Author Topic: Non-Binary Introductions  (Read 105311 times)

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Offline omalleytac

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Re: Non-Binary Introductions
« Reply #860 on: April 18, 2017, 05:06:18 am »
My birth name is Sarah, sometimes I go by Jack.
I consider myself genderfluid, two spirit, androgyne, gender neutral. I am 25.

***TW:Genitalia Talk***

I am confused about my genitalia. I am fine having a woman's body but I mainly hate my vagina.
I would prefer to have a penis or no genitalia at all.

***TW:abuse***

I have been sexually abused most of my life and I feel that the abuse partly had an impact on how I view
having a vagina. However, I was never really comfortable with my vagina to begin with.

So, I feel a bit out of place...

I've been told it's not okay for me to want to identify as intersex, even though I always had felt I should have been
born with both a functioning penis and vagina. (although I understand it is fairly uncommon)

I'm confused...


Offline Tessa James

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Re: Non-Binary Introductions
« Reply #861 on: April 19, 2017, 10:04:58 am »
Hello Omalleytac,

Welcome to a good Place to sort things out.  As you can see there are hundreds of thousands of folks who deal with questions, confusion and gender identity.

Your unique perspectives and history can be shared and ideas explored.

Abuse is tragically too common but need not define the rest of our lives.

See ya around Jack.
Open, out and evolving queer trans woman with HRT support since March 13, 2013

Offline cornbread

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Re: Non-Binary Introductions
« Reply #862 on: May 03, 2017, 06:45:15 pm »
Hi, so I'm cornbread, I joined the forum a few weeks back and then got distracted and now I'm back.

I knew I was somewhere in the middle ever since I was a teenager, now I'm 29, have come out to friends and family as nonbinary and using they/them and a new gender-neutral name and it's terrific. For a while I thought I might be a trans man but my brief infatuation with the idea of being fully male has subsided for now, and I'm happy being my androgynous self (but some of my friends call me he/him because they have trouble with using the singular "they." Compromises compromises.)

Hope to be around for a while.

Offline Tessa James

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Re: Non-Binary Introductions
« Reply #863 on: May 05, 2017, 01:07:00 pm »
Hi, so I'm cornbread, I joined the forum a few weeks back and then got distracted and now I'm back.

I knew I was somewhere in the middle ever since I was a teenager, now I'm 29, have come out to friends and family as nonbinary and using they/them and a new gender-neutral name and it's terrific. For a while I thought I might be a trans man but my brief infatuation with the idea of being fully male has subsided for now, and I'm happy being my androgynous self (but some of my friends call me he/him because they have trouble with using the singular "they." Compromises compromises.)

Hope to be around for a while.

Hey Cornbread,

Whatcha cooking up lately? ;)  Welcome to the non binary part of the forums.  As you likely know there are many many more folks these days who identify somewhere within the NB spectrum.  It seems like new terms, labels, expressions and gender identities are being discussed and recognized these days.  The trans narratives used to feel rather restrictive and narrow but young folks especially seem to be busting the doors off in favor of their unique perspectives and individual authenticity.  I salute your coming out, androgyny and ability to compromise.  Good on ya as our Aussie friends say :D
Open, out and evolving queer trans woman with HRT support since March 13, 2013

Offline Deb Roz

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Re: Non-Binary Introductions
« Reply #864 on: May 25, 2017, 04:38:24 pm »
Hi Everyone, 

I'm Deb,  36/M, and I'm seriously questioning my gender for the first time.  I've flirted with my feminine side for my whole life.  When I was much younger, I learned to keep my cards close to my chest, because of the fear of ostracization from my peer group or straight up violence.  Then, over time, those behaviors became second-nature.

I'm not sure why, maybe it's because my brother is mid-transition FTM, but I've really started to want to express my femininity lately.  So, I found Susan's place, and I've really gotten a lot from reading about the experiences here.  I started out mostly checking the MTF boards, but now I am interested in the Non-binary identity. 

While I ache to be feminine, I don't hate my masculinity.  I'm mostly okay with it.  What I'm not okay with is feeling stifled and repressed.  Those feelings are very powerful, and I am terrified at the idea of 'coming out' to my family and friends.  And yet, I can't help but explore my dysphoria and the feeling that my gender expression is incomplete. 

Anyway, I'm rambling.  I do that a lot :)  Thank you so much for this wonderful community.  I am very thankful to have somewhere to talk about this.
Mid 30s, assigned male at birth, seriously questioning my gender for the first time.

