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Author Topic: Being Mistaken For A Woman  (Read 2143 times)

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Offline Valerie Elizabeth

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Being Mistaken For A Woman
« on: April 02, 2009, 10:19:47 am »
I'm just curious about something.

Lately I've been being mistaken as a woman more than I was before HRT (I was mistaken for a woman before transition when presenting as male, but only a couple times in the last year). 

For example, one of my friends that I have known for years (who doesn't yet know about my transition) thought that I was a woman yesterday.

Just today, one of my friends was showing some pictures she took of me (she is a photo major and it was for an assignment) to one of her friends, and the guy thought that I was a woman while looking at the pictures. 

What I am curious about is do you see yourself as looking female?  I see myself as still looking very much like a man, and I can't quite see what other people see when the mistake me for a woman.  I guess this is aimed more for people who are just at the beginning of their transition.  If you remember feeling this way when you started please let me know.

Let me know.
"There comes a point in life when you realize everything you know about yourself, it's all just conditioning."  True Blood

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Ashley315

Re: Being Mistaken For A Woman
« Reply #1 on: April 02, 2009, 12:43:17 pm »
I have been told all throughout my life that I looked like a girl/woman.  Even pre HRT I was constantly called ma'am/she/her/etc.... In fact, when I started college I was going to start the transition process back then, so I started going by my middle name, (which happens to be Ashley) and everyone in my classes just thought I was a girl.  My now wife (we were just dating at the time) and I were going to the same college and taking the same courses and during spring break of that year we got married.  Right before spring break, we were talking to some of our classmates about what we were going to do during spring break.  We mentioned we were getting married.  To that one of them said, "That is so awesome.  I don't understand why people have such a problem with gay marriage.  If two people love each other they should be allowed to express it however they want to."

With all that, you would think I wouldn't question how I looked. The problem is, I really didn't see it.  I had my days where I would look in the mirror and see a femish look to myself, but for the most part I only saw a guy in the mirror.  I think we always see the worst in ourselves.  We see the things that are male about ourselves that others would probably not notice.  The funny thing is, now I'm 6 months on HRT and I think I look less fem now than I did before I started.  I'm not even sure if that's possible.

The point is, I think most of us will always question how we look to some degree.  No matter what we do or what happens to reassure us of how we look, we still don't see it.

Courtney

Re: Being Mistaken For A Woman
« Reply #2 on: April 02, 2009, 05:01:05 pm »
Ashley is right. It's easy for us to see our "flaws" because we look at ourselves everyday and scrutinize every little problem that we see. Most people that you meet are not going to sit and stare and look for proof that your not genetically female. They glance and see that you present yourself that way and that there are no huge glaring masculine traits (a beard or deep voice) and then assume that there is nothing different about  you from everyone else. I'm at the very beginning of things to and there have been so many days where I feel like I look like total poop and then I get ma'amed the whole day. Just use the positive attention to help you to feel better about the way you look and try not to scrutinize your self so much. I know thats hard. I think its in our nature to pick ourselves apart but it definitely not healthy so try to concentrate on the good. ^_^

NicholeW.

Re: Being Mistaken For A Woman
« Reply #3 on: April 02, 2009, 06:52:31 pm »
No, other people have never "mistaken me for a woman." They've always been spot-on when they've made that identifcation. :)

Nowadays the only person who does seem to have trouble seeing and hearing that is ... me. I agree with Ashley that it's harder to see yourself than it is to see others, for us all. I know some women who had FFS & BAS and even the lipo-transfer from tummy to hips not so much because no one thought they looked female, but because they wanted to be able to look in the mirror and not see the thingies that bothered them and looked male to them.

Nichole



Offline pebbles

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Re: Being Mistaken For A Woman
« Reply #4 on: April 02, 2009, 09:40:11 pm »
Mirrors are evil I used to have a mirror at the end of my bed, After a month or so seeing my face first thing after waking up made me seriously upset I had to move it.

As for mistaken for female It has happened rarely it happened alot more when I was in my early teens only occasionally now... It's tied into probably the most bizarre emotional reversals and has confused my behaviour for a long time.

Compliments given to me by friends often unintentionally hurt my esteem. And Insults or beratements often strengthen it.

"Stop begin a girl about this."
"Grow some balls!"
"Come on... Be a man."

I then tend to mutter something under my breath like "I never asked to be a man." doing this of course is unwise as in the situation that person who said something like the above always thinks your insulting them.

