Community Conversation > Transgender talk

Sensitivity to others.

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rejennyrated:
Over the last year or so we have developed a fine tradition of posting good luck threads for people soon to go in for their surgery. This is obviously a very kindly gesture and a sign of the real concern that we all hold for each other.

However without wanting to criticise anyone can I make a gentle plea for people to be sensitive to the many here who have found themselves stuck and unable to progress to SRS due to circumstances or lack of funding.

Offering our support and good wishes to those approaching a major life changing event is highly to be commended. However we need to be careful that in our enthusiastic support for them we do not inadvertently end up rubbing the noses of those less fortunate in their situation.

It would be terrible if someone committed suicide because of depression brought on by a rather vocal reminder of the blessing that others are soon to receive and that they fear that they may never reach.

I do not want anyone to feel that this is specifically targeted at them. It is not.

However I feel the need to now post some official guidance on SRS good luck threads:


* Please do feel free to post good luck threads, but please keep the tone moderate and sensitive.
* Specifically please be respectful in your tone.
* This is important medical treatment. It is NOT a carnival.
* Encouragement is good. Over excitement is not.
I will emphasis again that this MUST NOT be seen as a criticism of anyone who has posted anything up until now. Anything which has already been posted was, I am sure, done with the best of intentions. I am merely concerned that we avoid any future hurt.

Thank you in advance for your understanding and future cooperation.

spacial:
Thank you Jenny for this reminder.

Along with others I have wished many, taking their next steps, part time, full time, acceptance by others and going into surgery, best wishes. Today, I and others have sent our wished to our own Jerica.

Many, for a variety of reasons, cannot take the first step, let alone others. Many are in difficult situations.

What makes me feel so comfortable with Susans' is the unconditional support and love that we share. Sharing through common experiences.

I hope we can all continue to express our joy to those who have managed to take another step and our unconditional support and compassion for those that, for any reasons, are having problems.

And I can never tire of saying how grateful I am for Susans' and each of the amazing individuals here who have given me so much support.

Cindy.:
Dear All,

May be allowed to back this.

In the days of internet we can quickly send good and happy messages to each other. Which is totally lovely. I for whatever reasons  have to live my life  in stealth pretending to be male. We have many members in the same, and opposite  situations.  It may be OK for you to take the next step. But sometimes it destroys someone else's dreams. 


We at Susie's are a really nice community, let us remember and be thinking of those who, like me, don't have the opportunities
 of others. Best Goddess wishes to those who can, Best Goddess wishes to those who cannot, Just wish I was  Goddess and solved all the crap.  Did I use the c word>\? No way.


Hugs and time for bed.

Steven my pillow better be horny tonight


Cindy

tekla:
It may be OK for you to take the next step. But sometimes it destroys someone else's dreams. 

What?  Is there some zero-sum number of SRS/GRS available?  One person taking the next step (that is right for them) NEVER stops anyone else from taking the steps that are right for them.


The difference between dreams and reality is that one side often does nothing but dream, while the other group works.

Just Kate:
Each of us has specific triggers for our dysphoria be in the lack of ability to get SRS, the lack of ability to pass, the lack of youth, etc.  I have my own triggers, for instance, sometimes (and it used to be all the time) it was difficult for me to read about a MTF who is married to a man - something I so dearly wished for and still feel strongly about today. 

In those periods of sensitivity I make it a point NOT to read threads that might trigger my dysphoria.  Granted there are fewer threads related to my trigger than to someone having SRS, often mine often pops up unintentionally in a thread I am reading as someone casually mentions about their marriage.

It is important to know what sets us off, and if we are unable to control the result, we must avoid the stimulus until we have learned to control our reaction to it.  If I am not able to do that and steps are taken to protect me, I create an environment either intentionally or unintentionally that provokes others to not say what they really feel, to be inauthentic, or to cause then to feel they need to walk on egg shells.  My problems, my triggers, are not theirs, and I feel no need for anyone to censor themselves on my behalf - I may just choose not to read your thread if I'm already feeling down.

In fine, I believe people should not rub their successes in the faces of others, but censoring one's successes can only do disservice to this amazing forum.  There are plenty of other forums that are MUCH more highly moderated where people like me cannot even speak - I don't want to see this forum into that one.

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