Author Topic: Non-Binary Introductions  (Read 163190 times)

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Offline voidbird

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Re: Non-Binary Introductions
« Reply #980 on: July 15, 2020, 05:23:31 pm »
Hi there all.  I've been ghosting here for a while and figured I'd finally register, even though it seems a bit quiet here at the moment.  I was talking with my gender therapist and realized how much I'd like to find trans community, and they suggested this might be a good place to start. 

I'm middle-aged and recently figured out I've been non-binary all along.  I wish I'd worked it out sooner - life could have made a lot more sense - but I don't think I ever heard anyone use the term until the last five years or so.  I've got what seems to be a pretty common mix of mild dysphoria and imposter-syndrome.  I was AMAB and still present male-ish because I haven't figured out how to get my middle-aged bod to present more femme. Right now I'm working up to making the shift over to they/them pronouns.  It would be so nice to be recognized as what I am.  Does anyone have any tips for being non-binary at 45?

I'm an introvert, but have been feeling such a need for community.  You all seem so brave, so together!  I'm glad to know you're all out there.

Offline Northern Star Girl

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Re: Non-Binary Introductions
« Reply #981 on: July 15, 2020, 05:36:26 pm »
Hi there all.  I've been ghosting here for a while and figured I'd finally register, even though it seems a bit quiet here at the moment.  I was talking with my gender therapist and realized how much I'd like to find trans community, and they suggested this might be a good place to start. 

I'm middle-aged and recently figured out I've been non-binary all along.  I wish I'd worked it out sooner - life could have made a lot more sense - but I don't think I ever heard anyone use the term until the last five years or so.  I've got what seems to be a pretty common mix of mild dysphoria and imposter-syndrome.  I was AMAB and still present male-ish because I haven't figured out how to get my middle-aged bod to present more femme. Right now I'm working up to making the shift over to they/them pronouns.  It would be so nice to be recognized as what I am.  Does anyone have any tips for being non-binary at 45?

I'm an introvert, but have been feeling such a need for community.  You all seem so brave, so together!  I'm glad to know you're all out there.
@voidbird   
Dear Voidbird
    Please know that I am not trying to hijack your post but first I wish to Officially Welcome YOU to Susan's Place.
    I am happy to see that you have signed up as a member of Susan's Place and have submitted your first several postings. 
   
    I am so very happy that you are no longer "ghosting" here and now you can join in with the conversations and discussions.


    As you post here on the forums you will be able to exchange thoughts and comments with others that are experiencing many of the same things that you are.
 
    This is the right place for you to be to find out what others may have to say.
 
    I want to warmly WELCOME you to Susan's Place
You will find this a safe and friendly place to share with others and to read about others similar trials, tribulations, and successes.

    As you are certainly aware you can share with others and involve yourself with some give and take with other like-minded members.  When frustrated or if you have successes you can share it here if you wish and receive support from others and offer support to others. ....
     ***There is a very good chance that you might find that you will make some new like-minded friends here. 

    Please come in and continue to be involved at your own pace.   Other members will be along shortly to give you their thoughts about your questions and concerns that you mentioned in your very first posting.
   
    There is information and important LINKS that I have included below.   You will find information about the site that will help you navigate around and best utilize the features here.   
Please look closely at the LINKS in RED, answers are there to many questions that new members ask....

Again, Welcome to Susan's Place.
Danielle


Here are some links to the site rules and stuff that all new members should be familiar with:
 
Things that you should read


***SEE MY LINKS BELOW
The Ramblings of a Northern*Star Girl
A New Chapter: ALASKAN DANIELLE's Chronicles
I am the HUNTED PREY: Danielle’s Chronicles
Things change re: ALASKAN DANIELLE
Positive Mindset... put away negativity

Started HRT:   March 2015
Went Full-Time    December 2016
Quit my male-mode job and relocated to a very small town in Alaska in January 2017
I'm a blonde, blue eyed woman, Age 40

Offline AstridVikingadottir

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Re: Non-Binary Introductions
« Reply #982 on: July 15, 2020, 11:13:08 pm »
Does anyone have any tips for being non-binary at 45?

It's nice to hear from you! 

I took it slow, starting with under-dressing, then gradually shaving away more body hair to help with the dysphoria.
Your pace, ideally, will move at what feels practical and comfortable for you.  It's always a bit different for each gender variant person (as it should be, I think). 

Being non-binary, for me, does mean that I need to emphasize more of my feminine side, but I don't desire to transition.  That said, I am on low-dose estradiol (for 7 months at this point) and greatly appreciate how it has helped my self-image. So has electrolysis (on hold, alas, during the pandemic).

Also, for me, as a non-binary person it's not about passing.  Passing as what?

Dress in ways that make you feel comfortable (sub-topic: how to mesh that with your work dress appearance?).  Try new milestones and see how you feel.  (Generally, things I stressed about turned out to be non-issues, and my confidence has grown over time.)

