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Author Topic: Do mtf's try too hard?  (Read 4372 times)

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Offline Elsa.G

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Do mtf's try too hard?
« on: October 25, 2010, 09:38:37 pm »
I have noticed that a lot of mtf's i know or have met seem to try too hard in convincing themselves and other people of their womanhood. If you dont understand ill explain, ive seen a few posts on this forum and in other places that just seem to be illogical for example ive read a few posts of mtf's that think they experience pms, relating mtf infertility to gg infertility, shape of body parts, etc. I know wut we go through but im also a more rational and realistic person. and it just seems like a few mtf's try too hard. However much like a woman we may feel theres just alot of things that we will never understand. Only gg's can know what a period feels like, its not just about hormones theres other things involved. I am also guilty of comparing mtf infertility to female infertility, ive realized though that even if a woman is infertile theres more treatments than ever to make her able to give birth and because she is a woman she can have a baby, mtf's well we dont have any of the equipment to do it no matter how good the neovagina looks, our dna says we cant give birth female dna does. Being the realistic person i am i think talking about what brand pad u use after having srs isnt going to make us more female, sure it can make u feel like ur having a once in a lifetime period but thats it. It just seems like some of the posts like this are written to make [/font] ourselves feel better. But thats just what i think.

Offline cynthialee

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Re: Do mtf's try too hard?
« Reply #1 on: October 25, 2010, 09:46:58 pm »
I was completly willing to accept that I was having psychosomatic responce to HRT when I started experianceing monthly symptoms, then I realized I am also bloating when it happens.

what did you want to achieve with this post anyways?
So it is said that if you know your enemies and know yourself, you can win a hundred battles without a single loss.
If you only know yourself, but not your opponent, you may win or may lose.
If you know neither yourself nor your enemy, you will always endanger yourself.
Sun Tsu 'The art of War'

Offline Colleen Ireland

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Re: Do mtf's try too hard?
« Reply #2 on: October 25, 2010, 10:14:48 pm »
I've also met a number of FTM's who try too hard, so what?  It would help to know if you are referring to post-op, pre-op, pre-everything, what stage of transition?  It makes a difference.  I'm a late-transitioner, early in transition.  By which I mean I cross-dress regularly, in public, too, but am not on HRT, I don't have a prayer of passing anytime soon, and I know it.  Nevertheless, I greatly enjoy myself when I'm dressed - it just feels so right.  I pretty much live for the next opportunity.  I need to be female full-time.  I'm not worried, I'll get there.  But... I have a LOT to learn.  Someone who observes me may thing I'm trying too hard about something.  I don't let it bother me.  And could you maybe use caps once in a while, and some punctuation?  Thx...


Offline Sada

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Re: Do mtf's try too hard?
« Reply #3 on: October 25, 2010, 10:16:47 pm »
bye
« Last Edit: March 04, 2013, 12:35:03 am by Sada »

cmfic1

Re: Do mtf's try too hard?
« Reply #4 on: October 26, 2010, 12:06:11 am »
Yes we try hard. We have so much lost time to make up. 

Offline Kaelleria

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Re: Do mtf's try too hard?
« Reply #5 on: October 26, 2010, 12:14:46 am »
The question is who cares as long as your happy?


The above ticker is meant as a joke! Laugh! Everyone knows the real zombie apocalypse isn't until 12/21/12....

Muffin

Re: Do mtf's try too hard?
« Reply #6 on: October 26, 2010, 12:18:36 am »
I have noticed some (ts) people both online and IRL that you could say that about but like anything there is no general rule or plausible reason to sum a group of people up to be all the same. The media are really good at putting that in peoples minds.. it makes it easier to praise and scorn groups of society yet......... it is oh so wrong to do that.
So...even though I understand your point and agree to some degree.... I wouldn't of suggested it as ALL mtf's ... I don't know maybe you just accidentally worded it wrong *shrugs* ....I can relate to that.

