My Family Wont Acknowledge Me

[ChanelMK]

ok so ive been living as a woman for about 4 months now and my family mainly including my mom and sister, still address me in a masculine way. im not really making a big deal about it, but tuesday, my endo doctor gave me name change papers, which im really ecstatic about. i even asked my mom if she wanted to help in the naming, which of course i wasnt really gonna let her (she named me once already, she cant even pronounce that one right) but she says no i gave u a name already, thats what i picked. i even asked my sister, who is a stud, what she thought of my new name, and she says i like "stephan" better, like are you serious? i even asked her what would she do when i start a family, she says she'll still call me stephan, he, bro etc. Furthermore my grandparents came into town for the holidays and requested that i dress "normal", while my sister was allowed to wear boy clothes. At this point, i feel they will never come around to the new me, but the lifestyle that i live, i cant be being addressed in public as "he" much longer,  i just really need advice on this right now

[Chaos]

There isn't really any advice to give but I will be honest and blunt.these kind of people are in denial.they feel that if they push enough,you will 'stop the nonsense' and this is when you need to push back harder but also do it in a loving,respectful manner.never become hateful or resent people,never let it crush you in anyway.refuse to go anywhere with them if they take it into the public scene and here comes the hardest part.most trans' folk have to and do,come to the acceptance that they will be disowned and abandoned because of this and it may be a good time to prepare yourself.of course we all don't want this to happen but its a huge possibility.they may never stop pushing and its in time you may need to start over completely,losing all connections to your past.just remember that YOU are more important then anyone or anything because without you,there is NOTHING.be yourself,keep an open heart and run through those gates like a bull.do not allow anyone to hold you down or 'brand' you to their ideas.

[ChanelMK]

There isn't really any advice to give but I will be honest and blunt.these kind of people are in denial.they feel that if they push enough,you will 'stop the nonsense' and this is when you need to push back harder but also do it in a loving,respectful manner.never become hateful or resent people,never let it crush you in anyway.refuse to go anywhere with them if they take it into the public scene and here comes the hardest part.most trans' folk have to and do,come to the acceptance that they will be disowned and abandoned because of this and it may be a good time to prepare yourself.of course we all don't want this to happen but its a huge possibility.they may never stop pushing and its in time you may need to start over completely,losing all connections to your past.just remember that YOU are more important then anyone or anything because without you,there is NOTHING.be yourself,keep an open heart and run through those gates like a bull.do not allow anyone to hold you down or 'brand' you to their ideas.

thank u for ur feedback, i hear this from many ppl in the trans community, i just dnt know a life without them tho, they are all i have

[Chaos]

But what is a life without you? My family disowned me and I have very few friends and this is not something I wanted but I was prepared for the loss.being one completely,being whole and being happy-was worth any loss because I knew that if they loved me at all,this is what they would want for me.it doesn't mean they will but always be prepared while praying for them to accept you but always push back and be yourself,be who you are and in time they may accept you.I know that's not what anyone wishs to hear and it is a cruel fate but it makes you a stronger person.take care

[Jessica Merriman]

Hi baby! I am 48 and started the transition process at 47. Chaos my brother is right. You have to be strong and stand up for yourself, you're true self. I went through most of my life trying not to hurt feelings, assimilate as a male and not cause any conflict or controversy. What did it get me? Pain, depression, loss of self and a hopeless future trying to live up to others lives instead of my own. Parents raise children, that's what they do and most nurture, care for and provide very well for. What a parent should never do is make someone live their idea of a life. I believe at a certain age you have to break free and live your life and how you want to live that life. You are not responsible for making them happy, only yourself. Parent's, friends and others should expect you to be happy, not depressed and hopeless. I have lost a lot, parents included, but if they loved me they should understand everyone has the right to be free in their own skin. My parents thought they had failed somehow to raise a "normal" child. I was normal, for me. How you live and the choices you make do not reflect on anyone other than you, but for some reason we are not afforded this luxury. Hope this makes sense. 

[Tristan]

give them time to come around. your still early in and most family members like to think its a phase and something you will give up on. as my mom eventually told me. "you realize at some point that its just not worth the fight."   

[amZo]

Just be honest with them. Tell them for the indefinite future that you can't accompany them out in public, that you can't allow others to 'out you' in this fashion.

[Lana P]

In a way its like a death to your family. But they need to know though they are losing a son they are gaining a daughter and in the end your their child regardless of what gender you are.

[Megumi]

There isn't really any advice to give but I will be honest and blunt.these kind of people are in denial.they feel that if they push enough,you will 'stop the nonsense' and this is when you need to push back harder but also do it in a loving,respectful manner.never become hateful or resent people,never let it crush you in anyway.refuse to go anywhere with them if they take it into the public scene and here comes the hardest part.most trans' folk have to and do,come to the acceptance that they will be disowned and abandoned because of this and it may be a good time to prepare yourself.of course we all don't want this to happen but its a huge possibility.they may never stop pushing and its in time you may need to start over completely,losing all connections to your past.just remember that YOU are more important then anyone or anything because without you,there is NOTHING.be yourself,keep an open heart and run through those gates like a bull.do not allow anyone to hold you down or 'brand' you to their ideas.

I second this. It's hard but coming to terms with the fact that you may have to push your family away at some point to protect yourself from the hurt that you get every time when you're around them is something I feel that's very important to do.

I'm in the end of the same phase or at least I hope. All I get is resistance from my family even though they said they support me 100% no matter what that has honestly NOT been the case. That is unless your definition of support is to say hurtful things and tell someone they have no idea how they feel and how the needs of the many outweigh your needs. I've had some very personal conversations with them about why I need to transition and what it really means for me to not live true to myself. They can't grasp being transgender since they don't feel that way nor do they understand how badly they hurt my feelings every time they purposely call me by the wrong name or pronoun. My sister intentionally does it and has admitted that she will do everything in her power to make me hate being transgender, what that entails I have no idea but it's basically her wanting to force me to remain as I was just so they don't have to deal with the reality or people finding out we are related. I can carry so much weight before I'll just throw the towel in because in the end what really matters is me and honestly I'm getting closer and closer to that moment where I'll at least have to take a few months break from being around them just to protect myself. I can't keep on letting them constantly hurt me mentally and emotionally. THEY aren't transitioning the way I am, THEY don't have to walk outside like I do and feel awkward in their skin during every moment of the day, THEY don't have to run the risk of being made fun of or possibly getting hurt for being yourself, THEY only have to accept me for being me and that's all I want from them. I'm sure in good time they will come around as I "pass" in society as the person that I am. It's just really hard to see that future when all you have is negativity around you veiled in the guise of full acceptance and support.