Author Topic: How does being non-op affect you?  (Read 19996 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline Angelgrl

  • Newbie
  • **
  • Posts: 35
  • Reputation: +2/-0
  • Gender: Female
Re: How does being non-op affect you?
« Reply #40 on: May 02, 2015, 11:34:54 am »
I am in between pre-op and non-op at the moment.  My concern is dating though.  It really would take a special guy to date me, lol, Let's see....I am legally blind with less than a one degree visual field in one eye and no vision at all in the other eye, I am a mtf transsexual woman and I am a cancer survivor that is in remission.  Yeah! It would take a special guy to date me.  One who can overlook these minor challenges and love me for who I am inside.

Angelgrl

Offline sparrow

  • Family
  • *****
  • Posts: 731
  • Reputation: +23/-0
  • Gender: Yes!
Re: How does being non-op affect you?
« Reply #41 on: May 02, 2015, 01:23:36 pm »
I like my birth genitals.  Just wish I could hide 'em better when I feel like wearing a skirt. ;)

Offline Jake25

  • Friend
  • ****
  • Posts: 336
  • Reputation: +3/-0
  • Gender: Male
  • Trans Man-Pre Op
Re: How does being non-op affect you?
« Reply #42 on: June 08, 2015, 01:10:28 am »
For years I thought I was just a CD but then realized that I am more transgender than anything else. I have thought lots about getting surgery but I know that the price of it I could never afford and that its just a pipe dream and I am okay with that. I am so far from being totally comfortable being transgender because I just recently started to label myself that. When I am a guy and in public and if I go to places like gay bars other guys find me very attractive but inside I know that I couldn't be with them for a long term because inside my soul I am a female and I just recently wrote a letter to my real mom who I haven't seen in like 20 years telling her that I am transgender.

I feel like I just want to tell the world that I am this way but I know that majority of people that I work with and what not would not understand and I would be a freak to them even though the only time I hang out with those people is at work. I know that I will always want to be a female until the end of time when they put me six feet under but I have come to the realization that I will never be changed between my legs and to be honest how much different would it be if I was changed down there. I would still be gay and interested in men except I would have a vagina rather than a penis, would that turn most guys on or off and would I be able to be with someone as a female all the time?

I mean I enjoy being a male sometimes but enjoy the aspect of wanting to be a female as well. When it comes to both I think its like 75% of me wants to be female while the other 25% enjoys being a guy and perhaps overtime the number of wanting to be a guy will become slower but I look at it that I am 40 years old and that say by the time I get surgery I am like 50 and that gives me how many years to be female exclusively. I would have preferred to have gotten the surgery when I was younger.

I guess in the end I am okay with it and have accepted it. Perhaps in the next years I will say heck with it and take hormones and grow breasts but then my life as a guy would be over because then I would have to dress in public and be known as a female because a guy with breasts and wearing a bra all the time would be kind of strange in all honesty.

You could be a tomboy kind of girl, just like I'm going to be a soft gentleman kind of guy.

Sandy74

Re: How does being non-op affect you?
« Reply #43 on: September 20, 2015, 02:41:51 pm »
Its like a rollercoaster of emotions when I think about being non-op. One week I really would love to be a woman and then the next I am totally cool with being a guy, perhaps I am gender fluid because I am this way. I see real woman and get so jealous of the clothes that they wear and how I would love to wear the same thing but I would just end up looking like a guy in drag or in a Halloween costume. I get so jealous of women's clothing. I mean I cannot watch a TV show without seeing a lady and imagining how I would look in that same outfit. That is the only time that I get frustrated that I am a non-op. Wishing so badly that I was someone else.

Offline Lady Smith

  • *
  • Posts: 1,267
  • Reputation: +11/-0
  • Gender: Intersex
  • Changeling. Dreamsmith
    • Brave New World
Re: How does being non-op affect you?
« Reply #44 on: September 20, 2015, 09:41:12 pm »
After I had my orchi done I found that I was completely content with myself and that SRS was no longer an issue for me.