Offline Cindy

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Re: Do mtf's try too hard?
« Reply #7 on: October 26, 2010, 04:54:22 am »
Hi elsaG,

From a Mod point of view be very careful about posting such threads. Girls will get upset with the perception that you are insulting their femininity.

I also think you are incorrect, there are TG women on the site that have to use 'female hygiene' products.

I also feel you are lumping everyone together, the spectrum of femininity among the women on this site is very large. But everyone of them has the right to express it at Susan's.

I'm also unsure what you wish to discuss and the purpose of your thread? Maybe you can clarify?

I have been guilty of hitting the send button when I should not have. Maybe you should review your post and explain.

Cindy James






What can I say, let your spirit fly. Love you Hon. (Nero 1979-2014)

rejennyrated

Re: Do mtf's try too hard?
« Reply #8 on: October 26, 2010, 05:08:12 am »
I have noticed that a lot of mtf's i know or have met seem to try too hard in convincing themselves and other people of their womanhood. If you dont understand ill explain, ive seen a few posts on this forum and in other places that just seem to be illogical for example ive read a few posts of mtf's that think they experience pms, relating mtf infertility to gg infertility, shape of body parts, etc. I know wut we go through but im also a more rational and realistic person. and it just seems like a few mtf's try too hard. However much like a woman we may feel theres just alot of things that we will never understand. Only gg's can know what a period feels like, its not just about hormones theres other things involved. I am also guilty of comparing mtf infertility to female infertility, ive realized though that even if a woman is infertile theres more treatments than ever to make her able to give birth and because she is a woman she can have a baby, mtf's well we dont have any of the equipment to do it no matter how good the neovagina looks, our dna says we cant give birth female dna does. Being the realistic person i am i think talking about what brand pad u use after having srs isnt going to make us more female, sure it can make u feel like ur having a once in a lifetime period but thats it. It just seems like some of the posts like this are written to make [/font] ourselves feel better. But thats just what i think.
And I think perhaps you should worry less about others.

We are not all the same. For a start some of us do genuinely have biological oddities because we were intersexed. Now unless you know those people very well you may not know that about them because they may not choose to declare it.

For a second thing just because you don't experience these things it does not follow that everyone else must be the same.

For a third thing, whilst I agree that some people do perhaps slightly over egg it, I really don't think that should be anyone else's concern because we all have to deal with the hand we were dealt in whatever was we can.

So please, I know that in your own mind you were just expressing an opinion, but it is one that could be construed by some people as a mild personal attack and is therefore at best borderline under our forum rules. As you are new here I would invite you to review these please BEFORE you make further posts in this manner and run the risk of an official warning. You can find the relevant rules here: http://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,2.0.html

Additionally, as we are on the topic, let me explain that certain features of the forum will not become active until you have made a certain number of posts without and problems. You find details of this here http://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,114.0.html

Please don't feel that I am being overly harsh here. I know you didn't mean ill by your post and despite my comments I would like to offer a warm welcome to Susan’s  I’m sure you will soon find your feet and make friends with people here and I look forward to reading your further contributions.

Jenny.

Muffin

Re: Do mtf's try too hard?
« Reply #9 on: October 26, 2010, 05:14:32 am »
I think it's important that we as a community embrace constructive criticism and not judge those that are less tactful with their approach, to not automatically view it as something it's not.
If she has personally bared witness to such behaviour within a collective community then it's not a personal attack and it should be an acceptable topic.. as long as it's used to help people with passing and finding themselves and not to put down and make fun of. Maybe I'm just too optimistic right now.   

rejennyrated

Re: Do mtf's try too hard?
« Reply #10 on: October 26, 2010, 05:29:42 am »
I think it's important that we as a community embrace constructive criticism and not judge those that are less tactful with their approach, to not automatically view it as something it's not.
If she has personally bared witness to such behaviour within a collective community then it's not a personal attack and it should be an acceptable topic.. as long as it's used to help people with passing and finding themselves and not to put down and make fun of. Maybe I'm just too optimistic right now.
No I said it was borderline - not that it was an actual outright violation, and I stand by that! I also said that some people *might* take it the wrong way.

