Author Topic: Is it for me?  (Read 5484 times)

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YouTellMe

Is it for me?
« on: October 07, 2005, 05:06:58 pm »
For the last 10 years of my life or so, I can remember always wanting to be a woman. I never knew why, I just did. I’m only 17 now and just started reading into TG and SRS. I myself never cross-dressed so I really don’t know if that means anything. If I do plan on starting a sex change, I would go all the way. Breast augmentation is really the only one I don’t know if I will do. It would depend on how the hormone therapy would go. I’ve done some reading at a few websites. And have learned a lot from them. I live in Ohio so that also means problems with having documents changed. But I really want to know if this is something I should go through, or should I continue living life as a man.
If there is something else you need to know, just ask.

Thanks for the support
-YouTellMe

Edit:
After reading a few posts here, I’ve noticed people talking about therapists. Is this something I should have? I’m also in my last year of school, so things there shouldn’t be a problem. I’m just now looking into HRT, SRS and things related. So this really may not even be something I should through. But, it’s always nice to know I have choices.

Kimberly

Re: Is it for me?
« Reply #1 on: October 07, 2005, 05:38:49 pm »
...
I myself never cross-dressed so I really don’t know if that means anything.
...
Cross-dressing is not a requirement. Some of us do and some of us do not.



...
But I really want to know if this is something I should go through, or should I continue living life as a man.
...

I advise that you should never let anyone tell you that.


...
Edit:
After reading a few posts here, I’ve noticed people talking about therapists. Is this something I should have? I’m also in my last year of school, so things there shouldn’t be a problem. I’m just now looking into HRT, SRS and things related. So this really may not even be something I should through. But, it’s always nice to know I have choices.

Therapy is usually advisable. Given that you seem to be trying to decide in what direction you wish to go, I think that it would be prudent to seek out therapy soon.

Devi Ever

Re: Is it for me?
« Reply #2 on: October 07, 2005, 05:55:46 pm »
Given that you seem to be trying to decide in what direction you wish to go, I think that it would be prudent to seek out therapy soon.

+1

You should definitely start doing some research into therapists in your area who have experience with transgender-types.

Andrea James has a great website with info on transitioning.  Here is a link to her page on choosing a therapist :

http://www.tsroadmap.com/mental/therapy.html

devi-

stephanie_craxford

Re: Is it for me?
« Reply #3 on: October 07, 2005, 06:23:29 pm »
For the last 10 years of my life or so, I can remember always wanting to be a woman. I never knew why, I just did. I’m only 17 now and just started reading into TG and SRS. I myself never cross-dressed so I really don’t know if that means anything. If I do plan on starting a sex change, I would go all the way. Breast augmentation is really the only one I don’t know if I will do. It would depend on how the hormone therapy would go. I’ve done some reading at a few websites. And have learned a lot from them. I live in Ohio so that also means problems with having documents changed. But I really want to know if this is something I should go through, or should I continue living life as a man.
If there is something else you need to know, just ask.

Thanks for the support
-YouTellMe

Edit:
After reading a few posts here, I’ve noticed people talking about therapists. Is this something I should have? I’m also in my last year of school, so things there shouldn’t be a problem. I’m just now looking into HRT, SRS and things related. So this really may not even be something I should through. But, it’s always nice to know I have choices.


Hello You

Firstly welcome to Susan's, I think that you will enjoy it here, there are lots of interesting people here, with lots of interesting points of view.  Please ensure that you read the rules, and take part in where you can, we always welcome new points of view.  So relax and enjoy.

Kimberly is right,  considering the consequences of possibly transitioning, therapy is recommended.  Who knows why you feel the way you do, one thing I do know is that I can't tell you why, why you have always felt that you wanted to be a woman.  There seems to be enough doubt in your post that therapy would be recommended, if nothing else but to validate your feelings.

 One is for certain we "ALWAYS" have choices, it's what we do with them that makes the difference.  I think that you are getting a little ahead by looking into SRS, HRT, etc... before you know what you are, this should be considered afterwards.   By talking about going all the way, breast augmentation and the like, you are limiting those choices.