Offline SashaGrace

  • Former Dumb Blonde
  • Friend
  • ****
  • Posts: 203
  • Reputation: +5/-0
  • Gender: Female
  • Clean freak, super organised wierdo :P
Re: How does being non-op affect you?
« Reply #45 on: October 30, 2015, 10:54:08 am »
I'm happy with being non-op :) I don't feel that having a vagina makes me a woman. I'm perfectly happy with my birth genitals as is my partner who is a cis girl :)
'Yea though I walk through the shadow of the valley of death, I will fear no evil.' Psalm 23, Verse 4

Offline cheryl reeves

  • Family
  • *****
  • Posts: 622
  • Reputation: +8/-0
  • Gender: Intersex
Re: How does being non-op affect you?
« Reply #46 on: October 30, 2015, 01:35:40 pm »
I've lived my life as a non op ,I identify as a lesbian and having surgery would mean wearing a strap on. I've had a feminine body all my life without the aid of hrt. Besides having that type of surgery scares the hell out of me,for I dislike being operated on. I'm happy being me.

Offline Anna33

  • Happy hippy in her own little world
  • *
  • Posts: 271
  • Reputation: +4/-0
  • Gender: Female
  • English Lit. Teacher, Writer, Married, Chocolate.
Re: How does being non-op affect you?
« Reply #47 on: October 30, 2015, 03:01:29 pm »
I am very happy my genitals. I find myself quite sexy actually. I wouldn't like to see it change into anyhting different. just like Cheryl Reeves said.

I am androginous since birth and I too identify as lesbian and enjoy my intimate moments with my wife, who is a cis-woman. But It goes both ways. For example, If I fell in love with a trans girl, I wouldn't care about her genitals either. It wouldn't be a deal breaker to me. Sex is 10% in a relationship to me. 90% is cuddles, being in the same frequency, snuggles in bed and being able to laugh and cry and support each other like invincible allies.

So short answer: It affects me positively. Perhaps sometimes tucking takes a little bit of practise, and I have a beautiful one piece swimming costume that I'd love to wear at the beach but I will manage when the day comes! other than that, no problem at all.
The truth is, I often like women. I like their unconventionality. I like their completeness. I like their anonymity. - Virginia Woolf

Offline Kathleenmarie

  • Neighbor
  • ***
  • Posts: 74
  • Reputation: +1/-0
  • Gender: Female
Re: How does being non-op affect you?
« Reply #48 on: October 30, 2015, 05:06:39 pm »
I'll say this, there are some things that effect me bring non op, tucking of anykind stinks, and sometimes jeans don't fit right, I get dysphoric when I look at underwear ads. Having said thag, a few weeks ago I was drinking with a bunch of special forces dudes and ol when they found out I had a dick the only reaction I got was, o ok, and we just continued on, I don't think it takes a special guy, I think it takes a special set of circumstances, ie liberal minded confident people, I've dated special forces on aND off for years as a bi male and a trans woman, sure there has been some dick heads, but my experience has been, most guys don't care about your dick, they care what their friends think about them being with someone who has a dick.  So if their friends don't care, then it's all good.

Offline Deborah

  • *
  • Posts: 4,109
  • Reputation: +55/-0
  • Gender: Female
  • Trying to find my way into the light.
Re: How does being non-op affect you?
« Reply #49 on: October 30, 2015, 05:14:25 pm »
For me it's simply my current state.  Maybe it will be the state I die with.  Hopefully not.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Offline Idaliaylix

  • Newbie
  • **
  • Posts: 19
  • Reputation: +1/-0
  • Gender: Female
Re: How does being non-op affect you?
« Reply #50 on: February 27, 2018, 07:45:09 am »
Being non-op unfortunately affects me negatively a great deal in a number of ways.  Since I essentially consider myself 'post-transition' and find as much 'stealth' as possible ideal, my non-normative genitalia, with the one exception of facial hair (which I'm getting electro for), is the sole aspect remaining that overtly marks me as 'trans', and reminds me of my transsexual history.

Practically speaking, it poses several problems when it comes to official/legal matters.  In my state (where I was born, and still reside), the policy on birth certificate markers is that they can be changed, but only with verification of genital surgery (IIRC, there's some ambiguity with respect to whether orchis alone might qualify).  This is awkward as it results in me having a weird, Frankensteinian birth certificate with my full, unambiguously female legal name yet 'M' under sex. :P  So anything that absolutely requires a birth cert (having encountered anything like that, yet, thankfully) would result in me being outed.  Luckily, for driver's licenses here you only need a doctor's statement indicating you've received medical treatment, as is the case for the Social Security Administration, so my ID marker is correct, but I just have to hope that the policy changes for birth cert gender markers and wait in limbo.  This doesn't impact my daily life, but it's irksome, as a loose end I can't tie up, and there's the principle (I'm adamant that I was born neurologically female).