Offline Tessa James

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Re: Non-Binary Introductions
« Reply #865 on: May 27, 2017, 01:03:39 pm »
Hi Deb,

Welcome!  Yes there is plenty to explore here and within ourselves relative to gender.  I would guess that there are significant numbers of people who are tired of the gender straightjackets the dominant culture seems to revere.  Straight, cis, or LGBTQIA people all have a stake in greater personal freedoms and that includes gender expression.

Fear is, as usual, our mutual enemy.  Take the Star Trek and simply "go boldly" or go anyway that works for you..
Open, out and evolving queer trans woman with HRT support since March 13, 2013

Online Dena

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Re: Non-Binary Introductions
« Reply #866 on: May 27, 2017, 01:49:08 pm »
If you feel you might be a member of the non binary, you should look at our WIKI and see what matches. Unfortunately the non binary community isn't real active but I have learned something about it if you have questions. There are non binary active on the site and should be checking in over the next few days.
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Offline Naz

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Re: Non-Binary Introductions
« Reply #867 on: June 22, 2017, 02:26:49 pm »
Hi I'm Jeff/Jessie.  I'm 61.  I'm bi-sexual in that I enjoy having sex with my wife as a man and as a woman with my boyfriend.  When I'm making love with my boyfriend I truly feel with my imagination that I am a woman and I have a vagina.  With my wife I'm all man.
I'm going to go through hrt for breast growth, feminine curves and hopefully a tamer sex drive and calmer mind.  I don't want to have srs and don't mind having a penis, but if I wasn't married to such a wonderful wife, I would probably want a vagina.  I have tried several herbal breast enhancement programs with limited success.
My wife knows of my desires and is mostly okay with it.  But enjoys sex as much as I do with each other.  She knows my boyfriend and is okay with us having sex together.
I'm hoping for nice breast development and curves but I understand at my age not as much will happen as if I was younger. 
I want at least a bit of me to be the woman I am also.  But hope to present as a male mostly.  Am Will I become more feminine as I go ..I hope so, but also want to be male.

Offline Tessa James

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Re: Non-Binary Introductions
« Reply #868 on: June 23, 2017, 03:56:14 pm »
My birth name is Sarah, sometimes I go by Jack.
I consider myself genderfluid, two spirit, androgyne, gender neutral. I am 25.

***TW:Genitalia Talk***

I am confused about my genitalia. I am fine having a woman's body but I mainly hate my vagina.
I would prefer to have a penis or no genitalia at all.

***TW:abuse***

I have been sexually abused most of my life and I feel that the abuse partly had an impact on how I view
having a vagina. However, I was never really comfortable with my vagina to begin with.

So, I feel a bit out of place...

I've been told it's not okay for me to want to identify as intersex, even though I always had felt I should have been
born with both a functioning penis and vagina. (although I understand it is fairly uncommon)

I'm confused...

Welcome to Susan's Place.  Many people come here with concerns and confusion and share their questions by posting just as you have.  Many people here have issues with the genitals we were born with.  i hope and trust you can find people here who feel similarly out of place and are working to define themselves and better understand the world we share.  Best to you.
Open, out and evolving queer trans woman with HRT support since March 13, 2013

Offline Tessa James

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Re: Non-Binary Introductions
« Reply #869 on: June 23, 2017, 03:59:35 pm »
Hi I'm Jeff/Jessie.  I'm 61.  I'm bi-sexual in that I enjoy having sex with my wife as a man and as a woman with my boyfriend.  When I'm making love with my boyfriend I truly feel with my imagination that I am a woman and I have a vagina.  With my wife I'm all man.
I'm going to go through hrt for breast growth, feminine curves and hopefully a tamer sex drive and calmer mind.  I don't want to have srs and don't mind having a penis, but if I wasn't married to such a wonderful wife, I would probably want a vagina.  I have tried several herbal breast enhancement programs with limited success.
My wife knows of my desires and is mostly okay with it.  But enjoys sex as much as I do with each other.  She knows my boyfriend and is okay with us having sex together.
I'm hoping for nice breast development and curves but I understand at my age not as much will happen as if I was younger. 
I want at least a bit of me to be the woman I am also.  But hope to present as a male mostly.  Am Will I become more feminine as I go ..I hope so, but also want to be male.

Hello and Welcome,

You sound like a very interesting person who is doing well at sorting out what you want and need.  Good for you!  I hope you enjoy sharing here.
Open, out and evolving queer trans woman with HRT support since March 13, 2013

Offline ENC

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Re: Non-Binary Introductions
« Reply #870 on: July 05, 2017, 10:47:14 am »
Hello, I'm ENC.
 I've been identifying as non-binary for a couple of years now, but have been only been able to tell a few people.
While I've cycled through various identities, I always go back to non-binary. I don't feel like a girl, but not a boy either, I just feel like me.
I like to film, write , and read comic books.
I hope that one day I'll be able to further feel alright in my own skin and surround  myself with people I feel safe with.

