My Mum made me come out to her and was great about it. My Dad I had to come out to via email:
I’m really sorry I can’t come to your wedding. I’m sure you are dissapointed. I would have loved to have been there. Just please don’t think I’ve turned my back on you or mum. I just feel that I have a responsability to my own son to be a parent and be there for him, no matter what life throws at me, be it forklift trucks or Ford Explorers. Mikey is behind in his speech and Hope, Angela’s sister, feels that he may have fluid behind the ears, giving him hearing problems. Hope is also a developmental therepist and tests him every so often. Even so, I miss you all very much.
Im am happy that you decided to marry Lorna. She’s wonderful and I think has mellowed you out a bit. When you said you were engaged I knew marriage would come next. Kinda obvious Dad
When you see Darryl, tell him he’s welcome to come visit anytime. From the last photos I got it looks like he’s changed alot from an annoying little brother.
Life is short indeed. Which is why I am writing this bit. I’ve been putting it of for too long.
I still get the impression that you think I’m gay. It’s the things you say over the phone. That and some of the things you said to me when you were here last. Well, to be honest, in a way, you were right I’ve always felt uncomfortable being male. It’s always felt wrong for me. I know I should have been a girl. I know that you’ll proberbly laugh or something,but it’s something I have felt for as long as I can remember. Last time we spoke over the phone, you asked me what I really wanted. What I want, I dont think is possible for me to have, at least right now. I want to be and have wanted for a long time to be your Daughter.
Mum confronted me about my crossdressing about 5 years ago and that she knew I’d been doing it since I was 11 years old, so I had no choice but to tell her. Mum said I shouldn’t be ashamed, that I can’t help it. it’s who I am.
Yet I never told you because I felt that I’d always be a dissapointment to you if I told you how I felt.That and you’d want to beat the crap out of me,lol. But you always did say it was okay if I was gay. I wish now that I’d have been brave enough to tell you .Now, don’t call mum up and yell at her please. She felt that unless I did something to correct this problem, it wasn’t worth mentioning to you. However, I have felt that I would tell you when I was ready. Preferably I would have liked to have told you in person, but circumstances being what they are, that’s not possible. Just don’t put me in the ‘Jerry Springer guest’ catagory, okay?. Nor should you feel that somehow, you were responsible for this condition.I wanted to tell you when you visited, but there again I thought it would ruin your vacation, Though it seemed as though you knew I had something important I needed to tell you.
It may be of interest to you that it is known in the medical community as Gender Identity Disorder or also as Gender Dysphoria, a persistent feeling of being born the wrong sex.I have been talking to a councillor for several months so I am at least getting some help and I’m now more comfortable with speaking about how I really feel.
I know this is a lot to take in and I will answer any questions you may have. I am usually over at Sheryls on a thursday evening if you want to talk, or you can just contact me via email. Anyway,I hope the wedding goes well for you. I’ve sent out a card so expect it in the mail soon.
Dad’s reaction was totally opposite of what I was worried about:
I must say that I received your email with some surprise, as you can imagine. However none of this makes any difference to way that I feel about you. I will love you always, no matter who you are. My biggest regret is that you have felt that you had to wait so long to confide in me about this matter. I cannot imagine the turmoil you have had to go through all these years trying come to terms with who you are and at the same time trying to conceal the fact from everyone especially your family. Having read up a bit about your condition I must ask apart from myself does Angela or anyone else know? How do you intend to resolve this? Are we talking sex change or do you feel that you wont take it as far as that? Are you attracted to men and if so where does this put you with Angela?There is obviously a lot for you to think about. I will ring you on Thursday night and we can talk more about what you want to do. Between the news about Mikey and coming out you have a lot on your plate. I’ll speak to you tomorrow. Always remember I love you!
To say there were some.. awkward questions there would be an understatement. But the fact that he was asking was good. He later told me over the phone that he had actually cried because he felt like he had lost a son, that I was in pain for so much of my life and never told him and he wished I had told him a lot sooner. I’m sure a lot of the puzzle pieces that were my actions and behavior finally fell into place with this email.
But it was very hard to finally write it, send it and wait for a reply. I couldn’t be more thankful of my parents than when I came out to them.
And when I came out to my ex girlfriend in high school, who tracked me down via facebook, she wrote this for my blog:
David and Goliath
The person you all know and love first sauntered into my life as David. He was a slight character, rather shy and, to me, obviously uncomfortable in his own skin. I didn’t know then what I know now but if I had, it wouldn’t have changed my opinion of him in the slightest, perhaps only making me more arduous.
I suppose I should introduce myself, and give a little background. In high school I was a large girl, struggling with the awakenings of bisexuality and head over heels in lust for a guy called David. I found him sweet, a little geeky, retiring but with a wicked sense of humour. I would do anything to make him laugh, regularly making a fool of myself in the process. But his stifled giggle was infectious and I spent a lot of time around him smiling. The poor guy was oblivious to my intentions, even when I fondled his leg in an attempt to get him to notice me. I know, I tried too hard.
My attentions turned elsewhere eventually, but I never lost sight of David through school and always held a flame for him, should he ever reciprocate the interest. Sadly, he never did and we lost contact after high school, both of us whisked off into the new lives of college, and for me University and teaching. But I never forgot David.
Years later, through the wonder that is Facebook, I searched for David and found nothing. Periodically I’d enter his name in the search bar and my heart would sink every time it came up empty. I finally hit upon the idea of just searching for his surname, and I hit upon a photograph of a very attractive, but very familiar female. Imagine my surprise when after some time of staring into ‘Keaira’s’ eyes, I recognised her as my David, in a different incarnation.
It seemed that everything slotted right into place immediately. Here was the reason why David was so retiring, so reticent and uninterested. David was wrapped up in his own world of trying to come to terms with being born in the wrong body. I felt complete empathy with Keaira, having been through my own struggles. I messaged the attractive young lady and was delighted to find that ‘David’ was now Keaira and I’d found the wonderful soul I remembered so fondly. To say that there is complete acceptance is an understatement, I champion every move Keaira makes towards becoming more comfortable in her skin. I only wish we were still on the same continent so I could hug her through every little triumph and tribulation.
I suppose the point of all this spiel is this: I’m Keaira’s oldest friend, the closest she has to high school roots, and I love her very dearly. I volunteered to write this piece because I know Keaira has talked about me to her friends and supporters and I wanted to introduce myself formally. So, here I am, the crazy woman in the UK who cheers every time Keaira uses the woman’s rest room!
Reactions from work ranged from 'this changes nothing' to resentment and much a$$holery.
But all my friends are just fine with it.