I think that the one important question that a therapist would ask is "why" you have always wanted to be a woman.  I've always wanted to be rich, but that doesn't make me a millionaire.

Just my thoughts,  :)

Steph

YouTellMe

Re: Is it for me?
« Reply #4 on: October 07, 2005, 08:45:33 pm »
Thanks for teh welcome, I think I'll learn much here. And it’s nice to know that I can get answers within the same day! It's ver helpful.

I guess I don’t need someone to say, yes, this would be something great for you to go through. Or maybe I do, just something that ells me yes, what your going through is fairly normal for a person in your situation. That would at least put me at ease.

To be honest, I haven’t been honest with myself, I just said I was weird and went on with life. But now that I’m going to be on my own soon, and I can barely manage my self as it is. When I “Go out into the world” I don’t feel right, like something isn’t there.

Maybe I have rushed into the surgical side of this. But to be honest, I don’t know much. Looks like I have a lot of reading to do

And thanks again for your responses.

stephanie

Re: Is it for me?
« Reply #5 on: October 08, 2005, 04:18:53 pm »
I definitely think finding yourself is priority.  When I first came to Susan's I didn't know myself (can argue whether I do now or not).  Therapy will definitely help too.  They won't be able to tell you, but they'll be able to help you with this discovery by directing questions to things you may not have thought about.  The most important thing is just be honest, because there are no right or wrong answers.

Shelley

Re: Is it for me?
« Reply #6 on: October 08, 2005, 04:27:31 pm »
Hi YouTellMe,

Welcome to Susans, the others are right you need to find the path thats right for you. A therapist can help you on the journey of self discovery but ultimately it's your choice.

Reading the experiences of others can help also and that's one of the advantages of visiting Susan. The best advice I can give though is to take your time and look into yourself for guidance and share your thoughts here with others who are or have been where you are.

Goodluck.

Shelley


YouTellMe

Re: Is it for me?
« Reply #7 on: October 08, 2005, 11:13:38 pm »
I’m not sure about a therapist, but that doesn’t mean I wont look into one later.

If being truthful is something that matters (which I already knew, but a lot of people mentioned it), I might as well give you a piece of my life.

As a child I was “normal” in every way, from what I can remember. And growing up, I never had “strange” thoughts. If you were to have met me 4 years ago, you wouldn’t know I was the same person now. Back then, I was very out spoken, I had a lot of spunk if you will. I always made my voice heard. I had a lot of pride in myself. And at school, I was known by almost everyone. When someone would start talking to me, I spoke from my heart. That’s a bit strange to hear, but it’s not for me considering my life now. I was the kid at school who made everybody laugh. Not the class clown, but a great guy who enjoyed life. I was also very witty. When it came to girls, I could basically have anyone I wanted. I wasn’t the most popular guy in school, mainly because I wasn’t in the “preppy” clique. I did my own thing and people respected that. A lot of people looked at me as a “Skater”. But that doesn’t really matter. Finally, if anyone would badmouth me about anything, no matter what it was, I ignored it. I would come up with some smartass remark and go on with life. And never took in what criticism they gave. I did as I wanted.

To everyone from classmates to friends, to family and just people in general, I was kid with a lot of charisma. But now, things have completely flipped around.

Now, now I have no self esteem what so ever, I have anxiety problems about going out in the world. I’ve lost tough with my friends, and some family members. There are NUMEROUS other things that have now “troubled” me. I worry about what other people think of me, which I never used to care about. I have no pride anymore, or even a will to live. I go from day to day just, living. Not much else but eat, sleep, and drink.

But all this “bad” just didn’t come out of nowhere. I know exactly what had started it. It wasn’t sudden, but progressed to what it has become today.

For the start of my depression it had to have been freshman year at high school. But it was very minor. I wouldn’t go up to the “hot” chicks as I once did. Mainly because I figured they wouldn’t want a “freshman”. But that’s not really what made my life the living hell it is today.

