General Discussions > Wicca

Wiccan Rede, Harm, and Transition impact on others

(1/3) > >>

grrl1nside:
Well, I'm really interested in learning what others think on this. I am going to be fairly rough in my description of the issue that is bothering me so I can just get it out.

The Wiccan Rede at first glance seems very sympathetic to transitioning as it harms none in the literal sense so we should be free to progress down the path more or less. But, as in my case, many of us have partners and not just our family but in-laws. One of the things that I have struggled with is recognition that transition will be a major challenge to my partners family. My partner is very supportive but we both can see that her family relationships will be harmed as a result. Her parents while very nice and liberal in some senses are also very traditionally English and in their 70s. We see them once a year for about a month at a time. Unfortunately, we cannot imagine them easily coming round to acceptance. Although we may be pleasantly surprised, I would expect the opposite and it is hard to accept that transitioning should impact my partner's family relationships, but it likely will...

I wonder how others understand the notion of harm in transition and what we should do try to account for this. So yes, this is a coming out question, but I'm interested in the ethics of it to minimize harm from a Wiccan perspective. Any thoughts?... Hopefully, this makes sense. Much appreciated.

Sephirah:
I don't know, I mean yes, transition does affect other people's lives but then it begs the question of where your actions end and others' actions begin. With regard to people being accepting or not... well, that's a choice they have to make for themselves. By your actions you present that choice to them, sure. But is that harm? I personally don't think so, since they ultimately have to make that choice of how they are going to deal with it. If they choose to be intolerant and make life difficult... is that a consequence of your actions or a consequence of the choice they've made? No one is forced into behaving a certain way.

How many people do you see yourself as being responsible for? I guess that's a question you have to think about.

Ms. OBrien:
Does transition really harm anyone?  If people truly love you, they want the best for you. 

Those who are upset by your transition, are so by their own actions.  By turn their backs on you, disowning you, leaving you or abandoning you: They violate the Rede.  They cause harm to you.

grrl1nside:
Sorry for the slow reply. I was out camping with the kids.

Honestly, I don't know that I will feel much harm in terms of the reaction from my own family as it is my family so what will be, will be... However, intolerance by the in-laws would be hurtful to my partner as it would likely impact the relationship between her and her parents. Asking the degree to which we are responsible for others is a great question and one that I do have difficulties with because if I were to over-extend that circle then I would become controlling versus just concerned. To be fair, it is one of my weaknesses because the borderline between control versus concern can become a fine one. 

However, I would also reframe the question to "To what degree are we responsible for the actions we take that impact others." When we act it doesn't just touch an immediate party but extends further and reverberates if you will (and this relates to how a Wiccan thinks about the idea of a threefold return if you put out negative/harm into the world). Now, I don't think transitioning is hurtful or negative but the consequences of that act may alter relationships which I am not sure that it is fair to be altering which both parties like and are comfortable with. In this case, the rules of their relationship would be impacted by myself and not be easily mended and that would hurt both parties although I am not sure that we would consider this harming them if they both recognized that they have different values and they changed their relationship as a result. Then I suppose it would be them choosing?...

I think too much...  :o

Ms. OBrien:

--- Quote from: grrl1nside on August 19, 2012, 09:44:09 am ---<snip>

I think too much...  :o

--- End quote ---

Yes you do.  ;D  However look at it this way.  You work in a job that you can not stand.  You're stressed, unhappy, feeling tortured.  Do you continue in that job, because it may affect others?  Or do you quit that job to relieve the stress, unhappiness and the torture?

Of course you quit.  Otherwise you are doing more harm to others because your whole outlook becomes dark.

It is the same with transition.

As to the rule of three.  If you are unhappy and miserable, you project that in to the world and it comes back to you threefold.  If you project happiness and contentment, it to comes back threefold.  Which brings us back to the Rede.  Projecting the unhappiness and misery will bring back those threefold, thus you violate the Rede.  You are harming you and those around you.

Navigation

[0] Message Index

[#] Next page

Go to full version