Best wishes on your journey ahead!

Astrid


Offline voidbird

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Re: Non-Binary Introductions
« Reply #983 on: July 19, 2020, 11:58:49 am »
Thank you so much for the welcome Astrid (and Danielle).

It is nice to take it slow, and I agree that it's not about passing.  But I've realized I'd like to be more visible, at least to people in the queer and trans community, and all the well-known examples of non-binary folk seem to be quite young.  Has anyone discovered a good 'look' for grown-up non-binary?

Offline Devlyn

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Re: Non-Binary Introductions
« Reply #984 on: July 19, 2020, 12:39:54 pm »
Hi voidbird, welcome to Susan's Place! I agree with the above statement: "Pass as what?"

Your gender is not your appearance, and vice versa. As the Forum Administrator here, I'd say I'm a pretty visible genderfluid non-binary person. I've settled on this look, and I don't think it's a bad one.  ;D



Be you, and be happy with you.  :) 

See you around the site!

Hugs, Devlyn
Veteran, US Army

Offline DianaPrince

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Re: Non-Binary Introductions
« Reply #985 on: July 27, 2020, 09:28:04 pm »
Hi!

I realized that something was amiss in my gender identity a couple of years ago. With the help of a therapist and friends, I recognize that I’m non-binary(still he/him). Right now I’m mostly doing what I call “stealth femme”: all women’s clothing, but not necessarily identifiable as such. And since lockdown I’ve been wearing nail polish regularly. I’ve pretty much decided that I’ll continue to do so if we ever go back to the office.

I came out to my wife in March and she’s been super supportive.

Offline Northern Star Girl

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Re: Non-Binary Introductions
« Reply #986 on: July 27, 2020, 09:35:34 pm »
Hi!

I realized that something was amiss in my gender identity a couple of years ago. With the help of a therapist and friends, I recognize that I’m non-binary(still he/him). Right now I’m mostly doing what I call “stealth femme”: all women’s clothing, but not necessarily identifiable as such. And since lockdown I’ve been wearing nail polish regularly. I’ve pretty much decided that I’ll continue to do so if we ever go back to the office.

I came out to my wife in March and she’s been super supportive.
@DianaPrince
Dear DianaPrince
   
    Please know that I am not trying to hijack your post but first I wish to Officially Welcome YOU to Susan's Place.

    I am happy to see that you have signed up as a member of Susan's Place and have submitted your first several postings. 

    As you post here on the forums you will be able to exchange thoughts and comments with others that are experiencing many of the same things that you are.
 
    This is the right place for you to be to find out what others may have to say.
 
    I want to warmly WELCOME you to Susan's Place
You will find this a safe and friendly place to share with others and to read about others similar trials, tribulations, and successes.

    As you are certainly aware you can share with others and involve yourself with some give and take with other like-minded members.  When frustrated or if you have successes you can share it here if you wish and receive support from others and offer support to others. ....
     ***There is a very good chance that you might find that you will make some new like-minded friends here. 

    Please come in and continue to be involved at your own pace.   Other members will be along shortly to give you their thoughts about your questions and concerns that you mentioned in your very first posting.
   
    There is information and important LINKS that I have included below.   You will find information about the site that will help you navigate around and best utilize the features here.   
Please look closely at the LINKS in RED, answers are there to many questions that new members ask....

Again, Welcome to Susan's Place.
Danielle


Here are some links to the site rules and stuff that all new members should be familiar with:
 
Things that you should read
***SEE MY LINKS BELOW
The Ramblings of a Northern*Star Girl
A New Chapter: ALASKAN DANIELLE's Chronicles
I am the HUNTED PREY: Danielle’s Chronicles
Things change re: ALASKAN DANIELLE
Positive Mindset... put away negativity

Started HRT:   March 2015
Went Full-Time    December 2016
Quit my male-mode job and relocated to a very small town in Alaska in January 2017
I'm a blonde, blue eyed woman, Age 40

Offline FloralAlyssa

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Re: Non-Binary Introductions
« Reply #987 on: July 28, 2020, 09:06:49 pm »
Hi all,

I'm a 43 year old AMAB who has recently decided to stop pretending that I'm a normal cis-male that just likes to wear a skirt once in a while and admit that I'm at least non-binary.   I've experienced significant and increasing top dysphoria over the last few years, and I'm now working with a local informed consent clinic to begin HRT shortly.  I'm not really sure where this journey will take me, for now I'm looking to socially transition to a more feminine presentation. 

Happy to be here.

