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Author Topic: FTM/MTF dating?  (Read 13016 times)

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Jessica88

FTM/MTF dating?
« on: November 05, 2010, 07:58:36 pm »
I'm new, so I'm not sure if this has already been posted on here or not, but I was curious as to how many FTMs have dated/are dating MTFs, and vice versa. Interesting thought.

I personally would love to date an FTM  :P

Offline A

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Re: FTM/MTF dating?
« Reply #1 on: November 05, 2010, 08:04:36 pm »
I don't think it is the intention here, but the terms of service say talking about dates is forbidden to avoid the forum to become sex-oriented.
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Jessica88

Re: FTM/MTF dating?
« Reply #2 on: November 05, 2010, 08:09:14 pm »
Sorry! Ha. This wasn't a hook-up kind of thing. I was just curious as to how many transcouples that we have on these boards. Ya know?

Offline kyle_lawrence

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Re: FTM/MTF dating?
« Reply #3 on: November 05, 2010, 09:17:37 pm »
I dated an MTF about a year ago, and I identify as Genderqueer/ FtM.  In someways it worked out really well. like it was easier for her to understand what was going on with me, like if I was feeling super dysphoric or something, and i understood what she was going through.  At the same time though, it was extra stressful at times, especially when we would try to go out somewhere together.  there were a couple times where neither of us passed in public, so we couldn't really stand up for each other without making the situation even worse, and times like that got really tough.

I don't regret anything about the relationship though.  I did and still do really love and care about her, but unfortunately circumstances changed, and it didn't work out for us to stay together.  We didn't even try to maintain a long distance relationship between vermont and Chicago.

Offline A

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Re: FTM/MTF dating?
« Reply #4 on: November 05, 2010, 09:22:35 pm »
But I still like the idea of the topic and I would be interested to talk about it. But I think it would be safer to wait for a moderator's approval before going on with this.
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Offline cynthialee

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Re: FTM/MTF dating?
« Reply #5 on: November 05, 2010, 10:08:54 pm »
Raises hand****
I am MTF and my spouse is FTA.
Both of us are on cross sex hormones.
Sex/intimacy is a complicated mine field some days but that is to be expected with both partners experiancing dysphoria.

I find that being married too anouther trans person to be alot less stress than being with a cis person. When I have an issue over something due to dysphoria I do not have to explain it yet again for the umpteenth time. I just give hir that look that says it is a dysphoria thing and it is ok. It seems to work for us rather well.
So it is said that if you know your enemies and know yourself, you can win a hundred battles without a single loss.
If you only know yourself, but not your opponent, you may win or may lose.
If you know neither yourself nor your enemy, you will always endanger yourself.
Sun Tsu 'The art of War'

Offline Nygeel

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Re: FTM/MTF dating?
« Reply #6 on: November 05, 2010, 10:29:51 pm »
Haven't dated another trans identified person and don't think I would based on my experiences with trans women. I mean, if I found an awesome person who happened to be trans then that's awesome. I'm just not going to actively seek out trans women specifically. Hearing/reading somebody say/write "I would love to date an ftm" makes me a little uncomfortable.

Offline Arawn Bheur

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Re: FTM/MTF dating?
« Reply #7 on: November 05, 2010, 10:53:34 pm »
I haven't dated a trans person, either.  I doubt I'd exclusively look for someone who was trans--I'm more into just wanting to date someone regardless of what they identify as.
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Offline kyril

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Re: FTM/MTF dating?
« Reply #8 on: November 05, 2010, 11:08:07 pm »
Haven't dated another trans identified person and don't think I would based on my experiences with trans women. I mean, if I found an awesome person who happened to be trans then that's awesome. I'm just not going to actively seek out trans women specifically. Hearing/reading somebody say/write "I would love to date an ftm" makes me a little uncomfortable.
Yeah, that bothers me too. (It's also why I'm uncomfortable with people who identify as pansexual. I don't like being "othered.")



some ftm guy

Re: FTM/MTF dating?
« Reply #9 on: November 05, 2010, 11:30:46 pm »
that idea is cool, both would understand each other in a way that one trans and one cis person wouldn't... maybe that'd be easier for both people in that understanding being transgendered sense*thinks* i could go into something like this but i don't want to go some place in person or anywhere where people are actively seeking out an ftm or mtf, don't want to be someone's  fetish. that's just creepy, ya know? I'm not an object or giant sex toy, I'm a person. i would want whoever I'm with whenever that is to like me for who i am (there are other things about people other than their gender identity) and not just because I'm a transmen.

not being mad. i don't think you intend on hooking up with anyone since you said you weren't. i think I've seen a guy somewhere here who's gf is also trans.
anyway, welcome to Susan's  :)

Janet_Girl

Re: FTM/MTF dating?
« Reply #10 on: November 05, 2010, 11:46:27 pm »
But I still like the idea of the topic and I would be interested to talk about it. But I think it would be safer to wait for a moderator's approval before going on with this.