A much more pressing and frightening conundrum, though, is how it affects and limits my access to mental health services, as someone who is severely mentally ill.  The policies of inpatient care facilities vary widely, but most operate on the same barbaric criterion as the prison system does and simply assign patients to gender-segregated sections/wards based on genitalia alone.  That's my worst nightmare, and the issue is how this insidiously intersects with the way the law works around involuntary commitment.  If a mental health professional believes that you're a serious danger to yourself or others (which, while it sounds reasonable, is still somewhat subjective), you can be placed on a mandatory 72-hour hold, but the main problem is that you have no legal right to control where you're sent for that time.  You can't veto a facility because they'd place/room you with the opposite sex, even though that poses an obvious and acute danger to your personal safety.

I've been in inpatient thrice thus far, but fortunately, the nice little place I've stayed in at least assigns me to the female wing, though they insist on placing me in the only single room there.  Sounds nice to not have a roommate, but it actually bothers me because it's still needless discrimination, and it's kind of stigmatizing and makes you stand out since it's the only such room, generally otherwise reserved for patients who are potentially violent and overly volatile, which I'm not.  Also, if I ever had to shower there, I think that'd be an ordeal (they'd make me do it alone and escorted by an employee, which isn't good).  What's terrifying, though, and always lurking in the back of my mind, is that there's no absolute guarantee that I'd always be sent there.  Admissions (voluntary and otherwise) are through the attached crisis center where they do evaluations, and all it takes is for one petty or bigoted care worker who doesn't like me for whatever reason on a power trip and my fate would be up in the air.  I've avoided going there even when I feel like I should because of this apprehension.

Back in December of last year, I was going through an extremely suicidal crisis, was absolutely at risk and should've been held in inpatient, but I didn't visit the center because it was very busy, understaffed and full (I think due to the spike in stress around the holiday season), so it seemed too risky.  I ultimately ended up attempting suicide that month, self-harming a lot and going on a massive, hazardous drug binge, which probably could've been avoided had I felt safe checking myself in, so that's one very real, concrete example of my genital status affecting my daily life.

In the same vein, there's the jail/prison system, a matter of life or death.  Being arrested and jailed with men is one of my worst fears in the entire world, and something I'm at increased risk for, especially given my personality disorder.  All it takes is once for even the most minor offense and, to put it bluntly, I'm completely screwed.  So I have to be ultra-cautious, I can't take legal risks other people might be inclined to take because arrest is game over, do not pass Go, and would be the end of me as I just couldn't bear that under any circumstances.  It definitely raises the stakes.

I wish more people were aware of and discussed the fact that being non-op, or having non-standard genitalia in general, can often mean literally having your human rights violated.  Especially as it pertains to the mental health system.  I brought my concerns to the attention of the network that I was treated through, and hopefully got through to them, but I don't know if that will actually precipitate a policy shift, and there's nothing that can be done about the legal loophole.

Obviously, many other women who do intend to have vaginoplasty encounter these difficulties, but the difference is that they at least have a hope of escaping them after surgery, whereas, being resolutely non-op, I just have to pray that society at large gets its head on straight and that the people running these systems eventually set sane policies.

Otherwise, on a different note, it does greatly affect my sexuality by adding an extra layer of marginalization to an already hyper-marginalized identity.  It's hard enough to be lesbian in this society, especially when feminine and exclusively attracted to other feminine women (as I am), and to be transsexual in the present climate, and being non-op on top of all that just takes it up a notch even further.  There's a tremendous amount of awful, soul-crushing prejudice and utter revulsion towards women with these non-normative genitalia in the lesbian community, to the point where it's the default attitude, and there is a prevailing judgement across all demographics that trans women are legitimately female only insofar as they have or are pursuing genital surgery.  My 'dating pool' would be microscopic.  I've internalized heaps of shame around my sexual inclinations because I'm non-op, but that's an extremely complex topic in and of itself that I intend to post about separately later, so for now I'll leave it at that.
"…what I seem to be is the monkey wrench in the machinery of everyone’s sexual politics…it gets awfully frustrating at times.  What I really am is a paradox in that “transsexual” just doesn’t fit into my identity, who I am to myself.  In other words, what I’ve been through is terribly interesting, but I have no interest in using it to say who I am."

