Has any middle-aged trans woman EVER succeeded dating lesbians?

[suzifrommd]

I've been going to lesbian meetups for about a year and a half. I'm not unattractive, dress well (though not on fashions cutting edge), have a decent body, though a somewhat masculine face. Yes, I'm a bit socially awkward, but I'm smart, funny when you get to know me, and easy to talk to. There really is no reason why I should be a social pariah. I easily fall within the age group of the women that go to these things. Because I'm 5'11" and a bit gawky, I imagine those with activated transdar clock me, so I can't rule out that as a problem.

I have had NO INTEREST at all from anyone. People are mostly friendly, kind, and engage socially when I approach them, but no one seems the slightest bit interested in me as more than a casual social encounter.

Have other people had similar experiences, or is it just me?

[kittenpower]

As a curious bystander, I've heard that most cis lesbians are not that into trans women, but that shouldn't deter you, if that is what you are looking for, because, sooner or later, you'll find someone that you really hit it off with.  And, I'm just curious, are you also interested in dating trans women? 

[Jessica Merriman]

The problems I have seen is we are not attractive to gay men because we want to get rid of it and lesbians don't like us having it. UGH!

[kittenpower]

The problems I have seen is we are not attractive to gay men because we want to get rid of it and lesbians don't like us having it. UGH!

I was under the impression that most cis lesbians are not that into post-op trans women either, if they are able to make that determination.

[Lady Smith]

I belonged to a women's motorcycle touring group for a while and the group was a mix of trans-women, straight women and lesbians.  A couple of the trans-women had lesbian partners, so I guess it does happen.

[KyleeKrow]

i can't say that i've had much interest from lesbian women, but i have from women that are bi.

[evecrook]

I'm on a couple of lesbian dating sites and find it very difficult to keep more than an initial inquisitive questioning going on. I'm sure it happens , but I'm guessing it takes some time. I'm been on the dating sites for about six months and I've gotten a lot of curiosity about why I'm on the site and what I'm looking for , but no willingness to go pass the initial curiosity why I'm hanging out at the site. I've also gotten some very hostile questioning from a very few about men pretending to be woman.

[Laura_7]

Well, there are cis lesbians who look for advice on how to date lesbians...

if two women are involved its possible both wait for the first move to be made.

You might try to be more outgoing, and get more active.

There are lots of success stories of trans women with lesbians, so its possible.

I'd say try to be yourself... and if you are a nice person, you have something to offer...
I'd say just keep on keeping on...  the right one will come eventually

hugs

[Beth Andrea]

Prior to transition I was a "social pariah." I have no idea why...but as I transitioned, meeting people and going on dates actually got easier.

They were all single-event dates, but still...

Then I found what I was looking for...a cis-lesbian who did not mind that I was in the process of transitioning. One thing is, she considers herself more "lesbian without a dislike for men" (meaning, she's almost bi). She doesn't mind the dangler, and is patient while we're waiting for my SRS. She also doesn't mind that I don't pass all that well, she says I am beautiful no matter what. (We are married now. I simply could not let someone like her get away, because it is difficult finding such an open-minded person)

100% lesbians will have a problem with That Part (which I know you don't have anymore) but they will also have a problem difficulty putting the fact that you used to have It, behind the relationship.

It's the same kind of fear that cis-men have when dating a post-op trans-woman..."But, didn't you used to be a man...?" They can't get their minds wrapped around the concept.

[JLT1]

Hey,

I've been approached by a number of prospective partners: men over 6'2" and bi-women are the two biggest groups by far.  Never by a lesbian.  Not once.  I have had the opposite - disdain. 

If my wife leaves (which is likely), I'm gong for a bi-woman.  They understand and appreciate me as I am.

Hugs Girl!

Jen

[big kim]

Even I managed to get dates with lesbians though 2 of them were bunny boilers

[Ms Grace]

I've had interest from women via a lesbian dating site (winks, smiles, flowers)... but then I haven't declared my status either. None of them seemed all that appealing to me as potential dates so I never pursued their initial interest (being a bit precious aren't I?). I've dropped my interaction with the site for a month or so and will try again. But I am pre-op so don't know about my chances regardless. Like Jen says, bi-women seem most likely to be open to a trans woman.

[Isabelle]

What do you consider middle aged? 40's? I started transition in my late 20's, I'm almost 35 (am I middle aged yet?) and I've had zero trouble dating women. If there's physical attraction between people, they'll get on. I think throwing gender into it just confuses the issue. Date who you're attracted to and let others do the same. That way, everyone gets hot dates, everyone wins

[Sammy]

37 here - is that middle aged? Similarly to Isabelle, I have found that women have become more interested in me - both bi-sexual ladies and lesbians. I have two lesbian friends to hang out (coffee, chocolate, girl talk) and a couple of stunning bi-girls, who probably would want something more than coffee. I have also encountered several lesbians who are full wil prejudice and bigotry and could not be persuaded to learn and to listen.
The only issue (dating-wise) with above-mentioned ladies is that I can only see them as female friends. My mind registers them as being smart and funny and attractive, but there is no further chemistry involved .

[kelly_aus]

I'm 39 and haven't had too many problems with other women. The worst I've gotten is "If you had been born with the right equipment, it would already have happened."

[Sandy]

My husband June (she's in my avatar pic) and I hit it off pretty easily.

We knew each other through our job.  She knew of me prior to my transition on the job.  Later after my transition it started as friendship going to lunch together and stuff like that.  Then it just grew.

She's very butch and we kind of fit together like two puzzle pieces.  I call her my lost sock (reference from the movie "Different for Girls")

She has been a lifelong lesbian and has always seen me as a woman and to me it just seems like the most natural of relationships.

Our genders are not the most important thing in our relationship.  We have so many other things in common between us and that is what really matters.

We're a bit beyond middle aged as we are both in our 60's but we feel that age is just a number.

-Sandy

[Sydney_NYC]

Most cis woman who have dated trans women that I know are either Pan-sexual or bisexual. There are a few I know that are strictly lesbian, but I also know a few lesbians that will only date a trans woman if they are post-op.

[awilliams1701]

I'm 33 and 4 months into HRT. So my results are way to early to count me out, but so far nothing. However as a straight man I didn't get a lot of luck either. I haven't had a girlfriend since Dec 2001 and I've been on exactly 1 date since. It was March 2014 and it was as a straight man not a trans lesbian. In fairness a big part of that gap was me more concerned with my financial status than dating so I more or less gave up. I didn't make any real efforts between 2006 and 2012.

[allisonsteph]

I am 46 I just want them to like me, I don't care what their declared sexual preference is. The last person I dated was a 25 year old trans male.


Yeah I'm a cougar. 

[amber roskamp]

i know many lesbians that are cool with dating trans women. unfortunately i am a millennial and thus not middle aged. the generation gap is huge as far as the lesbian community's acceptance of trans women/ trans lesbians is concerned]