Will an admin do?  I have often thought we should stay with our own kind, if you know what I mean.  But Dating another transperson, the whole coming out thing is basically a non issue.

And your SO understands better then any one what you are going through. 

Jessica88

Re: FTM/MTF dating?
« Reply #11 on: November 06, 2010, 12:04:38 am »
Ah, I see how my comment "I would love to date an FTM" could come across as odd. I didn't mean it in the 'I have a fetish for FTMs and I am solely looking for my partner to be FTM" kind of way, I was simply saying that an FTM would be easier to date in terms of them understanding the situation. Sorry for the confusion.

Offline Nygeel

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Re: FTM/MTF dating?
« Reply #12 on: November 06, 2010, 12:46:20 am »
Kryil: I would say the same BUT there are pansexual people that identify as such because of those with non-binary identities as opposed to seeing all trans people as not having binary identities...if that makes sense.

A: I don't really think that coming out is a non issue with a trans person dating another trans person. There are people with different opinions of "how to be trans" which can be an issue. Like if I am stealth and my partner is not, coming out could be a problem...plus there are huge differences (at least that I've seen) between many trans women and many trans men about being trans.

Offline Carson

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Re: FTM/MTF dating?
« Reply #13 on: November 06, 2010, 12:47:55 am »
I am not dating anyone at the moment but I would have no objection to dating an MTF. I don't think that I would go specifically looking for an MTF but I also would exclude them. I also didn't take you asking that question as weird, nor did it make me uncomfortable.
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Offline Brendon

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Re: FTM/MTF dating?
« Reply #14 on: November 06, 2010, 12:58:18 am »
Yeah, that bothers me too. (It's also why I'm uncomfortable with people who identify as pansexual. I don't like being "othered.")

As a pansexual trans guy, I'd like to share my thoughts on this.

The people who identify as pan and say that it means they like men, women, and trans people also make me uncomfortable.  :-\

I do NOT think being pan is about liking trans people. Obviously trans men are men and trans women are women, and as such they fall into the categories of men and women. I'd understand if people said "I like men, women, and people who identify in a non-binary way (this is the most inclusive term I could think of, let me know if you have one that works better  :embarrassed:)".

When I say I'm pansexual, I mean that how someone identifies (man, woman, bigender, genderqueer, agender, etc.) is not a factor in whether or not I will love them.

I'm sorry that you've had bad experiences with pansexuals, and I hope you know that we're not all like that.

To answer the original question though, I've never dated another trans person. The first and last person I dated was a lesbian, who despite knowing I identified as male when asking me out, refused to respect my identity. I've not been so keen on dating since  :-\   

Edit:
I apparently type really slowly, because when I started typing this Nygeel hadn't responded yet  :P. Sorry for the redundancy I suppose.



Offline Sharky

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Re: FTM/MTF dating?
« Reply #15 on: November 06, 2010, 01:14:16 am »
I haven't, but I would.

Aegir

Re: FTM/MTF dating?
« Reply #16 on: November 06, 2010, 02:38:55 am »
I wouldn't be mad if I was dating a special someone and they came out to me as trans. It'd make it that much easier for me to come out to them :D

Offline cynthialee

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Re: FTM/MTF dating?
« Reply #17 on: November 06, 2010, 08:33:34 am »
I live with and love an androgyne.

Pansexual is all I have to work with here.
So it is said that if you know your enemies and know yourself, you can win a hundred battles without a single loss.
If you only know yourself, but not your opponent, you may win or may lose.
If you know neither yourself nor your enemy, you will always endanger yourself.
Sun Tsu 'The art of War'

NightWing

Re: FTM/MTF dating?
« Reply #18 on: November 06, 2010, 01:11:51 pm »
I have.  It didn't work out in the end.  It's pretty difficult for me to be attracted to a guy's body (so I normally just identify with straight, not bi).  So I tried looking past her physical body but that sadly doesn't work.  I can't force myself to be attracted to something I'm not. We were friends before that so I guess being new to the trans issue and having no other real people to relate to, we just connected with each other, tried dating, it didn't work, so now we know. 

So in short, I don't care if a person is FTM/MTF if I'm dating them.  It just depends on the person themselves. 

Offline Nathan.

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Re: FTM/MTF dating?
« Reply #19 on: November 06, 2010, 01:14:57 pm »
Yeah, that bothers me too. (It's also why I'm uncomfortable with people who identify as pansexual. I don't like being "othered.")

Pansexuals shouldn't view mtfs and ftms as "others" as they are male or female. I'm pasnexual because I could date a man, woman or someone with a different gender identity.

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