Offline ChrissyRyan

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Re: Non-Binary Introductions
« Reply #988 on: July 28, 2020, 09:16:55 pm »
Hi all,

I'm a 43 year old AMAB who has recently decided to stop pretending that I'm a normal cis-male that just likes to wear a skirt once in a while and admit that I'm at least non-binary.   I've experienced significant and increasing top dysphoria over the last few years, and I'm now working with a local informed consent clinic to begin HRT shortly.  I'm not really sure where this journey will take me, for now I'm looking to socially transition to a more feminine presentation. 

Happy to be here.

Welcome Alyssa!

 :)

Chrissy
Always be kinder than needed.  Be tender to others.  You are as beautiful as the thoughts you think and the words that your speak.   Always stay cheerful, be polite, kind, and understanding.  Knowledge and action shown without love is not impressive.  If you look for the good in people you will find it. Healthy relationships are so important to good living.

Good living, joy, unity, love, and happiness can come from following these practices: Never let selfishness or conceit motivate you.  Regard others as more important than yourself.  Do not limit attention to only your interests, but include the interests of others

It is not usually about how fast you transition, it is about how well you transition.  

Offline Northern Star Girl

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Re: Non-Binary Introductions
« Reply #989 on: July 28, 2020, 09:27:26 pm »
Hi all,

I'm a 43 year old AMAB who has recently decided to stop pretending that I'm a normal cis-male that just likes to wear a skirt once in a while and admit that I'm at least non-binary.   I've experienced significant and increasing top dysphoria over the last few years, and I'm now working with a local informed consent clinic to begin HRT shortly.  I'm not really sure where this journey will take me, for now I'm looking to socially transition to a more feminine presentation. 

Happy to be here.
@FloralAlyssa
Dear FloralAlyssa:
    Thank you for joining Susan's Place and the Forums.
    This is the right place for you to be to find other like-minded members.
 
    I want to warmly WELCOME you to Susan's Place.
    Please look at my previous Welcome Message right before this message....   
    at the end of that Welcome Message you will find the rules, informative LINKS and suggestions about
    how to get the most out of the forums.
    If you have any questions please post them and your will find members here that can share their thoughts with you.

    Again, WELCOME TO SUSAN'S PLACE and the Forums.
    Danielle  (Northern Star Girl)
***SEE MY LINKS BELOW
The Ramblings of a Northern*Star Girl
A New Chapter: ALASKAN DANIELLE's Chronicles
I am the HUNTED PREY: Danielle’s Chronicles
Things change re: ALASKAN DANIELLE
Positive Mindset... put away negativity

Started HRT:   March 2015
Went Full-Time    December 2016
Quit my male-mode job and relocated to a very small town in Alaska in January 2017
I'm a blonde, blue eyed woman, Age 40

Offline FloralAlyssa

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Re: Non-Binary Introductions
« Reply #990 on: July 28, 2020, 09:42:16 pm »
Thank you for the welcome, Danielle and Chrissy. :-)

Offline Tessa James

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Re: Non-Binary Introductions
« Reply #991 on: July 29, 2020, 10:48:45 am »
Welcome aboard dear Floral friend and may your blossoming bring you further happiness.
Open, out and evolving queer trans person forever with HRT support since March 13, 2013

Offline voidbird

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Re: Non-Binary Introductions
« Reply #992 on: July 30, 2020, 01:09:39 pm »
Thanks Devlyn - I think would feel pretty awesome if I could pull off a look like yours!  I'm sure I'll work something out eventually . . .
So exciting to see FloralAlyssa and DianaPrince show up too.  Welcome to you both.  FloralAlyssa, if you feel like sharing, I would love to hear more about what it's been like for you to work out this very important thing about yourself at 43. 

Offline FloralAlyssa

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Re: Non-Binary Introductions
« Reply #993 on: July 30, 2020, 06:37:08 pm »
Hey voidbird --

If I'm honest with myself, I've been experience the sadness of not having curves for at least 5-10 years.  I just have 2 kids (11, 7) and a job that kept me busy, so that I didn't really slow down and realize I have to do something about it to be truly happy. 

Like many of us, I knew at 10 or 11 something was different.  I told my parents I'd rather be a girl, and they freaked out and sent me to a therapist that basically told me I was terrible and needed to change, so I pretty much packed away that side of me until college.  I experimented some in college, but never committed to transitioning, then focused heavily on my career.  Then I got married and we had kids. 

The pandemic changed the constant running around, and I started to experiment with different clothes and makeup, and decided that this is who I had to be.  My wife is amazingly supportive, and my kids haven't said anything else, but I'm sure they've noticed Dad's shirts and socks are different, and I occasionally have makeup on (not with the 90+F temps this week though, it would just melt right off!).

The thing I'm most worried about at this point is my parents -- my close friend have been told and without exception they are supportive.  But I'm the only child left (my brother died 8 years at age 30), so I don't want to just drop my parents, but I don't think they are going to take it well.  I'm working on a letter that will be mailed tomorrow or Saturday, so I'll know soon enough. 