Offline Tessa James

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Re: Non-Binary Introductions
« Reply #871 on: July 07, 2017, 11:57:07 am »
Welcome ENC!  Sounds like you have been doing some searching of sorts and have a very reasonable goal for now.  I hope you also will feel safe to explore here.  See ya around.
Open, out and evolving queer trans woman with HRT support since March 13, 2013

Offline Sno

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Re: Non-Binary Introductions
« Reply #872 on: July 09, 2017, 06:04:57 am »
Hi Everyone, 

I'm Deb,  36/M, and I'm seriously questioning my gender for the first time.  I've flirted with my feminine side for my whole life.  When I was much younger, I learned to keep my cards close to my chest, because of the fear of ostracization from my peer group or straight up violence.  Then, over time, those behaviors became second-nature.

I'm not sure why, maybe it's because my brother is mid-transition FTM, but I've really started to want to express my femininity lately.  So, I found Susan's place, and I've really gotten a lot from reading about the experiences here.  I started out mostly checking the MTF boards, but now I am interested in the Non-binary identity. 

While I ache to be feminine, I don't hate my masculinity.  I'm mostly okay with it.  What I'm not okay with is feeling stifled and repressed.  Those feelings are very powerful, and I am terrified at the idea of 'coming out' to my family and friends.  And yet, I can't help but explore my dysphoria and the feeling that my gender expression is incomplete. 

Anyway, I'm rambling.  I do that a lot :)  Thank you so much for this wonderful community.  I am very thankful to have somewhere to talk about this.

Hi Deb Roz.

To misquote an author, welcome to wonderland - it's a real challenge of self exploration, isn't it. It sounds like your journey has begun - destination unknown and it it does sound like your immediate family will be supportive, that's a real asset.

Have a look at the 30 day genderqueer challenge - if nothing else, it may help guide your questions a little - as will a therapist to talk this all through with.

Feel free, express you, and embrace the future.

Rowan

Offline Deb Roz

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Re: Non-Binary Introductions
« Reply #873 on: July 10, 2017, 12:39:00 pm »
Thank you Rowan :)

I like that 30 day Genderqueer challenge.  Those questions are great for me to think about.  I like having a structured set like that to guide my thoughts. 

Mid 30s, assigned male at birth, seriously questioning my gender for the first time.

Offline Bailee/Alex

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Re: Non-Binary Introductions
« Reply #874 on: July 11, 2017, 12:59:52 am »
Hi, I was born Bailee, female, and I live in Texas. I am 16, and I have been struggling with being "Bailee" for a very long time. It wasn't until I turned 13 that I realized why I hated "bailee". I feel like I might not be her anymore, although I do not feel bad using female pronouns, I love when people tell me (Usually disgusted) that I look like a boy, oh, I thought you were a boy, and I just do not know how to handle these feelings.

Growing up, I loved the name Alex. I feel like it is a name I could use, and be happy. I often imagine myself as a flat-chested, square-shouldered Alex, and I don't know if i'm just crazy, or if I am non-binary, or gender fluid. If you have any advise, please help.

Offline Tessa James

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Re: Non-Binary Introductions
« Reply #875 on: July 11, 2017, 04:23:50 pm »
Hey Alex,

A warm welcome to you and thank you for coming in to the Place.  One of our modest moderators will likely check in to let you know more about our terms of service and rules.

I so admire anyone sure of themselves and strong enough to even address your questions as a teenager.  Good for you!  There are literally thousands of people who have shared those same thoughts and concerns here.  It may help to know that you have very good company and while you're a unique person many people are here figuring themselves out too.

I suggest you trust your feelings to start with.  I often felt crazy and the standard narratives and labels did not fit.  You can chart your own course on a voyage to discover yourself.  You have shared a little with us already and I hope you will feel comfortable posting ideas and/or responding to posts on the forum pages.  I hope you also have opportunities in your real time community to talk with other supportive people.  Anything happening at your school?

Sadly Texas is currently dealing with a legislature seemingly intent on hurting transgender students and other non conforming folks.  The topic of trans is big in the news so perhaps there are also resources you can find out about?  Best wishes and please let us know how your doing.
Open, out and evolving queer trans woman with HRT support since March 13, 2013

Offline ElizabethK

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Re: Non-Binary Introductions
« Reply #876 on: July 11, 2017, 05:51:22 pm »
Hi, I was born Bailee, female, and I live in Texas. I am 16, and I have been struggling with being "Bailee" for a very long time. It wasn't until I turned 13 that I realized why I hated "bailee". I feel like I might not be her anymore, although I do not feel bad using female pronouns, I love when people tell me (Usually disgusted) that I look like a boy, oh, I thought you were a boy, and I just do not know how to handle these feelings.

