Community Conversation > Non-Transitioning and Detransitioning

What is your comfort zone?

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In the dysphoria post I noticed TanyaW mentioned contemplating this question. This is something I feel really touches a core issue for anyone who, for whatever reason, isn't transitioning. The way I see it, people transition to get to a better comfort zone ... socially ... with their own body, etc. So what if that option isn't on the table?

Letting little elements of your "true self" show through is certainly one method. From accessories to mannerisms there are options, it's a matter of how far you personally need to go to feel okay.

So for me, I basically started by asking myself a question like, what would be my idea of "perfect"? Of course after I answered that with "born with the physical body that matches my brain", I realized I had to steer away from the pie-in-the-sky perfect fantasy type of answer and get a whole lot more realistic with myself.

So the first more realistic answer I came up with was that I could be happier with my general appearance. What was in the realm of possibilities to change my appearance? It pretty much boiled down to hair, clothes/accessories, and exercising. So that's where I started about 4 years ago. There's a part of my brain that thinks it's kind of silly that an article of clothing or an accessory or a haircut can boost your confidence and therefore change how comfortable you are in your own body, but that's the reality of it. Our outward appearance is often an expression of who we are inside.

My comfort zone? I'd say it'd be to be in place where gender didn't bother me, where I could just get up, do my thing, and not think about it.

I am more comfortable, like you, by exercising. Lifting weights, running, etc. makes me feel a whole lot more masculine and powerful. Even though I do still have a girly figure-eight body, I'd rather feel strong over looking strong any day. I did a race not too long ago, and it was great being able to easily run past some men. :)

I am definitely more comfortable when I keep up with meditation. I feel a lot more focused and less distracted on stuff like what I am wearing and how I am perceived by others when I do. (Ugh. . . I've been lazy the last two weeks and haven't kept up very well.)

Ultimately, I think I am in a place where I don't care if people think I am male or female. And, I am comfortable with that.


--- Quote from: LearnedHand on November 09, 2013, 11:19:42 pm ---My comfort zone? I'd say it'd be to be in place where gender didn't bother me, where I could just get up, do my thing, and not think about it.

Ultimately, I think I am in a place where I don't care if people think I am male or female. And, I am comfortable with that.

--- End quote ---

Personally I think that's a great place to be. I'm working on that myself. I mean, I'm personally comfortable that I'm a male living, for the most part, with what is perceived by most to be a female body. But I still have "hot buttons" that get me all agitated, mostly about other people, not myself. So I could use getting in touch with some zen in that respect ;)

Up until about age 8 for me, I really did just get up, do my thing, and not even think about my gender. That was really nice actually. Definitely harder to do as an adult!


My comfort zone if i had one was wiped away the moment i told Jos i am a female,  after that it was , the start of a life i could not live fully before  this was some 20 years ago when i told Jos, .

Though im some what different i still had issues that stemmed from before birth, and after they showed up for 10 years, so i was effected by those,

socialy i was a misfit or miss fitted, i did not fit in, i was never bothered about my body because i thought i was normal well in some ways yes in other's not quite, other wise pretty happy ,

The one detail i struggled with from age 10 was i did not look right , and still dont,
clothes did not interest me though i totaly ...HATED... male clothes and what they represented, any thing male.  abuse .  yes i know they show a part of you as seen being female,  well i am any way, yet even now it does not change who i am no matter what i wear,  no male clothes of cause,  oh,   no way....
other than that i dont really care, or this way take all my clothes away im still a female, i still look as one, just facial features is my fail point,

One of the main issues is when you cant accept your self for who you are is where you fail  ,

we then have to learn to love our selfs gain confidence in who we are have selfworth of who we are, and not allow others to put us down and this applys to myself is being a very confident woman who has grown to be one plus know in my birth im female not compleat as every one know's and how i express myself as i was not able to years ago.

how far have i gone how open do you wont or need to be would be my ? .
 You are asking your self ?'s so you have doughts why are you not sure of your self are there things , details that are still there that stop you from progressing  be sure of your self stand firm in who you are, to me this is not about wether your male or female or like myself its about you as a person get that right and sorted then get on your bike wether its a ladys or mans ,

allso you have to grow  into being you, its not a tack on its not i wont to be a woman  it wont work, its about this is your life then start growing accepting and being, no one else can do this for you,

If you relie on things say clothes or shoe's or what ever they the things are not you put them aside, and look at your self inwards dont look at your body its what you are inside thats going to carry you through  trust me i know i know how i look frankly nothing like a female or woman though others may see  that differently   dont care, it's us inside that will be seen and accepted,  hey im not pretty yet im very well accepted, with in our groups well over 1000' people, with in our membership. you see where im heading,  grow accept and live, then do.  this is about real life real people, and you can be part of that,
I see you said fantasy  laughing away here, whats that, where does that fit in never did for myself, why  well lets get real here, im real and so are you, so that being the case why not just stay with whats really going on about you as iv done get involved with lovely people  let them get to know you open up , i hope you think about this and see something that can help you,


Thanks, noeleena. I get where you're coming from. I just know how my brain works. Clothes and outward appearance is a tool. Like you use a tool to turn a screw and you turn it enough and it finds it's place and holds things together.

My inside isn't changing. It is the same as when I was born. It is that part of me that's hardwired. So take away all my tools and that's still there.

The people actually in my life accept me. I'm not quite to the point where I don't give a hoot what society thinks, but I do like to ruffle society's feathers. And I do like to experiment with what personally makes me comfortable or happy. I look at it as part of that whole "life is a journey" type of thing.


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