Author Topic: Straight Men and Transgender Women  (Read 29097 times)

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Offline sysm29

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Straight Men and Transgender Women
« on: December 09, 2011, 10:46:45 am »
I'd like to read about your experiences with straight men, before during and after your transitions?  How do the dynamics of it change?  Are men nicer to you?  Do straight guys ever hit on you?

If a straight guy's staring at you a little too long for just a usual random look, what's in his mind?  Does he know you are trans, is he attracted to you, or is he just really confused?

Wouldn't the world be a much easier place to transition if there were just women in it and no men?  It's the men I'm afraid of.

Bishounen

Re: Straight Men and Transgender Women
« Reply #1 on: December 09, 2011, 10:57:25 am »
I'd like to read about your experiences with straight men, before during and after your transitions?  How do the dynamics of it change?  Are men nicer to you?  Do straight guys ever hit on you?

Muuch prefer straight males before gay males, as gay males tends to be quite discriminating against gendervarianted people.
Funny enough, I have always except for a couple of instances, been very accepted by the heterosexual community, but very dis-respected by the gay.- Unfortunately for those, though, as I am a true bitch when needed. ;D

Anyway, the majority of those that hits on me is actually straight, even when I am in "Boy-mode", which is quite funny.

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If a straight guy's staring at you a little too long for just a usual random look, what's in his mind?  Does he know you are trans, is he attracted to you, or is he just really confused?

Depends on the stare. It is quite easy to find out as the stare itself will generally reveal the message, however if it is a totally neutral stare, then I always tend to wonder; "Is he interested in me or do he want to smack me?"

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Wouldn't the world be a much easier place to transition if there were just women in it and no men?  It's the men I'm afraid of.
ROTFL Yeah right, I doubt that the chick in the following article and Video would agree with that. http://www.care2.com/causes/transgender-woman-beaten-by-two-women-at-baltimore-mcdonalds-video.html

stldrmgrl

Re: Straight Men and Transgender Women
« Reply #2 on: December 09, 2011, 11:22:19 am »
I'd like to read about your experiences with straight men, before during and after your transitions?
I don't have any experiences.

How do the dynamics of it change?  Are men nicer to you?  Do straight guys ever hit on you?
I'm not full-time yet, thus have not been hit on.

If a straight guy's staring at you a little too long for just a usual random look, what's in his mind?  Does he know you are trans, is he attracted to you, or is he just really confused?
I would not know what he would be thinking, though you may be able to distinguish by his facial expressions and body language.

Wouldn't the world be a much easier place to transition if there were just women in it and no men?  It's the men I'm afraid of.
Not really.  Women can be just as if not more brutal.  Not to mention I like a bit of diversity.

ROTFL Yeah right, I doubt that the chick in the following article and Video would agree with that. http://www.care2.com/causes/transgender-woman-beaten-by-two-women-at-baltimore-mcdonalds-video.html
Personally I don't care to hear stories like this knowing the victim did nothing to fight back.

Offline JenJen2011

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Re: Straight Men and Transgender Women
« Reply #3 on: December 09, 2011, 12:04:04 pm »
I'd like to read about your experiences with straight men, before during and after your transitions?  How do the dynamics of it change?  Are men nicer to you?  Do straight guys ever hit on you?

Before, straight men wouldn't look at me twice. During, they would make fun of me a lot. Now, they hit on me all the time. Men are much more nicer, they hold doors open for me, they give me compliments, etc.

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If a straight guy's staring at you a little too long for just a usual random look, what's in his mind?  Does he know you are trans, is he attracted to you, or is he just really confused?

It varies. It can mean they are attracted to me or they're trying to "figure me out".

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Wouldn't the world be a much easier place to transition if there were just women in it and no men?  It's the men I'm afraid of.

I agree with what stldrmgrl said. Plus, I NEED my men. :P
"You have one life to live so live it right"

Offline envie

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Re: Straight Men and Transgender Women
« Reply #4 on: December 09, 2011, 12:13:44 pm »
Before I started with my physical transition men were treating me just like another guy. They didn't hesitate with some sexist jokes at times or just yelled out "what's up dude" when I entered an office or a place. Gay men however did show an interest in me which I didn't appreciate very much as they all were way too direct bordering to be actually vulgar.

