You're an FTM and You're GAY?

[mudd]

OK, so I'm an FTM transsexual, but I've always been into women.  I'm relatively new to this site, but I have noticed that a lot of the guys on here are interested in men.  Is this normal?  I know "normal", especially to this crowd is not even close to an appropriate word to describe things... but...

When I was in a female body, I was only attracted to females.  As a male body, I still am only attracted to females. 

I guess what I'm trying to understand is.. If you are an FTM and attracted to males, were you attracted to males while you were female bodied?  Were you attracted to females while female bodied and now attracted to males while you're male bodied?

I understand not being comfortable in your skin and needing to be the other gender... but wouldn't it be easier to just be female and not be gay?

I'm sorry if this seems rudimentary, or foolish in any way.  I just simply don't get it.  It really seems like a lot of these posts relate to "boyfriends". 

I can't imagine I'm the only straight FTM out there...right? .... tell me some of you still love women....?

[Mister]

I'm straight.

Gay FTMs are extremely common.  Some gay ftms had previous interest in men and others did not.

[Vancha]

Don't worry – in the past years, the protocol for a FTM was a butch lesbian identification as a woman and a straight male identification as a man.  Thankfully, we have progressed past that generalization.  I grew up liking men, and idolizing them on top of that, and I still like the idea of being a man with a man.  I don't like the idea of being a woman with anyone.  I have mostly been with women, though.  I find myself attracted to them, but on an individual basis, whereas with men it's more... Widespread.  I guess I can love anyone, anyone at all, but I always found myself most attracted to men.  It doesn't matter much to me anymore, though.

I am pre-T and pre-everything, but right now I just live as... Me.  I don't identify as lesbian, or a straight woman, either.  I identify mostly as a gay male, but a bisexual...pansexual male above all.  I assume it will be just the same when I start physical transition.

[Osiris]

Like Mister said some liked men all along but sexuality does shift so an attraction to men can grow. Gender and sexuality are 2 different things so while issues with your gender might affect your sexuality they don't actually go hand in hand.

Also there's a big difference between being with another man as a man and as a woman. In fact it'd make my GID worse having to play the role of the woman.

It's all about being who you are. If who you are is a man who likes men then nothing should stop you from being who you are.

[Vancha]

Like Mister said some liked men all along but sexuality does shift so an attraction to men can grow. Gender and sexuality are 2 different things so while issues with your gender might affect your sexuality they don't actually go hand in hand.

Also there's a big difference between being with another man as a man and as a woman. In fact it'd make my GID worse having to play the role of the woman.

It's all about being who you are. If who you are is a man who likes men then nothing should stop you from being who you are.

I agree completely.  There is no right answer.  You can be asexual, pansexual, bisexual, homosexual or heterosexual and by any definition you so please.  Really, these definitions are here to assist us in defining ourselves rather than existing as completely concrete.

[perfectisolation]

Here's my situation, I guess:
I'd say I'm definitely most attracted to men, but it's weird when I'm in public looking male (I'm at a crossroads right now), I find myself thinking of girls having the impression that I might be attracted to them, even though I'm not really attracted to women.... if that makes any sense. I also think it would have been nice to be a father, or have a female partner, but not really in a sexual or even romantic sense  . Well, to sum it up, I think in my case my dysphoria has caused me to almost be repulsed by the female body and female sexuality, so any chance of me being more attracted to them has flown out the window, so long as my body stays the way it is (pre-everything).

[Dennis]

but wouldn't it be easier to just be female and not be gay?

Yeah, but if you're ftm, you know that gender identity isn't the same thing as sexual orientation. So yeah, logically and statistically, I'm sure it would be better for the gay guys to remain female. But, I'm also sure that they felt the same need to transition as I did. One of the questions we all go through on transition is "what if nobody ever loves me again?" and is it still worth it. For me it was. And I found a woman who loves me. Actually, she found me, but that's nitpicking

But if I hadn't found her, er been found, I still would have transitioned. I did transition, even without any hope of finding a partner. The same thing probably holds for gay guys.

Dennis

[gravitysrainbow]

Your question is understandable, and one I've heard quite a bit before, even from other trans people. You're definitely not the only straight transguy. There are theories that state that one of the reasons there seems to statistically be fewer FTMs (though the ratio of MTF to FTM is probably far closer to being 1 to 1) is that FTMs are less likely to seek support, as it's seen as "weak" or "feminine." I don't know how much truth there is in that, but it could follow that that's why you find so many gay FTMs on support sites...they are probably less likely to worry about appearing "weak" by asking for support. That's just what I figure though, it may be completely wrong.

The only part of your post I take issue with is this:

but wouldn't it be easier to just be female and not be gay?

It would certainly be easier, with regard to the homophobia present in society. But being trans, at least for me, is not about who I want to have sex with. It's about my relationship with my own body. To say that it would be "easier" to remain female implies that straight FTMs transition because it is "easier" to be a straight man than to be a lesbian. I know many guys would take offense at that implication, though I also know it's probably not one you were trying to make.

[Jamie-o]

Easier from a dating standpoint, certainly.  That was something I had to really stop and think about before I decided to transition.  For me it came down to the fact that I could never really be myself if I was a woman.  And what kind of relationship can you have if the very essence of who you are is invisible to your partner? 

And yes, some people's sexuality does shift when they transition.  More often than not that means they go from being straight to being ... er ... straight.  That is, straight women to straight men. (Or vice versa.)  For me, I went from being attracted primarily to men, to being even more strongly attracted to men once I started T. (Probably an increased libido thing.  )

[Radar]

I can't imagine I'm the only straight FTM out there...right? .... tell me some of you still love women....?