I agree that constructive critcism is sometimes useful, but actually in this instance the post is plainly mistaken in that some of us DO genuinely need these things and experience these symptoms and frankly to assume that we are all "putting it on" for effect is, I feel, somewhat unjustified, and from my own perspective actually quite factually incorrect.

As I said it is dangerous to assume things Muffin because we are simply not all medically the same.

My Name Is Ellie

Re: Do mtf's try too hard?
« Reply #11 on: October 26, 2010, 07:51:41 am »
Some people get very paranoid about it and think they don't pass when they really do, and end up doing silly things like getting ridiculously large boob jobs, having their lips done, or other unnecessary surgery which actually makes them look less passable than before.

I don't think *all* MTF's try too hard though.

Personally I can't fathom why some folk feel the need to drop their hormones for a week to experience PMS, wear tampons to feel girly, et al, but just because I can't understand doesn't mean it's not a truthful desire or need. Everybody is different. Does it mean they're trying too hard? I don't know, it might do, but then they're just doing what they want to do. If doing that to feel different than they did before helps then it helps. "Do what you want if it doesn't harm others".

I try not to judge people on their actions because I can't possibly get into their mind to see what's going on.

But; think a lot of the time though people don't realise just how passable and pretty they are. They get stared at in the street but it's not because they look like a man, it's because they simply look stunning.

Offline A

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Re: Do mtf's try too hard?
« Reply #12 on: October 26, 2010, 10:12:04 am »
My comment : There is so little air in this text and sentences are in such a block I had to give up trying to read. Please keep in mind that good punctuations and Enters can do miracles in a text.
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clairezoey

Re: Do mtf's try too hard?
« Reply #13 on: October 26, 2010, 11:06:55 am »
so mtf, pls keep ur sperm in sperm bank before going on HRT. so we can have our own child. or go pregnant some women and then u can begin HRT

Mrs Erocse

Re: Do mtf's try too hard?
« Reply #14 on: October 26, 2010, 12:25:38 pm »
     I agree with ReJennyrated. This is a place for people to come together and share difficulties in hopes of support and consideration. There is plenty of negative in the world and this post is unnecesarily border line. We all learn from eachother and I learn allot about being feminine from MTF talk all of the time. I love the the new perspectives. If everyone held back what would there be to gain. It is not necessary to judge, only to listen and learn. We don't have to always agree. Silly things that we don't like can be laughed off and not addressed.
     Anyway I am G.G. and my spouse is MTF and we share the same mood swings monthly. It can be counted on like clockwork.
     There are allot of great people here. Welcome to Suzans.

Offline Nero

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Re: Do mtf's try too hard?
« Reply #15 on: October 26, 2010, 12:55:43 pm »
I have noticed that a lot of mtf's i know or have met seem to try too hard in convincing themselves and other people of their womanhood. If you dont understand ill explain, ive seen a few posts on this forum and in other places that just seem to be illogical for example ive read a few posts of mtf's that think they experience pms, relating mtf infertility to gg infertility, shape of body parts, etc. I know wut we go through but im also a more rational and realistic person. and it just seems like a few mtf's try too hard. However much like a woman we may feel theres just alot of things that we will never understand. Only gg's can know what a period feels like, its not just about hormones theres other things involved. I am also guilty of comparing mtf infertility to female infertility, ive realized though that even if a woman is infertile theres more treatments than ever to make her able to give birth and because she is a woman she can have a baby, mtf's well we dont have any of the equipment to do it no matter how good the neovagina looks, our dna says we cant give birth female dna does. Being the realistic person i am i think talking about what brand pad u use after having srs isnt going to make us more female, sure it can make u feel like ur having a once in a lifetime period but thats it. It just seems like some of the posts like this are written to make [/font] ourselves feel better. But thats just what i think.