During the transition I was probably perceived as gay male but I didn't really go out or was around a lot of people so no experience with straight male. Only few times I spotted some men looking down my hand to see if I have a wedding ring but that was it.

After I started passing, straight male are giving me quite a bit of attention. They hold doors for me, let me go first out of the elevators and I catch them sometimes checking me out too. Some of them flirt heavily  ;D. When you start passing the difference in male behavior towards you is unmistakably different, there is no way to miss it.
I love this attention and flirt back. IT feels so good to be able to do that and not be afraid of their reaction. I used to be really scared of showing any affection towards men prior to my transition as I grew up in extremely homophobic environment. Coming out would have been basically a suicide back then.

I went on one date so far and it felt really good. I was able to tell a man in his face that I liked him and it was liberating to say at least to be able to do that.
I think the longer you pass the less of anxiety you'll experience when they look at you. In the beginning I wasn't sure either what their stares meant but now it has become just obvious.

That is as far as my experience goes.

Mahsa Tezani

Re: Straight Men and Transgender Women
« Reply #5 on: December 09, 2011, 05:14:18 pm »
I'd like to read about your experiences with straight men, before during and after your transitions?  How do the dynamics of it change?  Are men nicer to you?  Do straight guys ever hit on you?

I always get men buying me drinks. It doesn't matter whats in my pants though. Men like pretty things. Straight guys always hit on me...I kinda am waiting for the bisexual men. I came out to one of my friends(he's bi) and he freaked out and thought it was a joke. But then again i got hit on all the time as a boy(extremely feminine boy)

Oh god...please no more women. I can only take my GG friends in small doses. I was the "gay best friend" forever and it's nice to have a break. Especially not being part of the cattiness and whatever it is the hell girls do.

lilacwoman

Re: Straight Men and Transgender Women
« Reply #6 on: December 09, 2011, 06:01:59 pm »
I don't see or get this cattyness except from Ls and Gs.   

at work and with out with women friends and neighbours we just chat about life and men and children and food and diet and housekeeping and television/cinema and vacations and fashion and medical problems and family issues and other such boring stuff.

when I was LGBT rep and had to attend conferences I was bored out of my skull with the Gs crotchwatching or talking nonstop about homosex and the Ls talking either about the minutiae of work or holidays in lesbian resorts. 
I only felt attracted to one guy who was about my own age and had nice twinkly eyes and smile and was into art and classical music and had a nice mellowness, just a shame he was gay and wanted penissex.

Offline JennX

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Re: Straight Men and Transgender Women
« Reply #7 on: December 09, 2011, 06:40:26 pm »
I'd like to read about your experiences with straight men, before during and after your transitions?  How do the dynamics of it change?  Are men nicer to you?  Do straight guys ever hit on you?

If a straight guy's staring at you a little too long for just a usual random look, what's in his mind?  Does he know you are trans, is he attracted to you, or is he just really confused?

Wouldn't the world be a much easier place to transition if there were just women in it and no men?  It's the men I'm afraid of.

I only date "straight-hetero males" (if there is such a being). As far as dynamics changing... well they treat me like a female. How else would/should they treat me? As for hitting on me, yes, fairly frequently. I usually don't have to wait to figure out what's on their mind either... most guys around where I live will come right up and ask for your number or when can they call you. I also get the Hey baby "insert snarky trying to be flattering somewhat rude sexually laced comment here" from their car window. They are pretty brazen that way.

The guy I'm dating right now is a "straight-hetero male" and I have disclosed my past. But that was not until our fifth date. I don't waste my time on guys with telling them every lurid detail about me, until I'm fairly certain they are worth my time.

Nothing to be afraid of really. But always remember to use good common sense. ;)
"If you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain."
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MsDazzler

Re: Straight Men and Transgender Women
« Reply #8 on: December 09, 2011, 08:08:17 pm »
My soul and heart have always matched hetero men, but now as I get older, I realize I prefer hetero men who are familiar and/or exposed to the LGBT community, so that they have no hang ups, etc.

"Too straight" men are a hassle for me because they re usually not ready to accept this aspect of thesmelves that they could be attracted to transgender women, and I have no time to help him come to terms with it, heh.

fionabell

Re: Straight Men and Transgender Women
« Reply #9 on: December 09, 2011, 08:46:18 pm »
Gay men are unacceptable.

