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Author Topic: FtM crossdresser?  (Read 5209 times)

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shiinee

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FtM crossdresser?
« on: November 19, 2010, 11:41:34 am »
Hello neighbors!  I am for the most part from the androgyne board.  Judging by the recent posts on this forum I am bringing in some rather different fare, but I welcome you of course to read and/or comment and/or tell me where I should have posted instead.

I am female assigned but I am definitely not a woman, that just doesn't fit with my self-concept at all.  There are plenty of things I like about being feminine, but actually being a *woman* is wrong and it upsets me that my body is doing that.  I have identified as FtM for a few years, and I feel male, but I can't really get my head around being visibly masculine.  I feel like in order to be a man I should want to be big, buff, hairy, deep-voiced, etc. but all of that stuff would make me sad.  I love being little, cute, soft, and even a bit delicate.  I like to know I'm able to pass as male, but trying to live as a man involves a lot of faking and repressing an important side of myself.  

What I'd miss is a feeling of being very femme and girly, which brings me so much joy and amusement in my life.  I purposefully try to be totally over the top cute and childish, that's me.  I love hair bows, jewelry, skirts, the color pink, and my custom built Hello Kitty computer.  I tend to keep this stuff hidden away in my room though, because it looks like a total contradiction to the male identity I'm trying to establish.  

I mostly like the way I look (clothed) and I don't mind random people on the street seeing me as a woman.  It just disturbs me that in some way I physically am a woman for real, because it's not right.  I feel like I was born into a costume I can't take off, and I definitely like prancing around in the costume sometimes, but it's still a costume and not me.  The important people in my life have learned to recognize me through the disguise, but it's not enough.  It bothers me that the costume has gotten inside my body, when it should be skin deep at the most.  

In particular, I can't bear having a period, it is just so disgusting and miserable having the baby-making stuff come out of me.  I wish all the "female" reproductive organs and genitals were magically gone, and I'd prefer to have a functioning but easily hidable penis instead.  I've also grown very unhappy with my breasts, and I've been binding them for years even though I like breasts in general. It just bothers me that they're attached and I can't just be flat there when I'm topless.  

I really like the looks of glamorous androgyny such as David Bowie, goth dudes in skirts and eyeliner, Japanese anime guys, flamboyant FtMs pre-T, and young boys cross-dressing.  Anything that is fabulous, lovely, femme... but also male.  

Whoa, so, anyone else around these parts have something in common with me, or just think I'm confusing and want to ask personal questions? :)

Flam

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Re: FtM crossdresser?
« Reply #1 on: November 19, 2010, 01:10:07 pm »
I'm partially like you. I, too, can't see myself in the role of a common straight man that we see walking around the streets, playing soccer and talking about womans while drinks beer. That's not me, nor the male i want to be. I definetely does not consider myself as a female, too. Not even a tomboy, who's sometimes more masculine than some guys. I'm not a girl... But i like some "girly" things too, although not all that girly as you said in your example of the computer  XD
Gosh, i hate pink stuffs, and Hello Kitty, and such exagerated femme stuffs  x..x''
Never liked it, and that's why my friends love to bother me, saying that in truth, deep inside of me, all i want is to be a Disney's princess  ~..~
"What's so girly about you, then?"
For a female, nothing. But if i was born male, i'm sure that people would say i'm gay!  XD
I like to wear thight clothes, some that expose my body a little bit and would be considered REALLY gay, in a man [but not in a woman]. I love stuffed animals, i always buy the "weird" ones, plushies like crocodiles, snakes, realistic tigers, dinosaurs, exotic animals... But never, NEVER, cute little bears.
Back to clothing, i do like the visual kei style, and wouldn't mind to wear a skirt with leg warms, like some japanese girls  :3

I'm trying to think in something else, but nothing comes to my mind, so... *clicks the send button*

Offline niamh

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Re: FtM crossdresser?
« Reply #2 on: November 19, 2010, 03:20:27 pm »
I have always been attracted to masculine/andro-women. I am rather sub and it suits very well that my female partner can at times be very dom. She has a wide spectrum in the sense that she can go from being very male-like to be being very female-like. That suits her and she likes it that way, she likes the freedom that that brings. She always says that she doesn't mind being pregnant and giving birth but that she doesn't see herself as a mommy, but that she wants me to do that role, something that I actually wait to, which suits great for our relationship. But yah, I was attracted by the fact that she's rather tomboyish but still can be very cute and feminine at the few occasions when she wants. Yah, I love it when she takes the reins and tells me that she wears the pants. It's hot!