"The transsexual experience, while a major survival issue, is not the central identity-defining factor in our lives, even though it is seen as what makes us different from other people. Despite its magnitude and intensity, it is, in the long run, merely a preliminary step to getting on with our lives."


--Beth Elliott, Mirrors, Portrait of a Lesbian Transsexual


Offline Transfused

  • Posts: 160
  • Reputation: +1/-0
  • Gender: Female
  • Straight MtF. On Estradiol since Jan 16’. Non-op.
Re: How does being non-op affect you?
« Reply #51 on: March 01, 2018, 06:45:01 am »
I like finally being able to be myself but I hate being non-op. I have severe genital dysphoria and I’m too chickened to move forward with SRS. I’m only comfortable enough to move forward with BA, FFS an a simple orchiectomy.
My sex life will also suffer under it since I’m only into straight cis men.

Offline Donna

  • *
  • Posts: 815
  • Reputation: +8/-0
  • Gender: Female
  • Moving forward always, a work in progress
Re: How does being non-op affect you?
« Reply #52 on: March 03, 2018, 06:58:32 pm »
I am transitioning via meds and hormones. I have grown natural breasts and have zero sex drive.
I am asexual so sex has not been an issue with me for a long time. I am married to a wonderful woman that is doing her best thru this. My testicals are shrinking and I see my urologist at the end of April to discuss an orchi.
As far as the penis is concerned I have other issues there. It is retracted all the time and hides inside me. I look like  I have a clit when it’s pulled back. This is more than enough to satisfy me in regards to my appearance. I have major issues with bladder infections now due to the retraction and having no prostate or valves in my bladder. Moving my urethra via srs would make me even more prone to further infections. I can live with this concession as my health matter more that way.
An orchi should allow me to continue without  too many meds and I can’t stand the thought of having anymore testosterone flares. My T has caused 21 years of uncontrolled priapism which had me on the verge of doing a removal myself( really bad idea).
Almost got locked away over that incident. I finally found a safe herbal solution last year after all the doctors failed to help. Now the dutastricide has it under control.
In the long run I can be a beautiful and happy female even with a hidden appendage that no one but my wife and I know about and it doesn’t bother my mindset in the least.
December 2015 noticed strange feelings moving in
December 2016 started to understand what my body has been telling me all my life, started wearing a bra for comfort full time
Spiro and dutastricide 2017
Mid year 2017 Started dressing and going out shopping etc by myself
October T 14.8 / 456
Came out to my wife in December 2017
January 2018 dressing androgenes and still have face hair
Feb 2018 Dressing full time in female clothing out at work and to friends and family, clean shaven and make up
Living full time March 1 2018
March T 7.4 / 236
April 19th eligard injection, no more Testosterone
June 19th a brand new freshly trained HRT and transgender care doctor for me. Only a one day waiting list to become her patient 😍

[/

Offline Chloe

  • Family
  • *****
  • Posts: 1,341
  • Reputation: +37/-0
  • Gender: Female
  • "Landed Airline Gentry"
    • CowetaSolar Journal(s) & Blog(s)
Re: How does being non-op affect you?
« Reply #53 on: March 04, 2018, 06:29:19 am »
I like finally being able to be myself but I hate being non-op.

The OP of this thread was a very knowledgeable, astute gal (my name-look-alike) and it is very saddening to not know what/how she is doing now.

Transfused I sympathize with your plight - the "state-of-art" concerning SRS is not where it should be but if desirous of any kind of normal dating it would be, unfortunately, highly recommended!
I'm also afraid of being treated as male by girls that I want to be close friends with...

Not being into girls either (like you) would make such a decision even more imperative!
"But it's no use now," thought poor Alice, "to pretend be two people!
"Why, there's hardly enough of me left to make one respectable person!"

Offline Idaliaylix

  • Newbie
  • **
  • Posts: 19
  • Reputation: +1/-0
  • Gender: Female
Re: How does being non-op affect you?
« Reply #54 on: May 05, 2018, 10:42:58 pm »
I like finally being able to be myself but I hate being non-op. I have severe genital dysphoria and I’m too chickened to move forward with SRS. I’m only comfortable enough to move forward with BA, FFS an a simple orchiectomy.
My sex life will also suffer under it since I’m only into straight cis men.