Offline voidbird

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Re: Non-Binary Introductions
« Reply #994 on: July 31, 2020, 12:17:54 pm »
Wow.  All support and well-wishes to you as you take that on.  I hear courage and resolution in how you're writing about it and I think you will do it as well as you possibly can.  I wish we could pretend that means it'll go well, but at least you understand you can't control how they react.
(Also, I haven't quite worked up the courage for that step myself, so thanks for the inspiration & example.)

Offline FloralAlyssa

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Re: Non-Binary Introductions
« Reply #995 on: July 31, 2020, 04:26:33 pm »
Thanks for saying so -- you are too kind.  I'm going to be a nervous wreck over the weekend waiting for my parents to get the letters and hopefully respond well.  I don't know if it's confidence as much as it just wanting to get past this, and see where I am with real friends that will support me on the other side.

Best wishes on your efforts in coming out, however you choose. 

Offline EZ Linus

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Re: Non-Binary Introductions
« Reply #996 on: August 02, 2020, 11:31:28 am »
Hi everyone,

I am new today and made a short introduction about me and what happened this weekend on the official Introductions forum.

To get into a little more detail without making this too, too long, I am now 52 and was born female, but never really felt fully like a girl. I was definitely boyish my whole entire life and came out as gay around 15. I figured I must be gay because it seemed to make sense. I'd not understood what trans meant back in the day. I probably never heard of the word, yet I met a trans man around the time I was 16 and was super intrigued. He was a rare unicorn in my world then.

Once I thought I was bi-sexual, I lost the LG community I'd been a part of. They hadn't really accepted me and kept telling me I was in denial about being gay. "pan-sexual" was not a word back then, but that was what I was.

I was always flat-chested and felt comfortable passing as a girl or a boy. I had very small breasts and binding them with an Ace bandage was enough. I was also a drummer and no one was sure about me, and I liked it that way. I never wanted to be either sex, though I probably acted more male than female. I didn't have many female friends. They were all male musicians.

Then, something terrible happened to me when I turned 30-ish. I developed huge boobs, just like my mother and the rest of the women in my family, even though I never had babies. I didn't think it would happen, but it did. And so started my self-hatred for the next 20 years and that's where I've been. I wound up gaining a lot of weight and got depressed. Now I feel I'm too big to get top surgery, plus I have lupus.

I also have zero dollars, so that's another issue in itself.

I would love it if I could just accept how life is right now--somehow, someway, because I don't know if I will ever be able to change my body. I never leave the house because I really do hate how I look.

Support would be wonderful right about now. :)

Thanks for listening.





Offline voidbird

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Re: Non-Binary Introductions
« Reply #997 on: August 05, 2020, 11:21:09 am »
Welcome Linus!  To me you sound like a very cool person.  (You had me at 'drummer').

It sounds like you're living with a  very high degree of body dysphoria right now.  I'm dealing with some of the same stuff you are, but I can't say I've worked out a good way to deal with it.  Sometimes our bodies make decisions without asking us, and they're pretty hard to override.  I do hope some of the people who have been here longer might have some suggestions. 

I understand the feeling about not wanting to go out sometimes (though for me it's more about extreme introversion than the dysphoria itself).  It's not really a consolation, but for whatever it's worth, you're just being socially responsible by staying in at the moment.  I feel like it takes the pressure off a bit, even though the underlying stuff is still there.

I've talked with a couple of friends about how confusing and destructive it was the way people used to conflate gender issues with being gay.  That's one change I'm grateful to have seen in my life.  I remember meeting a group of trans men in Portland in the late 90s.  I was super impressed and super intimidated.

One way I've been making use of pandemic life has been to put time into making music again.  It's been many many years since I played with a band, but even phones have pretty decent recording technology on them now.  It's really interesting to go back to now that I'm not trying to impress anyone.

Anyway -- it's so nice to have you here.  I'll be thinking of you and sending support.

Offline voidbird

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Re: Non-Binary Introductions
« Reply #998 on: August 05, 2020, 11:25:06 am »
Hi FloralAlyssa, just been wondering how it's gone with your parents.  Your life may be very busy and upended at the moment, but I'd be glad to hear an update if you have time.

Offline FloralAlyssa

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Re: Non-Binary Introductions
« Reply #999 on: August 05, 2020, 04:40:46 pm »
voidbird --

My mom was fine with it -- but is really worried that I'll embarrass my kids.  Like 5% of the kids in their classes have LGBTQ parents, so I'm not all that worried about it. 

So far, silent treatment from Dad, but who knows, he may not have opened the letter or something.  I sent him a text to check on him after yesterday's storm, but still no response, so I'm a little concerned.  But c'est la vie -- we live 6 hours from each other, so if we lose contact, I'll be sad, but it's not going to massively change my life.

I did get to the salon yesterday and am now a redhead -- so that's exciting!