And actually, women who aren't afraid of their masculine side and enjoy showing it at times are the kind of women I model myself on. Sure, I love skirts and makeup and all but on a day to day basis I know I will be a tomboy once I transition.

jmaxley

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Re: FtM crossdresser?
« Reply #3 on: November 21, 2010, 11:16:59 pm »
I most definitely have an effeminate side.  I like fashion, I like designing clothes, sometimes I even like dressing in women's clothes.  Though I'm not as comfortable now wearing them as I used to be.  Females do have a lot more freedom in the clothing area...more stuff to choose from and also being able to wear clothes of the opposite sex without raising any eyebrows.  That's one thing that's given me pause about transition, I won't have that freedom with clothes.  Especially in the close-minded area I live in. 

Offline rexgsd

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Re: FtM crossdresser?
« Reply #4 on: November 21, 2010, 11:51:30 pm »
Wow, that sounds a lot like me. Though, i identify as male fully, though i dont want to be all hairy and burly and stuff like you said, but i feel a guy doesnt have to be like that to 'prove' hes a dude. also, i like all that 'femme' stuff and clothing and everything, but thats why i like to crossdress. i have feminine interests, i mean my unicorn collection is proudly displayed on my wall XD and if someone thinks that makes me 'not a man' because its a girl thing, then whatever :/ im still a dude, i just like unicorns so shutup, lol. and like you said, i actually wouldnt mind if (after srs and such) people think im really femme or even mistake me for a chick sometimes, because i am a femmeboi so its expected.

uh, but yeah. i tried to explain what i meant there, haha. i totally have in common most of what you said there. im totally uncomfortable with having female parts and stuff and being a 'female' to everyone :/ but at the same time, i like lots of femme stuff and dressing up. but who says a male cant embrace all that? because if not, we must be in the twilight zone because i am most certainly a guy (and will be physically too as soon as i can), but embrace all the femme things i like.

i dont know, i guess im saying is that you can be a guy and still do all those things you like. dont think that if youre a guy, you 'cant' do all that stuff =P you just gotta have a dont give a f*ck attitude to anyone that thinks different, hehe. wow i wrote a lot, okay im done X3
☥fiat justitia ruat coelum☥

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Samson99

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Re: FtM crossdresser?
« Reply #5 on: November 22, 2010, 12:22:43 am »
Same here. I'll get days where I actually want to wear a dress and make up and I'll surprise myself. I am definitely the submissive one in my relationship, although when I'm with women I take on the dominant side.

We all have a bit of everything in us. I think the diversity is wonderful.

shiinee

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Re: FtM crossdresser?
« Reply #6 on: November 28, 2010, 01:04:25 pm »
Hey thanks for all the friendly responses. ^^  Sometimes I do feel super special and proud of myself for being a girly guy, but sometimes I get really frustrated with people thinking I'm girly therefore I'm a girl.  It's good to know some people are going in the same direction.

Gosh, i hate pink stuffs, and Hello Kitty, and such exagerated femme stuffs  x..x''
Never liked it, and that's why my friends love to bother me, saying that in truth, deep inside of me, all i want is to be a Disney's princess  ~..~
Haha with friends like that, who needs enemies? XD  Personally, I hate the stuff that is subtly feminine, like shirts and jeans styled specifically for girls, or the typical make-up look.  I guess I want to be seen as out there and eye catching regardless of gender presentation. 

I love stuffed animals, i always buy the "weird" ones, plushies like crocodiles, snakes, realistic tigers, dinosaurs, exotic animals... But never, NEVER, cute little bears.
Awesome, I am all about the weird plushies too.  I have lots of the giant plush microbes and some video game related ones.  Mine are usually very cute though.


