Community Conversation > Non-Transitioning and Detransitioning

Dealing with the big "D"

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I have a haunch I'm going to post a lot of random things in this new board!

I know not everyone has dysphoria, but it's probably something that a lot of trans* or even some non-binary folks deal with. I know I've had my fair share of it. As individuals we all have our own triggers and levels to which certain things bother us. I truly believe that one of the top reasons people do transition is to help alleviate dysphoria.

So if you're not transitioning now or not planning to and you have any level of dysphoria, how do you deal with it?

While I'm sure a lot of this is going to be personalized, it might be helpful to spark some ideas for others.

One of the very first things I ever did in an attempt to feel better was to get some proper underwear. Crazy how much that did for me! And it's something that can pretty much go unnoticed by anyone else (unless you have a significant other who has no clue yet). I have had male clothes throughout my entire life, but I can see certain other items of clothing might have an impact for some people too.

Jamie D:
Cross dressing certainly can be a way to deal with gender dysphoria.  It can be a way of reconciling one's gender identity with one's gender presentation - even if it is just article of clothing or accessory.

So, underwear?  Sure, why not!  It validates how you feel.

King Malachite:
When I'm having extreme lower dysphoria, I wear my packer but in general, I just play video games.  That helps some, being able to play as a guy, and if I have to create a character, that helps to so I can relate to him more.

Tanya W:
Wow - I was about to log off, get on with my day. Then I saw this thread and thought, 'Maybe I'll take a quick look...' Big mistake! I could probably sit here all day listing off ideas, experiences, questions.

I, too, have to work with dysphoria. As I recover and heal from a bunch of other stuff in my life, I realize how pervasive this feeling has actually been in my life. 'Oh, I thought I was just anxious!' 'Oh, I thought I was triggered around abuse stuff!' 'Oh, I thought that was about addiction!' Yes in all cases - but also no! Both physically and socially, gender dysphoria can be pretty big at times for me.

Giving myself permission to act more naturally makes a difference - more feminine clothing and appearance, getting giddy over things that truly excite me like Taylor Swift and the Gilmore Girls, Anne Hathaway (yes, I know the world is supposed to be hating her right now, but...) and Julia Roberts, being with women. My trans/queer admission has also helped.

One big thing I have been working on lately is allowing myself to actually feel my body, to settle into my body. Much to my surprise, I recently learned I usually don't. For one I really don't like the 'maleness' of it, even more, however, it is challenging for me to relax into how 'female' my body often feels from the inside. Really - breasts, hips, smooth skin, the whole deal!

Learning to inhabit and be at ease with this has made a huge difference! I actually feel good sometimes! And my therapist - back to my therapist - really sees this as a game changer. "If you can actually begin to inhabit who you are like this," he says, "you might find you can be yourself in your life."

It's exciting, but scary too.

Gina Taylor:
On the contrary, I started with cross-dressing when I was 15 and then it just escallated into what I am wanting today, which is that I am a woman. Plain and simple. But due to certain things, I can not transition the way that most people can, so I am content with doing things my way, and so I shall remain as a pre-op.  :)


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