Today's Drink of Choice: Green tea with a hint of maple syrup. A bit Canadian, eh?
Oh Melan, why another blog to litter the websphere, and well Susan's Place? To be honest, I've never really done anything like this. I'm not an attention getter, not a person to feel like I need to fill and espouse the world with my ideas, experiences, or views on things. However, I never had many ideas, experiences, or views to talk about, until I began my transition, when I started living life, and it all became so real for me. Before transition, blending in, hiding, were just aspects of daily life that I assumed would always be present and derisive to my participation in this world. That all changed in July of 2007, when something clicked, and I began the process of discovering who I am, and making that happen with a decisive action plan.
I'm very new to Susan's, but have been 100% impressed with the supportive community here. I feel like I've found a place to help people, and be helped by people, in our common quest to become who we feel, know we are, despite the overwhelming odds against us, in a society that is unyielding in their perceptions of the black and white world of gender, and gender expression. One thing that I've found myself doing with a few posts that I answer, which I'm not happy about, is feeling this need to talk more about myself, and basically ignore the needs and question of the author. Forgetting the civility to respect the post, perhaps because I have this great need for an outlet. That's what I hope to do with this blog, is get those feelings of talking about myself out, and when I answer other peoples posts, perhaps I will have quelled any feelings of needing to push myself out in the answers, and focus on their issue. I've noticed a few others seem to have this "problem", that the post becomes about them, when they reply to it. So this blog is about me, and for me, but I truly think it might be of help to others to read it, as the issues I have are not atypical of any person going through transition, and questioning of their gender, and their role in the world, in the before and after of the change process.
In my short stint on Susan's, I have made a few postings that will shed a bit of light about me, and have been wonderfully helpful for me in the responses received. I can't believe I didn't find this site earlier, it would have been so helpful earlier on in my transition.
My Introduction post is here, and I was so happy with the nice response from the staff, that it did impress upon me that there is community here:
http://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,53417.msg331977.html#msg331977 One of the first things that I did on my joining up here was to post a link to an external web site, not having read the rules. It was for a gender study going on, that I participated in, and was ongoing into a few of the gender conferences upcoming. The post was removed and I was baffled, and felt really stupid lol. Then I received an email from Nero explaining it, and I talked with Susan herself, which relieved me greatly lol, and the post was re-instated. Read the rules, young neophyte, read the rules *giggles*.
http://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,53419.msg331995.html#msg331995One of the largest events in my life is an upcoming FFS surgery. So I immediately began a thread campaign of terror announcing that, and putting together a list of things to be ready for this. It's been a nice thread, and have talked with and heard many supportive things about the procedure, and being ready for it, as much as one can. That post is here, and still ongoing. At the end of it, ie a few days before my surgery, I will summarize all of the inputs that I received, into a "List of things to do to be ready for FFS" or some such thing, that should be helpful for others as well.
http://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,53486.msg332253.html#msg332253So then I posted up on an issue that has, well, been "huge" so to speak in my life, and that is my amazing height, *giggles*. I am a tall woman, no doubt, and I have come to terms with that, and wanted to share that affirmation with others, that may be earlier in their process of accepting their own tallness, if that's a word. You CAN transition despite being a giant amongst people, seeing every bald spot, every nuance of people's scalps... and being that head that sticks out of a crowd, drawing every eye, near and far.
http://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,53628.msg333298.html#msg333298So those are my contributions to Susan's to date, if one could call them that. I feel wonderful being part of the community here, and sharing and evolving with the other men and women here.
Sooo, what will I talk about as this blog progresses? Well FFS is a biggie. Less then a month away and ticking down. Three weeks, following FFS, I begin work transition, meaning I step into work for the first time as a woman. A workplace where I've been for 10 years, presenting as a man, and very accepted as a man. We will see how the acceptance goes for my new womanhood. Interpersonal Relationships is another one. I so proudly posted last week about my wonderful 7 month relationship with a man, a man that helped me to grow, and never ever saw me as "trans" or a "guy in a dress", took me out, made me go out at times lol, when the door to the outside world seemed taboo. He notified me he needed space last week. Ohh, my first broken heart in over a decade. That will be a subject of my writings, for sure. SRS will certainly occupy a portion here, as I learn more about the procedures, start therapy to get my letters, and start scheduling surgery for this time next year. The posts on McGinn are so promising, I know I will be making a trip to PA this year to consult with her (again).
Soooo, here I go, a blogger. Keep in mind, these are MY writings. Please respect that. This is MY space in Susan's, I respect people, please respect me. I will say things that you may or may not agree with, and I love to hear countering viewpoints, but ONLY those that are presented in an objective and open light. I will reject and delete any hostile or antagonistic replies upon receipt. I'm a very nice person, I shy away from conflict, and rarely see argument as a constructive tool for resolution of differing opinions, especially in a forum environment where the repertoire' is a bit less interactive, as say, sitting in a room talking.
So that's it, kicking off this thing. I'll make updates sporadically. Sometimes multiple times in a day, sometimes days between posts. This will be a diary of sorts. Sure, I'm not going to post my most personal things for the entire world to see, but I will post things that have high interest in my life, that have the ability to help others by putting them out there. It's a two way street, this therapy of writing
*huggs*,
Melan