Here. Even though I'm (currently) married to a man.
Ah, the joys of a "convenance" marriage.

[Jeatyn]

There are plenty of men who love men, men who love women, and men who love both...or in some cases neither. Doesn't matter if us FTM's are a different flavour of men, we're still just men on the inside, so it's no different for us.

As for it being easier to stay female. Surely it's easier to stay female anyway, regardless of who you're attracted to. Transition is by no means easy, it's just something we have to do. Even if you're a straight trans guy you have to go through the whole explaining your past and your situation in the pants area You'd still have to find somebody who accepts that, regardless of gender.

[Lachlann]

Well, here's my take on it...

Online there seems to be a bigger population of homosexual FTMs but apparently not so much in support groups. Minorities always seem bigger than they are online because minorities usually have to turn to the Internet to find support.

Like others have said, orientation doesn't have much to do with being trans in general as it's an identity issue. We don't transition as a whole just so we can have sex with whoever we want, though that might be one concern for someone, it's not the issue entirely.

Women are theorized to be much more fluid in terms of sexuality. In general, women seem not to have a consistency to their orientation or sex drive much more often than men. Also, I think some pre-T gay FTMs might not necessarily like men, but rather they admire them so much and despise anything relating to their feminine parts that they take to men for these reasons. Then when they feel more comfortable in their body, they soon find out it wasn't that they like men, it was just that they either got off on the fact that the guy had what they desired or it was because since their body doesn't look as feminine to them anymore, they were able to consider women and men became less desirable or they found that they like both.

These are just some reasons and not every gay FTM is like that. Some have kept their sexuality even through transition, some straight FTMs have found themselves to be gay through transition.

Also, if one were to stay female and have a relationship with a man, it would not be the same as a gay relationship. Just because it is the same gender that is of interest does not mean the dynamic isn't different. That's the sole reason why I could never consider myself lesbian, the dynamic was just different.

[Teknoir]

I understand not being comfortable in your skin and needing to be the other gender... but wouldn't it be easier to just be female and not be gay?

No. Other people have covered the "I need to be myself" part, let me cover another....

Straight men like women. They do not want a man with tits.

Believe it or not, some gay FTM's aren't the makeup wearing neatly dressed fashionable effeminite type, and make REALLY unconvincing women. Some of us get read as straight guys (from a personality standpoint) until we say something that outs ourselves.

Disclaimer : I don't really identify as anything right now (I don't actually want to sleep with anyone) I do find myself attracted to men from time to time.

If someone's going to get my interest it's going to have to be someone I can relate to, share interests with, someone that impresses me on an intellectual and skillset level, and be fine with leaving me alone most of the time. I don't mean to be sexist - but I just don't think a woman would fit the criteria!

My sexuality hasn't changed from when I was living as female to now, though I am still pre-T. I'm open to the possibility of it changing - it isn't unheard of.

Perhaps orientation changes in some people due to T upping the sex drive (and physical attributes becoming much more important), or a lifting of repressed feelings?

[sneakersjay]

Sexuality is fluid.

In my head, I always imagined myself as a man with a woman, intimately.  But outwardly living as a woman, I could not imagine or let myself be with a woman.  For me, I knew it didn't fit.  As a woman, I dated men, married a man, had kids.  But the role of wife and mother did NOT fit at all.  But hey, life threw me lemons, I made lemonade!  Now that I am perceived as male, I can NOT imagine myself in a relationship with a man, but a woman.  Not that I see myself never being intimate with a man, I could, but not in a relationship.  I suppose that technically makes me bi, but I don't like labels.  Just as I don't like the trans label.  Yes, I'm trans, but it's NOT my identity.


Jay

[Cyndigurl45]

I'm sorry I must be having a blonde momment....... but did you say that you are male now and still attracted to women but thought you were gay? now speaking in the PC corectiveness of our society, isn't that how it works men like women? or did I go through some freeqie warp thinggy and thinks are different now......

[Miniar]

I'm a flaming twink even if I'm pansexual,.. always have been.

[Radar]

In my head, I always imagined myself as a man with a woman, intimately. But outwardly living as a woman, I could not imagine or let myself be with a woman. For me, I knew it didn't fit. As a woman, I dated men, married a man...  But the role of wife did NOT fit at all. Now that I am perceived as male, I can NOT imagine myself in a relationship with a man, but a woman.

The excerpts from your post is exactly how I feel right now. I didn't really think many would be able to relate.

[myles]

I am now just a straight guy.  Agree with everyone else who says gender and sexuality are two totaly different things.
Myles

[Nathan.]

I don't really get the point your trying to make 

sexuality and gender are two very different things and its not as if we can choose to be gay, hetero, man or woman.

I myself am a pan dude, pre everything, with a fluid sexuality although most of the time I prefer women.

[Vancha]

You know, seeing as I often have extremely bitter feelings about sexuality in general (because of my GID, more than likely), I have to wonder whether I will like men after I have begun physically transitioning.  Perhaps I idolize men to the point of feeling extremely interested in them, but I perceive it incorrectly.  I have always been with women in relationships, as I like to feel I am in the male role.  I would hate to be in a female role, or effeminate role, in any way, shape, or form.  Perhaps when I feel less resentful of men and women (women because they reflect who I don't want to be, men because they reflect who I want to be and have felt I can't be) I might just be a straight male.

Who is to say?

In a sense, I just don't think I could turn someone down for gender.

Either way, if there are so many types of men, why can there not be so many different types of FTMs?  We are men, after all.  And in my opinion, it is not easier to be female, as I would not want to be with anyone as a woman... Thus, it completely negates sexuality in itself.