Author Topic: Not really sure what to think  (Read 2426 times)

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Offline Glubert

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Not really sure what to think
« on: September 04, 2012, 07:37:59 pm »
In the past month I've began to accept that I'm a homosexual. But recently I've started to think about my feelings about femininity and masculinity. Basically I feel more feminine than masculine, although I identify as male and I'm perfectly fine with my penis. I tend to empathize more easily with women; if the guys are in one room and the girls are in another room, I'm more apt to hang out with the girls and listen to the gossip. I'm wondering if I'm actually homosexual or if I'm acting more like a straight female? My mannerisms are generally neutral in expression; neither overly feminine or overly masculine- maybe a slight touch of femininity that most people don't notice but I've been noticing recently, like the way I shift my weight when standing that shows off my hips. Most of the hobbies I have are generally considered to be male hobbies like videos games, computers and things like that. I took an online test that said I was an androgyne but I just don't know for sure.

Recently I moved into a new room that used to be my nieces and asked to keep the walls pink; my mom thought it was odd. She made some offensive remarks when I asked for pink shirts. I moved in with my grandparents who are more accepting of who I am, but I don't really discuss my gender identity with them.

Here's a picture of me if anyone cares; http://puu.sh/WWBF

I'd just like to know what other more experienced people have to say on the matter.
I love my Monoprice 8323 headphones. 8)

Offline Edge

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Re: Not really sure what to think
« Reply #1 on: September 04, 2012, 07:45:04 pm »
I identify as male
There's nothing wrong with being an effeminate male. Gender roles aren't the same as gender identity.

Offline Glubert

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Re: Not really sure what to think
« Reply #2 on: September 04, 2012, 08:04:19 pm »
There's nothing wrong with being an effeminate male. Gender roles aren't the same as gender identity.

I'm just hesitant to express those types of things because I feel like people expect me to be a manly man, especially other gay men. I'm fairly tall and have a large build so I'm expected to be dominant and masculine but that's not how I feel.
I love my Monoprice 8323 headphones. 8)

Offline Jam

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Re: Not really sure what to think
« Reply #3 on: September 04, 2012, 08:17:47 pm »
I'm just hesitant to express those types of things because I feel like people expect me to be a manly man, especially other gay men. I'm fairly tall and have a large build so I'm expected to be dominant and masculine but that's not how I feel.

Well everyone expected me to be perfectly happy with having a girls body and go find some dashing husband to have kids with. Turns out Im not happy with a girls body because im a boy, I dont want a dashing husband because I only like women and I dont want kids because I dont like them lol. I tried very hard for far too long to ignore all that and do as they wanted. It only served to make me miserable, you cant live for other people. If that is who you are, then that is who you are. Be proud to be you! certaintely dont hide behind a mask for the sake of other peoples comfort. If they are truely decent people they wouldn't expect you to anyways.  ;)

Offline Edge

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Re: Not really sure what to think
« Reply #4 on: September 04, 2012, 08:34:07 pm »
I'm just hesitant to express those types of things because I feel like people expect me to be a manly man, especially other gay men. I'm fairly tall and have a large build so I'm expected to be dominant and masculine but that's not how I feel.
I feel that way a lot too. Because I'm trans, I feel like there's a lot of pressure to "prove" my masculinity (it's probably just paranoia). Like I'm going to get asked, "if you're going to be feminine anyway, why not be a woman?"
Because I'm not a woman. I'm a man.

