Community Conversation > Transgender talk

I Need Help for My Wife's Pain

(1/4) > >>

kylie:
I have just recently come to accept my GID and am working with a wonderful therapist about how to accept this in my life. Yesterday my wife saw that I ordered some new clothes again and that along with all my new bath products and weight loss it scared her. I think she came to the realization that this process I am going through is more serious than she had hoped. She told me for the first time that she wasn't comfortable with my dressing again. I talked with her about my need to accept this in my life with her and the kids in order to be at peace. I also reassured her that she didn't have to participate. She again stated that she was not comfortable and went to bed.

I then fell apart and hysterically cried on the floor and bed for hours. We did speak again but I was too hysterical and overwhelmed to do any good. What a mess I think I made.

I told her of the dressing before we were married and she participated for awhile and then asked me to see a therapist to stop as she wanted to have children as did I. So I saw a therapist for over three years about ten years ago. Did some great work and then purged and stopped out my love for her and sheer will power. Since that time have been dealing with my feelings through the internet as a way to keep it out of her and the kids life. This worked until earlier this year.

What I need is some direction to a good article, web site, reference material or anything else one knows of that I can give to her that doesn't jump directly to dealing with full transition. (reading about my GID possibly leading to transitioning would be too scary for her at this time; as it is for me) l need desperately to help her through this most difficult time. I'm not looking for an article to get her to come over to my side as I don't even know what exactly is my side yet. I am looking for something to help her understand this and show her that she is not alone.

Please help if you can,

Kylie

Cindi Jones:
Kylie,

I wish that I could help, but my personal experience took me far beyond cross dressing to full transition.  I like you, tried very hard for a very long time to make it all work.  This thing I had running round in my head was a non stoppable freight train pushing me down the line.

I do know that there are many CD's who have successfully worked out arrangements with their wives.  Perhaps there are some here who may help.  I certainly wish you the best.

Cindi

kylie:
Thank you for caring Cindi. I'll look into your advise.

Kylie

Peggiann:
Hello Kylie,

I am an S.O. here at Susan's Place.

I think if you went to the Signifigant Others page you could read what some of the other S.O.'s have posted. Some have email addresses on their profile page. Maybe someone there could exchange in personal emails back and for with your wife so she could at least have someone to share with that may have gone or is going through a similar situation. It might even be someone whom is just a non judgemental, non confronting and encourages in theirposts.

I think it very important for you to be able to get a grip on what it is you feel and truely desire and then be able to communicate this with your spouse in a calm atmosphere. Maybe if you have been keeping a journal of your feelings (some Therapist request this of the individuals the see), that could be shared with her. It may reflect your termoil you go through. If your can't speak calmly together maybe you could write what needs to be said back and forth for a while. Joint Therapy has been helpful for others in the past maybe that could be an option for you both. In the Wikki there is a world of information. You may find the artichle you are requesting in there. The communication is very important between you, but don't force discussion face to face if she isn't ready and especially if she feels threatened by your GID. The reason I say some form of communication is important is because if you both quit talking about this she may feel you have reconnsidered and have given it all up. It will only resurface in the future.

Your children and your wife and how you proceed will affect their lives will weigh heavily in your mind and heart as are trying to figure it all out. I think to be truely fair to yourself though you must if possible somehow not consider that. I think you must try to feel what you need to do to be Fair, Firm, and Freindly to yourself and be able to resolve the inner termoil you experience. I have read many times here in the posts of others whom have pushed similar feelings deep with in themselves denieing themselves to be whom ever they really are. Years go by as they suffer only in the end to have family and freinds abandon them through lack of understanding. Then there are those whom suffer depression which hampers the fullfilling life that seems to be ever illusive to them. I have read here in the posts where some wife are very supportive after getting past the initial shock. I myself. am one of those wives.

Communication and time coupled with comprimizes everyone can live with... backed with honesty and love is what has helped many that have made things work in their lives...as well as the realization life is one day at a time... one step at a time.

Good Luck in your search,

Smiles,
Peggiann

kylie:
Thank you so much Peggiann for your insight and support. You are a wonderful person. I will check out those resources and do what I can immediatey.

Bless you,

Kylie

Navigation

[0] Message Index

[#] Next page