Author Topic: Hello from a fem boy!  (Read 8230 times)

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Offline Femboy

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Hello from a fem boy!
« on: September 06, 2013, 02:02:56 am »
Hey new friends!  :D

I just joined and I thought I'd introduce myself.  I'm a 23 year old fem transsexual man (he pronouns please!). 

I joined Susan's Place because I'm currently trying to find the right surgeon for my top surgery and it seems like there is quite a bit of information on here about people's experiences with specific surgeons and specific techniques.  But I hope that my use of the forum will blossom from there and that I can share my experiences and offer myself as a resource to other trans folks.

Here's a tiny bit about my experience as a trans person:

I "came out" as genderqueer to my friends when I was 15, back in 2005.  I started trying out he pronouns and a new name a few years later (2009) and found that I felt more at home than I ever had.  Throughout those years I often presented in really stereo-typically masculine ways because I felt that other people would be less likely to misgender me if I did so.  But I've never ever been a masculine guy and ultimately that was a very toxic situation for me. 

Thankfully I was able to find supportive friends and a supportive partner while I journeyed my way back to the fem, gender-fucking, cross-dressing queer boy I was always meant to be.  I found that at the end of the day, because of my hourglass body and my feminine demeanor (among other things), people would misgender me no matter how I presented.  So I ultimately decided it was most important to just be me, even if other people (including other trans people) didn't always get it.  And I finally realized that it wasn't my fault that people were making assumptions about my body, nor was it my job to conform to how they expected a man to look.

I've been on hormones now for almost 1 year and a half.  It was the best gift I have ever given myself, though I struggled with the decision for many years.  I'm so thankful for everything that hormones have given me.  It's an incredible feeling to recognize myself in the mirror. My mental health is exponentially better and I'm just so happy to not be constantly trying to quell the dissonance I felt with my body.  I've struggled (and still struggle) a lot with anxiety, depression, and suicidal thoughts since I was a kid.  But that has all lessened so much since starting hormones and that is such an incredible blessing.

The closer I get to looking the way I have always imagined myself (essential as a "male-bodied" feminine presenting person), the more uncomfortable other people become.  I feel more myself and more at home than ever before, but strangers are increasingly violent and loud as they try to come to terms with my presence.  I'm finding ways to deal with it, but safety is definitely a big concern in my life right now. 

There's so much more to my story, but that's for starters!

I would love to talk to people about:

  • top surgery ( especially regarding nipple sensitivity, the pedicle technique, large chests, fat bods, and insurance)
  • navigating unsupportive family situations
  • crafting and diy projects (trans or non-trans related!)


I'm happy to answer people's (respectful) questions about:

  • gradual transition (I started with low doses and worked my way up)
  • taking testosterone as a singer
  • being fem/me
  • not fitting into dominant trans narratives
  • hair, make-up, style, etc.!

Here's a couple pics of me!  :-*



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Offline Arch

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Re: Hello from a fem boy!
« Reply #1 on: September 06, 2013, 02:08:13 am »
Hi, Femboy, and welcome!

Be sure to familiarize yourself with some site basics:


One of my best buds is a femme trans man, but he doesn't feel completely safe presenting the way he really feels. I should steer him your way. You really have your look down.

Looking forward to getting to know you better.
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Offline Femboy

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Re: Hello from a fem boy!
« Reply #2 on: September 06, 2013, 02:17:49 am »
Aw, thanks!  :D Yeah, I'd love to chat with him, feel free to send him my way.  I'm glad you responded! I know you had surgery w/Dr. Eichenberg and I'd love to chat with you about some time (maybe when I'm able to pm?).  I'm seriously considering him because he's in CA and does the pedicle technique (plus his office staff are super sweet  ;)
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Re: Hello from a fem boy!
« Reply #3 on: September 06, 2013, 02:26:09 am »
A warm southern California welcome to you!

We have quite a few members here who identify somewhere on the non-binary part of the spectrum ... including me!  ;)

Offline Femboy

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Re: Hello from a fem boy!
« Reply #4 on: September 06, 2013, 02:30:50 am »
Yay! *does a wiggly non-binary dance* An (unseasonably!) warm Northern CA hello back!
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Offline King Malachite

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Re: Hello from a fem boy!
« Reply #5 on: September 06, 2013, 03:32:57 am »
Welcome Femboy! :)

The ftm forum seems to cover a lot of the topics your interested in talking about.  I say it wouldn't hurt to try it out!

I love your pictures by the way.  They captivated me in ways I don't understand (and I mean that in a very good way!)
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Offline Nero

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Re: Hello from a fem boy!
« Reply #6 on: September 06, 2013, 07:45:06 am »
Quote
top surgery ( especially regarding nipple sensitivity, the pedicle technique, large chests, fat bods, and insurance)

From what I understand, the pedicle technique is harder to perform on large chests Also, nipple sensitivity may be less likely the larger you are. You'd really have to talk to your surgeon. But try not to get your heart set on it if you're pretty big.

