Community Conversation > Non-binary talk

Non-Binary Introductions

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WOW! ??? That age old question asking who am I.  In a way, it has only taken me almost 60 years to answer that question and even then I am not exactly sure of the answer.  In the last several years, I have finally started to accept and express myself as being on both sides of the gender equation.  For a while I used the term two-spirited to express who I was.

Briefly, I spent almost 25 years fighting myself and others, to see the woman within while presenting as a feminine male.  The next 15 years were a major conflict withing myself, trying to be the male that society, as well as family/friends, needed to see.  It was pure HELL trying to fight myself to eliminate all that I had learned and experienced growing up in a more feminine atmosphere.

At 40 is when I started to explore my battle (AH the internet and all it's information), I started to see a pattern that I didn't fit into trans, cis or any other description.  I attempted to go on HRT (without a doctor's help) and found out first hand why that isn't such a good idea.  It brought my quest to a screeching halt.  I was lost.

Around 2 years ago, my male body started into that phase of what I refer to as just after the warranty ran out.  The visits to doctors became more frequent and their findings were more than just normal ageing.  The aches and pains were actually my body breaking down from overuse.  My female mind screamed out that a woman's body isn't allowed to wear out because she still needed to take care of family.  My male body said, "You can only think that."  To make a long story short, I am presently on Finasteride to shrink to nothing a prostrate that can't seem to stay normal.  The side effects of this medication are that my body isn't getting all the overabundance of testosterone it was living with.  I also started taking the recommended allotment of photo-estrogen to ease the hot flashes, slight depression and low libido to name a few.  It was this combination that allowed me to finally see that I truly was a combination of both.  It was this site, and one simple explanation that I read here describing Androgynous that finally gave a name to who I am.   

Hi. Im Silent. Im 18, biologically male and im from Scotland. I discovered i was androgyne only a few weeks ago. For years i thought i was female but was never 100% sure, i always thought i was somewhere in the middle. It was only recently that i was exploring my identity and took a cogniati test. I got a score of 90 which put me as androgyne but i was surprised how close it was to saying i was possibly transsexual. I dont look or dress androgynously yet partly due to my size, although im trying to lose weight, and also because ive been too shy and self concious to go and buy what i wanted to wear. I havent came out yet to anyone. I think my parents will be ok with it. My dad works in mental health and has dealt with trans people before and my mum is pretty open minded so they should be ok with it. I think most of my friends will be ok or be kinda 'we knew there was something different about you' but in a good way. There are a few who im not sure what their reaction will be but to be honest, if theyre not going to like me then, why do they like me now? Anyway i dont plan on coming out until after new year so i have time to prepare. Bye for now :)

Hello there - I've just come up with a daft word for myself: womandrogyne :).

Born physically male, I'm going through a gender transition specifically because I should have a woman's body - because I've always been a woman (though that knowledge needed repressing until it became safe to wake up into myself last year). But I'm attracted neither towards femininity nor masculinity, just wanting to be myself, but myself as a woman physically. And myself is, if anything, a woman who wants to be androgynous, Amazonian (in a non-violent way - kind of like Xena if she was a Buddhist :)).

I'm realising I could definitely use more contact with similar people, as I feel quite out of place in trans women's groups. I fit in more comfortably in lesbian/bi women's groups, and get on well with trans men, but feel a lack of people like me, who get what's going on for me, and don't have an agenda that assumes I'm going to want to femme up any day now. It's tough constantly having to explain that yes, I'm going through a gender transition, but yes, the way I'm dressed right now is how I like to present myself, and no, there isn't another version of me that wears dresses and makeup and so on, this is it, right now.

I worry that I'm in danger of becoming quite judgemental towards femme trans women, in self-defence. I do my best not to go there, but I feel under a constant pressure to conform, and it's not going to happen. I'm done with passing as a man, and I have no intention of passing as anything now - I'm just going to be the kind of woman I am, there are billions of possibilities there.

Wow. I'm pretty surprised by this. I actually signed up for this forum for a completely different reason (more to follow). Then I logged in for the first time and saw this Androgyn section. I had actually never heard of it before, but from what I see here, it appears to fit me rather well.

I am a biological male and have no interest in changing that. That being said, a lot of quintessentially masculine characteristics bother me. I only have female friends. I find males to be a bit bothersome. This has been the case as long as I can remember. I was looked upon as somewhat of an oddity in my neighbourhood as the boys were out playing football and other boy games, and I was playing with dolls with the girls. At school, I could usually be found playing jacks or jumping rope or playing hand clapping games with the girls. By the fifth grade, I was officially labelled gay and that stuck through university. I certainly did not help things at all when, as a young adult, I changed my name to a female name. One could argue that it was a male name a long time ago, but these days, it is pretty unambiguously female. Enough to the point that I regularly get things addressed to Miss or Mrs. More than one interviewer has gotten a real shock when I have showed up for an interview and I regularly get asked for ID when I try to use my own plastic because they don't believe that the person whose name is on the card is actually me.

And my favourite colour is pink. Or lavender or mulberry. That is the reason I came here in the first place. It is almost impossible to find clothing in colours that I like in the men's section. Perhaps you may have noticed... Anyhow one of my friends suggested that I might find what I want in the women's section. But I am far too shy to go into the women's section at the local department store and ask to try on women's clothing. So I am going to have to do it by catalogue. But I really am not getting too much guidance from the catalogues so I thought somebody here might be able to help...

Pica Pica:
Welcome Buttle, I don't know about help, but we can natter along with you.


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