I wouldn't discount the experiences of others. Some ladies do cycle their hormones which does simulate PMS. Also, most pre-op mtfs are on very high doses of female hormones. As an ftm, I went from having PMS and the whole bit to nothing virtually the second I took my first T shot. So I wouldn't dismiss the idea of some symptoms manifesting in the other direction.

As far as pads, it makes sense they would be useful for awhile following SRS.

Infertility is a painful thing to deal with for women however they come by it. It only makes sense they would find comfort in the shared experience of other women.

As for behavior in general, most trans people (and cis teenagers) go through a period of trying to validate their man or womanhood. It's part of growing up for the general population. Ours was just delayed a bit. Cis girls do some pretty funny things with appearance and behavior before settling down into a more comfortable womanhood.

It's okay to ask questions, but the tone could have been more sensitive and less accusatory.
If I don't respond to your message, please don't feel ignored or slighted. As forum admin, I get a lot of messages daily - site stuff, reports, personal, etc. I end up missing some. And seeing others but being unable to reply at the moment and then forgetting.

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Offline niamh

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Re: Do mtf's try too hard?
« Reply #16 on: October 27, 2010, 06:11:40 pm »
The question is who cares as long as your happy?

:-)

Offline Lacey Lynne

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Re: Do mtf's try too hard?
« Reply #17 on: October 27, 2010, 11:56:40 pm »
     I agree with ReJennyrated. This is a place for people to come together and share difficulties in hopes of support and consideration. There is plenty of negative in the world and this post is unnecesarily border line. We all learn from eachother and I learn allot about being feminine from MTF talk all of the time. I love the the new perspectives. If everyone held back what would there be to gain. It is not necessary to judge, only to listen and learn. We don't have to always agree. Silly things that we don't like can be laughed off and not addressed.
     Anyway I am G.G. and my spouse is MTF and we share the same mood swings monthly. It can be counted on like clockwork.
     There are allot of great people here. Welcome to Suzans.

Yes, Ma'am!  Totally agree.  I'm so on board with what you said.    :)
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Muffin

Re: Do mtf's try too hard?
« Reply #18 on: October 28, 2010, 12:01:57 am »
so how about this (just an idea) those that are not interested in this thread and it's topic simply just... stop.... reading and.... posting in it............................. and the ones that do.... hi! ...it's safe now all the ____ have gone. hopefully.

Offline ChrisTinaBruce

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Re: Do mtf's try too hard?
« Reply #19 on: October 28, 2010, 02:02:39 pm »
Elsa - I could not agree more...and it surprised me on some of the aggressive retorts.  Your observation is just that an observation, although very accurate.  I have a few TG friends in Dallas who is just as you described and I am constantly questioning her and why will she just not enjoy what she has and live life. 

After almost a year I think it finally sunk in as she went out with us last week.





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I have noticed that a lot of mtf's i know or have met seem to try too hard in convincing themselves and other people of their womanhood. If you dont understand ill explain, ive seen a few posts on this forum and in other places that just seem to be illogical for example ive read a few posts of mtf's that think they experience pms, relating mtf infertility to gg infertility, shape of body parts, etc. I know wut we go through but im also a more rational and realistic person. and it just seems like a few mtf's try too hard. However much like a woman we may feel theres just alot of things that we will never understand. Only gg's can know what a period feels like, its not just about hormones theres other things involved. I am also guilty of comparing mtf infertility to female infertility, ive realized though that even if a woman is infertile theres more treatments than ever to make her able to give birth and because she is a woman she can have a baby, mtf's well we dont have any of the equipment to do it no matter how good the neovagina looks, our dna says we cant give birth female dna does. Being the realistic person i am i think talking about what brand pad u use after having srs isnt going to make us more female, sure it can make u feel like ur having a once in a lifetime period but thats it. It just seems like some of the posts like this are written to make [/font] ourselves feel better. But thats just what i think.
« Last Edit: February 17, 2013, 10:23:19 pm by V M »
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