As for fat bods, make sure you look at top surgery results on guys with your body type. There are some really popular surgeons who do awesome work on skinny bods but not on fat bods. People talk about 'dog ears' on overweight guys but it's not inevitable. I was pretty big when I had my surgery and it wasn't an issue at all.
Nero was the Forum Admin here at Susan's Place for several years up to the time of his death.

Offline Ms. OBrien CVT

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Re: Hello from a fem boy!
« Reply #7 on: September 06, 2013, 10:14:31 am »
Hi Femboy, :icon_wave:

Welcome to our little family. Over 7406. That would be one heck of a family reunion.

Feel free to post your successes/failures, Hopes/dreams.  Ask questions and seek answers. Give and receive advice.

But remember we are family here, your family now. And it is always nice to have another brother.


Janet  )O(

   
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Offline TaoRaven

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Re: Hello from a fem boy!
« Reply #8 on: September 06, 2013, 10:29:23 am »
You have an absolutely enchanting look. Beautiful and handsome simultaneously. I can't say that I've seen the effect achieved in the same way before.

A work of art!!

Offline Femboy

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Re: Hello from a fem boy!
« Reply #9 on: September 06, 2013, 12:13:11 pm »
Welcome Femboy! :)

The ftm forum seems to cover a lot of the topics your interested in talking about.  I say it wouldn't hurt to try it out!

I love your pictures by the way.  They captivated me in ways I don't understand (and I mean that in a very good way!)

Aw thanks haha! I'll definitely be checking out the ftm forum :)
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Offline Darkie

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Re: Hello from a fem boy!
« Reply #10 on: September 06, 2013, 12:21:55 pm »
I like your style! And I can understand ya a little.  Right now I guess I am technically gender fluid, but my male side still loves neon colors! My fursona is a sucker for bright colors and wearing miniskirts over pants.  I just never dress male and with my neon stuff on because I'm always going to be considered female which frustrates the heck out of me.  But I love the lipstick in the second photo! And welcome.  Everyone's really nice.
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Offline Femboy

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Re: Hello from a fem boy!
« Reply #11 on: September 06, 2013, 12:23:41 pm »
From what I understand, the pedicle technique is harder to perform on large chests Also, nipple sensitivity may be less likely the larger you are. You'd really have to talk to your surgeon. But try not to get your heart set on it if you're pretty big.

As for fat bods, make sure you look at top surgery results on guys with your body type. There are some really popular surgeons who do awesome work on skinny bods but not on fat bods. People talk about 'dog ears' on overweight guys but it's not inevitable. I was pretty big when I had my surgery and it wasn't an issue at all.

Hmm that's interesting!  My impression has been that, while the pedicle technique (like any top surgery technique) is more challenging the larger your chest is, that it's also an option that's sort of designed specifically for folks with large chests.  Meaning, there are options for retaining your nipples w/out grafts if you're smaller chested (peri, etc.) but that the pedicle technique is the only such option for larger chests. 

I'm trying not to get my heart set on it, but it is definitely the most frustrating part of this process for me.  :(  Retaining nipple sensitivity (specifically "erotic" sensitivity, not just general sensitivity) is extremely important to me.  Which is difficult to do on its own, let alone with my E cup breasts.  I do know a number of large-chested folks who have had positive experiences with the pedicle technique, but there is also a lot of conflicting information out there.  While one surgeon will tell me that the pedicle technique is my best option and will decrease the risk of necrosis and increase the chance of retained sensitivity, another surgeon will tell me the exact opposite.  I just wish I had some cold, hard data to look at, but so much of it is like hearsay at this point. 

Re: fat bods, that is very good advice.  I''ve been regarding the results on skinny folks as pretty much irrelevant to my search.  That's really encouraging to hear about your experience with (no) dog ears! May I ask who your surgeon was?

I have sort of resigned myself to having dog ears and needing a revision, so I've been trying to find a surgeon who does free revisions.  I've resigned myself not just because I have an awesome fat bod, but also because I'm shaped in such a way that the fat under my arms, connected to my breasts, sorts of wraps towards my back in a roll. Which I understand makes dog ears more likely and revisions more challenging.  I'm definitely interested in hearing more about what you know/what your experiences have been regarding dog ears, being fat during surgery, etc. 

Thanks for your response!
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Offline Femboy

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Re: Hello from a fem boy!
« Reply #12 on: September 06, 2013, 12:25:05 pm »
You have an absolutely enchanting look. Beautiful and handsome simultaneously. I can't say that I've seen the effect achieved in the same way before.

A work of art!!

Oh gosh, thank you! What a nice thing to say :)  That's definitely what I'm striving for so that's very reassuring  :angel:
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bethany

Re: Hello from a fem boy!
« Reply #13 on: September 06, 2013, 12:33:23 pm »
Hello Femboy, I must say you have a very intriguing look, that you pull off amazingly well. I wish you the best in your transition. And welcome to Susan's.

Offline Simply_Sir

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Re: Hello from a fem boy!
« Reply #14 on: September 06, 2013, 04:58:57 pm »
Hello and welcome!
You made me cry.
Seriously.
I don't do that.