Its now my junior year, about half way through it…
Some friends and myself would regularly get together after class to smoke marijuana and just hand out. And one day we started thinking of nicknames for each other. And mine, well mine sounded like my real name, but derogatory towards gays. I didn’t like the name, what straight guy does? But, I went along with it. With my “new” name came other things. The father of my friend started asking if I was gay. Ever sign le really was “No” until the point I wanted him to pay for him nagging me about it. If that wasn’t so bad, he made mentions of his son and myself being gay lovers. And OF COURSE, everyone else found it funny. We weren’t gay, we were good friends who hung out a lot. They’re family is very racist.
So after some time of this, I started giving up arguing with them. When they asked I just told them to shut up. And yes, I tried the ”I don’t appreciate being called this, can you please stop” but only made matters worse. Now this brought up questions like” Why haven’t you had a girlfriend in the last year?” Because the one girl I did want a relationship with, I messed it up by letting jealousy get in the way. But that wasn’t a good enough answer for them. Everyone knows that high school social life is important. And rumors in high school spread fast. So the rumor of me being gay somehow started. And my friend that I knew since we were in grade school, didn’t ask if it was true. Why would they want to be involved and possibly get mixed up in it as well. So now I’m the gay kid at school. It’s the best feeling in the world knowing your not, yet there’s nothing you can do to change others minds…NOT….

So then I start thinking that maybe it’s the way I’m acting that makes people judge me this way. I’m a scrawny kid so I figured that puffing out my chest would make me look manlier? Don’t ask what I was thinking then, because I have no idea. From the front I did look “buffer” so I was happy and started doing it at school. Walking around all the time like this. I really should have NOT done this. Because a few months later an old friend *male* flirted with me. But it wasn’t because he was gay, it was because him and some others were talking about me in the other room. So he came in to mess with me. I gave him an odd look and asked “You ok man?” and he laughed and walked out. And then one of the persons in the other room said “He’s gay because there ant many girls he hangs out with”. They were right, not many girls did hang out there. But where I skateboarded at the time there were always girls I was hanging around with. So now even my own friends are starting to think I’m gay. I KNOW I should have said something, I know. But I didn’t, and I regret not doing it. And now its been almost 8 months with me not leaving my house for fear of being ridiculed for something I’m not.

Now that I wrote all this, I noticed I really didn’t mention to much of why I think becoming a woman is right for me. But at least you know something about me, right?

So that’s my life as it stands now, very sad if I do say so myself. I think about my problems often, and tell myself to just get over it and go on with life. Forget what ethers think about me and be myself. But its a lot harder than most people think. I need to take things one day at a time. Things aren’t as bad as they used to be either. I my eyes would get real watery just thinking of my life almost to the point of crying. And now only occasionally and if I’m real down does it happen. I also talk down to myself on the subject. And would rather “Come out of the closet” just so people wont call me gay anymore. But then I would just be making more problems. And I really don’t need men hitting on me. I think that itself would drive me to insanity.

All in all I really just don’t want to be depressed, I’m sick of it. Its not me, depression is something I thought world never happen to me. I was too much of an upbeat spirit. But like they say about parents who tell their children they’re worthless, it causes mental damage. I know first hand its true.

Cassandra

Re: Is it for me?
« Reply #8 on: October 08, 2005, 11:45:58 pm »
Hey you,

I read your story and guess what? You are not alone. What you have experienced is the classic grade school to high school transition. If you are like most kids you went from your Jr. High to High School with pretty much the same people. Many of whom may have been jealous of your popularity so they start rumors. In high school among high school kids rumors become truth because everybody is talking about it. Basically you were sabotaged from day one. The more you denied the more credence the rumor was given and that brings you to where you are now.

It's a dynamic specific to teenage years. I remember them well. Thing is I always knew who and what I was except for me I was trying to hide from that because it got me into too much trouble. No one tried to sabotage me it was just that in the end I could never really hide who and what I was and it took another 35 some odd years to finally come to grips with my own truths. At this stage in your life I think you are in a much differnet situation which has some similarities.

I am reading in your post that it seems like you are letting these other kids define you. You are at that age when most kids are trying to find themselves and believe me they are just as uncertain about themselves as you have described about yourself. So who are they to define you.

High school is four years out of your entire life. Where do you think these other kids will be in five years after graduation? Ten years? Will it matter to you where thay are? You have to take control of yourself and stop letting these nobodies define you.