Growing up, I loved the name Alex. I feel like it is a name I could use, and be happy. I often imagine myself as a flat-chested, square-shouldered Alex, and I don't know if i'm just crazy, or if I am non-binary, or gender fluid. If you have any advise, please help.

Hi Alex/Bailee

Welcome to Susan's. I hope you enjoy your time here.

I think from my experience doing what you are doing is a good place to start. Explore how you feel, find a safe place and someone you can trust whether that be a therapist, or best friend...someone you trust and start chatting. There are many others who question so don't feel alone there are plenty here only to willing to help.
 
So you are able to get the very best from being here there are a couple of links we give to all our new members

Site Policies and Stuff to Remember (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,2.0.html)

Regards
ElizabethK
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Please Remember

Do not share anything on Susan's that you do not want to be public information.

Things that you should read
"You have the right to live an authentic life!"Alex Jolly

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Offline Sal Square

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Re: Non-Binary Introductions
« Reply #877 on: July 13, 2017, 04:09:03 pm »
So -

Hi there. I'm Sal, from Austria, twenty years old, and only figured out what I'm most likely not only... maybe one and a half months ago, thereabouts? - that is, a cis girl/woman (doubts about that, without necessarily having the words to describe it or putting everything together, went on for a couple of years). Whether I'm male or not - well, that's the part I'm less sure about  :laugh: - don't quite know, for now tending towards "probably not (only or fully) but maybe? I don't know?" 
Part of the reason I figured things out was... well, the way I felt disconnected from and uncomfortable with the concept "female" as applied to me, ranging from being called a girl or woman, my first name, my hair when I let it grow out the one time during my whole life when somebody else talked me into it, my chest, and... well, the list actually goes on a bit, and degrees of disconnect and uncomfort differ quite a bit with different items on it.
Just having short hair, wearing a chestbinder, and deliberately not wearing the girlier clothes my mother somehow talked me into sometimes and wearing things I actually like instead left me way more comfortable than I remember since... probably since puberty started; I'm also out to my parents, although trying to talk about anything to do with my gender with my parents is hard. Part of it might be the fact that they didn't actually learn about what non-binary was until I came out to them and that twenty years of a different name and gender assumption are hard to erase. Part of it is hopefully that they'll just take time getting used to having a child and no daughter...

I'm pretty new on this forum, just joined a couple of days ago, in fact - I've already introduced myself over in the Introductions board.  :)
Non-binary is probably the best word I have to describe myself currently (it's also the one I found first, and the one I accepted first), although I'm starting to warm up to genderqueer and would like to find other words that fit me. I'm probably going to go on people's nerves with asking them how they feel about their (a)gender(s) pretty soon in a new thread unless anybody points me to an existing one with that purpose - in fact, if anyone wants to tell me now, I'd be happy(- just also unsure whether you're allowed/supposed to do that in this thread...)!

As an aside - even if there are some bits about not telling people how to identify in the site rules, am I still allowed to ask other people whether they know any existing terms that fit my experience and how I could identify, as long as it's treated as a suggestion and I explicitely asked?
It should be, but... asking for permission is better than asking for forgiveness as long as you're reasonably sure you might get it.

Online Dena

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Re: Non-Binary Introductions
« Reply #878 on: July 13, 2017, 06:53:11 pm »
Unfortunately Sal, you are the only one who can define who you are and for some of us, it can be difficult coming up with a term that fits. In the non binary it's even more difficult because I think there are labels that haven't been defined yet. I can help you with this a little as there are standard terms that might define how you feel. The first is our WIKI which has a good description of the non binary. The second may not be as appropriate however I am tossing it in just in case. It's “the transition channel” and it targets people who desire a full transition. Look the links over and if you have additional questions, feel free to ask.
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Offline Tessa James

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Re: Non-Binary Introductions
« Reply #879 on: July 17, 2017, 10:00:05 am »
Hey Sal,

As Susan's signboard notes "We Stand at the Crossroads of Gender,...".  So we have hundreds of thousands of people who have written here regarding their personal perspectives around their "identified at birth" gender and how they really feel and see themselves now.  A treasure trove really and with new people dropping by all the time it is a fair bet that you can generate more discussion.  Bring it on :D
Open, out and evolving queer trans woman with HRT support since March 13, 2013