That's one thing that's given me pause about transition, I won't have that freedom with clothes.  Especially in the close-minded area I live in. 
I'm hoping to move to a more friendly area, like San Francisco, and then be absolutely flaming gaytastic.  Until then though, I like to dress as a goth or scene boy, which is gender-bending but conformingly so. :P

i have feminine interests, i mean my unicorn collection is proudly displayed on my wall XD and if someone thinks that makes me 'not a man' because its a girl thing, then whatever :/ im still a dude, i just like unicorns so shutup, lol.
Dude unicorns are clearly masculine, they have a giant phallic object on their heads.  They are horses with boners. :3

Offline Amazon D

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Re: FtM crossdresser?
« Reply #7 on: November 28, 2010, 01:20:05 pm »
Time will change you naturally but you take the best and get rid of the worst and move on and survive and enjoy life.

I could talk about when i was little and then a teen and then a young adult and now a middle age human getting by but thats what i mean take the best get rid of the worst then enjoy life. Live it for you but realize you do have to live around other people so find that good spot that works along the way.
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jmaxley

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Re: FtM crossdresser?
« Reply #8 on: November 28, 2010, 05:06:35 pm »
I'm hoping to move to a more friendly area, like San Francisco, and then be absolutely flaming gaytastic.

Gaytastic.  I think that's my new favorite word!  ;D

Alex201

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Re: FtM crossdresser?
« Reply #9 on: November 30, 2010, 09:59:54 am »
You sound alot like me. I too am very girly and identify as FTM. I consider myself a metrosexual male. I dont see no reason why you cant be "cute" and a male at the same time. Thats what I'm going for. I'm not like every other man. I am my own kind of man. I am me. A girly, cute, metrosexual male...but still very much male. Dont worry about fitting into a mold of what a "real man" should be. I dont buy that junk. Be your own kind of man...and if that means painted fingernails, loving the color pink, and wearing a skirt while loving Hello Kitty...so be it! My point is...just be yourself and dont worry about what "society" expects of "real" men...because society is extremely rigid in its deffinition. Just be yourself and do what you like. Dont feel that liking certain stuff makes you less of a man...because..that is not true at all.


I totally know what you are dealing with...because I am going through the same thing and have come to accept that ..hey...this is me...who is to tell me otherwise? 


Good luck!

Offline Lee

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Re: FtM crossdresser?
« Reply #10 on: December 03, 2010, 12:30:44 pm »
I know how you feel.  When I was first starting to think that I may be trans, this was the main thing making me think that maybe I wasn't.  I am a jeweler, and between myself and my father (who is a hobbyist), I now own many pieces which I love to wear.  I also own high heels which I use when dancing as a follow.  There are many feminine aspects of my life and look that I did not want to get rid of, even if I needed to in order to pass as male.  It took me a bit to realize that I'm okay with it.  I just think of it as crossdressing when I'm going out as a girl now, and it doesn't bother me. 
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SidESlicker

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Re: FtM crossdresser?
« Reply #11 on: December 21, 2010, 02:56:51 pm »
Mrrrrr *hugs*

Identifying with the male side of you and loving the more flaboyant things in life doesn't mean that you have to give the femme side of you the cold shoulder.

I'm with you on the breasts and period part. I can't stand my period either, it feels gross and weird and makes me feel disconnected from my body. And it's be nice if the girls could just be velcro attatched instead of that whole skin and fat tissue thing.

Boys do drag too, so even if you do identify as a ftm, or as a boi, or whatever term makes you squee with understanding glee, nothing is stopping you from putting on that girly costume. Those that are closest to you and love you will in time understand that that's the costume, and what your self-concept is. Look yourself in the mirror, smile, and say "God, I'm a man who looks smashing in that dress and heels" and smirk at all the people who think otherwise. And then when you go to sleep, sleep in your hello kitty print pj's (don't lie, I know you have them :P) and know that you're secure in your knowledge that you're a man in hello kitty pj's.