Mahsa Tezani

Re: Straight Men and Transgender Women
« Reply #10 on: December 10, 2011, 02:43:30 am »
My soul and heart have always matched hetero men, but now as I get older, I realize I prefer hetero men who are familiar and/or exposed to the LGBT community, so that they have no hang ups, etc.

"Too straight" men are a hassle for me because they re usually not ready to accept this aspect of thesmelves that they could be attracted to transgender women, and I have no time to help him come to terms with it, heh.

I meet the best men at gay bars. My boyfriend told me, "If we lived together, you'd have no gay male friends"...eeek.

Do you like macho macho men?

MsDazzler

Re: Straight Men and Transgender Women
« Reply #11 on: December 10, 2011, 11:22:14 am »
Gay men are unacceptable.

You mean for relationships, right? heh

MsDazzler

Re: Straight Men and Transgender Women
« Reply #12 on: December 10, 2011, 11:23:59 am »
I meet the best men at gay bars. My boyfriend told me, "If we lived together, you'd have no gay male friends"...eeek.

Do you like macho macho men?

True - straight men who are willing to go out ot gay bars are alreay open minded so you have one less hurdle to traverse.

I like the stereotypical masculine man. :) Shoot me, but I am old fashioned, heh

Offline ByeBye

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Re: Straight Men and Transgender Women
« Reply #13 on: December 10, 2011, 09:47:19 pm »
I don't want to date a man until I have a vagina.
♥   I'm like an egg that is hatching into something great :)

Offline Dahlia

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Re: Straight Men and Transgender Women
« Reply #14 on: December 11, 2011, 03:40:59 am »
Most closet bi/tv/cd's present as 'straight men' - very masculine, in order to hide their tv/cd tendencies- ....and there's a lot of them.
Pre anything MTF's too btw..and those are very masculine too...
And you bet they have a 'sixth sense' to read MTF's, no matter how feminine and passable they are.

I've read a post on one of these boards a couple of months ago and I was really laughing my head off...because I found it kind of hilarious.

A 'straight' guy who's in a LTR with a girl he suspected being a post op MTF....he was asking advice on how to bring up the subject and suggested he'd show himself in 'full gear' because he's a closet TV and his MTF GF didn't have a clue about that.

**SURPRISE**!!! 'I have something to confess too'!!

A stealth post op MTF and a stealth TV who presents as a straight male in a relationship....he never posted or repllied on how the 'two way' disclosure about their past and present ended.

But anyway: as soon a 'straight' guy turns out to be a closet TV or CD......he's not that straight to me anymore. More some kind of 'lesbian'....

madirocks

Re: Straight Men and Transgender Women
« Reply #15 on: December 11, 2011, 04:59:13 am »
I'm pre-transition and I feel that most of the time straight men feel completely awkward when they talk to me. I think they're not sure in how they should talk to me. However, women talk to me just fine. Sometimes I feel that there is this sort of strange attraction from even the straight men, which has me seriously confused on a lot of occasions. I suppose both sexes pick up on it, no matter how hard you try. So anymore, I just try to not talk to men, period. I'm sure that'll change once I start transition, and I'm interested what will change afterwards.

Mahsa Tezani

Re: Straight Men and Transgender Women
« Reply #16 on: December 11, 2011, 02:22:59 pm »
I don't want to date a man until I have a vagina.

Gonna be a long time then. Plus ffs and ba... I don't know how you could do it. I admire your patience and courage.

You will have enough time to work out your identity...I had less than 6 months from going from living as a boy to "passing" LOL... I never got t work out that aspect of who I was and adapt.

Offline El

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Re: Straight Men and Transgender Women
« Reply #17 on: December 11, 2011, 03:32:35 pm »
Most closet bi/tv/cd's present as 'straight men' - very masculine, in order to hide their tv/cd tendencies- ....and there's a lot of them.
Pre anything MTF's too btw..and those are very masculine too...
And you bet they have a 'sixth sense' to read MTF's, no matter how feminine and passable they are.

I've read a post on one of these boards a couple of months ago and I was really laughing my head off...because I found it kind of hilarious.