Conversely begin complimented in a masculine manner actually hurts my esteem.
"Thank you kind sir. Your a good man"
"Wow What a gentleman."
"If only there were more men like you."

Ugh... ¬_¬ Reversed feelings Makes you feel like your living a lie. Like guilt but it's not because you know it's sadly true and infact only I perceive myself as female.

Begin mistaken for a girl especially when your not trying dose make me feel good, however I have to accept the apology that usually follows to avoid insult. Of course if friends are there they will try and build up your ego unintentionally doing a whole load of damage in this uninformed attempt.

"Oh hey don't worry about it you don't look or act anything like a girl I can't see how anyone could ever see you as one."

Ouch. :(

Offline Valerie Elizabeth

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Re: Being Mistaken For A Woman
« Reply #5 on: April 02, 2009, 09:53:57 pm »
No, other people have never "mistaken me for a woman." They've always been spot-on when they've made that identifcation. :)

I really like that response.  I really love it when people make that "mistake".  I just think it is really cool that I am being seen as a woman when I am still presenting as a man.  I think it's even cooler that one of my friends that I have known for years (who I am not out to) thought I was a woman.

Sweet.
"There comes a point in life when you realize everything you know about yourself, it's all just conditioning."  True Blood

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Offline V M

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Re: Being Mistaken For A Woman
« Reply #6 on: April 02, 2009, 09:58:50 pm »
Most folks won't say much to my face. Only a few have been rather direct about it. However, most of my life I've overheard comments about me being a tom boy or "That horsey B----" and such. More recently I overhear comments about "Miss can't find a bra" or "That shameless Hussy"  :laugh:
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Janet_Girl

Re: Being Mistaken For A Woman
« Reply #7 on: April 02, 2009, 11:32:14 pm »
I have always hard a bad balding problem and I am very self-conscience about it.  But today I was wearing one of my wigs, because I removed my unit for cleaning and reattachment.  I show my friend what my real hair was looking like, I am growing it out.  She said that I look very feminine even with out the wig.

Will I stop wearing anything?  No, not for at least 6 - 12 months.  But it did make me feel good.

Janet


Ashley315

Re: Being Mistaken For A Woman
« Reply #8 on: April 03, 2009, 12:01:46 am »
I wish I could stop questioning how I look, and I know it's foolish but I'm a perfectionist and for me to look perfect I'd have to look like Amy Lee, Mia Kershner, or Meghan Fox... unfortunately I don't resemble any of them, although I have been told I do look a lot like a thinner version of Katrina Weidman the show Paranormal state.  I think she is cute... So all is not lost. 

Blanche

Re: Being Mistaken For A Woman
« Reply #9 on: April 11, 2009, 12:48:14 pm »
LOL I used to know someone that was usually "mistaken" for a girl but as soon as she opened her mouth, the enchantment was broken & everybody knew she was no girl.

Offline Emily

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Re: Being Mistaken For A Woman
« Reply #10 on: April 12, 2009, 02:06:55 pm »
"Mistaken"?  :laugh:

I was shocked, but it happened to me a few times over the past few years. I'm not quite sure how, but I had grown out my hair. Still my face is way too masculine, so I'm not sure how exactly it happened.
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CayForever

Re: Being Mistaken For A Woman
« Reply #11 on: April 13, 2009, 05:06:25 pm »
Ive just started hormones like days ago, but been on Spiro fer 6 months and Laser/electo I am just starting also, on the weekend i was at this pub and there were many drunk people and i was talking to this girl and LOL these 2 drunk guys come up from behind and puts his arm around me and goes " hey ladies" from the back i can understand being mistaken, pony tail and all but my face althought looks more fem then it was it is still not there....lol the guy looked so embarrassed ...me to a bit...was an odd thing .....I didnt panic and just smiled...they were drunk.

...we had  good laugh to say the least.

Caylea

FallenLeaves

Re: Being Mistaken For A Woman
« Reply #12 on: April 13, 2009, 06:51:44 pm »

Well, I'm about 9 months on HRT and pretty much done with electrolysis. I present as male on a day to day basis, albeit and extremely femme male. I get weird looks when I'm out usually but not because people are wondering my sex. I'm fairly certain I am just usually read as a gay male with my girl's jeans and painted nails. I still am waiting on that first time someone actually thinks I am a woman. It doesn't bother me too much though because I really think it won't be a problem anymore after FFS. My nose gives me away for sure.

Offline Naturally Blonde

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Re: Being Mistaken For A Woman
« Reply #13 on: April 18, 2009, 04:58:41 am »
I'm just curious about something.