Man =/= masculine. That's like saying Vagina = Woman

:D hope it helps?

SuKai

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Re: FtM crossdresser?
« Reply #12 on: January 06, 2011, 08:43:49 pm »
When I was first starting to think that I may be trans, this was the main thing making me think that maybe I wasn't.

At least now I know I'm not the only one! I recently identified as genderqueer, but dismissed the idea that I might be male because I enjoyed femme things like jewellery and eyeliner.

VanOcc

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Re: FtM crossdresser?
« Reply #13 on: January 06, 2011, 09:37:56 pm »
I'm not sure if this is helpful, but to me I see gender and biological sex as two separate entities - my biological sex is what causes me dysphoria and my body is what I want to change, but as far as gender goes.. it appears to me to a socially constructed phenomena that is largely unhelpful to me. I'm female bodied but hate being a woman and believe I should have been born into a male body (hence why I think of myself mostly as an FTM) however the idea of being a stereotypical man is not appealing either.

I find it pretty awful when some FTMs have a go at other FTMs for not conforming to a standard idea of what a man should be.. just off the top of my head there's a video on xtube of a FTM using a dildo on himself, and a user comment basically stated that he should be ashamed of the fact that he identified as male but enjoyed his female genitalia, and the comment came from a fellow FTM who said that he personally would never do something 'a man wouldn't do'.. That sort of thinking is almost as bad as trans-ignorant bigots imo.


It's also not helpful that if you want to pass as male you're not allowed to have feminine qualities. You're allowed to have body dysphoria if you're female bodied but still enjoy feminine things.. if society tells you that certain things are feminine (the colour pink, cooking, being a housewife) that doesn't preclude you from enjoying it. That's the opinion of society - not you, and it's up to you to be the sort of man you want to be, if you want to identify within the gender binary.

Offline Alexmakenoise

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Re: FtM crossdresser?
« Reply #14 on: January 06, 2011, 10:56:56 pm »
I guess I'm a typical guy in a lot of ways.  I'm not super manly, but most of my interests are a lot more popular with guys than with girls.  That said, I have no interest in going out of my way to conform to gender norms.  I'm happy with who I am.  And I definitely like to mix it up clothing-wise.  Why wear a dress to shoot targets in the woods?  Because I can.  So I guess that makes me an FTM cross-dresser.

Offline VeryGnawty

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Re: FtM crossdresser?
« Reply #15 on: January 22, 2011, 09:55:56 am »
I'm not sure if this is helpful, but to me I see gender and biological sex as two separate entities - my biological sex is what causes me dysphoria and my body is what I want to change, but as far as gender goes.. it appears to me to a socially constructed phenomena that is largely unhelpful to me.

Yeah.  It's odd.  I was born with a male body, but I want a female body, but I have more masculine expressions than feminine ones.  I'm not sure what that makes me, other than completely confused.
"The cake is a lie."

Offline Amazon D

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Re: FtM crossdresser?
« Reply #16 on: January 22, 2011, 08:09:52 pm »
Yeah.  It's odd.  I was born with a male body, but I want a female body, but I have more masculine expressions than feminine ones.  I'm not sure what that makes me, other than completely confused.


lol join the crowd lol
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Offline spacial

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Re: FtM crossdresser?
« Reply #17 on: January 23, 2011, 07:14:56 am »
Yeah.  It's odd.  I was born with a male body, but I want a female body, but I have more masculine expressions than feminine ones.  I'm not sure what that makes me, other than completely confused.

Or, you're thinking too much.

I suggest you aim to be comfortable with yourself. Is there any reason why a girl can't find a fart funny or a guy can't cry during a tear jerker movie?

Offline VeryGnawty

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Re: FtM crossdresser?
« Reply #18 on: January 23, 2011, 11:03:46 pm »
you're thinking too much.

Guilty as charged.
"The cake is a lie."

Offline echo_artist

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Re: FtM crossdresser?
« Reply #19 on: July 26, 2014, 12:08:15 am »
OMG! I'm not alone with this! I thought it was just me.
It's okay.

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