Community Conversation > Non-Transitioning and Detransitioning

It takes courage ...

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Jamie D:
The poet E. E. Cummings once wrote,

"It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are."

Discuss

Doctorwho?:
For sure and absolutely NOT just in gender context either.

I find some of what I am doing in my medical training ffffing TERRIFYING!

The feeling of having so much responsibility and having to deal with huge traumatic events whilst keeping professional detachment and objectivity.

The requirement to almost daily deal with blood, pus, vomit, guts, and other unspeakables, without letting it affect one.

The requirement to memorise VAST tracts of information in almost NO TIME at all - and then submit for monthly examinations in the knowledge that a single score of less than 65% in ANY exam over the 4 years could abruptly end the whole thing.

The fact that anyone tackling the 4 year accelerated course that I am on is constantly tired, constantly rushing, and constantly on the go in an unremitting schedule. Mostly though the fact that I'm doing this in my 50's because I was too scared to try in my 20's when most people do it...

All of these things scare the bejesus out of me! And yet it is who I am and I do have to do it! If I don't I will never grow up, and will die never having become whom I was meant to be.

Sephirah:
I think I would change that slightly. Something along the lines of:

It takes courage to find yourself, wisdom to know yourself, tenacity to see yourself, and integrity to be yourself.

Not sure about the growing up part. Sometimes that's not always necessary, lol. There's a lot to be said for that childlike inquisitiveness. :P

Tanya W:
I remember being about twenty-two years old and sitting at a kitchen table with a friend. We were having tea, the two of us. Much of the time was spent in silence, staring out the window as morning light warmed it's way through the fog that had rolled in overnight. I had been asked what I want most from life and was giving this question some thought.

"I want," I eventually replied, "the script of my life. I want to know how I am supposed to be, what I am supposed to do, and when I am supposed to do it." It was a sincere answer. As such, it was also terribly revealing. I wanted reference points that long ago day. I wanted blueprints and guarantees, templates and certainty. I wanted at the very least a road map that said, 'You're on the right track.' A compass that always pointed north.

I wanted - and still do in many ways.

The difference is, of course, that two decades have passed since that morning and after all this time I am beginning to understand there are no set reference points or compasses, not really. Not really. There is, instead, life - just life - and what she asks of me. To engage an unusual line of work, for instance. To care for a whirlwind of a daughter. To make the bed and take out the trash. To say, 'I am transgender' and figure out what comes next...

Realizing this life is my only guide is, I guess, growing up. Following this guidance is becoming who I really am. Both are about the most difficult companions I have ever encountered. Remaining even the least bit true to them requires every bit of courage I can muster - sometimes even more!

Thanks for encouraging this line of consideration, Jamie. As I was typing, my SAA sponsor (Sex Addicts Anonymous) called up. In the course of our conversation, he told me of some very difficult steps he had decided to take in his life. 'It's time to grow up,' he said. 'I need to be who I am.' I read the Cummings' quote and he was both surprised by and appreciative of the timing. I was inspired by his embodiment of Cummings' words.
 

ErinM:

--- Quote from: Sephirah on November 05, 2013, 01:38:03 pm ---I think I would change that slightly. Something along the lines of:

It takes courage to find yourself, wisdom to know yourself, tenacity to see yourself, and integrity to be yourself.

Not sure about the growing up part. Sometimes that's not always necessary, lol. There's a lot to be said for that childlike inquisitiveness. :P

--- End quote ---

That's where I find the greatest challenge. Gender and transition aside, I find myself trying to figure out who I am as a person. Everything else just seems to be logistical.

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