No offense, but this doesn't really make sense to me, because FFS is much more intensive/invasive and potentially hazardous.
"…what I seem to be is the monkey wrench in the machinery of everyone’s sexual politics…it gets awfully frustrating at times.  What I really am is a paradox in that “transsexual” just doesn’t fit into my identity, who I am to myself.  In other words, what I’ve been through is terribly interesting, but I have no interest in using it to say who I am."

"The transsexual experience, while a major survival issue, is not the central identity-defining factor in our lives, even though it is seen as what makes us different from other people. Despite its magnitude and intensity, it is, in the long run, merely a preliminary step to getting on with our lives."


--Beth Elliott, Mirrors, Portrait of a Lesbian Transsexual


Offline DawnOday

  • *
  • *
  • *
  • Posts: 3,134
  • Reputation: +36/-0
  • Gender: Female
  • Links Administrator
Re: How does being non-op affect you?
« Reply #55 on: May 05, 2018, 11:09:42 pm »
It's been such a long hard journey that anything in the right direction is affirming. Would I like a full transition? Of course. I'd also like to be twenty years old again.
Dawn Oday

It just feels right   :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_kiss: :icon_kiss: :icon_kiss:


If you have a a business or service that supports our community please submit for our Links Page.

First indication I was different- 1956 kindergarten
First crossdress - Asked mother to dress me in sisters costumes  Age 7
First revelation - 1982 to my present wife
First time telling the truth in therapy June 15, 2016
Start HRT Aug 2016
First public appearance 5/15/17




Offline Sabrina99

  • **
  • Posts: 24
  • Reputation: +1/-0
  • Gender: Female
Re: How does being non-op affect you?
« Reply #56 on: May 23, 2018, 10:58:48 am »
I've learned to operate the equipment I have pretty darn well (or so I'm told), and if I had it removed, I'd still end up using with a strap-on in the sack. 

Love it, lol

Quote
It seems like a lot less trouble to simply save the money, pain, and risk and forego the surgery.

That's my view.

Translady

Re: How does being non-op affect you?
« Reply #57 on: May 27, 2018, 09:05:20 am »
The only thing it affects me with is meeting a heterosexual man for a serious relationship. I'm attracted to non-op transsexual females and I'm attracted to men, however, from my experience, most heterosexual men that I have known are open to dating a non-op transsexual female, yet when it comes to a serious relationship, it's entirely different for them and they are overly concerned with how others may think if they find out they are in a relationship with a non-op transsexual. I like my genitals so for me personally I'm attractive and look as female as any other female so I'm not concerned if people look at my genitals area and know that I have male genitals there. The only concern is that of men who are attracted to me yet concerned about what others think.

Offline samanthabwolfe

  • *
  • Posts: 36
  • Reputation: +1/-0
  • Gender: Female
Re: How does being non-op affect you?
« Reply #58 on: May 29, 2018, 11:35:20 pm »
It kills me. I can't wait until the strings and fears and problems that keep me from it are gone and I can try to move forward. I know for some people it can be a social-only thing but I truly hate my body and I want to change it.

Offline DebbySoufflage

  • Friend
  • ****
  • Posts: 131
  • Reputation: +1/-0
Re: How does being non-op affect you?
« Reply #59 on: April 28, 2019, 02:21:54 pm »
I generally prefer not to tell people that I don’t want bottom surgery. But it definitely gives me a lot of stress when I’m talking about my transition with others and the other person asks if I am also intending on getting “the surgery”. I want other surgeries like FFS and breast implants but bottom surgery is not on my list because I have very little genital dysphoria. I sometimes feel weird about not wanting gender reassignment surgery. And sometimes I’m thinking about the possibility that there will be one day a hormone shortage and that I will virilize again. But those are doom scenarios that aren’t likely to happen. Sometimes I’m scared about my future as a non-op trans woman. I wonder what man will want to date me, what I should tell my children later, what my family thinks about me for not wanting genital surgery and so on. My mom would prefer me to undergo bottom surgery but I personally firmly don’t want it.
There are also days that I’m super happy that I don’t have much genital dysphoria. It saves quite a few tens of thousands of Dollars. All in all, being non-op isn’t that bad for me. I’m happy with my life for the most part.
HRT has given me a lot of satisfaction in life. I responded well to it.

Luv
Debby

Tags: