The Night


6550733_f10241-150x118 This poem is about the effects of dysphoria and not being able to sleep due to depression and suicidal thoughts. Suicidal thoughts can happen at any time and when they hit it can impair your day to day functions and lead to thinking of doing harmful things; like drugs, drinking, or even suicide. If you or anyone you know is going through that I urge you to be there for them and to seek immediate help if you believe that your life, or someone else’s life, is in danger due to suicidal thoughts or actions.

The night falls, all is calm but me

I wake in a stir

my mind races, my heart races

my body is heavy and my breath shallow

I look around but see darkness

I grab my hearing aids and tune into the world

all is silent.

I try to slip back into a sleep but my mind is poisoned,

Poisoned with the thoughts of what to be and what is my life and worth

I take a deep breath but it hurts

Then, my alarm clock goes off

I rub off the tiredness and get dressed

I look in the mirror, I hate what i see

I see my parents

they ask if i am okay,

I respond yes.

I go to school

My peers say I am off and ask if I am OK

I reply that I am fine just drowsy

I go home at the end of the day


I shower

as the water comes down and hits my body I close my eyes

I then burst into tears and ask

why am I like this?

why must I wake in the middle of the night?

what did I do to deserve this fate?

A knock on the door,

a voice asks what is taking so long

I stop the water and dry myself

the voice says that I will be alone for a while

I go downstairs

the house is silent

I sit at the table and begin to sob

my then begins to cloud,

I go to the kitchen and grab a bottle of alcohol,

I pour a glass and raise it to my lips

I cry more, go to the kitchen and grab a knife,

my mind races

my hand shakes

the knife drops,

a voice calls out

someone runs and hugs me

They make me sit at the table,

we speak,a promise made

they tell me to sleep the night

tomorrow we depart to the psychologist

The night falls

all is calm but…….


About Author

Ms Spitfire is a Transwoman who is on her way to transitioning. Ms Spitfire is also a survivor of severe bullying and harassment that happened in her childhood. It wasn't easy for her to heal. She had to fix her broken confidence and spirit as well as deal with gender issues. That didn't stop her as she has grown up to become a strong confident woman who can be a bit timid and shy at times. Ms Spitfire loves to share her stories and experiences with others in the hopes it helps motivates them. Aside from sharing her stories she loves to help others in any way possible whether it be by volunteering or just being there for them.

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