Community Conversation > Transgender talk

It continually gets worse with no end?

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beth:
             It does increase with age without a plateau but if it is already consuming all your thoughts it's not like it will get 10 times worse. It will increase though and the regrets will start when you realize you can no longer be a young woman and will never be one.

              Keeping busy does help, I was involved in highly competitive research and development that consumed most every waking moment and many sleeping moments as well but I still had time to think about it. Be aware of one possible consequence of this course, that is divorcing yourself from your body. I felt like I was completely seperate from my body and it did not matter. It literally felt like my body was an old beat up car I was traveling around in with no need to maintain it. This combined with the depression puts you at grave risk for all kinds of problems with weight, blood pressure etc.  Don't let any of this scare you, everyone is different and most of us wait until waiting is no longer an option. Don't rush yourself. I hope all works well for you Jessica.

beth

Terri-Gene:

--- Quote ---Keeping busy does help,
--- End quote ---

Yes, occupying the mind with other things seems to be about the only thing that does work.  When I was younger, I read a lot and I took to hobbies in a serious manner.  For some years I was interested in guns and filled a closet with custom special purpose pistols, revolvers and rifles and took to reloading and would routinely customize rounds for each piece and practice, practice, practice, often doing hundreds of rounds at the local range or in the desert knocking off Jacks. 

As the problem got closer to the surface I took to programing, mostly in Dbase and wrote custom data bases and Quickbasic and Bascom helping with the old RBBS contributer teams to provide state of the art (at the time) software in the days when online communication was direct dialup BBS's and ran an RBBS, Deciever Systems, and later a TBBS, with a partner, Superstation out of the Reno Area.

I really enjoyed Deciever Systems.  It was a Fido System with newsgroups and email and had a straight side which was devoted to computer information and downloads and a hidden request only side devoted to Transsexuality.  The transsexual side had a motto "Deciever Systems, straight at ya from Reno Nevada ... so close to hell I can see Sparks.  Iron Bicepts on high heels".  Superstation was a file download and chat system on a Novell network with a dozen computers in the network to run all the tasks. (386 days with huindred meg HD's)  New downloads were aquired over a satallite feed.  Of course these types of systems died out for the most part when the graphical browser was invented and common people could access the internet.

I used to spend virtually all my spare time at these activities while working 2 and sometimes 3 jobs on different shifts simultaniously..... Them were ugly years and in the end, I still had to give in to myself.

Terri

Debtv:
Well then I'm extreamly lucky....because I found a TG plateu. Let me explain what it is for me.


Since 5 yrs old I knew I should have been a girl. I tried very hard to denie it most my life. I became a long-haired cowboy (always felt it was a costume) married and had two kids. My view was "I'm strong and I can use my strong will to do what is right" LOL Oh my, I tried hard!

But that is not what tgism is. Most my life I ironicly, big time desired women, but was jelouse of them too. It caused me a lot of misery. Non the less, my tg desires grew with my age.

How I found my TG  plateu....

My Path to Happiness

#1 Accept yourself!
I accept my transgender wish,
 a wish that can never truly be.
I know that between both genders is a niche,
a middle place for me.

#2 Overcome those bad feelings!
I can overcome my jealousy of women,
by recognizing those feelings they cease to be.
I can overcome my frustration to be femm,
by living honest and free.

#3 Become honest with yourself and others
My honesty will set me free,
with myself and others.
Honesty will take strength to be,
 to balance my true genders.

#4 Grow & show your self-pride
Self-pride will grow in me,
as I honestly live my life and have fun.
Self-pride will show the true me,
as I blend my genders back into one.

#5 Realize your special
I am lucky to be both genders,
this took me 30 years to see.
I am special to be both genders
I am thrilled to be me.

I came out to everyone I know. I now live %80 enfemme. I limmit my local exposure, but if you visit me....I don't have to ignore the door.

Since I an out tv....I don't try to pass or want to. I want others to see me as an honest, pretty tv/cd. I do not change my voice or how I act...I am me....an honest tv/cd!

I am happy now because I am the real me....I can accept I will never be a woman.....heck I feel if I was born a woman....I'd still be tg and be wanting what I already have! LOL

Yes it will grow.....and it is up to you how you deal with it.

Love
Debtv

jmann:
you see, this is what i feer. fear of regret is what is wearing at me.

I am sitting at the crest of decision. You see, unlike the unfortunately common transgender problem of depression, I am a relatively happy, successful person. I have spent my life surrounding myself with activity and experiences that allow me to remain happy.  So alas, I have a dichotomy: Remain the same; hide my gender identity forever, and keep those thing in my life which make me happy, running the risk of depression later in life. OR Come out (and transition), risk loosing everything, but gain the piece of identity I have been missing for so long. You see I know that if I do not transition now, at 22 years old, it will be one of those things that I regret for the rest of my life. NO, it will be the ONLY thing I regret for the rest of my life.

Debtv:
For MOST TG It is not an either or choice....what? %10 of us tg are ts? Most TG's figure out a middle place to find happieness. So what is the srs choice? It is a choice, as jmann says...a life altering choice...where you probely will lose everything. I mean we know and have heard form many ts who have paid the price.

There is a middle ground and I'm living it. I came out and am free to be my femme self....but have not left my man life behind. It is a comprimise and I am very happy with it. Sure I still feel like a woman in a mans body...but I have come to enjoy that. There is a middle ground.

22 yrs old jmann? and worried you have to decide now? yeah right. You are young and have plenty of time to find your true self.

TG life is not just this or that....at least for the majority of us.

Love
Debtv

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