I'm young and consider myself as a genderfluid transboy, but haven't come out to anyone about the 2nd part. I want to take T and get chest surgery, but I love wearing makeup and skirts and using feminine fluxes on words. I thought it was amazing that so many things about myself I read in your description. I try to dress as masculine as possible so people look at me and think "of that's a boy" but dressing all masculine just isn't my style. Having a deep voice and a beard would be a dream, but I want my femininity and girly gestures. You look so confident in those pictures! I hope that can be me someday!

Thanks for sharing your story. I look forward to what you will post next.
« Last Edit: September 06, 2013, 05:59:09 pm by Arch »

Offline Arch

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Re: Hello from a fem boy!
« Reply #15 on: September 06, 2013, 05:57:30 pm »
Aw, thanks!  :D Yeah, I'd love to chat with him, feel free to send him my way.  I'm glad you responded! I know you had surgery w/Dr. Eichenberg and I'd love to chat with you about some time (maybe when I'm able to pm?).  I'm seriously considering him because he's in CA and does the pedicle technique (plus his office staff are super sweet  ;)

PM away (well, after you get up to 15 posts). Eichenberg had limited experience with trans men when I saw him--I think fewer than a dozen guys--but I encouraged him to start reaching out to the local community because we need more SoCal surgeons who do top surgeries, and it's great business for him. It's been over four years since my surgery, and I'm sure he has acquired much more experience than he had before.

ETA: I paid just $300 for the revision--no surgeon's fee.
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Re: Hello from a fem boy!
« Reply #16 on: September 06, 2013, 06:08:51 pm »
Welcome aboard femboy! I hope we all meet your expectations. And thanks for sharing your photos, you're looking good. :)
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Offline Femboy

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Re: Hello from a fem boy!
« Reply #17 on: September 06, 2013, 11:48:47 pm »
Hello Femboy, I must say you have a very intriguing look, that you pull off amazingly well. I wish you the best in your transition. And welcome to Susan's.

Thanks : D Is that you and your fam in your avatar?  Such a precious picture!
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Offline Femboy

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Re: Hello from a fem boy!
« Reply #18 on: September 07, 2013, 12:05:34 am »
Hello and welcome!
You made me cry.
Seriously.
I don't do that.

I'm young and consider myself as a genderfluid transboy, but haven't come out to anyone about the 2nd part. I want to take T and get chest surgery, but I love wearing makeup and skirts and using feminine fluxes on words. I thought it was amazing that so many things about myself I read in your description. I try to dress as masculine as possible so people look at me and think "of that's a boy" but dressing all masculine just isn't my style. Having a deep voice and a beard would be a dream, but I want my femininity and girly gestures. You look so confident in those pictures! I hope that can be me someday!

Thanks for sharing your story. I look forward to what you will post next.

*sends you a big internet hug*  I'm so glad you saw yourself reflected in what I shared.  I felt so alone about being a fem trans man for so long and I feel very compelled to share my story so that other ppl like me don't feel so alone.  I have all the faith in the world that you will find that confidence.  I know how hard and scary it can be to be yourself and I'm wishing you all of the best!

Quote
Having a deep voice and a beard would be a dream, but I want my femininity and girly gestures.

That part of your comment resonates with me so much.  I tend to think of my gender & sex identities being split into three (overlapping) parts. 

Like there is my gender expression, which is decidedly femme.  I love wearing dresses, make-up, having long hair, "cross-dressing", etc.  If I had been male-assigned-at-birth I would have been the same way. 

Then there is my gender identity, which is a bit bendy but mostly male at this point. 

Then there is my transsexualism, my desire and my need to change my sex characteristics.  I know a lot of people see being transsexual as being intrinsically and inseparably linked to their corresponding gender identity and expression.  But for me personally, my need to change my body is a distinct thing.  And it's a thing that wasn't always present for me, and isn't present for all trans people. 

That was long winded but yeah.  Like there's these three parts of me that connect and make me a femme, a transsexual, and a man.  And they come together to make one pretty cool person!  ;)
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Offline Femboy

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Re: Hello from a fem boy!
« Reply #19 on: September 07, 2013, 12:07:44 am »
PM away (well, after you get up to 15 posts). Eichenberg had limited experience with trans men when I saw him--I think fewer than a dozen guys--but I encouraged him to start reaching out to the local community because we need more SoCal surgeons who do top surgeries, and it's great business for him. It's been over four years since my surgery, and I'm sure he has acquired much more experience than he had before.

ETA: I paid just $300 for the revision--no surgeon's fee.

Oh that's so wonderful to hear regarding the revision! It seems like he's done a number of surgeries since you, so I'm really glad you encouraged him to reach out :) I would love to find more pictures of his work online, especially ones where I know it was the pedicle technique and ones of people who had large chests.  But pics are a bit hard to come by :/ What I've seen of his work I really like though. I'll definitely pm you when I get to 15 posts!
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