Lately I've been being mistaken as a woman more than I was before HRT (I was mistaken for a woman before transition when presenting as male, but only a couple times in the last year). 

For example, one of my friends that I have known for years (who doesn't yet know about my transition) thought that I was a woman yesterday.

Just today, one of my friends was showing some pictures she took of me (she is a photo major and it was for an assignment) to one of her friends, and the guy thought that I was a woman while looking at the pictures. 

What I am curious about is do you see yourself as looking female?  I see myself as still looking very much like a man, and I can't quite see what other people see when the mistake me for a woman.  I guess this is aimed more for people who are just at the beginning of their transition.  If you remember feeling this way when you started please let me know.

Let me know.

That's not unusual. I was percieved as female long before I ever started on HRT. Sometimes it was startling as I didn't think I looked perticularly female at that time. I don't think I have physically changed in any way since being on HRT and I haven't noticed any improvements, or being percieved as female any less. 
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Offline Northern Jane

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Re: Being Mistaken For A Woman
« Reply #14 on: April 18, 2009, 07:38:25 am »
I was never able to totally pass as a guy, not even from childhood. Back then (1950's) nobody knew anything about this but everybody in the small town where I grew up knew I was "different". By my teens, I just puzzled people, confused them. I should have looked like a boy but despite the appearance, the rest just didn't fit. After transition/SRS in 1974, nobody ever thought twice. I couldn't pass for a guy now if my life depended on it LOL!

Offline Naturally Blonde

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Re: Being Mistaken For A Woman
« Reply #15 on: April 18, 2009, 07:43:14 am »
I was never able to totally pass as a guy, not even from childhood. Back then (1950's) nobody knew anything about this but everybody in the small town where I grew up knew I was "different". By my teens, I just puzzled people, confused them. I should have looked like a boy but despite the appearance, the rest just didn't fit. After transition/SRS in 1974, nobody ever thought twice. I couldn't pass for a guy now if my life depended on it LOL!

Jane, Your story is a bit like Tula Cossey's and I was also percieved as a girl from about 12 years onwards and it wasn't intentional, I didn't try to look female but there was a big difference in the way people percieved me.
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Offline heatherrose

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Re: Being Mistaken For A Woman
« Reply #16 on: April 18, 2009, 08:25:59 am »

For YEARS before and almost up to the day that I transitioned,
I sported a clean shaven head and a Van Dyke so I was definately
was never mistaken for a woman. As I now look into the mirror
I still see the same face as has always been there albeit my face
is now clean shaven and my hair is shoulder length. I'm told by
the few that know "The Deal" that I "pass well" and I get hit on
constantly. I get "Maamed" all the time and I wonder if it's not,
people just being polite but people weren't polite to me when I
first started transition, with my "Tammy Faye" make-up and frilly
finery and the all guys that hit on me can't ALL be laying their
masculinity on the line just to be polite to me. I still get "THAT"
strange look every once in a while. So it's difficult for me to
understand how everybody else misses what I see as plain as
the nose on my face as I stare into the mirror.



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Ephesians 6:2
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which is the first commandment with promise;

lisa_a

Re: Being Mistaken For A Woman
« Reply #17 on: April 18, 2009, 08:33:19 am »
For me it happens now and then. Last time was a comment last week, I was on a male dominated trip. And while drinking in the evening we talked about getting a ride, you know, if you are on the road and stick out your finger hoping for someone to stop. So I said that in this place people will usually stop. Then this older guy said that for me that was probably because they thought I was a girl. I said, well, then they probably will be surprised. I didn't get any answer to that, and the subject was changed-so it was like something you shouldn't talk about, no funny remarks or anything-as I kind of prepared for. So I think they sensed that they had touched on something sensitive-and I'm sure that was why he said it. So maybe it was just my hair is a bit longer then normal. When I look in the mirror I dont think I look like a woman-I see a lot of maleness all over the place.

Janet_Girl

Re: Being Mistaken For A Woman
« Reply #18 on: April 18, 2009, 01:24:15 pm »
Heather,

You are and always will be beautiful to me.

Janet

Offline heatherrose

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Re: Being Mistaken For A Woman
« Reply #19 on: April 18, 2009, 01:36:48 pm »
Janet Doll,


Don't look now but, your bias is showing.  ;)



"Art is not as stupid as human conversation."
Alice Neel

Ephesians 6:2
Honour thy father and mother;
which is the first commandment with promise;

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