Author Topic: My life in polar opposites...  (Read 2399 times)

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Offline Terra

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My life in polar opposites...
« on: September 25, 2005, 07:47:49 pm »
Well, A few more therapy sessions under my belt, and i'm not sure what i'm doing anymore.

Well, let me rephrase that, I know I'm doing the right thing, but I can't DO anything. For those of you who don't know, i'm currently serving my country, which means I can't be to public about who I am. It also restricts what I can do, I'm juggaling things as it is to just see a therapist.

But my biggest beef is that I can't dress, practice, or really do anything to prepare myself for transition. It is making me feel like i'm closed in and can't get out.

I of course talked to my therapist and he suggests that antideppresents might be a good thing and to talk to the military shrink about them, carefully.

So now i'm battling deppresion once again, I really have no friends right now, they are all on the comfort. I can't get out much due to my hectic schedule, and really all I seem to do is eat, sleep, work, and videogames. Not healthy.

I don't know, if I get this discouraged this easily, will I ever make it to the end? Gah, what a morbid thought. But the one bright side is i've decided for my own sanity to take some of the transition money i've been saving and go buy a guitar. I always feel happy whan I play, and maybe I can get good enough to earn some extra change by playing on a street corner or in the metro.

I just gotta get out of this funk, anyone have some suggestions?
"If you quit before you try, you don't deserve to dream." -grandmother


Re: My life in polar opposites...
« Reply #1 on: September 25, 2005, 08:43:51 pm »
Hey there Luana,

I was in the same predicament as you find yourself now.  While I was serving I too was so restricted in what I could do and it really got me down.  For myself I dressed in private, at night when I was sure that I wouldn't be disturbed, and I wore ladies nighties to bed at night.  I was fortunate that my wife supported me in this so there was no upheaval at home.  When not on duty I often wore female underwear.

It was tough, but I found other distractions that made life easier until such time as I would be free to be me (retired from the forces, and yes it did seem a long way off).  I took up canoeing and that led to kayaking, and that led to photography.  I was a bit of a loner too, I had few friends, and no male ones so these activities fit in just right, I could do them alone, and they kept me busy.

For me it was a long haul, but I got through it.  How long of a military career are you planning.  When you've worked that out then you will be able to make some concrete plans for your future, and that in itself can be a happy and positive distraction.  My career lasted 30 years, so I had lots of time to plan.  But my circumstances were a little different.  For you, you could look at making a career move that will put you in a better position to do something about your issues.  This is a huge decision to have to make so you must be absolutely sure before acting this way, as it could be disastrous if you make a mistake.

Being discouraged is normal, and there are going to be other discouraging instances well, just don't dwell on the negative, and work on the positive.  Words are cheap I know but it's going to be up to you to battle out of your depression, look for other distractions beside video games  :)  There's lots out there, and there's Susan's  :)

Take care, and don't be a stranger,