The head cheerleader will marry the star quarterback who will end up working at the local hardware store regaling customers with tales of his past glories. At five o'clock he will go home to his 230# wife and 5 screaming children and kick the dog. Then he will flop down in his lazy boy recliner turn on the television and drink 1 to two six packs of beer. They will appear at the 10 year high school reunion and you will wonder why you ever thought that these peoples opinions mattered to you at all.

Are you a woman? Only you can answer that and so far you haven't really told us why you think you are. So I will stop here now and let you reply.

Good Journey,

Cassie

stephanie_craxford

Re: Is it for me?
« Reply #9 on: October 09, 2005, 12:04:19 am »
Quote
Now that I wrote all this, I noticed I really didn’t mention to much of why I think becoming a woman is right for me. But at least you know something about me, right?

You've had a pretty tough experience so far, it's sad that people treat each other this way, but then we are dealing with human nature.

Cassie is right, don't let others define your destiny.  May be your next post should be concerned with explaining why you think becoming a woman is right for you?  The only problem with that is, you don't "become" a woman in the way you seem to be referring.  From the quote above it would seem that you believe that becoming a woman will solve all of the problems you wrote about in your post.

Check out the following link to the Wiki https://www.susans.org/wiki/Category:Transsexual and browse there for a moment, then think about where you feel you fit in, if you do,  and then post it here.  It would really help others provide advice, and answer your questions a little better.

Look forward to your posts,

Steph :)

beth

Re: Is it for me?
« Reply #10 on: October 09, 2005, 12:46:19 am »
       hello You,

                       I can understand how very hard it is for you at this time. It would be great if you could find one friend to hang with for the next several months till you graduate. life is well worth living even tho there are times when we doubt it is. In june you will be finished with high school and you will be amazed how little contact you will have with all those people you have been with for the past 13 years. if you are going to college you will have a whole new start to make new friends and you will find people to be more openminded and less influenced by their peers as to who the befriend. the older you get and the farther out into the world you go it will become clear that those who make assumptions about people they know little about are ignorant and the worse offenders are that way cause they are trying to hide their ignorance and fear from everyone.

                        It is easy to see through your writting you are very intelligent and will have no trouble fitting into the real world which is much more accepting of people with differences than typical school boys.

                         You are very welcome here, to stay and be friends, and explore your direction in life. most here have suffered similar problems at one point or another in our lives so we may be of some help.


beth

YouTellMe

Re: Is it for me?
« Reply #11 on: October 09, 2005, 01:07:51 am »
My above post really was to let out some things I've needed to let out. I cant go to my friends because my "friends" they really arent. And just hinting things to my parents, I know going to them is not a good idea.

Yeah, I'm very smart for my age, although I don’t show it if you met me. Well, met me now. I really have just stopped caring about things.

I get that I’m letting people define me, I just don’t have a reason to prove them different anymore. Why try if its not going to help? I mean, I wont see them anymore soon. But then once I have to be on my own, I’ll need to do it for myself. I know this, and I’m slowly getting back to me. Very…slowly…..

Me thinking being a woman will fix these problems? No, like I said above it was really just to get some emotions out there. I’ve kept them to myself for so long, it was nice to let them out at a place where I don’t have to worry what people think.

Aside from always thinking something was missing and the thoughts and being a woman. A few days ago, right before I went to bed, I said to myself that I was a woman. And kept doing so until I fell asleep. That night I had one of the best nights of sleep in a LONG time. Like I was comforted, and could be at ease. Only to wake up and realize I wasn’t.

I’ll look into the thread the Steph had mentioned and get back to you men and woman

YouTellMe

Re: Is it for me?
« Reply #12 on: October 09, 2005, 01:20:38 am »
This is a little fast, and I eally have alot more reading. But I came across this.

"Experience with individuals who were surgically reassigned at birth (in order to correct deformities such as those caused by accidental castration) suggests strongly that the mental gender identification is determined at birth - individuals born male but raised as female show the same symptoms of gender dysphoria as transsexuals."

Is there a way of knowing that this happened? I wondered this for some time. And have a scar that goes along with it.