Offline Glubert

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Re: Not really sure what to think
« Reply #5 on: September 04, 2012, 08:37:10 pm »
Well everyone expected me to be perfectly happy with having a girls body and go find some dashing husband to have kids with. Turns out Im not happy with a girls body because im a boy, I dont want a dashing husband because I only like women and I dont want kids because I dont like them lol. I tried very hard for far too long to ignore all that and do as they wanted. It only served to make me miserable, you cant live for other people. If that is who you are, then that is who you are. Be proud to be you! certaintely dont hide behind a mask for the sake of other peoples comfort. If they are truely decent people they wouldn't expect you to anyways.  ;)

It's just hard for me to not live based on what others think of me. I've always been the kind of person that cares more about what others think of me than about what I think of myself. It causes me to get into friendships where the other person doesn't respect me because I let myself be a doormat, and I feel reluctant to stand up for myself.
I love my Monoprice 8323 headphones. 8)

Kevin Peña

Re: Not really sure what to think
« Reply #6 on: September 04, 2012, 08:49:16 pm »
I don't think anyone else can speak for you, so you're going to have to figure out who you are by yourself; I'll just try to help you get in some direction. I was in your same position once. I thought I was just a gay man until I thought long and hard only to realize that I wasn't happy with myself. I hardly participate in any get-togethers because I don't feel like I can truly be myself and let loose.

Once again, this is something you'll have to figure out for yourself, but I would think that since you identify as male, you may already have answers.

However, given your adamant questioning in the first place, I'd say you should seek counseling for any issues you may have.

Offline Glubert

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Re: Not really sure what to think
« Reply #7 on: September 04, 2012, 09:04:18 pm »
I feel that way a lot too. Because I'm trans, I feel like there's a lot of pressure to "prove" my masculinity (it's probably just paranoia). Like I'm going to get asked, "if you're going to be feminine anyway, why not be a woman?"
Because I'm not a woman. I'm a man.

I'm pretty self conscious about my mannerisms. I try not to do anything that might be seen as being too feminine but it just seems to come naturally and it's hard to control. I usually don't realize what's happening until it happens and then I try to stop it.

I don't think anyone else can speak for you, so you're going to have to figure out who you are by yourself; I'll just try to help you get in some direction. I was in your same position once. I thought I was just a gay man until I thought long and hard only to realize that I wasn't happy with myself. I hardly participate in any get-togethers because I don't feel like I can truly be myself and let loose.

Once again, this is something you'll have to figure out for yourself, but I would think that since you identify as male, you may already have answers.

However, given your adamant questioning in the first place, I'd say you should seek counseling for any issues you may have.

Well as far as my sex identity I'd say I'm male, but my gender identity is more female than anything. You're right though I probably should talk to my therapist about it; I see him tomorrow anyway.
I love my Monoprice 8323 headphones. 8)

Offline BlueSloth

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Re: Not really sure what to think
« Reply #8 on: September 05, 2012, 06:52:48 pm »
What I did to figure out my gender is to imagine a world where everybody would completely accept me for who I am with no difficulty, and where I could have any changes to my body I wanted without having to worry about hormones or surgery or anything.  It's not realistic, but it prevents being biased towards easy answers.  I needed that because I have a long history of ignoring myself and trying to be what everybody else expects.

ativan

Re: Not really sure what to think
« Reply #9 on: September 05, 2012, 09:36:39 pm »
One of my favorites, with respect:

Gender has no meaning or value if it is counterfeit.
Counterfeit gender is just a game, a trick, an amusement,
an act, a fraud, a deception, an imitation, artificial, bogus.

Be yourself, not a gender.
Being yourself is effortless and genuine.
Being yourself is REAL, not counterfeit.
In being yourself, in behaving in a manner which is natural to you,
whatever gender you are becomes self-evident.

-Emerald


Works for me
Ativan

Offline Glubert

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Re: Not really sure what to think
« Reply #10 on: September 06, 2012, 04:18:22 pm »
I was looking at clothes I want to get after I lose weight. I was looking at women's clothing and I realized that wearing them would make me feel better about myself. I still base my identity on my genitals though, so I call myself male; I just want to dress like a female because that's how I feel in my mind. I don't want SRS, hormones or any other kind of surgery though because I actually have a very positive body image; I just think dressing like a female would allow me to make my outer appearance most closely reflect my inner identity.

By the way if any of you are curious at what clothes I was looking at wearing.
http://pastebin.com/raw.php?i=KbuyBRie
 :laugh:
I love my Monoprice 8323 headphones. 8)

Tags: androgyne