really relate to girly girls But tomboys are SO awsome, I dont understand why I cant just be a tomboy but for some reason it dosent really seam okay..
I just get unhappy when people say I am a girl, when people call me girl pronouces, and so, it all makes me very depressed, and when people say I am a guy I gets very happy, I dont know why I am felling like this,
I just wanna do whats make me happy, and So far I have been way more happy as male than female,
when I get unhappy its because of transphobia problems, or because people say im a girl =(