A 'straight' guy who's in a LTR with a girl he suspected being a post op MTF....he was asking advice on how to bring up the subject and suggested he'd show himself in 'full gear' because he's a closet TV and his MTF GF didn't have a clue about that.

**SURPRISE**!!! 'I have something to confess too'!!

A stealth post op MTF and a stealth TV who presents as a straight male in a relationship....he never posted or repllied on how the 'two way' disclosure about their past and present ended.

But anyway: as soon a 'straight' guy turns out to be a closet TV or CD......he's not that straight to me anymore. More some kind of 'lesbian'....

Well a transvestite is someone who cross-dresses yes? Sometimes the word is used explicitly to describe people who get sexuall aroused from crossdressing. Now you have to consider if these people identify as males then they are males and if they identify as females then they are (as long as we are sticking to labels) transexuals? Now assuming they dont identify as females then they are males who crossdress, if they are attracted to women and not men then surely that makes them a straight man? I was under the impression that the clothes you wear do not make up sexual orientation, that sexual orientation was something seperate from gender identity.


Offline pretty pauline

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Re: Straight Men and Transgender Women
« Reply #18 on: December 12, 2011, 01:19:02 pm »
I'd like to read about your experiences with straight men, before during and after your transitions?  How do the dynamics of it change?  Are men nicer to you?  Do straight guys ever hit on you?

If a straight guy's staring at you a little too long for just a usual random look, what's in his mind?  Does he know you are trans, is he attracted to you, or is he just really confused?

Wouldn't the world be a much easier place to transition if there were just women in it and no men?  It's the men I'm afraid of.
I found men are much nicer to me, but depends if they know my history, I get doors opened for me all the time, I never have to lift anything heavy, Iv never changed a wheel on a car although I could do it, a man will always make himself available to do stuff like that, the local gas station if your female a young guy will do the fill, I don't like smelling of gas anyway, its nice, I like the attention.
Im used to guys staring at and talking to my boobs, many years ago I had a boyfriend when I was pre op, we didn't get intimate till I had my surgery and the right equipment, few years after that I was post op, had another boyfriend, when I disclosed my history he didn't except me and ended the relationship.
Then I met my current fiancé, dated him for over a year, disclosed my history, he excepted me, got engaged and we are now married, over all, Iv had very different experiences, I remembered being bullied in my school days, called a puff, fag etc. one of my tormentors saw me many years later, he couldnd get over the change, he apologized, said I made an attractive woman, I think he found me attractive, started to hit on me, but I definitely wasn't interested, he wasn't my kind of guy, I knew his history, he was a bully, not the kind of guy a girl like me would want to have a relationship with, my present husband is a straight guy, a gentleman who knows how to treat a woman.
p
If your going thru hell, just keep going.

Mahsa Tezani

Re: Straight Men and Transgender Women
« Reply #19 on: December 12, 2011, 04:33:31 pm »
I found men are much nicer to me, but depends if they know my history, I get doors opened for me all the time, I never have to lift anything heavy, Iv never changed a wheel on a car although I could do it, a man will always make himself available to do stuff like that, the local gas station if your female a young guy will do the fill, I don't like smelling of gas anyway, its nice, I like the attention.
Im used to guys staring at and talking to my boobs, many years ago I had a boyfriend when I was pre op, we didn't get intimate till I had my surgery and the right equipment, few years after that I was post op, had another boyfriend, when I disclosed my history he didn't except me and ended the relationship.
Then I met my current fiancé, dated him for over a year, disclosed my history, he excepted me, got engaged and we are now married, over all, Iv had very different experiences, I remembered being bullied in my school days, called a puff, fag etc. one of my tormentors saw me many years later, he couldnd get over the change, he apologized, said I made an attractive woman, I think he found me attractive, started to hit on me, but I definitely wasn't interested, he wasn't my kind of guy, I knew his history, he was a bully, not the kind of guy a girl like me would want to have a relationship with, my present husband is a straight guy, a gentleman who knows how to treat a woman.
p

Thats what I find ironic... The guys I date now would want nothing to do with me as a boy and probably would have said, "Look at that fairy over there". As a boy I had no straight male friends... Why the hell would I? I was a huge flamer and I met few guys who were open to my sexuality. It's funny what makeup, hormones, and cute clothes do to men.

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