Once I get something from this post, I'll continue filling you guys(woman) in.

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Re: Is it for me?
« Reply #13 on: October 09, 2005, 10:11:52 am »
some of the posts i have read are in for the stealth / instant change/transition into a female. With your friends and others thinking you are gay, you have the opportunity to even try living part or more fully as a girl already, if this is what is in store for you. Start to explore behaviorly, vocally, mentally, spiritually, relationshipwise, socially, cosmetically, and realistically. Your own Feminity. If they think your gay, with it would allow you to do things more fem. Then you can find out if even small changes feels right.

Thats what i say , if they think your gay, then use it to your advantage.

AnneW

Re: Is it for me?
« Reply #14 on: October 09, 2005, 01:08:15 pm »
Dear YouTellMe:

After reading your posts, I have a feeling you have gone from point A (what is happening in your life right now) to point Z (becoming a female) and skipped all the other stops in between.

I recall (and am reminded by my granddaughter) how cruel teenagers can be to each other and know this is a very painful time of life.

We are all concerned that we will not fit in and be accepted by a group of people we deem important.  When we're not accepted, we start asking ourselves "What is wrong with me?".  I think that many times the question should be what is wrong with them, and then maybe reevaluate if these are really people you want to spend time with.

It really seems that you need to talk to someone about your life in general before you start making decisions about your gender and/or sexual orientation.  You have to be extremely careful who you pick to talk with.  If you go to a counselor, remember that you can get reduced rates (or possibly free) sessions, especially if you go to some of the teen referal centers.  I don't know how large a town/city you live in, but there may some teen centers directly working with sexual and gender issues for teens.  Do a google search for your area and you might be amazed at the resources available.

When selecting a counselor I think it is important to treat your first meeting as a job interview - you are hiring someone to work for you and you need to know if they meet your requirements.  I think it would be a good idea to have a list of questions to ask the counselor so you can see if they fit your needs.

Questions might be:
1.  How many teens to do work with?
2.  Are you involved with any religious counseling centers?
(for me this is crucial - if the answer is YES, I'd be on my way out the door)
3.  Are you involved with any teen counseling centers?
4.  Have you worked with many gay or lesbian teens?
5.  Have you worked with any transgender or gender questioning teens?

There are dozens more you can add to fit your needs.

The answers you get will at least give you a clue.  If you don't feel comfortable with the answers and the person, don't hesitate to let them know that you are going to check with other counselors before you pick one.

The main thing you need to know is whether or not you would be comfortable talking with this person about virtually every aspect of your life.

I wish you the best, and please keep us up to-date.

Anne

YouTellMe

Re: Is it for me?
« Reply #15 on: October 09, 2005, 10:49:55 pm »
I still haven’t had the time to read that article in the Wiki. I run a business online so the time I do spend online, is spent to better the business.

Wickham, it’s funny how you mention using people thinking I’m gay to my advantage. I did so without really knowing I did. The “school” problem has been happening for almost 2 years now. And after I count take it anymore, I decided to just do whatever I wanted to do. Doing so really pointed me towards why I came here. My mannerisms, my voice, my posture, all pointed towards “woman like”. My posture in how I walk, sit, and stand. Even arching my back. When I say voice, I mean the way a woman talks, how women kind of draw out their words. I really don’t know how to explain that better. All I needed was a wig and a dress, and it would probably been hard for people to know the difference, other than my having a “manly” body. Even though I was comfortable doing so, I was still uncomfortable at the same time. Like I could just start seeing over the top of the hill, to the other side. Since then I have reverted back to a more “Man like” state to keep the gay comments down. I still haven’t gone all the way back, but almost.

Since letting you guys know about some of my life, I feel like a lot of weight has been lifted off me. It’s a nice feeling that someone else knows. And the “depression” has gotten better. Today, I hardly teared up thinking about “life”. Teared isn’t a word, but you know what I mean? Even though when I see my old friends I cant help but do it. I have so much anger towards them.

I really want to know more about this Gender Reassignment at birth issue. I guess I’ll “Google” that topic to learn more.

Since I have some spare time online tonight, I’ll try and finish reading that article in the Wiki.

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