Community Conversation > Non-Transitioning and Detransitioning

Why Doesn't Anyone Ask About Gender Sense?

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Tanya W:
Okay, so I have a good dozen answers to this question but here it is anyways: Why doesn't anyone ask about gender sense?

So I am born, the few people present take a glance between my legs, decide 'It's a boy!', and that's it for the rest of my life? I'm sentenced to earth-toned clothes and GI Joes and hanging around the BBQ with the guys while the women chat inside? Really?

This seems so absurd I cannot get my mind around it!

I don't look typically 'male'. I don't act typically 'male'. I mean a good day consists of a Julia Roberts movie, a couple Gilmore Girls episodes, and a Taylor Swift song! Again and again folks have said I don't have 'male energy' - whatever that is! And still, no questions. Well one - 'Are you gay?' - but that misses the mark.

Why don't we talk about this? Why don't we ask the question?

Honestly here's the thing: Why didn't anyone ask me? Why didn't anyone give me a chance?

And so I find myself sitting here, staring at these last few words. 'The post's more a rant that anything else,' I think. 'That last sentence is way too naked. People might think something's wrong.' 'I might get in trouble...' I have been listening to Taylor Swift the last thirty minutes - sitting here answering posts, sitting here crying on and off, sitting here digging down deeper into myself without even knowing it. Digging down to that question: Why didn't anyone give me a chance?

A couple days ago, I read a post by someone who wrote of working for a world in which all children are given the right to express their own sense of gender (my paraphrase; her words were far more poignant). I was stunned at first. 'What kind of world would that be?' Then I wept. I guess the whole experience still resonates.   

Ms Grace:
Last night I had a dream that featured a man with a vagina. In the dream it all made perfect sense, it was only after I woke up and tried to fit that into everyday thinking that it broke my brain. Given my circumstance I don't know why it did, as a woman born with a penis I totally get that gender isn't about genitals.

The dream made me think about how the most important thing about a child being born (other than, "is it healthy?") is "is it a boy/girl?" and their gender socialisation starts from that moment onwards... and that I was guilty of doing the exact same thing with my nephews, nieces and the children of friends.

As I mentioned in the thread about my dream, it would be nice if, when asked "boy/girl?" about their baby, that parents might one day respond instead "let's wait until they're old enough to tell us them self"...

My 2.5 year-old nephew spends most of his free time playing with balls and toy cars/trucks/planes, because that's what his parents started off giving him.  Now they're trying to get him to draw, but he's grown so comfortable with the other activities that he sees little point in doing something that demands something new from him, like drawing in a coloring book.  While we do develop our own individuality, people are also a product of their upbringing, and a hypermasculine upbringing tends to bring out a more "masculine" product.

I still think most of these expressive "gender differences" are grossly exaggerated or learned, rather than innate.

Our gender identity is something we are born with.  But that is only part of who we are, because of who society tried to make us.  There is a lot of "noise" out there saying "black is white" and "white is black" and that I don't "know" what I really do know.

I can understand that, because 95% of the world never has questions about their gender.  But that should not invalidate that I do.


--- Quote from: Tanya W on November 14, 2013, 02:29:42 am ---I'm sentenced to earth-toned clothes

--- End quote ---

Quite an off-topic, but since this expression is priceless - consider it stolen ;)

Now, on a more serious note... I dont know how old are You, but if You are somewhere 40+, then I believe that nobody could have given You a chance because they did not know that such a chance existed - which is sadly the truth :(.


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